His Girl Friday

MURPHY: This is Murphy. More slop on the hanging.

BENSINGER: A double guard's been thrown around the jail, municipal buildings, railroad terminals, and elevated stations to prepare for the expected general uprising of radicals at the hour of execution.

MURPHY: Ready? The Sheriff's just put two hundred more relatives on the payroll to protect the city against the Red Army -- which is leaving Moscow in a couple of minutes. Up a dime.

BENSINGER: The Sheriff has just received four more letters threatening his life, but he says nothing can interfere with his duty.

MURPHY: And to prove to the voters that the Red Menace is on the level, the Sheriff has written himself four more letters, threatening his life. I know he wrote 'em on account of the misspellings.

MURPHY: Hello, Harvard! Got anything new on the hanging?

BENSINGER: Why don't you fellows get your own news?

HILDY: Bensinger -- of the Tribune.

BENSINGER: Open this door!

HILDY: Who is it?

BENSINGER: What's the idea of locking this?

HILDY: That's Bensinger. That's his desk.

BENSINGER: Are you back?

HILDY: No, just a farewell appearance, batting for Sweeney. I'm going into business for myself.

BENSINGER: What doing?

HILDY: I'm getting married tomorrow.

BENSINGER: Well, congratulations! Good luck!

HILDY: Can't you say 'hello' to a fellow?

BENSINGER: Hildy!

BURNS: I'll keep you in mind.

BENSINGER: Au revoir, mon capitaine.

BURNS: Bon jour!

BENSINGER: I got my rhyming dictionary in --

BURNS: It doesn't have to rhyme!

BURNS: Let him have everything he wants. Now hustle and write me a story from the point of view of the escaped man. He hides, cowering... Afraid of every light, of every sound... hears footsteps... his heart going like that... And all the time they're closing in... Get the sense of an animal at bay!

BENSINGER: Sort of a Jack London style?

BURNS: Exactly!

BURNS: Duffy! I'm sending Bensinger over to see you. Mervyn, isn't it?

BENSINGER: No. Roy. Roy V.

BURNS: Of course! Roy Bensinger, the poet. Of course you wouldn't know! You probably never heard of Shakespeare, either! Put Mr. Bensinger right on the staff. How much are you getting on the Tribune, Roy?

BENSINGER: Seventy-five.

BURNS: I'll give you a hundred and a by- line.

BENSINGER: How do you mean?

BURNS: I was having a little chat about you just this afternoon -- with our Mister Duffy.

BENSINGER: Nothing -- ah -- detrimental, I hope.

BURNS: I should say not! That was one swell story you had in the paper this morning.

BENSINGER: Oh, did you -- care for the poem, Mr. Burns?

BURNS: The poem?... The poem was great!

BENSINGER: Remember the ending? " -- and all is well, outside his cell, But in his heart he hears the hangman Calling and the gallows falling And his white-haired mother's tears..."

BURNS: Heartbreaking! How would you like to work for me?

BENSINGER: What?

BENSINGER: Ain't you got any more sense than to -- ? Oh, h-hello, Mr. Burns. Why, quite an honor having you come over here.

BURNS: Hello, Bensinger.

BENSINGER: Excuse me, I just want to --

BRUCE: I'm taking the nine o'clock train, Hildy. And you can meet us at the station.

HILDY: Fine.

HILDY: Just a second, Walter. Here, Bruce, here's the check... And, oh, Bruce, here's your wallet. I got it back.

BRUCE: You got it back, eh? There's something funny going on around here.

HILDY: Here it is, Bruce. One -- two -- three -- four hundred -- and fifty dollars.

BRUCE: Thank you.

BRUCE: Hildy! Where's mother?

HILDY: Oh -- mother -- she -- I don't know where she went.

BRUCE: Did you give her the money?

HILDY: No, I was going to give it to her -- but she left hurriedly.

BRUCE: Then suppose you give me the money. Four hundred and fifty dollars.

HILDY: Oh, yes. Here it is.

HILDY: Oh, she was here.

BRUCE: Where'd she go?

HILDY: Out some place.

BRUCE: I waited and waited and then I had an idea and wired Albany to send me a hundred dollars so I could get out on bail... I don't know what they'll think -- they sent it to the police station!

HILDY: We'll explain the whole thing to them.

BRUCE: I know I got you into this, Hildy, but it does seem to me that you can't care much for me if you're willing to let me stay locked up for two hours.

HILDY: Bruce, you know I'm mad about you and stop talking like that. Walter!

HILDY: BRUCE!! How'd you get out?

BRUCE: Not through any help of yours, Hildy.

HILDY: Bruce, I know, but I was in the biggest jam --

BRUCE: Hildy!

HILDY: Hello, Bruce...

HILDY: No -- but I'm sure it'll be all right with Walter.

BRUCE: But, gee, Hildy -- he gave us that insurance business -- and you promised --

HILDY: Well, the story's practically finished. I'll just go upstairs and send it over with a messenger.

BRUCE: That's right here. Gee, it was lucky your telling me about that old newspaper superstition.

HILDY: Yes, wasn't it?

BRUCE: I can't imagine who did it. I can't think of any enemies I have.

HILDY: I'm sure you haven't any.

BRUCE: For a minute, I thought maybe Walter Burns was at the back of it. But then I realized he couldn't have been.

HILDY: Oh, no. How could you ever think of such a thing?

BRUCE: Oh, I realized right away. He's really a very nice fellow, Hildy -- I found that out.

HILDY: Yes, he is... Look, Bruce, we're taking that next train -- and when I say next train, this time I mean it!

