Cool Hand Luke

ALIBI: Boss, I made an arrangement with that man to take his broom.

BOSS PAUL: Git your shovel and git to work.

ALIBI: I don't think you understand. We made a deal ---

BOSS PAUL: Git movin', I said.

ALIBI: But I made this arrangement --

BOSS PAUL: Cut that backsass!

KOKO: Hot damn, Drag. Tomorrow's Saturday. Another week almost made.

ALIBI: I got two years.

KOKO: Fifty cents? Sweet job like that worth at least a buck.

ALIBI: I'll make it a dollar.

KOKO: Buck is a deal.

ALIBI: I've got this weak heart. Too much drinking, I guess. As soon as they find out about it, they'll probably send me someplace else.

KOKO: I'm lucky I got a broom. Work up top. Real easy job. Man, it's gonna be hot down in that ditch.

ALIBI: We work down in the ditch?

KOKO: You don't take another man's place, boy.

ALIBI: It wasn't his fault. Nobody said anything about seats. We --

ARLETTA: You allus had good jobs, and that girl in Kentucky I taken a shine to her.

LUKE: She took off with that convertible feller...

ARLETTA: Well, why not? Idee of marryin' got you all choked up, trying to pretend you was respectable you was borin' the hell out of all of us.

LUKE: Yeah.

ARLETTA: I'm leavin' the place to John.

LUKE: That's good: he earned it.

ARLETTA: Nothin' to do with it. I ain't never give John the kind of feelin' I give you, so I'm payin' him off now. Don't feel you got to say anything. Way it is, sometimes, you just have a feelin' for a child or you don't, and with John I just didn't.

LUKE: Gotta go, Arletta.

ARLETTA: Laugh it up, kid. You'll make out.

ARLETTA: You think life is some kind of ocean voyage and you start out with buntin' and hollerin' and high hopes, but the damn ship goes down before you ever reach the other side. Luke?

LUKE: Here, Mom.

ARLETTA: What went wrong?

LUKE: Nothin'. Ever'thing's cool's can be.

ARLETTA: No.

LUKE: Tried to live always just as free and aboveboard as you been, and well, they ain't that much elbow room.

LUKE: You never wanted to live forever anyways, did you? It wasn't such a hell of a life.

ARLETTA: Oh, I had me some high old times. Yore old man, Luke, wasn't much for stickin' around, but damn it he made me laugh.

LUKE: Yeah, would of been nice to of knowed him, the way you talk about him.

LUKE: Yeah.

ARLETTA: What are you doin' here?

LUKE: We call it abuildin' time, Arletta.

ARLETTA: I ain't askin' what you'll do after you get out, because I'm gonna be dead and it don't matter.

LUKE: No. But things ain't always like they seem, Arletta. You know that. A man's gotta go his own way.

ARLETTA: Well, I don't know, I just wash my hands of it, I guess I just got to love you and let go.

LUKE: Yeah, well, Arletta, you done your best. What I done with myself is my problem.

ARLETTA: No it hain't, Luke. You ain't alone. Ever whar you go, I'm with you, and so's John.

LUKE: You never thought that's a heavy load?

ARLETTA: We allus thought you was strong enough to carry it. Was we wrong?

LUKE: Well, Arletta, I got to stand down here.

ARLETTA: I allus hoped to see you well fixed and have me a crop of grandkids to kiss and fuss around with.

LUKE: Like to oblige you, Arletta, but right off I don't know where to put my hands on 'em.

ARLETTA: Sometimes I wisht people was like dogs, Luke. Comes a time, a day like, when the bitch just don't recognize her pups no more, so she don't have no hopes nor love to bring her pain. She just don't give a damn. They let you smoke?

LUKE: Smokin' it up here, Boss.

LUKE: How'd you find me?

ARLETTA: Helen, she sent along your things with a note, and John here, he wrote to the police.

LUKE: Yeah. Well. Gettin' up here, Boss.

GAMBLER: We saw the broads.

