Feast

TRAMPY: YOU'RE KILLING HIM!

ADULTERER: They'll get in! We'll all die!

ADULTERER: Stop!

TRAMPY: What the fuck are you doing he's in there!

ADULTERER: They can't get in here! You said it yourself, they'll get in!

TRAMPY: It serves you right. You cheatin' jerk.

ADULTERER: Spare me.

TRAMPY: I figure it's karma. You wronged me and you wronged your wife and you wronged your children, so this is karma biting you on the ass, or in your case... ...on the eye.

ADULTERER: Sorry, didn't mean to scare you.

HEROINE: Where is everyone?

ADULTERER: I don't know, I just got here. Did you find your girl?

ADULTERER: Where are you two going?

HEROINE: We're going to get my little girl.

HEROINE: We'll meet in three hours?

ADULTERER: I don't wanna go home alone... I don't wanna see what might have...

HEROINE: You know where it is?

ADULTERER: Um, yeah, thirty miles east.

ADULTERER: Are you two all right? Did you see that!? They left! We made it! I think we made it!

HEROINE: They'll be back.

ADULTERER: Oh, come on! Can't you be happy for one split second? They're gone!

ADULTERER: We should go! We should go right now!

HEROINE: He's right, let's move. Be quiet and get to the exit. Pair up, grab the weapons.

ADULTERER: I will not die because of him!

HEROINE: Don't be stupid, drop the gun!

HEROINE: Careful.

ADULTERER: I'm telling you, I don't see a thing --

ADULTERER: You can't keep me here. This is bullshit. Fuckin' bullshit. This is fucking BULLSHIT!

HEROINE: We can't risk letting them in.

ADULTERER: Right.

BARTENDER: I don't think you should...

BOSS MAN: With what just happened upstairs --

BOSS MAN: I got my .38 here. That's six shots and two refills. Downstairs, I think we got another rifle, maybe a scatterer and some gardening tools. Maybe a couple boxes of shells for The Judge.

BARTENDER: I got shells too, box and a half, tops.

BARTENDER: Well, it don't look pretty.

BOSS MAN: But it's got teeth.

BOSS MAN: My god damn foot is gone! Who fuckin' shot me? Who fuckin' shot me!?

BARTENDER: Her fella.

BOSS MAN: IS IT CLEAR?!

BARTENDER: Yeah.

BOSS MAN: IS THERE A GUN POINTING AT YOU?

BARTENDER: Nah, I got the gun.

BARTENDER: We shot a skunk.

BEER GUY: We're lucky to be alive.

BEER GUY: Stop it.

BARTENDER: Hey. You noticed that no one's been killed or maimed for awhile?

BEER GUY: I have a CB in my truck, we could get some help out here.

BARTENDER: Who the hell would you call?

BEER GUY: Anyone.

BEER GUY: One keg of Beast for the basement, then, truck's dry.

BARTENDER: Gonna stay for a couple?

BOZO: We'll be food, dickheads!

BARTENDER: Well, your last words can be "I told you so."

BOZO: You gotta be with me on this.

BARTENDER: You got something better?

BOZO: If we move in a group, we are one target. If we scatter, they CAN'T get us all.

BARTENDER: Wha?

BOZO: OPEN THE DOOR!

BARTENDER: Oh!

BOZO: "OH!?" WHAT IS "OH?" What does "oh" mean?

BOZO: Okay, now. Easy steps. Easy breaths. Easy steps.

BARTENDER: Come on, come on.

BARTENDER: I think I know where a CB is.

BOZO: Where's that?

BARTENDER: Upstairs.

BARTENDER: Hey! Get quiet or get out.

BOZO: C'mon guys--

BARTENDER: You seem mighty collected about this.

HEROINE: Buddy, I'm a full-blooded Chucktow. I can't think of a time my people haven't been takin' it dry. The fact that we are being eaten now, doesn't even faze me... ...this is just another Tuesday.

BARTENDER: I'm gonna shoot him if they don't get him first.

HEROINE: Just move!

HEROINE: We just smeared a skunk.

BARTENDER: Shit!

HEROINE: Where's the tunnel?

BARTENDER: In the corner, behind the curtain.

BARTENDER: You all sure about this?

HEROINE: Follow me.

HEROINE: HEY! No, I'm not trusting him either, that's why you and I will both be going with him.

BARTENDER: What!? I'm not going down there again!

HEROINE: This is it! This is our only way out! They have this place surrounded. We go out the front, we're dead. We go out the back, we're dead, but if we go UNDER them... we might just make it. Now, who else is in? Seven can go.

BARTENDER: This is a bottleneck waiting to happen.

HEROINE: What tunnel? Where?

BARTENDER: It's in the basement, about a hundred yards long. It spits out on the backside of that hill down the way. There's a truck there.

HEROINE: What's it for?

