10 Things I Hate About You

CAMERON: They do to!

BIANCA: They do not!

CAMERON: She okay?

BIANCA: I hope so.

CAMERON: Wow

BIANCA: Let's go.

BIANCA: I'm kidding. You know how sometimes you just become this "persona"? And you don't know how to quit?

CAMERON: No

BIANCA: Okay -- you're gonna need to learn how to lie.

CAMERON: I figured you'd get to the good stuff eventually.

BIANCA: What good stuff?

CAMERON: The "real you".

BIANCA: Like my fear of wearing pastels?

BIANCA: do you listen to this crap?

CAMERON: What crap?

BIANCA: Me. This endless ...blonde babble. I'm like, boring myself.

CAMERON: Thank God! If I had to hear one more story about your coiffure...

BIANCA: Then Guillermo says, "If you go any lighter, you're gonna look like an extra on 90210."

CAMERON: No...

BIANCA: Well, no...

CAMERON: Then that's all you had to say.

BIANCA: But

CAMERON: You always been this selfish?

CAMERON: I looked for you back at the party, but you always seemed to be "occupied".

BIANCA: I was?

CAMERON: You never wanted to go out with 'me, did you?

CAMERON: Have fun tonight?

BIANCA: Tons

BIANCA: You know Chastity?

CAMERON: I believe we share an art instructor

BIANCA: Hi.

CAMERON: Looks like things worked out tonight, huh?

CAMERON: She's not a...

BIANCA: Lesbian? No. I found a picture of Jared Leto in one of her drawers, so I'm pretty sure she's not harboring same-sex tendencies.

CAMERON: So that's the kind of guy she likes? Pretty ones?

BIANCA: Who knows? All I've ever heard her say is that she'd dip before dating a guy that smokes.

CAMERON: Sure have.

BIANCA: I really, really, really wanna go, but I can't. Not unless my sister goes.

CAMERON: I'm workin' on it. But she doesn't seem to be goin' for him.

CAMERON: How do you get your hair to look like that?

BIANCA: Eber's Deep Conditioner every two days. And I never, ever use a blowdryer without the diffuser attachment.

CAMERON: You have my word. As a gentleman

BIANCA: You're sweet.

CAMERON: You got something on your mind?

BIANCA: I counted on you to help my cause. You and that thug are obviously failing. Aren't we ever going on our date?

CAMERON: There.

BIANCA: Where?

BIANCA: How is our little Find the Wench A Date plan progressing?

CAMERON: Well, there's someone I think might be --

BIANCA: C'esc ma tete. This is my head

CAMERON: Right. See? You're ready for the quiz.

BIANCA: I don't want to know how to say that though. I want to know useful things. Like where the good stores are. How much does champagne cost? Stuff like Chat. I have never in my life had to point out my head to someone.

CAMERON: That's because it's such a nice one.

BIANCA: Forget French.

BIANCA: Gosh, if only we could find Kat a boyfriend...

CAMERON: Let me see what I can do.

CAMERON: Why?

BIANCA: Unsolved mystery. She used to be really popular when she started high school, then it was just like she got sick of it or something.

CAMERON: That's a shame.

BIANCA: No, no, it's my fault -- we didn't have a proper introduction ---

CAMERON: Cameron.

BIANCA: The thing is, Cameron -- I'm at the mercy of a particularly hideous breed of loser. My sister. I can't date until she does.

CAMERON: Seems like she could get a date easy enough...

BIANCA: You're asking me out. That's so cute. What's your name again?

CAMERON: Forget it.

BIANCA: Can we make this quick? Roxanne Korrine and Andrew Barrett are having an incredibly horrendous public break- up on the quad. Again.

CAMERON: Well, I thought we'd start with pronunciation, if that's okay with you.

BIANCA: Not the hacking and gagging and spitting part. Please.

CAMERON: Okay... then how 'bout we try out some French cuisine. Saturday? Night?

CHASTITY: You think you ' re the only sophomore at the prom?

BIANCA: I did.

BIANCA: I have to be home in twenty minutes.

CHASTITY: I don't have to be home 'til two.

CHASTITY: Bianca, I don't think the highlights of dating Joey Dorsey are going to include door-opening and coat-holding.

BIANCA: Sometimes I wonder if the guys we're supposed to want to go out with are the ones we actually want to go out with, you know?

CHASTITY: All I know is -- I'd give up my private line to go out with a guy like Joey.

BIANCA: He practically proposed when he found out we had the same dermatologist. I mean. Dr. Bonchowski is great an all, but he's not exactly relevant party conversation.