BRUCE: Did you finish the interview?

HILDY: The Criminal Courts Building.

HILDY: What's the matter?

BRUCE: I lost my wallet.

HILDY: The check, Bruce!

BRUCE: All right. I've done it. Now, are you satisfied?

HILDY: Fine. And here's a kiss for you.

HILDY: Hildy Johnson... Oh, hello, Bruce. Have you got it? Is it certified?

BRUCE: Certified and everything. Got it right here in my wallet... What? No, he's not here -- I'm in a phone booth.

BRUCE: All right, dear.

HILDY: Wait a minute, Bruce. Have you got that money?

BRUCE: The five hundred? Sure.

HILDY: On second thought, would you let me have it? I'll get the tickets.

BRUCE: But --

HILDY: Believe me, Bruce, I know what I'm doing. He'd get you in a crap game --

BRUCE: But I don't gamble, Hilda!

HILDY: I know a lot of men who didn't do anything till they met Walter Burns. Please, dear.

BRUCE: All right. One -- two -- three -- four -- five. Five hundred. Be careful, honey.

HILDY: I'll be careful, darling. You be, please.

BRUCE: About twenty-five hundred dollars.

HILDY: Better make that a certified check, Walter.

BRUCE: I don't use my wife for business purposes, Mr. Burns!

HILDY: Wait a minute, Bruce. What's commission on a $100,000.00 policy?

BRUCE: Well, at his age, twenty payment life, a little over a thousand dollars.

HILDY: And what's the matter with a thousand dollars?

BRUCE: But --

HILDY: According to the budget, we laid out that's more than our food bill for a whole year. Listen, Bruce, I don't want Walter Burns to use me, but I'm perfectly willing to use him. How long will it take to get him examined?

BRUCE: I could get a company doctor in twenty minutes.

BRUCE: Say, what's happened to Burns? He looks sunk, doesn't he?

HILDY: He certainly -- hic -- does!

BRUCE: Too hot?

HILDY: No. It's strong. But I like it that way.

BRUCE: You know, Hildy, he's not a bad fellow.

HILDY: You're so nice, Bruce, you think everybody else is.

BRUCE: Oh, he's not the man for you. I can see that. But I sort of like him. Got a lot of charm.

HILDY: He comes by it naturally. His grandfather was a snake.

BRUCE: If anybody had told me I'd be sitting at lunch with him -- but he swept me right off my feet.

HILDY: That's what he did to me. Swept me right off my feet -- and left me lying on the floor.

BRUCE: Oh, it isn't like that.

HILDY: It will be perfectly all right, Walter. Mother is coming with us on the train.

BRUCE: I said -- uh -- I said even ten minutes -- is a long time -- to be away from you.

HILDY: Don't be embarrassed, Bruce. I heard it, but I just wanted to hear it again. I can stand being spoiled a little. The gentleman I'm going to have a chat with did very little spoiling.

BRUCE: I'd like to spoil him just once. Sure you don't want me to go in with you?

HILDY: My job, Bruce. I started it -- and I'll finish it.

BRUCE: I suppose you're right -- but if it gets rough, remember I'm here.

HILDY: I'll come a-running, pardner.

HILDY: I won't be more than ten minutes, I promise you.

BRUCE: Even ten minutes is a long time to be away from you.

BURNS: Oh, this is all right, Bruce. I just wanted to be sure.

BRUCE: Say, I want to be sure, too!

BURNS: Oh, Bruce, let me see that money Hildy gave you.

BRUCE: The money? Why?

BURNS: There's a lot of counterfeit big bills going around.

BRUCE: Gee! Take a look, will you?

BURNS: I know how you feel, Bruce, but you've got to forgive her. She's only a woman, after all.

BRUCE: Suppose she is -- I have feelings, too! Do you know where I've been for the last couple of hours? Locked up in a police station and she didn't move to do anything about it.

BURNS: Ts! Ts! Ts!

BRUCE: And now I don't know where my mother is. She may be lost.

BURNS: I'll find her, Bruce, if I have to put every detective in the city on the job. Tell you what -- go over to the Missing Persons Bureau and describe your mother. What does she look like?

BRUCE: She's -- well, she's very motherly. That's about the best description I know.

BURNS: That's the kind of stuff they want!

BURNS: I'll see she's there, Bruce, I promise you.

BRUCE: If she's not there, mother and I are leaving anyhow!

BRUCE: And I'll take that certified check, too. I've decided I can handle things around here...

BURNS: Come on, Hildy, we've got to keep going! Sorry, Bruce, but --

BURNS: No -- I was just talking to one of the guys at the office.

BRUCE: Oh. I wonder what's keeping mother? She was supposed to come down and get you.

BRUCE: Hildy!

BURNS: What the devil do you want? Listen, Bruce, you can't come in here now! We're busy! Where you been, Duffy? Stick around! What? What Chinese earthquake? The deuce with it... what's that?

BURNS: Well, I got to get back. You can find your way out, can't you?

BRUCE: Oh, sure. Well, thanks for everything.

BURNS: Don't thank me. I should thank you. So long.

BRUCE: So long.

BURNS: Well, anyway, I know Hildy's getting a good man.

BRUCE: Thanks a lot.

BURNS: Don't want to forget this, you know. Might start to rain again.

BRUCE: Thanks. I'll phone Hildy right away to get that story.

BRUCE: Well, she'll know some day.

BURNS: That's all I ask. Oh, wait a minute.

BURNS: Well, Bruce, here you are -- certified and everything.

