Hannah and Her Sisters

APRIL: I love that. That's my type.

HANNAH: I can't believe it!

APRIL: Hm-mm. Oh, yeah. I met Phil.

HANNAH: Mmm?

APRIL: He's the--He looks like Ichabod Crane?

APRIL: Oh, good...

HANNAH: Come in, come in.

APRIL: ...because there are no interesting single men at this party!

HANNAH: Oh, listen...

APRIL: ...any sister talk?

HANNAH: Mm-mm!

APRIL: Yeah.

DAVID: And then, uh, April...huh?

APRIL: Great.

DAVID: Uh, who gets dropped first?

APRIL: Uh --

DAVID: Yeah.

APRIL: A lot of works.

APRIL: That's just --

DAVID: Look at this.

APRIL: What are your favorite buildings, David?

DAVID: You want to see some?

APRIL: Oh, yeah.

DAVID: Well, let's do it.

APRIL: Great.

DAVID: You know, April, people pass by vital structures in this city all the time, and they never take the time to appreciate them. I get the feeling you tune in to your environment.

APRIL: Oh--

APRIL: Wha-- What kind of things do you build?

DAVID: Are you really interested?

APRIL: Yeah.

DAVID: Hi.

APRIL: Oh.

DAVID: And the quail is responsible for the quail eggs.

APRIL: Well, let's hope so.

APRIL: We need more bread and some baked lasa-- uh, lasagne. Hi.

DAVID: I know. You're an actress with a great flair for shrimp puffs.

APRIL: Uh, no, the shrimp puffs are Holly's. I do the, uh, crpes caviar.

HOLLY: I'm telling you, you sounded great. You, uh, you may be surprised.

APRIL: Oh, I'm just glad we have a catering job this week. I'm real low on money.

HOLLY: Yeah, we have Mr. Morris Levine's eightieth birthday party on Riverside Drive...or Riverside Memorial Chapel, depending on his health.

APRIL: Oh, uh, listen, David called me up.

HOLLY: What?

APRIL: Uh, David called me last night, and he wants to take me to the opera. I didn't know what to say.

HOLLY: You're joking.

APRIL: No, he called late last night.

HOLLY: I, uh, I'm very surprised.

APRIL: He wants to take me to see Rigoletto.

HOLLY: And you, you-you're going?

APRIL: Well, I-I-I didn't know what to say. First I said no, but then, he pressed it. He said, uh, he'd taken you once and he really wanted to invite me.

HOLLY: But I'm seeing him.

APRIL: I know. I said that, but... he said it was something he really felt like doing.

HOLLY: Gee, um... I...I don't know what to say.

APRIL: Look, it's just an evening at the opera. Did I, I-I do wrong in accepting?

APRIL: Well, sometimes, some, uh...

HOLLY: I mean, it's jammed. If we went... um...

APRIL: Uh...

HOLLY: It depends on what way you want to go.

APRIL: Well, wait. You know what? I know.

HOLLY: Uh...

APRIL: If...well, if we took the, if we took Fifth, then-then-then we'd get to your house first, yeah?

APRIL: Well, I live downtown.

HOLLY: Yeah, I, we both live downtown.

APRIL: Oh, geez, yeah.

HOLLY: Okay.

APRIL: Well...we have seen a lot of stuff today, though.

HOLLY: Yeah.

HOLLY: That's disgusting!

APRIL: ...a monstrosity! Who would do that?

HOLLY: It's really terrible.

APRIL: It's French, though. It really is.

HOLLY: Yeah.

APRIL: It feels like you're in France.

HOLLY: Oh!

APRIL: Oh, is that what it is?

HOLLY: Uh-- APRIL I-i-it has an o-organic quality, you know.

HOLLY: Right.

APRIL: It's almost...almost, uhhh, entirely wholly interdependent, if you know what I mean. I-I... I can't put it into words. The important thing is-is-is it-it breathes.

HOLLY: Wow, it's the red one?

APRIL: Oh, it's magnificent!

HOLLY: We're a big hit.

APRIL: Oh, in this we're a big hit. Yesterday I auditioned for Come Back Little Sheba. That, I wasn't such a big hit.

HOLLY: Hannah will invite some men over who don't look like Ichabod Crane.

APRIL: Mmm.

APRIL: No, really, I really like him a lot.

HOLLY: No, really, we mustn't get discouraged.

HOLLY: I know. It's terrible!

APRIL: I mean, I've looked everywhere.

NORMAN: I gave blood before and, uh... clothing to the poor.

CAROL: Okay, Norman, listen, I really want to talk about this at home. I think it's a matter for your analyst...and mine.

NORMAN: And maybe my lawyer.

NORMAN: We got that idea on that trip to Paris.

CAROL: Right.

NORMAN: Hmm?

CAROL: Do you remember that summer in France? Hannah, you had jet lag for six straight weeks.

NORMAN: Mm-hm.

CAROL: Yeah, it was funny, it was very funny. But the show was about the two Frenchmen, now that was funny and it was warm.

CAROL: Oh, that was a wonderful show. I think that's the best show you two ever wrote.

NORMAN: No, the funniest show that Mickey and I ever did was the one we won the Emmy for.

DAVID: Y-you live in Chelsea, don't you?

HOLLY: Yes.

DAVID: Well, I-I guess if you live in Chelsea, that's probably first.

HOLLY: Oh, okay.

DAVID: We could...we could do that.

HOLLY: Right. Yeah, but Fifth is so jammed, isn't it?

HOLLY: Oh, gee, I don't know. Um...

DAVID: Well...

HOLLY: Yeah.

DAVID: Maybe we should start thinking about going home, huh?

HOLLY: Fast.

DAVID: It's really sad.

HOLLY: And it ruins everything else.

DAVID: It does.

DAVID: And it's got a handsome partner sitting right beside it.

HOLLY: Yeah.

DAVID: They fit right in together. And your eye goes along, lulled into complacency, and then...

HOLLY: Oh, it's just so romantic. I just want to put on a long gown...

DAVID: Yes.

HOLLY: ...and open the French doors and go on the balcony --

DAVID: The design's deliberately noncontextural. But I wanted to... keep the atmosphere of the street, you know, and the proportions.

HOLLY: Uh-huh.

DAVID: And in the material. That's...that's unpolished red granite.

DAVID: Yeah.

HOLLY: It's terrific!

HOLLY: Yeah.

DAVID: What time do you get off?

HOLLY: Oh, what, what do you do?

DAVID: I'm an architect.

HOLLY: We saw, um, Pavarotti, eh, uh, in Ernani at the Met, and I cried...

DAVID: I cry at the opera.

DAVID: You're Holly.

HOLLY: Yeah, we're the Stanislavski Catering Company.

DAVID: Now I'm going to tell you the truth. I really came in here because I was bored stiff by the party.

HOLLY: What makes you think we're more interesting?

HOLLY: Here, I stole you a couple of extra clams.

DAVID: Ah! HOLLY Now.

DAVID: Excuse me, are there any more claims?

HOLLY: Only a few. A few. Do you like 'em?

DAVID: I can't resist.

HOLLY: Really? How flattering! Did you try the shrimp puffs?

DAVID: Listen, you guys are too attractive to be caterers. Something's wrong.

HOLLY: We're actresses.

DAVID: Is this your first job?

HOLLY: Really? Is the food that bad?

DAVID: Oh no. Not at all.

DR. ABEL: Now, don't get alarmed. These are just more sophisticated audiometry tests than I can run here. I mean, it's, it's nothing.

MICKEY: Well, if it's nothing, then why do I have to go into the hospital at all? I mean, uh, I hear perfectly fine, so I'm, so I'm a little weak on the, on the high decibels. So I, you know, I won't go to the opera.

DR. ABEL: You know, there's no reason for panic. I just want to rule out some things.

MICKEY: Like what?

DR. ABEL: It's nothing. Will you trust me?

DR. ABEL: What I'd like to do, is to make an appointment for you at the hospital. I'd like to have them run some tests.

MICKEY: The hospital? What kind of tests?

DR. ABEL: You've had some dizzy spells. What about ringing and buzzing? Have you, uh, noticed any of that?

MICKEY: Yes, now-now that you mention it, uh, I-I-I have, uh, buzzing and also ringing. Ringing and buzzing. Um, am I going deaf, or something?

DR. ABEL: And it's just in one ear?

MICKEY: Yes, is it, is it, uh, healthier to have problems in both ears?