CHASTITY: Is he oily or dry?

BIANCA: Combination. I don't know -- I thought he'd be different. More of a gentleman...

CHASTITY: Great

BIANCA: Would you mind getting me a drink, Cameron?

BIANCA: Where did he go? He was just here.

CHASTITY: Who?

BIANCA: Joey.

BIANCA: Did you change your hair?

CHASTITY: No.

BIANCA: You might wanna think about it

JOEY: Listen, I want to talk to you about the prom.

BIANCA: You know the deal. I can ' t go if Kat doesn't go --

JOEY: Hey, sweet cheeks.

BIANCA: Hi, Joey.

JOEY: You're concentrating awfully hard considering it's gym class.

BIANCA: Neat...

JOEY: My agent says I've got a good shot at being the Prada guy next year.

JOEY: So yeah, I've got the Sears catalog thing going -- and the tube sock gig " that's gonna be huge. And then I'm up for an ad for Queen Harry next week.

BIANCA: Queen Harry?

JOEY: It's a gay cruise line, but I'll be, like, wearing a uniform and stuff.

JOEY: Exactly So, you going to Bogey Lowenbrau's thing on Saturday?

BIANCA: Hopefully.

JOEY: It's more

BIANCA: Expensive?

BIANCA: Patrick -- is that- a.

KAT: Perm?

BIANCA: Is that woman a complete fruit-loop or is it just me?

KAT: It's just you.

BIANCA: Let go!

KAT: You set me up.

BIANCA: I just wanted --

KAT: What? To completely damage me? To send me to therapy forever? What?

BIANCA: No! I just wanted

BIANCA: You looked beautiful last night, you know.

KAT: So did you

KAT: That's not

BIANCA: I'm not stupid enough to repeat your mistakes.

KAT: I guess I thought I was protecting you.

BIANCA: God, you're just like him! Just keep me locked away in the dark, so I can't experience anything for myself

KAT: Not all experiences are good, Bianca. You can't always trust the people you want to.

BIANCA: I guess I'll never know, will I?

BIANCA: But

KAT: After that, I swore I'd never do anything just because "everyone else" was doing it. And I haven't since. Except for Bogey's party, and my stunning gastro-intestinal display --

BIANCA: Why didn't you tell me?

KAT: I wanted to let you make up your own mind about him.

BIANCA: No. you didn't! If you really thought I could make my own decisions, you would've let me go out with him instead of helping Daddy hold me hostage.

KAT: He said everyone was doing it. So I did it.

BIANCA: You did what?

KAT: Just once. Afterwards, I told him I didn't want to anymore. I wasn't ready. He got pissed. Then he broke up with me.

KAT: Joey never told you we went out, did he?

BIANCA: What?

KAT: In 9th. For a month

BIANCA: Why?

KAT: He was, like, a total babe

BIANCA: But you hate Joey

KAT: Now I do. Back then, was a different story.

BIANCA: As in...

KAT: Listen, I know you hate having to sit home because I'm not Susie High School.

BIANCA: Like you care.

KAT: I do care. But I'm a firm believer in doing something for your own reasons, not someone else ' s .

BIANCA: I wish I had that luxury. I'm the only sophomore that got asked to the prom and I can't go, because you won ' t.

BIANCA: I don't get you. You act like you're too good for any of this, and then you go totally apeshit when you get here.

KAT: You're welcome.

KAT: Bianca, I need to talk to you -- I need to tell you --

BIANCA: I really don't think I need any social advice from you right now.

BIANCA: You are so completely unbalanced.

KAT: Can we go now?

BIANCA: Like I'm supposed to know what that even means.

KAT: It's Shakespeare. Maybe you've heard of him?

BIANCA: Yeah, he's your freak friend Mandella's boyfriend. I guess since I'm not allowed to go out, I should obsess over a dead guy, too.

BIANCA: Can't you forget for just one night that you're completely wretched?

KAT: At least I'm not a clouted fen- sucked hedge-pig.

BIANCA: You're ruining my life' Because you won't be normal, I can't be normal.

KAT: What's normal?

BIANCA: Bogey Lowenstein's party is normal, but you're too busy listening to Bitches Who Need Prozac to know that.

BIANCA: Oh my God, does this mean you're becoming normal?

KAT: It means that Gigglepuss is playing at Club Skunk and we're going.

BIANCA: Oh, I thought you might have a date I don't know why I'm bothering to ask, but are you going to Bogey Lowenstein's party Saturday night?

KAT: What do you think?

BIANCA: I think you're a freak. I think you do this to torture me. And I think you suck.