HEROINE: Don't bullshit me! If you know a way out of this place and you're holding out --

BARTENDER: There's a tunnel.

BARTENDER: Jesus Christ, I'm gonna have a stroke.

HEROINE: Easy.

BARTENDER: They're right here.

HEROINE: Hey!

BARTENDER: So, your husband ditched you?

HEROINE: No, no, no it was... it was wild out there, no time to think, we just moved. He didn't leave me. He just ran. He just ran.

BARTENDER: Well, justice is funny.

HEROINE: And that's how I ended up here.

BARTENDER: And the head?

HEROINE: That's the oldest of the bunch, looked like the Grandpapa. We caught the little one, Junior, in the cooler there. As we've seen, what he lacks in size he more than makes up for in speed.

BARTENDER: And the rest of 'em?

HEROINE: Unfortunately, the worst of 'em are still outside.

ROADIE: That's an unwise thing to say, you know that?

BARTENDER: Just an observation.

ROADIE: Well, why don't you keep your observations to yourself?

ROADIE: Ohhh.

BARTENDER: What?

ROADIE: Look.

BARTENDER: I'd love to be macho, but this is a pants wetter from all angles.

ROADIE: The door... on three.

ROADIE: Scared?

BARTENDER: No. You?

ROADIE: Of course not. I fight monsters all the time.

BARTENDER: You're trusting that guy? He'll ditch us and never look back.

ROADIE: Fuck you too.

BARTENDER: Get in line!

BOZO: What now, Geronimo?

BEER GUY: My truck.

BEER GUY: Come on!

BOZO: He's dead.

BEER GUY: We're better off.

BOZO: Who's with me?

BOZO: Do you drive a short beer bus or something? You go out there you get eaten, you stay in here you get eaten, anyone comes to help they get eaten. Don't you see a pattern here, Spuds Makenzie?

BEER GUY: Well then I guess we should just give up.

BOZO: Believe me, I'd love to save the day and get some heroic snatch. But it's not in the cards, partner.

BOZO: I'm telling ya, you got the cloth too deep, you're asking for it.

BEER GUY: Oh yeah?

BOZO: Any more ideas Animal Planet?

BEER GUY: You weren't helpin'.

BOZO: Go douche.

BEER GUY: So, what now? Did those things leave?

BOZO: Why don't you go check it out?

BEER GUY: Fuck no.

BEER GUY: Why do you take shit from him?

PARA: Look, yeah, he's an ass, but he's my brother. Que sera-sera.

BEER GUY: Your brother, huh?

PARA: Yep.

BEER GUY: Your parents of relation?

PARA: We lived near power lines.

HEROINE: It's imperative that you get that truck moving.

BEER GUY: Just cover me. It was built to move.

BEER GUY: Yeah, the lot's right there. My truck is right out back.

HEROINE: But not flush against the tunnel?

BEER GUY: My truck can't be more than ten feet away. We load into the back, I can get in the front and we roll out of here.

HEROINE: What's in the back?

BEER GUY: Nothing, this was my last delivery.

HEROINE: All right! Tell us about the truck!

BEER GUY: Uh, uh, I think if we can get everyone into it... we can get out of here.

BEER GUY: We gotta be close.

HEROINE: What?

HEROINE: We're going to get help.

BEER GUY: We gotta try.

HEROINE: Anybody else?

BEER GUY: I'm in.

HEROINE: Anyone else?

BELLE: What? Really?

BOSS MAN: Uh huh, now wiggle that sweet little ass over here and sit on Daddy's face, I wanna do some appraising.

BELLE: How much you got to see the show?

BOSS MAN: You don't understand sweety, Daddy doesn't pay, Daddy sees the show for free. But you do get points for being horny on a night like this.

BELLE: You wanna see, baby?

BOSS MAN: Sure.

BELLE: How much you got?

BOSS MAN: How much I got, what?

BELLE: Um-hmmm.

BOSS MAN: The girl's got rhythm.

BELLE: Doesn't your foot hurt?

BOSS MAN: I can't feel a thing, Hon.

BOSS MAN: Wait, before you do that, help me to the kitchen, I need to lay down. There's a cot back there.

BELLE: But --

BOSS MAN: It's much safer in there, sweety.

BELLE: Okay then.

BELLE: What is this?

BOSS MAN: Magic potion. You should try a little.

BELLE: Oh, no.

BOSS MAN: It'll calm your nerves. Works like a charm.

BELLE: Really?

BOSS MAN: Uh huh. Just put a dab on your tongue.

BELLE: Will I go crazy or something?

BOSS MAN: No, no, it calms you, makes everything nice and smooth. Just takes the edge off like a beer, but in a fraction of the time.

BELLE: Why not then?

BOSS MAN: Push and twist, it's child proof.

BELLE: Oh.

BOSS MAN: Gimme a couple dabs on the tongue.