MICKEY: I always, I-I always imagine that I have things.

DR. ABEL: When did you first notice this?

MICKEY: Oh, uh, about a month ago. Wha- what do I have?

DR. ABEL: Have you been exposed to a loud noise recently, or did you have a virus?

MICKEY: No, I-I've been perfectly healthy. You know me.

DR. ABEL: Well, I'm sorry to say you have had a significant drop in the high- decibel range of your right ear.

MICKEY: Really?!

MICKEY: Now I ca-can't remember.

DR. ABEL: Let's take a look.

MICKEY: So, so, but it was when I was younger, so--

DR. ABEL: You know, I saw your father this week about his sinus...

MICKEY: Mm-hm.

DR. ABEL: ...and, uh, he complained of chest pains.

MICKEY: Well, this guy's the real hypochondriac of the family. I mean, he's, you know, he's--

DR. ABEL: You mentioned on the phone that you'd had some dizziness.

MICKEY: Yes, a little dizziness, and I think, I think I'm developing a hearing loss in my right ear ...or my left ear, my, my left...oh, n-n-n-no. No, I'm sorry. It was my right, my right, my right or my left ear.

DR. ABEL: So what's the, uh, problem this time?

MICKEY: This time I really think I have something.

DUSTY: What a weirdo that guy is! Paranoid. What's the matter with you?

ELLIOT: Look I-I-I'll be okay. I'll be okay.

DUSTY: It's not that big a deal. We just didn't hit it off.

ELLIOT: Now, look, you-you-you go on ahead.

DUSTY: Are you okay? You look-- You're sweatin'. ELLIOT Yeah. Yeah, I just-just need so- some-some fresh air. It's probably something I ate. I'll-I'll walk. You go ahead.

DUSTY: How ya doin', man?

ELLIOT: I told him about your work, and he's very excited.

DUSTY: Yeah, I got an Andy Warhol. And I got a Frank Stella, too. Oh, it's very beautiful. Big, weird...you know. If you stare at that Stella too long, the colors just seem to float. It's kinda weird.

ELLIOT: Dusty's just bought a huge house in Southampton and he's in the process of decorating it.

DUSTY: Yeah. It's kind of a weird place, actually. A lotta wall space.

LEE: Frederick's done this whole new series that I'm sure you would really love.

DUSTY: Well, are...are they big?

LEE: Yeah. Some of them...yeah, some of them are very big.

DUSTY: 'Cause I got a lot of wall space there.

LEE: Are you excited about becoming a collector? DUSTY Yeah.

LEE: Yeah?

DUSTY: I got a lot more to learn, though. I really wasn't into art when I was a kid.

LEE: Uh-huh.

LEE: Hi, Dusty.

DUSTY: Hi.

MICKEY: We--

ED: ...cannot go on the air.

ED: Child molestation is a touchy subject...

MICKEY: Could you--

ED: ...with the affiliates.

MICKEY: Read the papers! Half the country's doing it!

ED: Yes, but you name names.

MICKEY: We nev-- We don't name names! We say the Pope.

MICKEY: You-- Standards and Practices?

ED: Ed Smythe, yes.

MICKEY: Okay. Why, all of a sudden, is the sketch dirty?

ELLIOT: And you're in love overnight?

LEE: I care a great deal about him, yes.

ELLIOT: Lee...

LEE: Ah, it's over! Elliot, I mean it. It's over!

ELLIOT: But it hasn't been forever.

LEE: It's been nearly a year since our first time and you're still married to my sister, which...I now realize is fine because you're probably much more in love with her than you know.

ELLIOT: Yeah, but we-we made so many plans.

LEE: Yeah. Uh, well, sure we did. An- an-and in a way you led me on, because I truly believed you were unhappy with Hannah. Otherwise, I would never have let myself be drawn in. I was very weak. So were you. Now I've met someone else.

LEE: It's over, Elliot. I don't know how to make it any clearer. It's over. I can't see you anymore.

ELLIOT: Uh... I-I-I know. I deserve this.

LEE: Look, I'm just as much at fault.

ELLIOT: If-if-if you can believe I have such feelings for you!

LEE: I've got to be honest with you. I met someone else. I've met someone else. I...I told you I wasn't going to wait forever.

ELLIOT: You've been very cold to me tonight.

LEE: No.

ELLIOT: Is something wrong?

LEE: Oh, not here. There are too many people around.

LEE: I know she must be a really passionate person.

ELLIOT: Yes, she's, she's very warm, but, but it-it's me that wants to be giving to you. I-I-I want to do things for you. Hannah doesn't need me as much. I'm being presumptuous. Not that you need me.

LEE: I want you to take care of me... And I love when you do things to me.

ELLIOT: You really do have those thoughts, don't you?

LEE: Oh, all the time.

LEE: That was just perfect. You've ruined me for anyone else.

ELLIOT: I don't want anyone else ever to have you.

LEE: I was so worried I wouldn't compare with Hannah.

ELLIOT: Oh, my God.

ELLIOT: This is not an easy situation.

LEE: I know it isn't.

ELLIOT: I-I couldn't think where to invite you without taking risks.

LEE: I promised myself I wouldn't let this happen till you were living alone. I was so torn when you called.

ELLIOT: I thought you weren't coming.

LEE: I almost didn't.

ELLIOT: Lee... uh...

LEE: I didn't sleep all night.

ELLIOT: No, no-no-no, I'm sure.

ELLIOT: Your guilt is because you feel the same.

LEE: Oh, please, I have to go. I have to get my teeth cleaned.

ELLIOT: O-o-o-okay, Lee. Okay, okay. You, you, y-you've said enough. It's my responsibility now. I will work things out.

LEE: Look, don't do anything on my behalf. I live with Frederick, and Hannah and I are close.

ELLIOT: Yes, but you, you do care about me.

LEE: Oh, Elliot, please! I can't be a party to this! I'm suddenly wracked with guilt just standing her talking to you on the street!

ELLIOT: I know! I-I-I-I, I realize.

LEE: What do you expect me to say?

ELLIOT: Hannah and I are in the last stages.

LEE: Wh-- She's never said anything, and we're very close. She'd tell me such a thing.

ELLIOT: Wh--, it-it-it-it, it's so sad. She's crazy about me, but somewhere on the, along the line, I've fallen out of love with her.

LEE: Not because of me, I hope.

ELLIOT: Oh, no, no. Well, yes! I love you.

LEE: Oh, I can't be the cause of anything between you and Hannah. I jus--

ELLIOT: Oh, no, no, no. It, uh, it-it-it- it was i-inevitable that Hannah and I part, anyway.

LEE: Why?

ELLIOT: Tch, w-well, for a million reasons.

LEE: But not over me?

ELLIOT: Tch, no! We were, we were both going in different directions.

LEE: Poor Hannah.

ELLIOT: But-but, but how about you? Do you, do you share any of my feelings? Or is this just an unpleasant embarrassment to you?

LEE: I can't say anything!

ELLIOT: W-well, please be candid. I, I-I don't want you to feel bad.

LEE: Yes! But I...I have certain feelings for you, but don't make me say anything more, all right?

ELLIOT: Wh--, uh, I know, I know but, I am in love with you.

LEE: Oh, don't say those words!

ELLIOT: I-I, I'm sorry. I know it's terrible.

LEE: Why, you know the situation.

LEE: I was looking for you.

ELLIOT: I, I must apologize. I-I'm, I-I'm sorry. I'm so mixed up.

LEE: Well, how do you expect me to react to such a thing?

LEE: Elliot!

ELLIOT: I have been in love with you for so long.

ELLIOT: Oh!

LEE: What are you doing?!

ELLIOT: I...I'm-I'm-I'm-I'm sorry. I have to talk to you for... There's so much that I want to tell you.

LEE: Elliot! Don't!

ELLIOT: Lee! Lee! Lee, I'm in love with you.

ELLIOT: And be ready to make light of the offer if she's unresponsive. This has to be done very skillfully, very diplomatically.

LEE: Did you ever read this one--?

ELLIOT: Did you ever get around to the poem on page a hundred and twelve?

LEE: Yes, it made me cry it was so beautiful...so romantic.

LEE: They have a very large gay clientele, you know, where I get my teeth cleaned, and...all the hygienists now wear gloves because they're afraid of AIDS.

ELLIOT: Oh, right.

ELLIOT: Uh...did you ever get around to e.e. cummings?

LEE: Yes, he's just adorable.