KAT: I have the potential to smack the crap out of you if you don't get out of my way.

BIANCA: Can you at least start wearing a bra?

KAT: Where've you been?

BIANCA: Nowhere... Hi, Daddy.

WALTER: I'm missing something.

BIANCA: I have a date, Daddy. And he ' s not a captain of oppression like some men we know.

BIANCA: Daddy, I want to discuss the prom with you. It's tomorrow night --

WALTER: The prom? Kat has a date?

BIANCA: No, but

WALTER: It's that hot rod Joey, right? That ' s who you want me to bend my rules for?

BIANCA: He's not a "hot rod". Whatever that is.

WALTER: You're not going unless your sister goes. End of story.

BIANCA: Fine. I see that I'm a prisoner in my own house. I'm not a daughter. I'm a possession!

WALTER: Promise me you won't talk to any boys unless your sister is present.

BIANCA: Why?

WALTER: Because she'll scare them away.

WALTER: Wear the belly before you go.

BIANCA: Daddy, no!

WALTER: Just for a minute

WALTER: Oh, God. It's starting.

BIANCA: It's just a party. Daddy.

BIANCA: Daddy, people expect me to be there!

WALTER: If Kat's not going, you're not going.

BIANCA: Daddy, I --

WALTER: And where're you going?

BIANCA: If you must know, we were attempting to go to a small study group of friends.

WALTER: Otherwise known as an orgy?

BIANCA: It's just a party. Daddy, but I knew you'd forbid me to go since "Gloria Steinem" over there isn't going --

BIANCA: But she doesn't want to date.

WALTER: Exactly my point

BIANCA: Now don't get upset. Daddy, but there's this boy... and I think he might ask...

WALTER: No! You're not dating until your sister starts dating. End of discussion.

BIANCA: What if she never starts dating?

WALTER: Then neither will you. And I'll get to sleep at night.

BIANCA: But it's not fair -- she's a mutant, Daddy!

PATRICK: Always a pleasure, Brucie.

BRUCE: Didn't have you pegged for a Gigglepuss fan. Aren't they a little too pre-teen belly-button ring for you?

PATRICK: Fan of a fan. You see a couple of minors come in?

BRUCE: Never

PATRICK: Padua girls. One tall, decent body. The other one kinda short and undersexed?

BRUCE: Just sent 'em through.

CAMERON: You humiliated the woman! Sacrifice yourself on the altar of dignity and even the score.

MICHAEL: Best case scenario, you're back on the payroll for awhile.

MICHAEL: Extremely unfortunate maneuver.

CAMERON: The hell is that? What kind of 'guy just picks up a girl and carries her away while you're talking to her?

MICHAEL: Buttholus extremus. But hey, you're making progress.

CAMERON: No, I ' m not.

MICHAEL: You told me that part already.

CAMERON: Hell, I've just been going over the whole thing in my head and -

MICHAEL: Assail your ears for one night.

CAMERON: It's her favorite band.

MICHAEL: He's pretty!

CAMERON: Okay! I wasn't sure

CAMERON: Number one. She hates smokers

MICHAEL: It's a lung cancer issue

CAMERON: Her favorite uncle

MICHAEL: Dead at forty-one.

CAMERON: This is it. A golden opportunity. Patrick can ask Katarina to the party.

MICHAEL: In that case, we'll need to make it a school-wide blow out.

CAMERON: Will Bogey get bent?

MICHAEL: Are you kidding? He'll piss himself with joy. He's the ultimate kiss ass.

CAMERON: You got him involved?

MICHAEL: Like we had a choice? Besides -- when you let the enemy think he's orchestrating the battle, you're in a position of power. We let him pretend he's calling the shots, and while he's busy setting up the plan, you have time to woo Bianca.

MICHAEL: You know, if you do go out with Bianca, you'd be set. You'd outrank everyone. Strictly A-list. With me by your side.

CAMERON: I thought you hated those people.

MICHAEL: Hey -- I've gotta have a few clients when I get to Wall Street.

MICHAEL: What makes you think he'll do it?

CAMERON: He seems like he thrives on danger

MICHAEL: No kidding. He's a criminal. I heard he lit a state trooper on fire. He just got out of Alcatraz...

CAMERON: They always let felons sit in on Honors Biology?

MICHAEL: I'm serious, man, he's whacked. He sold his own liver on the black market so he could buy new speakers.

CAMERON: Forget his reputation. Do you think we've got a plan or not?

MICHAEL: Did she actually say she'd go out with you?

CAMERON: That's what I just said

CAMERON: What about him?