BLIND DICK: Yeah. Did you have them both at once or --

GAMBLER: A salesman! Cool Hand Luke a salesman?

BLIND DICK: He's probably a gigolo.

GAMBLER: Tell us about it.

BLIND DICK: You steal a car?

BLIND DICK: Go hard!

GAMBLER: Ram it in and break it off!

BLIND DICK: Gotta have kings.

GAMBLER: Sure he's got kings but you still gotta call him.

BLIND DICK: Lookit her bounce.

GAMBLER: Oh lean over here, lady. Lean this way.

BOSS PAUL: You cut that up fer lunch, Luke.

LUKE: Yes, Boss.

BOSS PAUL: Go git it, Luke.

LUKE: Yes sir, Boss Paul!

BOSS PAUL: Luke, you run again and we'll kill you.

LUKE: I know, I know. Just don't hit me.

BOSS PAUL: You got your mind right, Luke?

LUKE: Yes, Boss. I got it right.

BOSS PAUL: Supposin' you was to backslide on us, Luke? Supposin' you was to backsass or try to run again...

LUKE: No, Boss! I won't. I won't. I got my mind right. I got it right, Boss. Please don't hit me no more.

LUKE: Please! Please!

BOSS PAUL: Git to work!

LUKE: Don't hit me! Please, for God's sake, don't hit me.

BOSS PAUL: What's all this dirt in the yard?

LUKE: I... I... I...

BOSS PAUL: Then how come it ain't done yet?

LUKE: I don't know, Boss.

BOSS PAUL: You don't know!

BOSS PAUL: You was eyeballin', Luke. You can't gitcha mind on them weeds if yer eyeballin'...

LUKE: Boss, you don't need reasons to hit me.

LUKE: Comin' out here, Boss?

BOSS PAUL: Yeah. Come on out, Luke.

BOSS PAUL: Here's the Patrol.

DOGBOY: She's got him! You hear that?

BOSS PAUL: Captain says to wait 'til the Patrol gits here.

DOGBOY: She's on to him. You shoulda waited fer me to git her out -- loose like she is, he kin run her crazy.

BOSS PAUL: It ain't my fault you don't know how to handle your dogs.

DOGBOY: How my suppose to handle a dog someone jus' let loose?

BOSS PAUL: He ain't even got the sense to run from the road like everybody else.

DOGBOY: Blue'll git him, Boss. We'll git that bastid, Cool Hand Luke.

CAPTAIN: You gonna get used to wearing them chains aftera while, Luke. But don't you never stop listenin' to them clinkin'. That's gonna remind you of what I been sayin'.

LUKE: Yeah, they sure do make a lot of cold, hard, noise, Captain.

LUKE: Here, Captain.

CAPTAIN: Maliciously destroyin' municipal property while under the influence. What was that?

LUKE: Cuttin' the heads off parkin' meters, Captain.

CAPTAIN: Well, we ain't never had one of them. Where'd you think that was gonna get you?

LUKE: I guess you could say I wasn't thinkin', Captain.

CAPTAIN: Says here you done real good in the war: Silver Star, Bronze Star, couple Purple Hearts. Sergeant! Little time in stockades. Come out the same way you went in: Buck Private.

LUKE: That's right, Captain. Just passin' the time.

CAPTAIN: Well, you got yourself some time now. Two years. Hell, that ain't much, we got coupla men here doin' twenty spots. We got one who's got all of it. We got all kinds and you gonna fit in real good. Course in case you git rabbit in your blood and decide to take off fer home, you git a bonus a some time and couple leg chains to keep you slowed down a little -- fer your own good. You'll learn the rules. It's all up to you. I can be a good guy or I can be one mean son-of-a-bitch, it's up to you.

DRAGLINE: Borrowin' or payin' back?

TATTOO: Borrowin'.

DRAGLINE: Mister Cool Hand here is the soft heart in our Loan Department. Next!

TATTOO: You can't do that!

DRAGLINE: You jes' watch us!