LEE: Isn't that beautiful?

ELLIOT: I know this. Bach. F Minor Concerto. It's one of my favorites.

LEE: Oh, and Holly met a wonderful man who loves opera. An architect.

ELLIOT: Oh, that's nice. I'd love to see her wind up settled. She's a tense one.

ELLIOT: Oh, you-you have that one?

LEE: Yeah.

ELLIOT: Oh, I would love to hear it.

ELLIOT: I figured I'd get, uh, Frederick and Dusty together.

LEE: Oh, yeah, that's really nice of you.

ELLIOT: Yes. This kid, he's earned a trillion dollars.

LEE: Oh.

ELLIOT: He's got like six gold records.

LEE: Oh, speaking of records...I bought that Mozart Trio you recommended...

LEE: I have to get my teeth cleaned this week.

ELLIOT: Oh, that's nice.

ELLIOT: How's everything?

LEE: Oh, you know...I talked to Hannah this morning on the phone, and she said that you two might be going to the country for the weekend.

ELLIOT: Yeah, she loves to go out in the woods.

LEE: Oh, yeah.

ELLIOT: But I go nuts. It's a conflict.

ELLIOT: Page a hundred and twelve.

LEE: Bye.

ELLIOT: Bye.

LEE: Well, thanks a lot.

ELLIOT: Thanks for showing me the bookstore. Perhaps you could, uh, take me to an AA meeting sometime. Uh...uh, I'd love to see what goes on.

LEE: Well, yeah, yeah. You'd love it. It's really entertaining. You'd have a good time. I know you would.

ELLIOT: And, uh, d-don't forget the poem on page a hundred and twelve. It reminded me of you.

ELLIOT: e.e. cummings. I'd like to get you this.

LEE: Oh, no, I can't let you get me that. That's too much.

ELLIOT: Oh, oh, yes. I-I-I-'d like to, uh, uh, very much.

LEE: No, I don't think so.

ELLIOT: I-I read a poem of you and thought of his last week. A poem of his and thought of you last-- You'll be fine, though. Lee walks over to Elliot in the center aisle. She looks at the book.

LEE: Uh, uh, this is great. I mean, I love e.e. cummings, but I can't let you get this.

ELLIOT: Yes, I'd...I-I-I'd love, I'd love to get you this.

LEE: Well, sure.

ELLIOT: And-and maybe, um...maybe we could discuss it sometime.

LEE: Fine. Oh, we went to the Caravaggio exhibition at the Met. It's such a treat to go through a museum with Frederick. I mean...you learn so much. Do you like Caravaggio?

ELLIOT: Oh, yes. Who doesn't? Look!

ELLIOT: Yeah. How are you?

LEE: I'm...all right.

ELLIOT: How-how's Frederick?

ELLIOT: Yes.

LEE: Everything's okay?

ELLIOT: No, no. I-I-I understand completely. No problem. Y-you're busy. I-I-I...

LEE: You seem tense. Is everything all right? You feel okay?

ELLIOT: No! No...

LEE: No?

ELLIOT: Uh, yes!

LEE: Yes?

ELLIOT: Unless, of course, if-if you had some time, I mean, we could get some coffee.

LEE: No, I don't have time.

ELLIOT: Oh, book? Oh, no, I... I'm killing time. I...I-I just, uh, w-want to browse, uh...

LEE: Well, you sure picked the right place. I mean, you can stay here all afternoon, not buy anything and just read.

LEE: Isn't this great? They have everything here.

ELLIOT: Yes, it's-it's wonderful.

LEE: What book did you want to buy? ELLIOT What? Book?

ELLIOT: I'll never understand it. You're so bright and charming and beautiful.

LEE: Oh, God.

ELLIOT: I think to myself what problems could she possibly have?

LEE: Don't let me get started on my childhood. Oh, you know what? There is a bookstore.

ELLIOT: Yes? LEE A couple of blocks from here. If you don't know about it, you should. You'd really love it.

ELLIOT: Yes?

LEE: Yeah, you would.

ELLIOT: Well, i-if-if you have some free time...

LEE: Yeah, sure.

LEE: Well, listen, you didn't know me before Frederick. I'd...I'd start with a beer at about ten in the morning, and...go on.

ELLIOT: Oh. You must have been, uh, very unhappy.

LEE: Yeah, unhappy and fat. And I still find the meetings very comforting, you know.

ELLIOT: Oh, my goodness!

LEE: Oh, Elliot!

ELLIOT: Hi.

LEE: What are you doing here?

ELLIOT: Well, I'm-I'm looking for a bookstore.

LEE: Oh, what, in this section of town?

ELLIOT: Yes. Yeah, I-I'm kill--

LEE: You're out looking here?

ELLIOT: Well, yes, I'm killing time. I have a client near here and I...I'm quite early.

LEE: Ohhhh!

ELLIOT: How about you?

LEE: Oh. Well, I live--

ELLIOT: Oh, yes! You live near here, don't you?

LEE: Yes, I do.

ELLIOT: Where are you headed?

LEE: Oh, I was just going to my AA meeting. ELLIOT Oh, my goodness. Well, why do you still go to those? You never tough alcohol.

ELLIOT: Yeah.

LEE: ...ex-husband on the street the other day.

ELLIOT: Like, uh...?

LEE: I don't know exactly.

ELLIOT: Really? So, so, what else? Wh- what are you up to?

LEE: Oh, I don't know. My unemployment checks are running out. Um, I was thinking of taking some courses at Columbia with the last of my savings.

LEE: Oh, well, you know Frederick. One of his moods. Although it wasn't a bad week. He uh, sold a picture.

ELLIOT: Oh, great.

LEE: Oh, you know, I, I love that book you lent me. The Easter Parade? You were right. It had very special meaning for me.

ELLIOT: How's Frederick? He didn't come.

HANNAH: It's so pitch-black tonight. I feel lost.

ELLIOT: You're not lost.

HANNAH: You matter to me. Completely.

ELLIOT: It's hard to be around someone who gives so much and-and needs so little in return!

HANNAH: Well, what do you do? Do-do-do you talk to Holly, or Lee, or what? Do you, do you, do you phone them?

ELLIOT: Leave me alone, can you?!

HANNAH: Do you talk to Holly or Lee behind my back? Do you? You must. They- they seem to know so much about us.

ELLIOT: Well, maybe I've asked advice once or twice or-or made a joke.

HANNAH: Well, what is it then? What? Eh, what's come between us? How have I alienated you?

ELLIOT: Hannah, my head is throbbing. HANNAH You never want to talk about it. I-- Every time I bring it up, you- you change the subject. What is it? Do you-- We're communicating less and less. You sleep with me less and less.

HANNAH: I'm not accusing. I'm asking. Do you...do you find me too...too giving? Too-too-too competent? Too-too, I don't know, disgustingly perfect or something?

ELLIOT: No.

HANNAH: Have you been talking to Holly or Lee about us? About our-our personal life?

ELLIOT: Me? Of course not. HANNAH There's things Holly wrote about in her script about us that are so...personal they could only have come from you.

HANNAH: Well, what? What, wh-what are you not telling me?

ELLIOT: What kind of interrogation... Su- supposing I said yes? I-I-I am disenchanted. I am in love with someone else.

HANNAH: Are you?

ELLIOT: No! But you keep asking these, these awful questions. My God, it's-it's like you want me to say yes!

HANNAH: What, you, of c-- What are you talking about? Of course not. I'd be destroyed!

ELLIOT: Oh, let's not--I, I don't know what the hell I'm talking about.

HANNAH: Are you angry with me?

ELLIOT: No!

HANNAH: Do you feel, um...are you disenchanted with our marriage?

ELLIOT: I didn't say that.

HANNAH: Are you in love with someone else?

ELLIOT: My God! Wha-what is this? The Gestapo? No.

HANNAH: Yes. I know. The last few weeks, you haven't been yourself. And tonight at, tonight at dinner, you, you were kind of curt with me.

ELLIOT: Was I?

HANNAH: Yes, you were. A-and when I, when I brought up the idea of having a baby, you just, you jumped down my throat.

ELLIOT: Well, I-I don't think it's a very good idea.

HANNAH: Why not?

ELLIOT: Because it's the last thing in the world we need right now.

HANNAH: Why do you say that? Is there something wrong?

ELLIOT: I don't know.

HANNAH: Well, tell me. Should I be worried?

ELLIOT: But, you got four children!