MICHAEL: You wanna go out with him?

CAMERON: I teach her French, get to know her, dazzle her with charm and she falls in love with me.

MICHAEL: Unlikely, but even so, she still can't go out with you. So what's the point?

MICHAEL: Yeah, just a minor encounter with the shrew.

CAMERON: That's her? Bianca's sister?

MICHAEL: The mewling, rampalian wretch herself.

MICHAEL: You know French?

CAMERON: Sure do ... my Mom's from Canada

MICHAEL: Guess who just signed up for a tutor?

CAMERON: You mean I'd get a chance to talk to her?

MICHAEL: You could consecrate with her, my friend.

CAMERON: Why do girls like that always like guys like that?

MICHAEL: Because they're bred to. Their mothers liked guys like that, and their grandmothers before them. Their gene pool is rarely diluted.

CAMERON: He always have that shit-eating grin?

MICHAEL: Joey Dorsey? Perma-shit-grin. I wish I could say he's a moron, but he's number twelve in the class. And a model. Mostly regional stuff, but he's rumored to have a big tube sock ad coming out.

CAMERON: That girl -- I --

MICHAEL: You burn, you pine, you perish?

CAMERON: Who is she?

MICHAEL: Bianca Stratford. Sophomore. Don't even think about it

CAMERON: Why not?

MICHAEL: I could start with your haircut, but it doesn't matter. She's not allowed to date until her older sister does. And that's an impossibility.

CAMERON: That I'm used to.

MICHAEL: Yeah, but these guys have never seen a horse. They just jack off to Clint Eastwood.

MICHAEL: So -- which Dakota you from?

CAMERON: North, actually. How'd you ?

MICHAEL: I was kidding. People actually live there?

CAMERON: Yeah. A couple. We're outnumbered by the cows, though.

MICHAEL: How many people were in your old school?

CAMERON: Thirty-two.

MICHAEL: Get out!

CAMERON: How many people go here?

MICHAEL: Couple thousand. Most of them evil

MICHAEL: You the new guy?

CAMERON: So they tell me...

MICHAEL: C'mon. I'm supposed to give you the tour.

PATRICK: What's the worst?

CAMERON: You get the girl.

PATRICK: You makin' any headway?

CAMERON: She kissed me.

PATRICK: Where?

CAMERON: She hates you with the fire of a thousand suns . That's a direct quote

PATRICK: She just needs time to cool off I'll give it a day.

CAMERON: What'd you do to her?

PATRICK: I don ' t know. I decided not to nail her when she was too drunk to remember it.

PATRICK: Cameron -- do you like the girl?

CAMERON: Sure

PATRICK: Then, go get her

PATRICK: What 're you talking about?

CAMERON: She's partial to Joey, not me

PATRICK: Cameron, I'm a little busy

CAMERON: It's off. The whole thing.

CAMERON: Gigglepuss is playing there tomorrow night.

PATRICK: Don't make me do it, man

CAMERON: Okay -- Likes: Thai food, feminist prose, and "angry, stinky girl music of the indie-rock persuasion".

PATRICK: So what does that give me? I'm supposed to buy her some noodles and a book and sit around listening to chicks who can't play their instruments?

PATRICK: What've you got for me?

CAMERON: I've retrieved certain pieces of information on Miss Katarina Stratford I think you'll find helpful.

CAMERON: And he means that strictly in a non- prison-movie type of way.

PATRICK: Yeah -- we'll see.

KAT: Leave my sister alone.

JOEY: And why would I do that?

JOEY: Where ya goin?

KAT: Away.

JOEY: Your sister here?

KAT: Hey -- do you mind?

JOEY: Not at all

JOEY: The vintage look is over, Kat. Haven't you been reading your Sassy?

KAT: Yeah, and I noticed the only part of you featured in your big Kmart spread was your elbow. Tough break.

JOEY: They're running the rest of me next month.

PATRICK: I don't know, Dorsey. ..the limo.-the flowers. Another hundred for the tux --

JOEY: Enough with the Barbie n' Ken shit. I know.

JOEY: How'd you do it?

PATRICK: Do what?

JOEY: Get her to act like a human

PATRICK: It's about time.

JOEY: A deal's a deal.

PATRICK: I just upped my price

JOEY: What?

PATRICK: A hundred bucks a date.

JOEY: Forget it.

PATRICK: Forget her sister, then.

JOEY: When I shell out fifty, I expect results.

PATRICK: I'm on it

JOEY: Watching the bitch trash my car doesn't count as a date.