TATTOO: That ain't nuthing compared to what we used to do in San Pedro. There was this ensign...

DRAGLINE: Ah believe I smell me a blonde-haired lady.

DRAGLINE: Only two? Man, I already done eight. Nothin' to it. Just make the days and let the weeks and the years make themselves.

TATTOO: I did three hitches in the Navy. It ain't bad. After a while, you get used to it and the time --

TATTOO: Had it done in Singapore. Bunch of us drunk as coots --

DRAGLINE: Hey, Tattoo!

TATTOO: -- went down to see this old hag and she had needles the size of that cane.

DRAGLINE: You was to sell your job, maybe this Lucas War Hero would give you a price.

TATTOO: I'll give you fifty cents.

TATTOO: In the Navy, we used to call guys --

DRAGLINE: Fasten your flap! All you Newmeats gonna have to shape up fast and hard on this gang. We got rules here an' in order to learn them, you gotta keep your ears open and your mouths shut.

DRAGLINE: That's my baby.

KOKO: He's gonna be awright.

KOKO: A cold drink.

DRAGLINE: A cold drink? You mean one cold drink? To feast yore starvin' fishy l'il eyes on The Picture? A true vision of Paradise itself? With two of the angels right there in plain sight a- friskin' round with mah boy?

KOKO: A cold drink? Okay?

DRAGLINE: Well --- okay. It's a deal. One cold drink, if'n you please. In advance. One chilly bottle right here in mah hot l'il hand... That goes for the rest of you mullet-heads, too.

KOKO: Come on, Drag. Lemme take a look.

DRAGLINE: It'd go to your coconut head. You'd start getting ideas. Maybe even pass right out.

KOKO: Dragline, lemme look at the picture.

DRAGLINE: What for?

KOKO: Oh lookit that brunette.

DRAGLINE: Mah baby! We're diggin' and dyin' but our boy Luke is lovin' and flyin'.

KOKO: Lemme see it!

DRAGLINE: Get away!

DRAGLINE: Looka that! Two of them. Oh my...

KOKO: I'm dyin'. I'm dyin'.

DRAGLINE: He ain't eating beans fer lunch.

KOKO: He's eatin' steak and corn with butter and green beans and...

DRAGLINE: Jus' take it slow, buddy.

KOKO: What happened? How far did you get?

DRAGLINE: Shut up. Let him eat. Don't pay them no mind, boy.

KOKO: But there's still daylight left.

DRAGLINE: 'Bout two hours left.

DRAGLINE: Uh-huh. And he ain't got nothing showing. Raise his head off.

KOKO: He's been betting his head from the gun. Gotta have kings.

DRAGLINE: So then you just call him.

KOKO: I call.

DRAGLINE: Whatcha got?

KOKO: Pair'a nines.

DRAGLINE: I kin see that, brick head. I mean your hole card.

KOKO: I'm dyin'. I'm dyin'!

DRAGLINE: Look, she's got paint on her toenails! Oh Lord, whatever I done, don't strike me blind for 'nother couple minutes. Oh you Lucille!

KOKO: Oh, man, did you see her? Did you see her?

DRAGLINE: I got eyes, don't I? How my not gonna see something like that?

DRAGLINE: She looks just like Mrs. Patricia Handy, a married woman... I useta fool with. Man, I kin sniff blondes from a hunnert yards and redheads from a mile and a half.

KOKO: Drag's been chain-ganging so long he's got a nose like a bloodhound.

KOKO: Newmeat looks like a poker player, Drag.

DRAGLINE: Wouldn't surprise me none. Wicker Man says you got a hundred- twenny and some change in the Captain's safe and you got your five dollars pocket money... That'll buy you a whole fistfull of cards. You in or out?

DRAGLINE: You gotta mind your manners, you actin' like a hillbilly tramp.

KOKO: Tramp! Beautiful!

LUKE: Is that your answer, Old Man? You're a hardcase too, ain't you?