HANNAH: I want one with you.

ELLIOT: Well...I-I think we should wait till things settle.

HANNAH: But what do, what do you-- what's that mean? W-w-we've been, we've been married for four years. How settled can things get?

ELLIOT: You know, y-you have some very set plans on how your life should be structured. A-a house, uh, kids, certain schools, a h--, a home in Connecticut. I-it's all very...preconceived.

HANNAH: Yeah, but I...uh--I thought you needed that. When-when-when we met, you said your life was chaos.

ELLIOT: I-I-I know, but there's got to be some give and take.

HANNAH: Are you in a bad mood?

ELLIOT: I don't know. Um...I'm just antsy.

HANNAH: Where're you going?

ELLIOT: I've, uh...gotta find, gotta get a phone number in my desk. I forgot to phone Mel Kaufman.

HANNAH: It's so late.

ELLIOT: Yeah, I know. I-I can't believe I forgot.

ELLIOT: You bet.

HANNAH: Holly and April, thanks for helping.

HANNAH: God, Mickey's such a hypochondriac. I wonder how he'd handle it if there was ever anything really wrong with him?

ELLIOT: Let's go have dinner, shall we?

HANNAH: Mmm.

ELLIOT: Great idea.

HANNAH: I know.

ELLIOT: That's where your talent lies.

HANNAH: She has all the cooking talent.

ELLIOT: No, she doesn't, either. You've got tons as well.

HANNAH: Ohhh, but I've eaten five of these.

ELLIOT: They're fantastic.

HANNAH: Aren't they great?

ELLIOT: Your sister is an unbelievable cook.

HANNAH: I know! I know!

ELLIOT: Mm-hm?

HANNAH: Have you tried these? These are wonderful. Holly and her friend made them.

HANNAH: Oh, Mom!

EVAN: Oh, honey!

EVAN: I want ice! Who's got some-- Oh, there it is.

HANNAH: It's on the table, Dad.

HANNAH: Hi, Mom. How you doing? Here, let me get you some coffee. That's enough of that. What triggered it?

EVAN: We were making a commercial down at the mayor's office, and there was this young, good-looking salesman...

HANNAH: Don't make it worse, Dad.

EVAN: Always.

HANNAH: Hi. How's she doing?

EVAN: I am glad to see you.

HANNAH: I don't know about that. Oh, no, I just, see, I-I've been very, very lucky. W-when I had the kids, I decided to stop working and just, you know, devote myself to having the family, and I've been very, very happy but...I've always secretly hoped that maybe some little gem would come along and tempt me back on the stage...

EVAN: Yeah.

HANNAH: ...just for a second. So, now I got that out of my system and I can go back to the thing that makes me happiest.

HANNAH: I am... I did slave all day.

EVAN: And we drink to her, and we all congratulate her on her wonderful accomplishment during this last year...her great success in A Doll's House!

EVAN: ...this is a toast! This is a toast.

HANNAH: Get his wine away.

EVAN: This is a toast. You know this beautiful Thanksgiving dinner was all...

FATHER: I'll either be unconscious or I won't. If not, I'll deal with it then. I'm not gonna worry now about what's gonna be when I'm unconscious.

MICKEY: Mom, come out!

FATHER: Who thinks about such nonsense? Now I'm alive. When I'm dead, I'll be dead.

MICKEY: I don't understand. Aren't you frightened?

FATHER: Of what? I'll be unconscious.

MICKEY: Yeah, I know. But never to exist again!

FATHER: How do you know?

MICKEY: Well, it certainly doesn't look promising.

FATHER: Why should I be afraid?

MICKEY: Oh! 'Cause you won't exist!

FATHER: So?

MICKEY: That thought doesn't terrify you?

MICKEY: Well, because I never thought of God in my life. Now I'm giving it serious thought.

FATHER: But Catholicism? Why not your own people?

MICKEY: Because I got off to a wrong foot with my own thing, you know. B-b- b-but I need a dramatic change in my life. FATHER You're gonna believe in Jesus Christ?

MICKEY: I know it sounds funny, but I'm gonna try.

FATHER: But why? We raised you as a Jew.

MICKEY: So, just 'cause I was born that way... You know, I'm old enough to make a mature decision.

MICKEY: I don't understand. I thought that you would be happy.

FATHER: How can we be happy?

LEE: Oh, God, that's too much responsibility for me. It's not fair! I want a less complicated life, Frederick. I want a husband, maybe even a child before it's too late.

FREDERICK: Jesus...Jesus!

LEE: Oh, God, I don't even know what I want.

FREDERICK: Oh...

LEE: Tch, oh, what do you get out of me, anyway? I mean... it's not sexual anymore. It's certainly not intellectual. I mean, you're so superior to me in every way that--

LEE: But you, God, you knew that was going to happen sooner or later. I can't live like this!

FREDERICK: Who is it?

LEE: What's the difference?! It's just somebody I met!

FREDERICK: But who? Where did you meet him?

LEE: It doesn't make a difference! I have to move out!

FREDERICK: You are, you are my only connection to the world!

FREDERICK: Oh, Christ! What's wrong with you?!

LEE: I'm sorry.

FREDERICK: Oh, couldn't you say something? You have to slither around behind my back!

LEE: I'm saying it now!

FREDERICK: So you met somebody else?

LEE: Yeah.

FREDERICK: Like what?

LEE: Oh, you know what. I'm suffocating!

FREDERICK: Oh! Are we going to have this conversation again?

LEE: Yes, we're going to have this conversation again. I...I have to leave. I have to move out.

FREDERICK: Why?

LEE: Because I have to!

FREDERICK: What are you going to use for money?!

LEE: I don't know. I thought, maybe I'd move in with my parents for a while.

FREDERICK: Tch, oh. I always told you you would leave me. But...does it have to be now?

LEE: Well, maybe it'll only be temporary, but I ha--I have to try.

FREDERICK: Oh...Lee, you are my whole world. Good God! Have you been kissed tonight?!

LEE: No.

FREDERICK: Oh, yes, you have!

LEE: No.

FREDERICK: You've been with someone!

LEE: Stop accusing me!

FREDERICK: You know, you've been very nervous lately.

LEE: I can't take this anymore.

FREDERICK: I'm just trying to complete an education I started on you five years ago.

LEE: I'm not your pupil. I was, but I'm not.

FREDERICK: When you leave the nest, I just want you to be ready to face the real world.

LEE: Lucy and I kept talking, and I didn't realize how late it had gotten.

FREDERICK: You missed a very dull TV show about Auschwitz. More gruesome film clips...and more puzzled intellectuals declaring their mystification over the systematic murder of millions.

LEE: What's the problem?

FREDERICK: I'm not interested in what your interior decorator would think, okay?!

FREDERICK: I don't sell my work by the yard!

LEE: Oh, Frederick!

LEE: Big. Frederick, show him the oils.

FREDERICK: They're in the basement.

FREDERICK: ...or films you must see or...

LEE: Oh, no, no, no. He's my sister's husband. And I think if you gave him half a chance, you'd like him. He's very intelligent.

FREDERICK: Elliot lusts after you.

LEE: Based on what? You never even see him.

LEE: Mmm you never know. They might. He's just trying to do the nice thing.

FREDERICK: Because he likes you.

LEE: Me?

FREDERICK: Yeah.

FREDERICK: Well, there was a time when you were very happy to be only with me. You wanted to learn everything about poetry, about music.

LEE: Mm-hm.

FREDERICK: Have I really taught you everything I have to give? I don't think so.

FREDERICK: Isn't it enough that I can love you?

LEE: Mmm...

FREDERICK: Hmm?

LEE: ...you're such a puzzle. So sweet with me and so...contemptuous of everyone else.

LEE: God! And why didn't you come tonight? We all had a terrific time. I really think you would have enjoyed yourself.

FREDERICK: I'm going through a period of my life where I just can't be around people. I didn't want to wind up abusing anyone.

LEE: You're not going to abuse them. They're all so sweet.

FREDERICK: Lee... you are the only person I can be with...who I really look forward to being with.

LEE: Are you sure?

FREDERICK: Absolutely.

LEE: Mmm, what am I gonna do with you?

LEE: How about something to eat?

FREDERICK: No, nothing.

LEE: Want some coffee or tea?

FREDERICK: No, thank you.

GAIL: Maybe you need a few weeks in Bermuda, or something. Or go to a whorehouse! No?