BRUCE: Certified! I'm afraid Hildy'd feel ashamed to think she hadn't trusted you.

BRUCE: I don't know. This makes me feel funny.

BURNS: Why shouldn't I make Hildy my beneficiary? I've got nobody else to leave it to.

BRUCE: I feel I ought to take care of her.

BURNS: Well, you'll take care of her. After all, if that doctor's right, I'm going to live for a long time yet. Look, Bruce, this is a debt of honor. I was a very bad husband: Hildy could have got a lot of alimony if she'd wanted to, but she wouldn't take any. She had it coming to her, but she was too independent.

BRUCE: Well, I'm independent, too.

BURNS: Figure it this way: I ought to be good for twenty-five years. By that time, you'll probably have made enough so that the money won't mean anything. But suppose you haven't made good -- don't you think Hildy's entitled to a quiet old age without any worries?

BRUCE: Well, of course, if you put it that way.

BURNS: And remember this, Bruce! I love her, too.

BRUCE: I'm beginning to realize that.

BURNS: And the beauty of it is she'll never have to know 'till I've passed on. Maybe she'll think kindly of me --- after I'm gone.

BRUCE: Gee, you almost make me feel like a heel -- coming between you.

BURNS: No, Bruce, you didn't come between us. It was all over for her before you came on the scene. For me -- it'll never be over.

BRUCE: I never knew Hildy to be so determined before.

BURNS: You haven't seen anything yet.

BRUCE: How long would the interview take?

BURNS: Oh -- an hour for the interview. Another hour to write it.

BRUCE: We could take the six o'clock train, Hildy. If it would save a man's life.

BRUCE: Are you sure Williams is not all there?

BURNS: All you've got to do is talk to him. But the Mayor would hang his own grandmother to be re-elected.

BRUCE: But couldn't you show the man wasn't responsible?

BURNS: How?

BRUCE: Just what is the lowdown on Williams?

BURNS: It's simple. A poor little dope who lost his job went berserk and shot a cop who was coming after him to quiet him down.

BRUCE: Anything the matter?

BURNS: Just Sweeney again. One of my best reporters.

BURNS: I sometimes wish I'd taken out insurance -- but, of course, now it doesn't matter. Still, I suppose it would have been the smart thing to do.

BRUCE: Well, I honestly feel that way. I figure I'm in one line of business that really helps people. Of course, we don't help you much when you're alive -- but afterward -- that's what counts.

BURNS: I see what you mean.

BURNS: How's business, Bruce?

BRUCE: Well, Albany's a mighty good insurance town. Most people there take it out pretty early in life.

BURNS: I don't blame them.

BRUCE: Mighty nice little town, Albany. They've got the State Capitol there, you know.

BURNS: Yes, I know... Hildy, will you ever forget the night you brought the Governor back to your hotel room and found me taking a bath? She didn't even know I was in town...

BRUCE: Well, I'll try to give her one.

BURNS: I know you will, Bruce. Are you going to live with your mother?

BRUCE: Just for the first year.

BURNS: That'll be nice. A home with mother. A real honeymoon. In Albany, too. Ow!

BURNS: I know I wasn't a good husband, Hildy, but you can always count on me.

BRUCE: I don't think she'll need you very much -- I aim to do most of the protecting myself.

BURNS: Mother? But your mother --

BRUCE: No. My mother.

BURNS: Oh. Your mother -- well, of course, that relieves my mind.

BURNS: Well, so you're getting married tomorrow, eh? How does it feel, Bruce?

BRUCE: Feels awful good. Yes, sir -- we're taking the four o'clock train to Albany and tomorrow we'll be married.

BURNS: Taking the train today -- and being married tomorrow?

BURNS: Attaboy! Come on, Bruce.

BRUCE: Where are we going?

BURNS: Where are we going? I'm going to buy you two lunch -- didn't Hildy tell you?

BRUCE: No -- she didn't.

BURNS: Just wanted to surprise you, I guess. Down! After you, Bruce! Come on, Hildy, my treat!

BURNS: This is a pleasure, Mr. Baldwin, and I'm sorry about the mistake.

BRUCE:

BURNS: Oh, I thought there was something funny... You see, Bruce, you don't mind if I call you Bruce, do you? After all, we're practically related --

BRUCE: Mr. -- well -- no -- no -- not at all.

BURNS: You see, my wife -- I mean, your wife -- that is, I mean Hildy -- had led me to expect that she was marrying a much older man.

BRUCE: Oh.

BURNS: But I see, she didn't mean old in years. You always carry an umbrella, Bruce?

BRUCE: Well, er -- it looked a little cloudy this morning.

BURNS: That's right. -- Rubbers, too, I hope? A man ought to be prepared for any emergency.

BURNS: You're Bruce Baldwin?

BRUCE: Yes!

BURNS: Then who are you?

BRUCE: Mr. Burns --

BURNS: I've just told you I was busy with Mr. Bruce Baldwin!

BRUCE: I'm Bruce Baldwin!

BURNS: What's this?

HARTMAN: Get out of here, you!

BURNS: You're going to be in office for exactly two days more and then we're pulling your nose out of the feed bag.

HARTMAN: Give me the District Attorney's office. I'll tell you what you'll be doing -- making brooms in the State penitentiary. Hello, D'Arrasty! This is Hartwell. Come over to my office, will you? I've just arrested a couple of important birds and I want to take their confessions.

BURNS: Call Duffy!

HARTMAN: No, you don't!

BURNS: Do you want to get us scooped?