DRAGLINE: Luke, are you alright?... They got us, boy. They're out there thicker'n flies. Bosses and dogs and sheriffs and more guns than I ever seen in my life. We don't have a chance, Luke... They caught up with me right after we split up and they was aimin' to kill you, Luke. But I got 'em to promise if you give up peaceful, they wouldn't even whip you this time.

LUKE: Do we even get our same bunks back?

DRAGLINE: Why sure, Luke. I mean I didn't talk to them about that. But why not? They're reasonable, Luke. Hell, we only been gone a coupla hours.

LUKE: You don't understand a thing, do you, Drag?

DRAGLINE: Luke, you got to listen to me. All you got to do is just give up nice and quiet, just play it cool.

LUKE: Like I always do?

DRAGLINE: Thass right. Just play it...

DRAGLINE: But, Luke...

LUKE: Take it easy, Drag.

DRAGLINE: Luke. Where you goin?

LUKE: On my own.

DRAGLINE: But what am I gonna do all by myself? Oh if'n I hadn't lost mah head. I only had two more years to go. But when I saw you tearin' down with that truck... But you right Luke. We oughta split up. Be safer for us both.

DRAGLINE: Whoee, it's cold. Wisht I had somethin' to eat. Bread, grits, beans even. Soon's we get to my house, we're gonna have us one big meal and then I'm gonna show you some farm girls that...

LUKE: We ain't goin' nowhere.

DRAGLINE: What you talkin' about, Luke? We're together, you and me, just like always. Now the thing we gotta work out is how to get Koko outa there and then the Terrible Trio be all complete again. Man, this old Free World ain't gonna know which ear to stand on.

LUKE: Yeah, well, you and Koko kin handle it without me.

DRAGLINE: What you mean, Luke?

LUKE: I've done enough world-shakin' for a while. You do the rest for me. Send me a postcard about it.

DRAGLINE: Don't hit me no more, Boss! Don't hit me! I'll do anythin' you say but just don't hit me! Oh Luke. You are an original, you truly are. You really fooled them.

LUKE: Foolin', Hell! I would have eaten that dirt for them. They coulda used my head for a shovel and a my face for a broom... They just never did get a piece of my mind.

DRAGLINE: And all the time you was plannin' on runnin' again.

LUKE: Sure do... that's why we didn't bet with the Navy.

DRAGLINE: Oh, that's mah darlin' Luke. Grins like a baby and bites like a 'gator.

LUKE: Look at Him go. Bam! Bam!

DRAGLINE: Knock it off, Luke! You cain't talk about Him that way.

DRAGLINE: What did I do? Stole and tole lies. I loved mah neighbor and his wife, but what did I do to deserve this lunatic to come in mah happy home and beat me outa hard earned bread.

LUKE: We got it locked in the sock.

DRAGLINE: Yeah, I know. But what we gotta do first is stretch that l'il ol' belly of yours -- git it all strained out, in fightin' shape, like a barrage balloon.

LUKE: You ol' sack of guts. I had a belly like yours, we wouldn't have nothin' to worry about.

DRAGLINE: 'Atsa sign I got me an affectionate nature.

LUKE: Like an elephant.

DRAGLINE: Us elephants may be a lil slow, like in makin' love, but you give us a coupla three days to really get with it an' man -- stand back!

DRAGLINE: Why'd you have to say fifty? Why not thirty-five or thirty-nine?

LUKE: Fifty's a nice round number.

DRAGLINE: Damn, Luke. What's the matter with you? what's the matter with me?

LUKE: Nothin' to worry about. We got a deadlock on that mullet.

DRAGLINE: Where'd the road go?

LUKE: That's it. That's the end.

DRAGLINE: They don't know iff'n to smile, spit or swallow.

LUKE: They ain't never seen a bull gang before.

DRAGLINE: Hey, buddy. Take it easy. You're making me look bad.

LUKE: The man wants speed, let's give it to him. Ram it in and break it off. Go hard. Shag it.