MICKEY: I can't stay on this show. I gotta get some answers. Otherwise I'm telling you, I'm going to do something drastic.

MICKEY: ...you know it, it just takes the pleasure out of everything. I mean, you're gonna die, I'm gonna die, the audience is gonna die, the network's gonna-- The sponsor. Everything!

GAIL: I know, I know, and your hamster.

MICKEY: Yes!

GAIL: Listen, kid, I think you snapped your cap.

GAIL: Yeah. What?

MICKEY: Can I tell you something? Can I tell you a secret?

GAIL: Yes, please.

MICKEY: A week ago, I bought a rifle.

GAIL: No.

MICKEY: I went into a store, I bought a rifle. I was gonna... You know, if they told me that I had a tumor, I was going to kill myself. The only thing that mighta stopped me, might've, is my parents would be devastated. I would, I woulda had to shoot them, also, first. And then, I have an aunt and uncle, I would have... You know, it would have been a bloodbath.

GAIL: Tch, well, you know, eventually it, it is going to happen to all of us.

MICKEY: Yes, but doesn't that ruin everything for you? That makes everything...

GAIL: You're just realizing this now?

MICKEY: Well, I don't realize it now, I know it all the time, but, but I managed to stick it in the back of my mind...

MICKEY: Do you realize what a thread we're all hanging by?

GAIL: Mickey, you're off the hook. You should be celebrating.

MICKEY: Can you understand how meaningless everything is? Everything! I'm talking about nnnn--our lives, the show...the whole world, it's meaningless.

GAIL: Yeah...but you're not dying!

MICKEY: No, I'm not dying now, but, but you know, when I ran out of the hospital, I, I was so thrilled because they told me I was going to be all right. And I'm running down the street, and suddenly I stop, 'cause it hit me, all right, so, you know, I'm not going to go today. I'm okay. I'm not going to go tomorrow. But eventually, I'm going to be in that position.

GAIL: Eh, you were miserable this morning! We got bad reviews, terrible ratings, the sponsors are furious...

MICKEY: No, I was happy, but I just didn't realize I was happy.

GAIL: Two months ago, you thought you had a malignant melanoma.

MICKEY: Naturally, I, I--Do you know I--The sudden appearance of a black spot on my back!

GAIL: It was on your shirt!

MICKEY: I--How was I to know?! Everyone was pointing back here.

GAIL: Mickey, come on, we got a show to do!

MICKEY: I can't keep my mind on the show.

GAIL: But there's nothing wrong with you.

MICKEY: If there's nothing wrong with me then why does he want me to come back for tests?!

GAIL: Well, he has to rule out certain things.

MICKEY: Like what?! What?

GAIL: I don't know. Cancer, I--

MICKEY: Don't say that! I don't want to hear that word! Don't mention that while I'm in the building.

GAIL: But you don't have any symptoms!

MICKEY: You--I got the classic symptoms of a brain tumor!

GAIL: You don't have a brain tumor. He didn't say you had a brain tumor. MICKEY No, naturally they're not gonna tell you, because, well, you know, th--, sometimes the weaker ones will panic if you tell 'em.

GAIL: But not you.

MICKEY: Oh, God! Do you hear a buzzing? Is there a buzzing?

MICKEY: N-n-no, not that.

GAIL: Hello?

MICKEY: Like--

MICKEY: Oh, Jesus!

GAIL: Ron...Ronny, you know you do have to go on in twenty-five minutes.

MICKEY: Look at this guy.

GAIL: Yeah?

GAIL: In-in-in-instead of the child molestation sketch, why don't we repeat the Cardinal Spellman Ronald Reagan homosexual dance number?

MICKEY: No--

GAIL: Mickey, Mickey, listen, listen.

MICKEY: You know...

LEE: Hey, Hannah, did you read that last thing Holly wrote? It was great. She's really developed.

HANNAH: I know, she...she really writes good dialogue.

LEE: Yeah. I'll get some ice.

HANNAH: What's the matter? What's the matter with you? You look pale. You okay?

LEE: I'm-I'm okay. Yeah, I-I-I, you know, I...I'm just, um, I got dizzy all of a sudden. I'm-I'm...I have a headache.

HANNAH: Yeah?

LEE: I think we need to eat.

LEE: Oh, will you stop attacking Hannah?!

HANNAH: Oh, now--

LEE: She's going through a really rough time right now.

HANNAH: What do--? You're being ridiculous.

LEE: You are, Holly. Stop it.

HANNAH: I mean, I don't know, he's seeing someone else or something, but...

LEE: Oh, no! I mean, everyone thinks things like that.

HANNAH: Oh, he's fine. He's-he's, I guess he's fine. I don't know. He's been kinda moody lately, the last few months.

LEE: Really?

HANNAH: Yeah. I-I don't know what's wrong with him. He's just...kind of distant and difficult.

LEE: Oh...

HANNAH: I've been trying to talk to him about it. He says everything's fine, but I don't know. Automatically, you know, I leap to the worst conclusions.

LEE: Like what?

HANNAH: So how are you?

LEE: Oh, me, I'm okay.

HANNAH: Do you miss Frederick?

LEE: No.

HANNAH: I can't believe Elliot and I can't think of someone nice for you to go out with, you know--

LEE: How are you?

HANNAH: I'm okay.

LEE: You know, how's everything? You doing okay? How's Frederick? I mean, Elliot.

HANNAH: Y-yeah.

HANNAH: I hope you tell her it was your idea...

LEE: Why?

HANNAH: ...'cause every time I try to be helpful, you know, sh-she gets so defensive.

LEE: Oh, Hannah, she's-she's just embarrassed in front of you, that's all.

HANNAH: Hi. Where's Holly?

LEE: Hi. She's auditioning for a television commercial. She said she's gonna be a little late.

HANNAH: Oh, yeah? How's she doing?

HANNAH: Oh, yeah?

LEE: He was, he's just as crazy as ever. He was on his way to get a blood test.

LEE: Oh, great.

HANNAH: You look so beautiful.

LEE: Come on.

HANNAH: Doesn't she look pretty?

LEE: I bumped into your...

HANNAH: Oh, I don-- Ask Elliot for that. Uh, he's got them somewhere.

LEE: Okay.

HANNAH: Aah... Hey, have you tried Holly and her friend's shrimp puffs?

LEE: I think they're fantastic.

HANNAH: You've outdone yourself.

HANNAH: Um, I-I didn't really want to, you know, go to a sperm bank or something, have some anonymous donor. I-I just, you know, I-I-I wouldn't want that.

MICKEY: Right. We felt that if we were gonna do it, that we would like somebody who we knew and who we liked and who was warm and bright and...

MICKEY: Hannah and I...can't have any children. Now I-I-I don't want to get into whose fault it-- It's my fault that we can't and- and-and the details are too embarrassing to--

HANNAH: W-w-we-we've decided after a lot of discussion that we-we'd try with artificial insemination.

HANNAH: Yeah, they have these banks, you know, where they keep them frozen.

MICKEY: Fro--? You want a-a defrosted kid? Is that your idea?

HANNAH: I want to experience childbirth.

MICKEY: With a, with a stranger? With a--

HANNAH: Just think about it. That's all I ask.

MICKEY: Maybe, maybe we can adopt a child. He said you could adopt one--

HANNAH: Well, what about artificial insemination?

MICKEY: What are you talking about?

HANNAH: You know, where I-I-I would get implanted from a-a donor.

MICKEY: What, by a st-stranger?

MICKEY: I'm so humiliated. I don't know what to say. I mean--

HANNAH: Could you have ruined yourself somehow?

MICKEY: How could I ruin myself? What do you mean, ruin myself?

HANNAH: I don't know. Excessive masturbation?

MICKEY: Hey, you gonna start knocking my hobbies? Jesus!

HANNAH: This is the second opinion.

MICKEY: Well, then a third opinion.

MICKEY: Gee.

HANNAH: Is there no chance?

MICKEY: Come on! Hurry up! Let's go!

HANNAH: Wow!

MICKEY: Go out, go out by the Sung vase and, and catch this.

MICKEY: You've always had good taste in husbands, so...

HANNAH: Thanks, thanks.

MICKEY: Mh-hm.

HANNAH: That's a beauty!

MICKEY: Isn't that great?

HANNAH: Oh!

MICKEY: Go right over there.

HANNAH: Football!

HANNAH: Ohh!

MICKEY: H-he's so awkward and he's clumsy like me...