HARTMAN: What about this, Burns? Kidnapping, eh?

BURNS: Oh, trying to frame me, eh! I never saw this woman before in my life!

BURNS: Hartman, if you take this desk out of this building, I'll put you behind bars.

HARTMAN: You will, eh? Well, we'll see about that. All right, boys. Take it.

BURNS: I'm warning you -- it'll be a Federal offense. And you'll be an accessory!

HARTMAN: We'll take a chance on that, Burns. Go ahead, boys.

HARTMAN: No? Well -- Johnson, you're under arrest. You, too, Burns.

BURNS: Who's under arrest? You pimple-headed, square-toed spy -- do you realize what you're doing?

HARTMAN: I'll show you what I'm doing. Burns, you're guilty of obstructing justice and so is the Morning Post. I'm going to see that the Post is fined ten thousand dollars for this.

BURNS: You'll see nothing of the kind, Sheriff.

HARTMAN: We'll just start by impounding the Post property. Is that your desk?

BURNS: You're barking up the wrong tree, Hartman.

HARTMAN: I'll give you three minutes to tell me where he is.

BURNS: I can explain that, Hartman. When Hildy told me she wanted to interview Earl Williams I thought it might be dangerous and I gave her a gun to defend herself.

HARTMAN: Oh, you did! Well, that's very, very interesting. This happens to be the gun that Earl Williams shot his way out with!

BURNS: If you've any accusations to make, Hartman, make them in the proper manner. Otherwise, I'll have to ask you to get out.

HARTMAN: You'll ask me to what?

BURNS: Get out!

HARTMAN: Close that door. Don't let anybody in or out.

BURNS: Who do you think you are, breaking in here like this?

HARTMAN: You can't bluff me, Burns. I don't care who you are or what paper you're editor of.

BURNS: Save that for the Tribune.

MAYOR: What did you say your name was -- Pinkus?

MAYOR: That's absurd on the face of it, Mr. Burns! He's talking like a child.

BURNS: Out of the mouths of babes.

MAYOR: He's insane or drunk or something. Why, if this unfortunate man, Williams, has really been reprieved, I personally am tickled to death. Aren't you, Pete?

BURNS: Duffy! Get Liebowitz!

MAYOR: All the lawyers in the world aren't going to help you!

BURNS: This is the Morning Post you're talking to!

MAYOR: The power of the press, huh!

BURNS: Does it? You forget the power that always watches over the Morning Post.

MAYOR: Your luck's not with you now!

BURNS: But, Hildy -- I can explain --

HILDY: You -- you!!

BURNS: Hildy, darling!

HILDY: Yes -- 'Hildy, darling'. I'm just a fool. That's what I am. I know what it's going to be like.

BURNS: It'll be Heaven!

HILDY: Sure, Heaven! You've probably thought up another coal mine to send me down in -- to get a new story for your paper!

BURNS: How about Bruce's?

HILDY: Walter, you can't do that!

BURNS: Sure, I can. Look at the policy I gave him! "With this ring I thee wed and with all my worldly goods I thee endow: And thereto I plight thee my troth."

HILDY: That's what he said the last time. Don't believe him, Judge.

BURNS: Hildy, from this time on no tricks, no double-crossing -- everything on the level!

HILDY: You're not fooling anybody.

HILDY: What!

BURNS: Now don't argue, Hildy. How about it, Judge?

BURNS: The greatest yarn ever written by anybody. My hat's off to you, Hildy!

HILDY: Thanks.

BURNS: And what a way to quit. While you're still champion! That's the way to leave, Hildy!

HILDY: Yeah. Only -- only I'm not leaving, Walter.

BURNS: What do you mean? Bruce'll be waiting for you in Albany.

HILDY: No, he won't. I wired him that I wasn't coming.

BURNS: Where'd you wire him?

HILDY: On the nine o'clock train. That's the one he took, isn't it?

BURNS: Sure.

HILDY: It's awfully clear now. Bruce needs a wife who can give him a home -- and affection -- and peace. I couldn't do that for him, Walter. I'm what you made me -- a cheap reporter who'd give up her soul for a story!... Is that job still open?

BURNS: Both jobs are open, Hildy. The paper -- and being Mrs. Walter Burns.

HILDY: Thanks, Walter, but it's no good. We tried it.

BURNS: Sure, it was good -- it was wonderful! Only you expected it to be like other marriages. It can't be like other marriages -- we're different! We're a different world. Look at what we went through today. I wouldn't trade that for any honeymoon in the world. I bet you wouldn't, either.

HILDY: A fine honeymoon, with a murderer right in the boudoir! And that other honeymoon in a coal mine!

BURNS: That's what makes it romantic. Every other married couple goes away on a honeymoon and for two weeks the bride knows just where the groom is, and vice versa. But us -- you never know where I am and I'm not sure where you are. That's Romance!

HILDY: Well, maybe I'd like to know just once!

BURNS: Hildy, if that's what you want, all right. We'll even go to -- how about Niagara Falls?

HILDY: Niagara Falls! Walter, you don't mean that?

BURNS: Sure I do. And I'll tell you something else -- I'd like a baby.

HILDY: Walter!

BURNS: Sure, I can't last forever. I want a son I can train to take my place on this paper.

HILDY: What would you do if it was a daughter?

BURNS: Well, if she looked like you -- Say! My brains and your looks -- that mightn't be such a bad combination.

HILDY: What's the matter with my brains?

BURNS: What's the good of arguing about something that probably doesn't exist? Look, Hildy, I'm proposing to you. What do you say?