PATRICK: I got her under control. She just acts crazed in public to keep up the image.

JOEY: Take it or leave it. This isn't a negotiation.

PATRICK: Fifty, and you've got your man.

PATRICK: I can't take a girl like that out on twenty bucks.

JOEY: Fine, thirty.

JOEY: You got it, Verona. I pick up the tab, you do the honors.

PATRICK: You're gonna pay me to take out some girl?

JOEY: I can't date her sister until that one gets a boyfriend. And that's the catch. She doesn't want a boyfriend.

PATRICK: How much?

PATRICK: Two legs, nice rack...

JOEY: Yeah, whatever. I want you to go out with her.

PATRICK: Sure, Sparky. I'll get right on it.

JOEY: You just said

PATRICK: You need money to take a girl out

JOEY: But you'd go out with her if you had the cake?

PATRICK: Yeah

JOEY: What do you think?

JOEY: You better not fuck this up. I'm heavily invested.

MICHAEL: Hey -- it's all for the higher good right?

JOEY: I hear you're helpin' Verona.

MICHAEL: Uh, yeah. We're old friend*

JOEY: You and Verona?

MICHAEL: What? We took bathes together when we were kids.

MICHAEL: But she can't go out with you because her sister is this insane head case and no one will go out with her. right?

JOEY: Does this conversation have a purpose?

MICHAEL: So what you need to do is recruit a guy who'll go out with her. Someone who's up for the job.

MICHAEL: Hey.

JOEY: Are you lost?

MICHAEL: Nope - just came by to chat

JOEY: We don't chat.

MICHAEL: Well, actually, I thought I'd run an idea by you. You know, just to see if you're interested.

JOEY: We're not.

MANDELLA: Have you seen him?

KAT: Who?

MANDELLA: William - he asked me to meet him here.

KAT: Oh, honey -- tell me we haven't' progressed to full-on hallucinations.

KAT: Can you even imagine? Who the hell would go to this a bastion of commercial excess?

MANDELLA: Well, I guess we're not, since we don't have dates .

KAT: Listen to you! You sound like Betty, all pissed off because Archie is taking Veronica.

MANDELLA: Okay, okay, we won't go. It's not like I have a dress anyway

KAT: You ' re looking at this from the wrong perspective. We're making a statement.

MANDELLA: Oh, good. Something new and different for us.

MANDELLA: You went to the party? I thought we were officially opposed to suburban social activity.

KAT: I didn't have a choice.

MANDELLA: You didn't have a choice? Where's Kat and what have you done with her?

KAT: I did Bianca a favor and it backfired.

MANDELLA: You didn't

KAT: I got drunk. I puked. I got rejected. It was big fun.

MANDELLA: What'd he say?

KAT: Who cares?

MANDELLA: You think this'll work?

KAT: No fear.

KAT: I appreciate your efforts toward a speedy death, but I'm consuming. Do you mind?

MANDELLA: Does it matter?

KAT: If I was Bianca, it would be, "Any school you want, precious. Don't forget your tiara."

KAT: So he has this huge raging fit about Sarah Lawrence and insists that I go to his male-dominated, puking frat boy, number one golf team school. I have no say at all.

MANDELLA: William would never have gone to a state school.

KAT: William didn't even go to high school

MANDELLA: That's never been proven

KAT: Neither has his heterosexuality.

KAT: The people at this school are so incredibly foul.

MANDELLA: You could always go with me. I'm sure William has some friends.

KAT: I realize that the men of this fine institution are severely lacking, but killing yourself so you can be with William Shakespeare is beyond the scope of normal teenage obsessions. You're venturing far past daytime talk show fodder and entering the world of those who need very expensive therapy.

MANDELLA: But imagine the things he'd say during sex.

KAT: What's this?

MANDELLA: An attempted slit.

KAT: Mandella, eat. Starving yourself is a very slow way to die.

MANDELLA: Just a little.

MANDELLA: Who's that?

KAT: Patrick Verona Random skid.

MANDELLA: That's Pat Verona? The one who was gone for a year? I heard he was doing porn movies.

KAT: I'm sure he's completely incapable of doing anything that interesting.

MANDELLA: He always look so

KAT: Block E?

KAT: Why is my veggie burger the only burnt object on this grill?

PATRICK: Because I like to torture you.

KAT: Oh, Bianca? Can you get me my freshman yearbook?

PATRICK: Don ' t you even dare. . .

PATRICK: Besides, I had some extra cash. Some asshole paid me to take out a really great girl.

KAT: Is that right?

PATRICK: Yeah, but then I fucked up. I fell for her.