HANNAH: I know, I know.

MICKEY: ...so I, so I like that. I always like an underconfident person...

HANNAH: That's really nice!

MICKEY: ...you know? I, uh...

HANNAH: You know, he's been wanting a mitt.

MICKEY: Let me get a little reaction here. How's Elliot?

HANNAH: He's fine.

MICKEY: Yeah?

HANNAH: Oh, you know what? I'm trying to convince him to produce a play.

MICKEY: Oh!

HANNAH: I think he'll find that satisfying.

MICKEY: Really? That'll be terrific for him, I think.

HANNAH: I think so.

MICKEY: I like him. I think he's a sweet guy.

HANNAH: Yeah.

MICKEY: The few times that I've met him... Isn't that a great mitt?

MICKEY: How is everything?

HANNAH: Everything's good. Everything's fine.

MICKEY: Yeah? Yeah? Okay, kids, you can open the presents now.

HANNAH: Here, you guys. Open them up.

MICKEY: Yeah, aren't you like, you know...

HANNAH: Huh?

MICKEY: ...a little, uh, hey! A little hug! What is this? Now how 'bout a little action from the kids?

MICKEY: I gotta see new comedians later, I've gotta--

HANNAH: Two minutes on your sons' birthday. You know, it's not going to kill you.

HANNAH: Hi! Hi!

MICKEY: I know...I know.

HANNAH: Glad you could put in an appearance.

MICKEY: I got two minutes.

HANNAH: Very good.

NORMA: No, Holly's game for anything. Holly takes after me.

HANNAH: True.

NORMA: I'd have been a great dope addict.

HANNAH: I just had a lot of luck...from my first show, you know? I've always thought Lee was the one destined for great things.

NORMA: Yes, she's lovely, but she doesn't have your spark. She knows it. She worships you. She wouldn't dare get up there on the stage.

HANNAH: Now, Holly's not shy.

HANNAH: Here, Mom. Drink this. You know, you're awful. You probably were flirting.

NORMA: No! I like to joke around and have fun, and he gets angry because I get the attention. He's gotten sourer as he's gotten older, and I've tried to stay young...at heart.

HANNAH: You promised to stay on the wagon.

NORMA: The sacrifices I've made because of that man. He's ruined me with his ego, his philandering, his-- his-his-his-his mediocrity!

HANNAH: Okay, stop being so dramatic.

NORMA: He's the one that's made every ingenue in stock!

HANNAH: Okay, okay.

NORMA: Th-th-they, they wanted me for a screen test.

HANNAH: Yeah, I know, Mom. NORMA But I, I knew that he'd get up there and he'd flounder around with his expensive haircuts and hairdos and clothes. He's all show! Now how can you act when there's nothing inside to come out?!

NORMA: Hey!

HANNAH: ...from Mavis, also.

HOLLY: Well, why don't you share them with us?

HANNAH: I don't...I don't want to bother everyone.

HOLLY: That's the point. I'd like to be bothered.

HANNAH: I don't see how you could know about these things unless Elliot's been talking to you.

HOLLY: No, he hasn't. If I offended you, I'm sorry.

HOLLY: Y-you mentioned to me yourself that you and Elliot were having some problems.

HANNAH: Yeah, we're having some problems, but problems that are my business...which I don't see how you could know about in such detail. How does Lee know about these things? How? They're private!

HOLLY: Wow, I guess I hit a nerve.

HANNAH: You make it sound like, you know, I have no needs or something. You think I'm too self-sufficient?

HOLLY: Now, Hannah, that's not what I meant, you know. Uh, yeah, everybody relies on you for so much. "You're so giving. It's not a criticism. We love you. We're grateful."

HANNAH: You're grateful, but you resent me.

HOLLY: Oh, wow! I don't want to have this conversation. I didn't do anything wrong.

HOLLY: My script?

HANNAH: It's obviously based on Elliot and me.

HOLLY: Oh, so loosely.

HANNAH: No, not "Oh, so loosely"! Real specifically! Is that how you see us?

HOLLY: Well--

HANNAH: Can I, can I not accept gestures and feelings from people? Do I, do I put people off?

HOLLY: Hey, what's the matter?

HANNAH: I'm real upset about what you wrote.

HOLLY: What's the matter with you, Lee? Why are you so sensitive all of a sudden?

HANNAH: Look. Listen. Listen. You want to write? Write.

HOLLY: What's the matter?

HANNAH: Write! Let's just not talk about it anymore.

HOLLY: Good.

HANNAH: Take...take a year. Take six months. Whatever you want. Who knows? Maybe you'll, maybe you'll be sitting with a good play.

HANNAH: You're crazy! That's not true.

HOLLY: Hey, Hannah, I know I'm mediocre.

HANNAH: Not so! No. I think I've been very supportive. I've...I try to give you honest, constructive advice.

HOLLY: Hmm!

HANNAH: I'm-I'm always happy to help you financially. I think I've gone out of my way to-to introduce you to interesting single men. There's nothing I would--

HOLLY: Uh, losers! All losers!

HANNAH: You're too demanding.

HOLLY: You know, I could always tell what you thought of me by the type of men you fixed me up with!

HOLLY: You treat me like a loser.

HANNAH: How?

HOLLY: You never have any faith in my plans. You always undercut my enthusiasm.

HOLLY: Boy, I knew you'd be discouraging.

HANNAH: I'm not! I'm not! I'm trying to be helpful. A person doesn't just say one day, "Okay, now-now I'm finished as an actress. Now I'm a writer." I mean--

HOLLY: Yeah, you mean not at my age.

HANNAH: Well, I don't know. We'd uh, uh, um... Didn't Mom mention there was something...something at the Museum of Broadcasting?

HOLLY: Yeah, that's clerical.

HANNAH: No. She, didn't she say it was, um...she said it was in the publicity department. That-that can lead to other things.

HANNAH: Well, that-that's good. It just, uh...it just seems to me that-that six months or a year, if-if you spent it more productively...

HOLLY: Well-well, like what?

HANNAH: Well, that...th-that's fine.

HOLLY: But what I decided to do is some writing. Yeah, I think I've had it with acting. You know, these meaningless auditions at cattle calls. And I can't handle another rejection. Now let's face it here. I gotta, you know, latch on to something in my life. You know--something with a future. I'm not sixteen anymore. It's just...crazy! I've got...an idea for a story. More than one. And I just need a few months, you know, or, uh, a year even.

HANNAH: Oh, God...

HOLLY: Yeah, although it's put an end to the Stanislavski Catering Company. Which is why I have to speak to you. And... you're gonna get impatient, but...I have to borrow some more money.

HANNAH: Oh, gosh.

HOLLY: You got it.

HANNAH: Boy--

HOLLY: They said I was too offbeat looking, whatever the hell that means.

HANNAH: Oh, what do they know?

HANNAH: Awwww...

HOLLY: So what's new?

HANNAH: Hey, hi!

HOLLY: Well, I just came from an audition...

HOLLY: Nobody but you can do that to me. I don't know why.

HANNAH: Look, everything's going your way.

HOLLY: Boy, you really know how to cut me down.

HANNAH: What? You don't, don't be so sensitive. Can't I say anything?

HOLLY: Tch, well, I sing! For Chrissake, Hannah, you heard me sing!

HANNAH: ...every, eh, single rejection as- as-as a...a confirmation that you have no talent, or something?

HOLLY: Yeah. Well, maybe I'll get it.

HANNAH: I hope.

HOLLY: W-why? You don't think it's realistic?

HANNAH: No, I didn't, I, that's no. No, I- I-I, no, I-I just... hate to see you put yourself in a position where, where you get hurt, you know. You know, you know how you take...

HOLLY: Yeah.

HOLLY: Uh, you know, I think I can fake my way through a song.

HANNAH: Uh-huh.

HOLLY: Easily.

HANNAH: Ohh!

HOLLY: You know.

HANNAH: I know, no-- I know.

HOLLY: I mean, y-you know, don't say it that way, you know, because my confidence is not my strong point, I--

HANNAH: No, I'm sorry. No, I didn't mean that. No, I didn't mean that.

HOLLY: Well, you think everybody in m- musicals sings so well?

HANNAH: No! No, I, eh, it's just that they sing.

HOLLY: I've got a singing audition for a Broadway musical. Of course, I'll never get it.

HANNAH: Singing?

HOLLY: Yeah, can you believe it?

HANNAH: Really?