DRAGLINE: Nuthin'! A handfull of nuthin'! You stupid mullet-head. He beat you with nuthin'! Just like today when he kept coming back at me.

LUKE: Nuthin' can be a pretty cool hand.

DRAGLINE: Cool Hand Luke.

DRAGLINE: I'm gonna kill you, you go on...

LUKE: That's what you're gonna have to do.

DRAGLINE: Whatta you mean, forget it?

LUKE: Stop beatin', man. You ain't doin' nobody no good.

DRAGLINE: Shut your mouth 'bout my Lucille.

LUKE: Your Lucille? Man, you better put them glasses back on and take a look at yourself.

DRAGLINE: Boy. You jus' asking to be handled!

LUKE: Lucille? Where do you get that?

DRAGLINE: That'sa Lucille, you mullet head! Any girl so innocent and built like that gotta be named Lucille.

LUKE: Innocent?

LUKE: Maybe he's been chain-ganging too long.

DRAGLINE: Long enough to see redhots come and redhots go.

DRAGLINE: Man, this here Newmeat parking meter bandit thing what calls itself Luke don't know nuthin' 'bout nuthin'.

LUKE: But damn if he don't look like a fat old Dragline.

DRAGLINE: Slow down, man. They ain't passing out medals for slinging dirt.

LUKE: I thought you knew, boy... they sentenced me by the mile.

DRAGLINE: Course not. He ain't in the box 'cause a the joke played on him. He's there 'cause he back sassed a Free Man. They got their rules and we ain't got nothing to do with that. Woulda probably happened to him sooner or later, to a complainer like him. He's gotta learn the rules same as anybody else.

LUKE: Yeah, those poor old guards need all the help they can get.

DRAGLINE: You tryin' to say somethin'?

DRAGLINE: Plumb busted out. Looks like the hard road finally got to Mister Lucas War Hero.

LUKE: Back at it in the mornin'. Just need a little nap...

DRAGLINE: Whatta you so happy about?

LUKE: I just always did like truck rides.

DRAGLINE: Oh we got our sources... Tearing the heads off... what was it... gumball machines? What kind of thing is that for a grown man?

LUKE: Well, you know. Small town, not much to do in the evenings. Mostly it was settling up old scores.

DRAGLINE: Somebody say somethin'?

LUKE: I didn't say nothin', Boss.

DRAGLINE: Well, whatta we got here?

LUKE: A Lucas Jackson.

DRAGLINE: Oh Lord!

SOCIETY RED: That fool. That damn fool.

DRAGLINE: Oh mah baby Luke.

DRAGLINE: That ole box collapse and fall apart before Luke calls quits.

SOCIETY RED: Your Luke's got more guts than brains.

DRAGLINE: What's the writing say?

SOCIETY RED: Dear Boys. Playing it cool. Wish you were here. Love, Cool Hand Luke.

DRAGLINE: Oh my. Oh my... Give it back here!

DRAGLINE: All right now: get mad at them eggs. Eat it there boy! Bite it! Gnaw on it!

SOCIETY RED: Forty-five.

SOCIETY RED: Thirty-nine... forty... forty-one... forty-two...

DRAGLINE: Come on, boy, come on, darlin'. You kin do her. Just let that ol' belly sag and enjoy itself. Stay loose, buddy. Eight more, between you and everlasting glory. Little ol' eggs, pigeon eggs, that's all, fish eggs practically.

SOCIETY RED: He peels the eggs himself. That's understood.

DRAGLINE: You jus' may be great at hangin' paper around the big cities, but us country boys is not entirely brainless. When it comes to the law, nothin' is understood.

DRAGLINE: Koko, write down their names, don't just make marks.

SOCIETY RED: One rule! No throwing up. He throws up, you forfeit everything.

DRAGLINE: You ever see mah boy throw up? Shut your mouth and put up your money!

DRAGLINE: Nobody kin eat fifty eggs.

SOCIETY RED: You just said he could eat anything.