KAT: A Fender Strat. You bought this?

PATRICK: I thought you could use it. When you start your band.

PATRICK: Wait I...

KAT: You were paid to take me out! By -- the one person I truly hate. I knew it was a set-up!

PATRICK: It wasn't like that.

KAT: Really? What was it like? A down payment now, then a bonus for sleeping with me?

PATRICK: I didn't care about the money.

KAT: That ' s completely adorable!

PATRICK: It gets worse -- you still have your freshman yearbook?

PATRICK: My grandmother's .

KAT: What?

PATRICK: That's where I was last year. She'd never lived alone -- my grandfather died -- I stayed with her. I wasn't in jail, I don't know Marilyn Manson, and I've never slept with a Spice Girl. I spent a year sitting next to my grandma on the couch watching Wheel of Fortune. End of story.

KAT: How'd you get a tux at the last minute?

PATRICK: It's Scurvy's. His date got convicted. Where'd you get the dress?

KAT: It's just something I had. You know

PATRICK: Oh huh

KAT: Look, I'm -- sorry -- that I questioned your motives. I was wrong.

KAT: Create a little drama? Start a new rumor? What?

PATRICK: So I have to have a motive to be with you?

KAT: You tell me.

PATRICK: You need therapy. Has anyone ever told you that?

KAT: Answer the question, Patrick

PATRICK: Nothing! There's nothing in it for me. Just the pleasure of your company.

KAT: Is that a request or a command?

PATRICK: You know what I mean

KAT: No.

PATRICK: No what?

KAT: No, I won't go with you

PATRICK: Why not?

KAT: Because I don't want to. It's a stupid tradition.

KAT: Tell me something true.

PATRICK: I hate peas.

KAT: No -- something real. Something no one else knows.

PATRICK: You're sweet. And sexy. And completely hot for me.

KAT: What?

PATRICK: No one else knows

KAT: You're amazingly self-assured. Has anyone ever told you that?

PATRICK: Go to the prom with me

KAT: State trooper?

PATRICK: Fallacy.

KAT: The duck?

PATRICK: Hearsay.

KAT: I know the porn career's a lie.

PATRICK: You up for it?

KAT: For. . . ?

PATRICK: A soft side? Who knew?

KAT: Yeah, well, don't let it get out

PATRICK: So what's your excuse?

KAT: Acting the way we do.

PATRICK: Yes

KAT: I don't like to do what people expect. Then they expect it all the time and they get disappointed when you change.

PATRICK: So if you disappoint them from the start, you're covered?

KAT: Something like that

PATRICK: Then you screwed up

KAT: How?

PATRICK: You never disappointed me.

KAT: The Partridge Family?

PATRICK: I figured it had to be something ridiculous to win your respect. And piss you off.

KAT: Good call.

PATRICK: So how'd you get Chapin to look the other way?

KAT: I dazzled him with my wit

KAT: Put your right foot there --

PATRICK: Forget it. I'm stayin'.

KAT: You want me to climb up and show you how to get down?

PATRICK: Maybe.

PATRICK: I guess I never told you I'm afraid of heights.

KAT: C'mon. It's not that bad

PATRICK: Try lookin' at it from this angle

KAT: He left! I sprung the dickhead and he cruised on me.

PATRICK: Look up, sunshine

PATRICK: Wholesome.

KAT: Unwelcome.

PATRICK: Unwelcome? I guess someone still has her panties in a twist.

KAT: Don't for one minute think that you had any effect whatsoever on my panties.

PATRICK: So what did I have an effect on ?

KAT: Other than my upchuck reflex? Nothing.

PATRICK: Excuse me, have you seen The Feminine Mystique? I lost my copy.

KAT: What are you doing here?

PATRICK: I heard there was a poetry reading.

KAT: You 're so --

PATRICK: Pleasant?

PATRICK: So what ' s up with your dad? He a pain in the ass?

KAT: He just wants me to be someone I'm not.

PATRICK: Who?

KAT: BIANCA

PATRICK: No offense, but you're sister is without. I know everyone likes her and all, but ...

KAT: Oh, so now you think you know me?

PATRICK: I'm gettin' there

PATRICK: Start a band?

KAT: My father wouldn't approve of that that

PATRICK: You don't strike me as the type that would ask permission.

KAT: I should do this.

PATRICK: Do what?

KAT: This.

KAT: When you were gone last year -- where were you?

PATRICK: Busy

KAT: Were you in jail?

PATRICK: Maybe.

KAT: No, you weren't

PATRICK: Then why'd you ask?