HOLLY: Well, I mean, why not? You know, wh-what have I got to lose? Uh...

HANNAH: Well, no...I-I know, I just, uh... No, I-I, eh, you know, I, I didn't, I didn't know you sung.

HANNAH: You found all this, all this out on one date?

HOLLY: Well, I think he was dying to open up. It's so sad. Now...what should I wear to my audition?

HOLLY: Sometimes she's terrific...

HANNAH: Oooo.

HOLLY: ...and then she just breaks down. And he has this sweet daughter...and when she goes to college next year, he's going to split permanently. I mean...

HANNAH: Oh?

HOLLY: ...he's really paid his dues, but...then she helped put him through architecture school, you know, so...

HOLLY: He's married...

HANNAH: Oh-oh. HOLLY ...and his wife's, uh, in and out of institutions. She's schizophrenic.

HOLLY: You know, I just want to look so good, but I don't want to seem, you know, like I'm overdressed. You know what I'm saying? HANNAH Oh, no, not at all.

HOLLY: Well, how about this?

HANNAH: Well, I, I really like that. I think that's a pretty color on you.

HOLLY: Oh, yeah.

HOLLY: Ouch!

HANNAH: Oh!

HOLLY: Not this Thanksgiving, you know.

HANNAH: Here. Be careful with those.

HOLLY: Maybe at Christmas, New Year's. If not this New Year's, maybe next New Year's.

HOLLY: Oh, Hannah!

HANNAH: It's, uh, you never know--

HOLLY: He's such a loser!

HANNAH: He's not a loser at all!

HOLLY: Oh, he's such a loser!

HANNAH: He's the headmaster of Daisy's school.

HOLLY: Oh, perfect! He reminds me of Ichabod Crane. His Adam's apple keeps jumping up and down whenever he gets excited. HANNAH Listen. He's a lot better than your ex-husband. He's got a good job. Would you light those, please? He's-he's-he's not a dope addict or anything.

HANNAH: Watch out, you guys. Beep-beep!

HOLLY: Oh, your kids are so adorable.

HOLLY: Frederick didn't come with her.

HANNAH: When does Frederick ever come with her?

HOLLY: Tch. He's such an angry...he's such a depressive. I thought she was moving out!

HANNAH: Maybe when she's eighty, she'll stop straightening her garter belt when there's a guy around.

HOLLY: I should get a garter belt.

HANNAH: Don't you think she does?

HOLLY: She really does, though.

HANNAH: Doesn't she look great in that new dress?

HOLLY: Yeah.

HANNAH: Ohh?

HOLLY: Uh-oh.

HOLLY: You admit that we're great cooks, right?

HANNAH: Yeah.

HOLLY: Well, in order to get started, there's just a few things I have to buy... and some old debts I have outstanding.

HANNAH: Will you just tell me one thing?

HOLLY: Okay.

HANNAH: Are we talking about cocaine again?

HOLLY: I swear. I swear. We've already got some requests to do a few dinner parties.

HANNAH: Uh-huh.

HOLLY: Hannah, I know it's a lot, but my friend April and I, we have this catering idea I think's going to be great.

HANNAH: Holly, please. Don't insult me.

HOLLY: Someday, I'll pay it all back.

HANNAH: I know. H-how much do you need?

HOLLY: Two thousand dollars.

HOLLY: Hannah, I have to borrow some more money. Don't get upset.

HANNAH: Mmm, I never get upset over that. Mmm?

HOLLY: This is the last time, I promise. And I'm keeping strict accounts.

HOLLY: Get outta here. Could I speak to you privately?

HANNAH: Oh, sure.

HANNAH: Perfect!

HOLLY: Mmm...I mean, we love to cook for our friends, so we thought until an acting job comes through, we could just make some extra money, you know, doing a few private parties.

HANNAH: What? You're kidding!

HOLLY: No, no, we decided!

HOLLY: Mickey?

MICKEY: Mmm, what?

HOLLY: I'm pregnant.

HOLLY: Thanks.

MICKEY: You know, I was talking with your father before...and I was telling him that it's ironic. I-I used to always have Thanksgiving with Hannah...and I never thought that I could love anybody else. And here it is, years later and I'm married to you and completely in love with you. The heart is a very, very resilient little muscle. It really is. I... It'd made a great story, I think. A guy marries one sister... doesn't work out... many years later... he winds up married to the other sister. It's, you know, it's a...

HOLLY: Tch.

MICKEY: I don't know how you're gonna top that.

MICKEY: Now don't get nervous. It's just your husband.

HOLLY: Hi.

MICKEY: Hi. How you doin'?

HOLLY: Okay.

MICKEY: When'd you get here?

HOLLY: Just a few minutes ago.

MICKEY: Oh. You look so beautiful.

MICKEY: So, so you want to go out to dinner again? I mean, is that, is that... Have, you have any interest in that, or...

HOLLY: Sure. Sure, uh, yes.

MICKEY: Do you? I mean, are you, are you, are you, are you free this evening?

HOLLY: Yeah.

HOLLY: Um...look, there's something I've, uh, that's been bothering me for a long time, and I just thought I'd just tell you what it was and just sort of clear the deck here, and that's this.

MICKEY: Oh, yeah? What?

HOLLY: That I've always regretted the way I behaved that evening we went out, and, uh...I've, I just thought I'd tell you that because I really made a fool out of myself.

MICKEY: Oh, don't be silly! No! Don't be ridiculous.

HOLLY: It's all right.

MICKEY: I was the, I was... You know, it was my fault. I--

HOLLY: Gosh, you really went through a crisis, you know that? H-how did you get over it? I mean, when I ran into you, you seemed, you seemed just perfectly fine. Well, you seem fine now.

MICKEY: Well... I'll tell you. One day about a month ago...

HOLLY: Oh, God!

MICKEY: I am. You-you made my day.

HOLLY: Oh, wow!

MICKEY: It was just great. Uh, I was all set...I was set to be bored stiff.

HOLLY: Uh, gee. Would you like to have lunch? Uh, uh...

MICKEY: I-I would love to talk to you about, uh, that script. I-I, you know, I think maybe that we could do something with it.

HOLLY: Okay, and listen, I would like to hear what made you suddenly decide to drop out of life.

MICKEY: Oh, who cares?

HOLLY: Y-you used to-- Oh, no! Yeah, I care. You used to be so ambitious and... God, you really liked it?!

HOLLY: No, you can tell me straight. It's okay. Just, you know, tell me what you think.

MICKEY: It's great. I swea-- I'm-- I'm, tch, I'm speechless. I was...I was not in the mood to listen to this thing now. I don't know what to say. I'm moved and I laughed and I-- Uh, I, you know, I was on the edge of my seat. I just think it's wonderful! I'm, I'm totally...stunned. This is not an insult. I'm amazed that you can... It was-- I just thought it was great.

HOLLY: Really?

MICKEY: Yes! I was abso-- And...w- what...made you think of that climax scene where the, where the... architect is walking home with his actress girlfriend and-and the ex- wife who's schizophrenic jumps out of the bushes and stabs him to death?

HOLLY: Oh, it just came to me one day.

MICKEY: Well, it was just fabulous! I'm, I, you know...

HOLLY: Oh, gosh, you really think I can write?

MICKEY: I thought it was wonder-- There's maybe one or two things in there that I would do differently myself, but...

HOLLY: Right.

MICKEY: ...but who cares? It was just-- It was fabulous.

HOLLY: Oh!

MICKEY: Fabulous, I mean it! I'm so impressed.

MICKEY: You must be joking. I've been doing all my own reading since I was forty...you know.

HOLLY: Hmm. I think it's lucky I ran into you. Maybe.

MICKEY: Well, what about me?

HOLLY: Oh, well.

MICKEY: I should have kept going. I-I have a sneaking feeling, a nagging sensation I should've kept walking and...

MICKEY: Well, you know, I-I-I...you know, if you want me to, I'll read it.

HOLLY: Oh, gosh, I don't know. Well, could I come over tomorrow and read it to you?

MICKEY: Come over tomorrow and read it to me?

MICKEY: Really?

HOLLY: So, uh...I threw it out, but I have this other one.

MICKEY: Oh, well, God, I can imagine what you wrote.

HOLLY: Oh, no! It wasn't anything bad. But she just... you know. I don't know.

HOLLY: But you have to remember while you're reading and you're cursing my name, you know, that this is my first script. Well, it's not my first script.

MICKEY: Hmm.