BELLE: How are you holding up?

BOSS MAN: Well...

HEROINE: What's it for!?

BOSS MAN: Grass. I grow some pot down there. It's no big deal, just something I dabble in. The truck's for a quick get away, deliveries, whatever.

HEROINE: Is it gassed up?

BOSS MAN: Fully.

HEROINE: Four door?

BOSS MAN: Two.

HEROINE: Open?

BOSS MAN: Covered.

HEROINE: How many?

BOSS MAN: Holds four.

HEROINE: Max?

BOSS MAN: Seven.

HEROINE: Nine?

BOSS MAN: Seven.

HEROINE: Keys.

BOSS MAN: What!? So you can just get the hell outta here and forget about all of us!? No way! That's my god damn truck!

HEROINE: Let me make this clear; if we stay, we die!

BOSS MAN: I don't trust you. No way! I pick who goes! And I'm holding you responsible.

HEROINE: What?

BOSS MAN: What?

HEROINE: What do you mean what?

BOSS MAN: Huh?

HEROINE: What's going on between you two?

BOSS MAN: Nothing.

BOSS MAN: Go for it. It's by the far wall. A small wave band. Channel 9 is the emergency frequency. But I don't see the point.

HEROINE: You're wasting your time, there's no one out there.

BOSS MAN: In the kitchen, under the sink.

HEROINE: No one goes anywhere alone. Least of all, unarmed.

HEROINE: Will these boards hold?

BOSS MAN: The boards are solid oak planks, and the floor is reinforced by a steel grid beneath. Nothing real or supernatural is busting through this, least nothing the size of the beasts.

HEROINE: Good.

BOSS MAN: Jesus Christ on the cross... Someone make sense.

HEROINE: Easy. We're surrounded by something the likes none of you have ever seen before. Some kind of animals. Real fast, volatile, predators. ONE went through three of your patrons like they were Kleenex.

BOSS MAN: So, your dead hubby shot me twice, three of my customers have been eaten, and there are angry creatures outside?

HEROINE: He only shot you once.

BOSS MAN: Huh?

HEROINE: He shot you the other time.

HEROINE: My husband...

BOSS MAN: Well, where's the sonuvabitch!?

HEROINE: He's dead.

BOSS MAN: What?

GRANDPA: I'll go with ya.

BOZO: What are you gonna do? Throw your teeth at 'em? Sit down, Cocoon.

GRANDPA: I wouldn't do that, son.

BOZO: They're probably on to the next buffet by now. There's a retirement home up the road. They'd be easy.

GRANDPA: You young'uns worry about weapons, I'm thinkin' bout strategy.

BOZO: Oh? And what's that?

GRANDPA: Sit still, look less like a meal.

BOZO: I think that's for bears and sharks, chunky chew.

GRANDPA: This one will just stun ya, but this one will put ya to sleep.

BOZO: Whoa!

BOZO: What's that!? Wha'cha say? Huh?

GRANDPA: Get outta here.

BOZO: Blow the goddamn hatch!

ROADIE: Clear!

ROADIE: Clever fuckers.

BOZO: What the hell's going on here!?

ROADIE: Bullshit.

BOZO: No bullshit.

ROADIE: Look, the armed surround the unarmed in a circle and we move as a tight group. Those that can shoot, protect the rest to his ride.

BOZO: Hey, when this plan completely goes to shit, what are ya gonna do?

ROADIE: They were all over the place.

BOZO: You smell like ass!

BOZO: Welcome back.

ROADIE: F-f-fuck you.

BOZO: Where the hell are we going to go then, Billy Jack!?

HEROINE: There's a bomb shelter over in Durant, by the IGA, on First. You all know where that is?

BOZO: Yeah, maybe.

HEROINE: Get something on that.

HEROINE: COME ON!

BOZO: HELLLLLLLLP!!

BOZO: SHIT.

HEROINE: MOVE YOUR ASS!

HEROINE: Hurry!

BOZO: REPEAT. WE NEED HELP. SOS. CALLING ALL CARS! WE NEED HELP AT THE UNITED NATIONS TAV--!

BOZO: JUST A BAT! I'M FINE! JUST A BAT! SORRY!

HEROINE: If he doesn't shut up...

HEROINE: Shit!

BOZO: I'm fine! I'm fine!

HEROINE: Move it!

BOZO: You keep that key handy.

BOZO: What?!

HEROINE: Move slow and move quiet.

BOZO: No shit.

HEROINE: You are taking a chance that is not worth the risk.

BOZO: Well, we are one miracle short tonight. So, just guard the stairs?

HEROINE: Done. But you're locked in. Will you hold the keys?

HEROINE: Fine, Chief.

BOZO: Gimme the keys.

HEROINE: NO, but I will lock you in.

BOZO: What?