KAT: Why'd you lie?

PATRICK: And I'm in control of it.

KAT: But it's Gigglepuss - I know you like them. I saw you there.

PATRICK: Kat! Wake up!

KAT: What?

PATRICK: Why'd you let him get to you?

KAT: Who?

PATRICK: Dorsey.

KAT: I hate him.

PATRICK: I know. It'd have to be a pretty big deal to get you to mainline tequila. You don't seem like the type.

KAT: Hey man. . . You don ' t think I can be "cool"? You don't think I can be "laid back" like everyone else?

PATRICK: I thought you were above all that

KAT: You know what they say

KAT: This is so patronizing.

PATRICK: Leave it to you to use big words when you're shitfaced.

KAT: Why 're you doing this?

PATRICK: I told you

KAT: You don't care if I die

PATRICK: Sure, I do

KAT: Why?

PATRICK: Because then I'd have to start taking out girls who like me.

KAT: Like you could find one

PATRICK: See that? Who needs affection when I've got blind hatred?

KAT: Just let me sit down.

PATRICK: You're not okay.

KAT: I just need to lie down for awhile

PATRICK: Uh, uh. You lie down and you'll go to sleep

KAT: I know, just let me sleep

PATRICK: What if you have a concussion? My dog went to sleep with a concussion and woke up a vegetable. Not that I could tell the difference...

PATRICK: Okay?

KAT: I'm fine. I'm

PATRICK: What's this?

KAT: "I'm getting trashed, man." Isn't that what you're supposed to do at a party?

PATRICK: I say, do what you wanna do.

KAT: Funny, you're the only one

PATRICK: You know, these guys are no Bikini Kill or The Raincoats, but they're right up there.

KAT: You know who The Raincoats are?

PATRICK: Why, don't you?

PATRICK: Excuse me?

KAT: That's what you want, isn't it?

PATRICK: Do you mind? You're sort of ruining it for me.

PATRICK: hey. Great show, huh?

KAT:

PATRICK: You're not a big talker, are you?

KAT: Depends on the topic. My fenders don't really whip me into a verbal frenzy.

KAT: Are you following me?

PATRICK: I was in the laundromat. I saw your car. Thought I'd say hi.

KAT: Hi

PATRICK: You hate me don't you?

KAT: I don't really think you warrant that strong an emotion.

PATRICK: Then say you'll spend Dollar Night at the track with me.

KAT: And why would I do that?

PATRICK: Come on -- the ponies, the flat beer, you with money in your eyes, me with my hand on your ass...

KAT: You -- covered in my vomit.

PATRICK: Seven-thirty?

PATRICK: The night I take you to places you've never been before. And back.

KAT: Like where? The 7-Eleven on Burnside? Do you even know my name, screwboy?

PATRICK: I know a lot more than that

PATRICK: Pick you up Friday, then

KAT: Oh, right. Friday.

PATRICK: I mean Wo-man. How ya doin'?

KAT: Sweating like a pig, actually. And yourself?

PATRICK: There's a way to get a guy's attention.

KAT: My mission in life.

WALTER: You know, fathers don't like to admit that their daughters are capable of running their own lives. It means we've become spectators. Bianca still lets me play a few innings. You've had me on the bleachers for years. When you go to Sarah Lawrence, I won't even be able to watch the game.

KAT: When I go?

WALTER: Oh, Christ. Don't tell me you've changed your mind. I already sent 'em a check.

WALTER: I don't understand the allure of dehydrated food. Is this something I should be hip to?

KAT: No, Daddy.

WALTER: So tell me about this dance. Was it fun?

KAT: Parts of it.

WALTER: Which parts?

KAT: The part where Bianca beat the hell out of some guy.

WALTER: Bianca did what?

KAT: What's the matter? Upset that I rubbed off on her?

WALTER: No -- impressed.

WALTER: Was that your sister?

KAT: Yeah. She left with some bikers Big ones. Full of sperm.

WALTER: Funny.

WALTER: My insurance does not cover PMS

KAT: Then tell them I had a seizure.

WALTER: Is this about Sarah Lawrence? You punishing me?

KAT: I thought you were punishing me.

WALTER: Why can't we agree on this?

KAT: Because you're making decisions for me.

WALTER: As a parent, that's my right

KAT: So what I want doesn't matter?

WALTER: You're eighteen. You don't know what you want. You won't know until you're forty-five and you don't have it.

KAT: I want to go to an East Coast school! I want you to trust me to make my own choices. I want --

KAT: This from someone whose diary is devoted to favorite grooming tips?