HILDY: Well, I'd like to be lady-like and think it over.

BURNS: I don't want to rush you. Take a couple of seconds.

BURNS: Hildy!

HILDY: Don't touch me! I'm not doing it for you!

BURNS: Then why are you doing it?

HILDY: Because I'm a newspaper woman, Heaven help me!

BURNS: Well -- what is it?

HILDY: What's the difference? I'm going to write that story -- and you know it!

BURNS: Sorry, Hildy. I didn't mean to be making love to another man's fiancee.

HILDY: That's all right, Walter. It's as much my fault as yours.

BURNS: Bruce is making the nine o'clock train. I told him you'd be on it -- unless you want to write this story yourself.

HILDY: Well, if it's my last story, I'd like it to be a good one. But -- I guess I can't, Walter.

BURNS: Suit yourself, kid. This isn't for me to decide. Of course, you could make a later train and still be in Albany tomorrow morning.

HILDY: Yeah. I suppose I could. But, Walter --

BURNS: He's going to have you the rest of his life, Hildy. Can't you give me another hour?

HILDY: I don't know what to do, Walter.

BURNS: Flip a coin.

HILDY: All right. Heads I go -- tails I stay to write the story. Ready?

HILDY: How was that for a tight squeeze?

BURNS: Don't tell me you were worried!

HILDY: Worried! I was petrified. Weren't you?

BURNS: Uh-uh. As long as we were in there together pitching -- they couldn't lick us. Well, it's been a lot of fun.

HILDY: In a way.

BURNS: I mean -- working together. Just like the old days. The things we've been through, Hildy.

HILDY: We've certainly been in some swell jams.

BURNS: Remember the time we broke into the D.A.'s office, and copied Fifi Randell's diary?

HILDY: Yeah. What about the time we hid the missing heiress in the sauerkraut factory? Six scoop interviews!

BURNS: Yeah - but that time we stole Old Lady Haggerty's stomach off the Coroner's physician. We proved she was poisoned though, didn't we?

HILDY: We sure did, but we had to go in hiding for a week.

BURNS: In the Shoreland Hotel. And our only chaperon was the poor old lady's stomach.

HILDY: Don't remind me. That's how we happened to --

BURNS: Which ought to be about three hours more, I'd say.

HILDY: Just until we can get out a special edition asking for your impeachment.

BURNS: And your arrest. You'll each get about ten years, I think.

BURNS: When did you deliver this first?

HILDY: Who did you talk to?

HILDY: Wait a minute! Let go there!

BURNS: Murder, uh?

HILDY: Hanging an innocent man to win an election!

HILDY: No!

BURNS: Yes! What are you afraid of Hildy? I dare him to move that desk out of here.

HILDY: No, you don't! Walter!

BURNS: What is it? Here!

BURNS: Don't open that!

HILDY: Who says so? I'm going to the morgue -- to look --

BURNS: Hildy, you just can't leave me out on a limb now. It -- it wouldn't be cricket!

HILDY: I don't care what you say. I'm going to find Bruce's mother. Oh-h... I'm going out and find her!

HILDY: Ring that number, will you?

BURNS: Come here. See if we can move it.

HILDY: Hello -- hello! Is this the Lying -- In Hospital? Did you have an auto accident in the last --

BURNS: Will you come here?

HILDY: Oh, I see. I beg your pardon.

BURNS: When I'm surrounded, with my back against the wall, you're not going to lay down on me, are you --

HILDY: Yes.

HILDY: Lafayette two-one-hundred.

BURNS: That dumb immigrant'll flop on me. I know it. Can you imagine Butch doing this to me -- at a time like this?

BURNS: Hello -- hello...

HILDY: Gimme Western four-five-five-seven.

BURNS: Who? Hello, Butch! Where are you?

HILDY: Mission Hospital? Gimme the Receiving Room.

BURNS: What are you doing there? Haven't you even started?

HILDY: Hello -- Eddie? Hildy Johnson. Was there an old lady brought in from an auto smashup?

BURNS: Oh, for -- H. Sebastian -- Butch! Listen, it's a matter of life and death! Listen!

HILDY: Nobody? Morningside three-one-two-four.

BURNS: I can't hear... You got who? Speak up! A what?... You can't stop for a dame now!

HILDY: Is this the Community Hospital?

BURNS: I don't care if you've been after her for six years! Butch, our whole lives are at stake! Are you going to let a woman come between us after all we've been through?

HILDY: Hello, Max, Hildy Johnson. Was there an old lady --?

BURNS: Butch! I'd put my arm in fire for you -- up to here! Now, you can't double-cross me!... She does? All right -- put her on. I'll talk to her... Hello! Oh, hello, Madam... Now listen, you ten-cent glamour girl, you can't keep Butch away from his duty... What's that? You say that again and I'll come over there and knock your eye out! Hello? I'll kill 'em! I'll kill both of 'em! Duffy! Mousing around with some big blonde Annie on my time! That's co-operation! Duffy!!

HILDY: Shut up, will you? You sure? Nobody?

BURNS: Duffy!!!! Duffy!!!! Well, where is Duffy? Diabetes! I ought to know better than to hire anybody with a disease. Louie.

BURNS: Look at me, Hildy --

HILDY: I'm looking at you -- you murderer!

BURNS: If it was my own mother, I'd carry on! You know I would. For the paper!

HILDY: Louie, where'd it happen? I'm going out!

BURNS: It's Fate, Hildy. What will be, will be.

HILDY: What am I going to say to Bruce? What'll I tell him?