HOLLY: Actually, my first script was about Hannah and her husband, but, uh...

MICKEY: Yeah.

HOLLY: ...Hannah read it, she got really angry, and... you know, then I felt badly, so I--

HOLLY: You're okay, though, huh?

MICKEY: I'm-- Yes. Yes, I'm fine. I'm fine. How are you?

HOLLY: Oh, I'm fine.

MICKEY: What...what about your script? So what's it about?

HOLLY: Well, I'd love it if you'd read it, actually, 'cause I really would value your opinion.

MICKEY: You have to remember, we-we-we didn't agree on one thing.

MICKEY: I may, I may have to get back into it, 'cause my accountant says that I'm running out of dollars. But...but, um, no, I haven't, I just sort of dropped out for a year...

HOLLY: Oh. Oh.

MICKEY: ...which is a long, dull story and I won't get into it. But--

MICKEY: So how are you?

HOLLY: I'm okay.

MICKEY: You didn't answer my question. What are you doing?

HOLLY: Oh, nothing much. You know...

MICKEY: Well...

HOLLY: ...just some stuff. A little of this, a little of that, that's all.

MICKEY: Yeah? Is that an embarrassing question? Should I have not asked it?

HOLLY: Probably not.

MICKEY: Are you, are you out of work or something?

HOLLY: No, well...I've been trying to write.

MICKEY: Have you?

HOLLY: Yeah.

MICKEY: Well, that's interesting. Wh-what kind of stuff?

HOLLY: Oh...well, you-you're not interested in this.

MICKEY: No, you can tell me.

HOLLY: Come on.

MICKEY: No, I am. I am.

HOLLY: Oh, no, millions of people come up to you and say, "Hey, I have something I just wrote," right?

MICKEY: Nobody ever said it.

HOLLY: Really?

MICKEY: This is it. Yeah. This is really-- HOLLY Well, wo-would you be willing to-to read it? Something...that I wrote?

MICKEY: Well, yes, I would if, uh, if it would mean anything to you. I don't know why it would.

HOLLY: No, the reason I ask is--

MICKEY: You've always hated my taste in the past.

HOLLY: No, I haven't.

MICKEY: You have.

HOLLY: I haven't. No, the reason why I ask is I think it might make a great, uh, television script, and, you know, you're so active in television, so--

MICKEY: I'm not anymore. I haven't, I haven't been in television for a year.

HOLLY: You're kidding me.

MICKEY: I've done no television whatsoever. No.

HOLLY: I'd never do that.

MICKEY: ...in a really horrible way.

HOLLY: Oh, well, that was a long time ago.

MICKEY: You look wonderful. You do. What happened to you?

HOLLY: People change...you know.

MICKEY: Well, I hope you've changed.

HOLLY: Yeah, I hope you have, too. MICKEY I hope so for your sake, because, uh, your personality left something to be desired...

HOLLY: Yeah, and for yours. I'm sure you've changed.

MICKEY: ...namely a personality.

MICKEY: Mmm, I don't know if you remember me, but we had the worst night of my life together.

HOLLY: I remember you.

MICKEY: Yes, you do recall, right?

HOLLY: I recall you.

MICKEY: I was walking past and I saw you in here...

HOLLY: Yeah.

MICKEY: ...and I thought I'd come in and...and we could replay, uh, the whole, uh...

HOLLY: We didn't hit it off.

MICKEY: Oh, that's putting it mildly. We did everything but exchange gunshots.

HOLLY: How are you?

MICKEY: Good. How are you?

HOLLY: I'm fine.

MICKEY: You look wonderful.

HOLLY: Oh, no.

MICKEY: Yeah, really. You do. You do.

HOLLY: Yeah?

MICKEY: It was a terrible evening.

HOLLY: Yeah, it was.

MICKEY: Remember slamming the cab door in my face and.. you know, it came very dangerously close to emasculating my nose in a...

HOLLY: Oh, look, I'm sorry it didn't work out.

MICKEY: Yeah. Me, too.

HOLLY: You know, it's probably my fault. I've been a little depressed lately.

MICKEY: Right. Yeah. I had a...

HOLLY: God!

MICKEY: ...I had a great time tonight, really. It was like the Nuremberg Trials.

HOLLY: Thanks for a swell time.

MICKEY: Well, if you didn't like it, you didn't like it, but you didn't have to talk while the guy was singing.

HOLLY: I was so bored!

MICKEY: Yeah, that's tough! You don't deserve Cole Porter. You should stay with those groups that look like they're gonna stab their mother!

HOLLY: At least I'm open to new concepts!

MICKEY: And you don't have to snort cocaine at the table all the time! What do you, what do you do? Carry a kilo around in your purse?

HOLLY: This crowd wouldn't know the difference! They're embalmed!

MICKEY: Jesus... I'm glad Hannah got us together. You know, she's got a great instinct for people. Really.

HOLLY: I love songs about extraterrestrial life, don't you?

MICKEY: Not when they're sung by extraterrestrials.

HOLLY: Oh, well, I cannot communicate with you! I, you know, I never realized you were such a tightass. MICKEY I can't understand you. Your sisters, both sisters have such good taste in music. I don't know where you went, went wrong.

HOLLY: Do you mind? I'm-I'm my own person.

MICKEY: Can I take you someplace to hear something nice?

HOLLY: Eh, Mickey, it's getting late.

MICKEY: Now come on, you're be--, 'cause you're being angry at me.

MICKEY: Can we, can we go?

HOLLY: No!

MICKEY: My--uh...

HOLLY: Come on, Mickey. Come on.

MICKEY: But, no, you've been doing that all night! You're gonna...you're gonna burn a hole in your... You're gonna develop a third nostril! Really, don't, please.

MICKEY: Don't, no, please. Will you-- No, don't...

HOLLY: You want some?

HOLLY: Oh, why are you making those faces?

MICKEY: I can't hear you. I can't hear anything. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm gonna lose hearing in my ear! I'm--

HOLLY: Listen, you are witnessing genius!

MICKEY: I, I, my ears are experiencing a meltdown! I can't hear anything.

HOLLY: Look, can't you feel the energy? It's tangible energy! The room's alive with positive vibrations!

HOLLY: Why are you so upset?

LEE: You know, you've been picking on her ever since she came in here. Now just leave her alone for a while! I'm just suffocating.

LEE: Boy...Holly...Holly.

HOLLY: I just want a salad. You really think I'm a loser, don't you?

LEE: Oh, please! We all came to have lunch, didn't we?

HOLLY: Yeah, okay, right. Forget it. What's to eat?

HOLLY: Yeah, well, she and an architect are now a very definite item, which I still cannot believe.

LEE: Hmm.

HOLLY: Thanks. But guess who was there auditioning?

LEE: April?

LEE: Hi.

HOLLY: ...which I did not get.

HOLLY: Dad...

LEE: Oh...

HOLLY: Dad!

LEE: Yeah.

HOLLY: Get a garter belt... Get a garter belt and flirt.

LEE: Where are the antihistamines?

LEE: Yeah, she knows it, too, 'cause she's flirting with all the men here.

HOLLY: God.

HOLLY: Yeah, Mom's Camille when she gets up in the morning.

LEE: At least she isn't drinking. Did you notice?

HOLLY: Mm-hm.

HOLLY: Oh, my God. Thank you.

LEE: I need an antihistamine. Mom thinks she's feeling her asthma, and so...

KRISHNA LEADER: What makes you interested in becoming a Hare Krishna?

MICKEY: Well, I'm not saying that I want to join or anything, but...but I know you guys believe in reincarnation, you know, so it interests me.

KRISHNA LEADER: Yeah, well, what's your religion?

MICKEY: Well, I was born Jewish, you know, but, uh, but last winter I tried to become a Catholic and...it didn't work for me. I-I studied and I tried and I gave it everything, but, you know, Catholicism for me was die now, pay later, you know. And I just couldn't get with it. And I, and I wanted to, you know. I--

KRISHNA LEADER: You're afraid of dying? MICKEY Well...yeah, naturally. Aren't you? I-- L-let me ask you, reincarnation, does that mean my soul would pass to another human being, or would I come back as a moose or an aardvark or something?

KRISHNA LEADER: Take our literature...

MICKEY: Uh-huh.

KRISHNA LEADER: ...read it over, and think about it.

MICKEY: Well, okay. Thank you very much.

KRISHNA LEADER: You're welcome. Hare Krishna.