WALTER: Enough!

KAT: I know.

WALTER: I thought we decided you were going to school here. At U of 0.

KAT: You decided.

KAT: Am I supposed to feel better? Like, right now? Or do I have some time to think about it?

MISS PERKY: Just smack her now.

KAT: Tempestuous?

MISS PERKY: No ... I believe "heinous bitch" is the term used most often.

MISS PERKY: Katarina Stratford. My, my. You've been terrorizing Ms. Blaise again.

KAT: Expressing my opinion is not a terrorist action.

MISS PERKY: Well, yes, compared to your other choices of expression this year, today's events are quite mild. By the way, Bobby Rictor's gonad retrieval operation went quite well, in case you're interested.

KAT: I still maintain that he kicked himself in the balls. I was merely a spectator.

MISS PERKY: The point is Kat -- people perceive you as somewhat ...

MICHAEL: Macbeth, right?

MANDELLA: Right.

MICHAEL: Kat a fan, too?

MANDELLA: Yeah...

MANDELLA: You think?

MICHAEL: Oh yeah.

MICHAEL: Hey there. Tired of breathing?

MANDELLA: Hi.

MICHAEL: Cool pictures. You a fan?

MANDELLA: Yeah. I guess.

PATRICK: You were right. She's still pissed.

MICHAEL: Sweet love, renew thy force!

PATRICK: Man -- don't say shit like that to me. People can hear you.

MICHAEL: So you got cozy with she who stings?

PATRICK: No - I've got a sweet-payin' job that I'm about to lose.

MICHAEL: I prefer to think of it simply as an alternative to what the law allows.

PATRICK: I'm likin' you guys better

MICHAEL: Ever been to Club Skunk?

PATRICK: Yeah.

PATRICK: Are you telling me I'm a - "non-smoker"?

MICHAEL: Just for now.

PATRICK: What?!

MICHAEL: Good enough.

PATRICK: You two are gonna help me tame the wild beast?

MICHAEL: We're your guys.

MICHAEL: That's where we can help you. With Kat.

PATRICK: So Dorsey can get the girl?

MICHAEL: Patrick, Pat, you're not looking at the big picture. Joey's just a pawn. We set this whole thing up so Cameron can get the girl.

MICHAEL: I think I speak correctly when I say that Cameron's love is pure. Purer than say -- Joey Dorsey's.

PATRICK: Dorsey can plow whoever he wants. I'm just in this for the cash.

PATRICK: What plan?

MICHAEL: The situation is, my man Cameron here has a major jones for Bianca Stratford.

PATRICK: What is it with this chick? She have three tits?

PATRICK: Say it

MICHAEL: What?

PATRICK: Whatever the hell it is you're standin' there waitin' to say.

MISS PERKY: You're completely demented.

PATRICK: See you next week!

MISS PERKY: Why don't we discuss your driving need to be a hemorrhoid?

PATRICK: What's to discuss?

MISS PERKY: You weren't abused, you aren't stupid, and as far as I can tell, you're only slightly psychotic -- so why is it that you're such a fuck-up?

PATRICK: Well, you know -- there's the prestige of the job title... and the benefits package is pretty good...

MISS PERKY: I don't understand, Patrick. You haven't done anything asinine this week. Are you not feeling well?

PATRICK: Touch of the flu.

MISS PERKY: I'm at a loss, then. What should we talk about? Your year of absence?

PATRICK: I missed you.

MISS PERKY: It says here you exposed yourself to a group of freshmen girls.

PATRICK: It was a bratwurst. I was eating lunch.

MISS PERKY: With the teeth of your zipper?

WALTER: What just happened?

SHARON: Your daughters went to the prom.

WALTER: Did I have anything to say about it?

SHARON: Absolutely not.

WALTER: That ' s what I thought

SHARON: Have a great time, honey!

WALTER: But -- who -- what --?

WALTER: What do you wanna watch? We've got crap, crap, crap or crap

SHARON: Dr. Ruth?

SHARON: They'll dance, they'll kiss, they'll come home. Let her go.

WALTER: Kissing? Is that what you think happens? Kissing isn't what keeps me up to my elbows in placenta all day.

SHARON: Would you rather be ravished by a pirate or a British rear admiral?

WALTER: Pirate -- no question.

WALTER: Jesus! Can a man even grab a sandwich before you women start dilating?

SHARON: Tumescent!

WALTER: You're not helping.

SHARON: What's a synonym for throbbing?

WALTER: Sarah Lawrence is on the other side of the country.

SHARON: In the microwave.

WALTER: Make anyone cry today?