BURNS: If he really loves you, you won't have to tell him anything. Snap out of it! Would you rather have had the old dame dragging the whole police force in here?

HILDY: I killed her. I'm responsible. Oh- h... what can I do now? How can I ever face him? Oh, I hope he never comes back!

HILDY: Don't tell me -- was she killed?

BURNS: Was she? Did you notice?

BURNS: Where is she? Tell me!

HILDY: Louie!

HILDY: Where's Mrs. Baldwin?

BURNS: What did you do with her?

HILDY: What happened?

BURNS: You been in a fight?

HILDY: Bruce ought to be back by now. Walter, you're not trying anything again, are you?

BURNS: Hildy, you think I could? After this story? Here! You're just nervous.

BURNS: Tear into it, will you? Don't sit there like a frozen robin!

HILDY: I'm finished.

BURNS: Finished!

HILDY: Double-crossing swine!

BURNS: You said it! But this'll teach him a lesson. He won't quit his paper without giving notice after this.

BURNS: Well, keep going! We want an extra out on the streets before it's too late!

HILDY: Where's Bruce?

BURNS: Bruce? Oh -- er -- he went out to get the tickets.

HILDY: What tickets?

BURNS: Railroad tickets.

HILDY: Is he coming back here?

BURNS: Didn't you hear him? Of course he's coming back here. Keep going, will you?

BURNS: Listen, did you impress it on Butch that I want him and his gang here right away? You did? Every minute counts. All right. Duffy's getting old!

HILDY: Where's Butch?

BURNS: Hildy!

HILDY: All right, Walter.

BURNS: For Pete's sake, Hildy, they're waiting for the rest of that story!

HILDY: Okay, Walter.

HILDY: How about the time he had his house painted by the Fire Department?

BURNS: Give him the works. Hello, Duffy, get set! We've got the biggest story in the world. Earl Williams caught by the Morning Post -- exclusive!

HILDY: Can I call the Mayor a bird of prey -- or is that libelous?

BURNS: Call him a love-child, if you want to. Duffy!

BURNS: Hildy!

HILDY: Huh!

BURNS: Get the lead out of your typewriter and start pounding out a load, will you? Snap into it!

HILDY: How much do you want on it?

BURNS: All the words you've got.

HILDY: Where's some paper?

BURNS: Not if he's inside the desk. We'll carry the desk over. Give me Duffy!

HILDY: You can't take that desk out. It's crawling with cops outside.

BURNS: We'll lower it out of the window with pulleys. Quit stallin'.

BURNS: Where do you think you're going?

HILDY: Let go o' me! I've got to get Bruce out of jail! Oh, Walter, why did you have to do this to me?

BURNS: Get Bruce out of jail! How can you worry about a man who's resting comfortably in a quiet police station while this is going on? Hildy, this is war! You can't desert now!

HILDY: Oh, get off that trapeze! There's your story! Smear it all over the front page -- Earl Williams caught by the Morning Post! And take all the credit -- I covered your story for you and I got myself in a fine mess doing it -- and now I'm getting out! I know I told you that twice before today -- but this time I mean it!

BURNS: You drooling idiot! What do you mean, you're getting out! There are three hundred and sixty-five days in the year one can get married -- but how many times have you got a murderer locked up in a desk? -- Once in a lifetime! Hildy, you've got the whole city by the seat of the pants!

HILDY: I know, but --

BURNS: You know! You've got the brain of a pancake! That wasn't just a story you covered -- it was a revolution! Hildy! This is the greatest yarn in journalism since Livingstone discovered Stanley for the New York Herald!

HILDY: Wait a minute -- wasn't it Stanley who discovered Livingstone?

BURNS: Don't get technical at a time like this! Do you realize what you've done? You've taken a city that's been graft-ridden for forty years under the same old gang and with this yarn you're kicking 'em out and giving us a chance to have the same kind of government that New York's having under La Guardia! We'll make such monkeys out of these ward-heelers next Tuesday that nobody'll vote for them -- not even their wives!

HILDY: I'd like to think.

BURNS: Well, think it then, because it's true! We'll crucify that mob. We're going to keep Williams under cover till morning so the Post can break the story exclusive. Then we'll let the Governor in on the capture -- share the glory with him.

HILDY: I get it!

BURNS: You've kicked over the whole City Hall like an apple-cart. You've got the Mayor and Hartman backed against a wall. You've put one administration out and another in. This isn't a newspaper story -- it's a career! And you stand there belly-aching about whether you catch an eight o'clock train or a nine o'clock train! Still a doll-faced mugg! That's all you are.

HILDY: Let me get at that typewriter and I'll show you how a doll-faced mugg can write!

BURNS: Attagirl! Why, they'll be naming streets after you -- Hildy Johnson Street! There'll be statues of you in the parks, Hildy. The radio'll be after you -- the movies! By tomorrow morning I'll betcha there's a Hildy Johnson cigar! I can see the billboards now. Light up with Hildy Johnson!

HILDY: Whoa -- wait a minute. We can't leave Williams here. One of the other fellows'll --

BURNS: We're going to take him over to my private office. Where's our phone?

HILDY: That one -- how you gonna take him? They'll see him.

HILDY: Walter! D-did you see -- -- that?

BURNS: Yes. Where is he?

HILDY: She jumped out of the window.

BURNS: I know. Where is he, I said.

HILDY: Well, I'm coming to it. It seems the Professor had to have a gun to re- enact the crime with -- and who do you suppose supplied it? Nobody else but that great thinker, Sheriff Hartman!