DRAGLINE: You ever eat fifty eggs?

SOCIETY RED: Not a liar. You just have a common -- and likable -- tendency toward exaggeration.

DRAGLINE: He's the champeen hog-gut of this camp. Hell, I seen him eat ten choc'lat bars and seven cold drinks in fifteen minutes. He kin eat busted bottles and rusty nails, any damn thing. If you'd so kindly oblige as to let me cut off your yankee head, he'd even eat that.

SOCIETY RED: Dragline gives out the names here. You'll get yours when he figures you out.

DRAGLINE: Maybe we oughta call you No-Ears. You don't listen much, do you, boy?

KOKO: Oh no, man! Not on this hot muther.

GAMBLER: All the bears gonna be walking today.

GAMBLER: Man, you play like a kokonut. You got to call him at least.

KOKO: I know he's got a paira kings. He don't have to stick 'em in my ear.

GAMBLER: I gotta believe. Out! Now they're rollin'. King-five-four gets an eight. Pair'a nines with a Jack gets a four. Ninas still up.

KOKO: Cuter.

KOKO: I'm in.

GAMBLER: Ace calls. Here we go. King-five gets a tray for no help. Paira ninas gets a Jack. Ana man with the ace gets... slop in the face... Ninas up.

KOKO: Cuter again.

GAMBLER: Call.

GAMBLER: Ana paira ninas. Koko's the brains.

KOKO: Cuter.

KOKO: Man, it's so hot.

GAMBLER: Gettin' up, Carr.

KOKO: Man! It's gonna be one hot muther today.

GAMBLER: Bears gonna be walkin' the road today.

KOKO: A bunch. Must be halfa dozen Newmeat.

GAMBLER: No more than five. For a cold drink.

KOKO: Bet! Babalugats, bet here!

KOKO: But -- but --

LUKE: That's all there was. Listen. Open your eyes. Stop beatin' it. And stop feedin' off me. Now get out of the way. Give me some air.

LUKE: Picture's a phoney... Cost me a week's pay.

KOKO: A phoney? Whatta you mean, a phoney?

LUKE: Yeah, found one in this supermarket, keys in the ignition.

KOKO: Well, how far didya get?

LUKE: Fat mile'n a half. Hit this red light, highway patrol pulls up alongside.

KOKO: Back a buck.

LUKE: Kick a buck.

LUKE: Kick a buck.

KOKO: Damn.

KOKO: Man Oh Man.

LUKE: That is one mean lady. Bet her husband spends one day a week shooting milkmen.

KOKO: I don't see no sign of guts in you.

SOCIETY RED: No. No chains either.

KOKO: You ain't man enough to wear them!

SOCIETY RED: But you're dog enough. Maybe they'll let you sleep outside the box near your master.

KOKO: Big deal paper hanger! Hell, anyone who can write can pass fifty-sixty dollar checks. Like breakin' open a piggy bank.

SOCIETY RED: You've been having bad luck with masters, haven't you? Your last one left you when the cops came... and now Luke. You should complain to the S.P.C.A.

KOKO: You phony creep!

SOCIETY RED: He'll never make it.

KOKO: What are you talking about?

SOCIETY RED: He doesn't know when to give in. They'll kill him.

KOKO: Give in? That's our Luke out there.

SOCIETY RED: Stop that.

KOKO: How about you tryin' to make me?

SOCIETY RED: Oh for...

SOCIETY RED: One, two, three...

KOKO: He's gonna lose a finger eating eggs like that.

KOKO: You think you've been working hard. This muther'll break your back.

SOCIETY RED: This is a big day for the guards. They get to remind us who's boss.

KOKO: You can't switch 'round jobs, anyway. I figured he knew that.

SOCIETY RED: You can't expect him to learn everything the first day. Hopefully it's taught him a very valuable lesson.

SOCIETY RED: Koko, why don't you let one of these Newmeats take your broom for today?

KOKO: Hell, no. I ain't goin' down in the ditch.