HEROINE: We'll be on the other side waiting for you. If you become food I don't want the only set of keys in the belly of one of those things. It's your funeral.

HEROINE: 'Eh, Chief?

BOZO: Duh hickey.

BOZO: Got 'cha!

HEROINE: HOLD THAT TIGHT!

BOZO: OH JESUS!

PARA: HELLLPPP!

BOZO: Nothin' will happen to you. You get on my back, hold on tight and we truck out of here together.

PARA: Am I too heavy for you?

BOZO: Don't worry, you'll be like my little papoose.

PARA: I'm in a wheelchair, the truck sounds pretty good.

BOZO: Amazing you made it this far.

PARA: HELP MEEE!

BOZO: BONSAI!

BOZO: You don't want the rag to touch the booze, that way you can hold it awhile and ensure it explodes when you throw it.

PARA: You sure? I thought the rag had to touch?

BOZO: I'm sure.

HEROINE: Let's move.

GOLDIE: I'm done drinking. That's it. Just Church and grocery stores. Nothin' else.

GOLDIE: Yeah, I'll go.

HEROINE: Ok. Let's see what happens.

GOLDIE: Okay, well... anybody else have an idea?

HEROINE: Is there any other way out of this place? ANYONE?

GOLDIE: Hey!

HEROINE: Everyone take a role. Let's prepare the guns, ammo and whatever else we can scare up. We also need to help the hurt so we can move them on our ultimate exit outta here. So, who's going into the basement with me?

GOLDIE: Well, maybe they migrate?

HEROINE: As long as it's dark, they're around. They hide, wait for you to drop your guard, and then attack.

GOOD GUY: Let's wait it out.

HEROINE: They'll tear this place down within the hour.

GOOD GUY: DON'T!

HEROINE: YOU'LL HIT US!

HEROINE: Let's go.

GOOD GUY: She's not very nice, is she?

GOOD GUY: What's wrong?

HEROINE: Nothing, just lookin'.

GOOD GUY: Do we have anything else to defend ourselves with? Anything?

HEROINE: Right. Were going to need some fire power. Do you have any sort of guns or ammunition here? Anything at all?

HEROINE: Get to your cars!

ROADIE: GO-GO-GO!!

HEROINE: Go! Go!

ROADIE: Not without you!!!

HEROINE: Go!!!

ROADIE: If there is only one way out for us, there is only one way in for them.

HEROINE: Make a distraction out front and go for it out the back. There's cars back there, right?

ROADIE: Let's go!

HEROINE: Wait God-dammit!

HEROINE: Hold it!

ROADIE: Whoa!

ROADIE: There's a rifle and a shotgun here.

HEROINE: That's fine.

HEROINE: Okay, well that's something.

ROADIE: So we've got guns, kitchen knives, pipes, fire and sticks.

HEROINE: If you are face to face with her, dive left.

ROADIE: And the last one is the...

HEROINE: Father. The biggest, the strongest...

TUFFY: Did we make it?

HEROINE: I think --

HEROINE: We should stick together out there.

TUFFY: I'd love to.

HEROINE: Her name is Charlie.

TUFFY: Oh...

HEROINE: She's still alive, I hope. I wouldn't have made it this far if it weren't for the chance of seeing my little girl again. I need to get to her.

TUFFY: I'll do anything to help.

HEROINE: I know. Thanks. Just don't tell anyone I have a soft side.

TUFFY: Deal.

HEROINE: You know you don't have to do this.

TUFFY: I'm fine, I really am.

HEROINE: I admire your strength.

TUFFY: We all have to be strong, right?

HEROINE: Right.

TUFFY: Shut up! Shut your mouth. You have no idea what is running through me right now. No idea. I'm ready.

HEROINE: All right.

TUFFY: Oh sweetheart! What was I thinking? Mommy is never gonna let you go. Oh Jesus... Never, ever, never let you go.

HEROINE: Let's lock off this room.

TUFFY: Cody! Cody are you all right? Mommy's coming! Mommy's coming, baby! Don't move! Mommy's coming!

HEROINE: Stop her!

TUFFY: Oh my God... What is that?

HEROINE: That's one piece of four problems.

TROOP LEADER: What have you done now, broke the darn thing?

SICKLY BROWNIE: I just hit it like you said.

TROOP LEADER: Do you have a note to corroborate these claims?

SICKLY BROWNIE: Um, well...

TROOP LEADER: Are you lying to me?

SICKLY BROWNIE: Well...

TROOP LEADER: What did we say about lying?

SICKLY BROWNIE: I'm not lying.

TROOP LEADER: You know that no one likes a liar, right?

SICKLY BROWNIE: I said I'm not lying.

TROOP LEADER: Hey little bear, aren't you going to join the others?

SICKLY BROWNIE: Um, my allergist told me not to engage in physically demanding activities where ragweed or spores might be present, sir.