BURNS: No kidding, Hildy. Say, this isn't a rib?

HILDY: No, this is on the level, Walter. I'm not good enough to make this one up. The Sheriff gave his gun to the Professor, the Professor gave it to Earl, and Earl gave it right back to the Professor -- right in the stomach! Who? No, Egelhoffer wasn't hurt badly. They took him to the County Hospital where they're afraid he'll recover.

BURNS: That's great work, Hildy... Huh? Oh, will you stop worrying about the money? I'll see you get it in fifteen minutes.

HILDY: It better be fifteen minutes, because Bruce is waiting downstairs in a taxicab and that meter's clicking away to beat the band.

BURNS: Hold on a minute.

BURNS: Exclusive? That's great.

HILDY: It cost me four hundred and fifty bucks to tear it out of Cooley.

BURNS: Never mind that. What's the story?

HILDY: Never mind it? That's not my money! That's Bruce's money!

BURNS: You'll get it. Now what's the story? I'll have the paper send the money right down to you. I swear it on my mother's grave.

HILDY: Wait a minute. Your mother's alive.

BURNS: I meant on my grandmother's grave. Don't be so technical, Hildy. What's the story?!

HILDY: Well, this expert Dr. Egelhoffer, from New York, decides to make Williams re-enact the crime --

BURNS: What do you think I am -- a crook?

HILDY: Yes --- and that's putting it mildly! No certified check -- no story -- Get me?

BURNS: All right. The check will be certified. Want my fingerprints?

HILDY: No thanks, I've still got those. Well, I'll step into some working clothes and hop over to the Press Room for the background on this yarn. It'll be kind of fun to see the boys again, too. Remember, Bruce, it must be certified.

BURNS: Now you're talking!

HILDY: You keep out of this. Bruce, suppose you examine Mr. Burns in his office. I'll get my bag and go over to the Press Room in the Criminal Courts Building. You phone me as soon as Mr. Burns has given you his check. Then I'll go get the interview and you phone Mother that we're taking the six o'clock train. And no tricks, Walter!

BURNS: What tricks would I pull?

HILDY: Oh, nothing! Of course, you might cancel the check. Yes! Wait a minute! What would be his first payment on that policy?

BURNS: How can you have any happiness after that? All through the years you'll remember that a man went to the gallows because you were too selfish to wait two hours! I tell you, Earl Williams' face will come between you on the train tonight -- and at the preacher's tomorrow -- and all the rest of your lives!

HILDY: What a performance! Bravo! Don't let him fool you, Bruce -- it's only an act!

BURNS: What do you mean, only an act? Haven't you got any feeling?

HILDY: Well, it's either an act on your part or a miracle on Sweeney's.

BURNS: What do you mean?

HILDY: I happen to know Sweeney was married only three months ago. If he's got twins this morning, I claim it was done with mirrors.

BURNS: All right, Hildy, I'm licked. But I'll make you and Bruce a business proposition.

HILDY: We're not interested.

BURNS: Maybe you'll be. You're a smart young man. You let Hildy do this story for me and you can write out a $100,000.00 insurance policy for me. What do you say?

HILDY: No, Bruce, dear. Don't you see? This is a trick to get your sympathy. No, Walter, I've been waiting for something like this -- but I wasn't sure when you'd spring it. If you want to save Earl Williams' life, you can interview him yourself. You're still a good reporter. Bruce and I will be on that four o'clock train -- and thanks just the same.

BURNS: I'm an editor. I know what ought to be written, but I can't write it the way you could. It needs a woman's heart --

HILDY: Why, Walter, you're getting poetic!

BURNS: You see what I had to put up with? She never trusted me! You argue with her -- otherwise you're going on a honeymoon with blood on your hands!

HILDY: If he's nuts, why doesn't the State just put him away?

BURNS: Because it happened to be a colored policeman.

HILDY: The colored vote happens to be very important to the Mayor of this town.

BURNS: Especially with an election coming up in a few days.

HILDY: What now?

BURNS: His wife had twins and he went out to celebrate and got as drunk as a lord. They can't even find him. I tell you, drink is the ruin of this nation.

HILDY: You said it.

BURNS: So -- Sweeney gets twins -- and Earl Williams gets hanged tomorrow.

BURNS: Here's luck to the bride and bridegroom.

HILDY: Thank you.

BURNS: Well, I'll tell you one thing, old man, she never looked at me the way she's looking at you.

HILDY: I might have, Walter, but you were never there.

BURNS: Anyway, I'm glad you two are going to be happy and have all the things I couldn't give her. You know, Hildy is about the best reporter in the country -- and that goes regardless of sex. But all she really ever wanted was a home.

HILDY: I suppose I can't call this off without creating a scene -- but remember, it's your last fling.

BURNS: How do you like that? Here I am being nice to you and your sweet-heart and that's the thanks I get!

HILDY: Allow me.

BURNS: Thanks.

HILDY: And he takes his hat off when he's with a lady.

BURNS: What for?

HILDY: And when he walks with a lady, he waits for her!

BURNS: Oh, I'm sorry.

HILDY: You wouldn't believe this, Walter, but Bruce holds the door open for me.

BURNS: No kidding?

BURNS: Then what does he want with you?

HILDY: Now you got me.

BURNS: Nothing personal. I was just asking.

HILDY: I tried to tell you right away but you started reminiscing. I'm getting married, Walter, and also getting as far away from the newspaper business as I can get! I'm through.

BURNS: Get married all you want to, Hildy, but you can't quit the newspaper business.

HILDY: You can't sell me that, Walter.

BURNS: Who says I can't? You're a newspaper man.

HILDY: That's why I'm quitting. I want to go some place where I can be a woman.

BURNS: I know you, Hildy, and I know what it would mean. It would kill you.

HILDY: A journalist! Peeking through keyholes -- running after fire engines -- waking people up in the middle of the night to ask them if they think Hitler's going to start a war -- stealing pictures off old ladies of their daughters that got chased by apemen! I know all about reporters -- a lot of daffy buttinskies going around without a nickel in their pockets, and for what? So a million hired girls and motormen's wives will know what's going on! No, Walter, I'm through.

BURNS: Where'd you meet this man?

HILDY: Bermuda.

BURNS: Bermuda... Rich, eh?

HILDY: Not what you'd call rich. Makes about five thousand a year.

BURNS: What's his line?

HILDY: He's in the insurance business.

BURNS: The insurance business?

HILDY: It's a good, honest business, isn't it?

BURNS: Oh sure, it's honest. But somehow, I can't picture you with a guy who sells policies.

HILDY: Well, I can, and I love it! He forgets the office when he's with me. He doesn't treat me like an errand-boy -- he treats me like a woman.

BURNS: He does, does he? How did I treat you -- like a water buffalo?

HILDY: I don't know about water buffaloes, but I know about him. He's kind and sweet and considerate. He wants a home -- and children.

BURNS: Say, sounds more like a guy I ought to marry. What's his name?

HILDY: Well, I'll give you a hint. By tomorrow they'll be calling me Mrs. Bruce Baldwin.

BURNS: Tomorrow? Tomorrow... as quick as that?

HILDY: The quicker the better. Well -- I finally got out what I came in to tell you. So long, Walter, and better luck next time.

BURNS: I wish you everything I couldn't give you, Hildy.

HILDY: Thanks...

BURNS: Too bad I couldn't see this guy first. I'm pretty particular about whom my wife marries.

HILDY: Well, he's waiting in the anteroom for me now.

BURNS: Say, could I meet him?

HILDY: Oh, better not, Walter. Wouldn't do any good.

BURNS: You're not afraid, are you?

HILDY: Afraid? I should say not!

BURNS: All right then, come on and let's see this paragon. Is he as good as you say?

HILDY: Better.

BURNS: Sweeney! You can't do that to me! Not today, of all days! Jumping Jehosophat! Oh, no, Sweeney... Well, I suppose so... All right. If you have to, you have to. How do you like that? Everything happens to me -- with 365 days in the year -- this has to be the day.

HILDY: What's the matter?

BURNS: Sweeney.

HILDY: Dead?

BURNS: Not yet. Might just as well be. The only man on the paper who can write -- and his wife picks this morning to have a baby!

HILDY: Sweeney? Well, after all, he didn't do it on purpose, did he?

BURNS: I don't care whether he did or not. He's supposed to be covering the Earl Williams case and there he is -- waiting at the hospital! Is there no sense of honor left in this country?

HILDY: Well, haven't you got anybody else?

BURNS: There's nobody else on the paper who can write! This'll break me, unless -- Hildy!

HILDY: No!

BURNS: You've got to help me, Hildy.

HILDY: Keep away --

BURNS: It'll bring us together again, Hildy -- just the way we used to be.

HILDY: That's what I'm afraid of. "Any time -- any place -- anywhere!"

BURNS: Don't mock, Hildy, this is bigger than anything that's happened to us. Don't do it for me! Do it for the paper.

HILDY: Get away, Svengali.

BURNS: If you won't do it for love, how about money? Forget the other offer and I'll raise you twenty-five bucks a week.

HILDY: Listen, you bumble-headed baboon --

BURNS: All right -- thirty-five, and not a cent more!

HILDY: Please! Will you just --

BURNS: Great grief! What's that other paper going to give you?

HILDY: I'm not working for any other paper!

BURNS: Oh! In that case, the raise is off and you go back to your old salary and like it. Trying to blackjack --

HILDY: Look at this!

BURNS: Was it my fault? Did I know that coal mine was going to have another cave-in? I meant to be with you on our honeymoon, Hildy -- honest I did.

HILDY: All I know is that instead of two weeks in Atlantic City with my bridegroom, I spent two weeks in a coal mine with John Kruptzky -- age sixty-three -- getting food and air out of a tube! You don't deny that. Do you?

BURNS: Deny it! I'm proud of it! We beat the whole country on that story.

HILDY: Well, suppose we did? That isn't what I got married for. What's the good of -- Look, Walter, I came up here to tell you that you'll have to stop phoning me a dozen times a day -- sending twenty telegrams -- all the rest of it, because I'm --

BURNS: Let's not fight, Hildy. Tell you what. You come back to work on the paper and if we find we can't get along in a friendly way, we'll get married again.

HILDY: What?!!

BURNS: I haven't any hard feelings.

HILDY: Walter, you're wonderful in a loathesome sort of way. Now, would you mind keeping quiet long enough for me to tell you what I came up here for?

BURNS: Sure, come on. We'll have some lunch and you can tell me everything.

HILDY: I have a lunch date. I just want --

BURNS: You can break it, can't you?

HILDY: No, I can't.

BURNS: Sure you can. Come on.

HILDY: Don't tell me what to do! We're divorced -- I'm a free woman. You're not my husband and you're not my boss! And what's more, you're not going to be my boss.

BURNS: What do you mean by that?

HILDY: Just what I said. That's what I --

BURNS: You mean you're not coming back to work here?

HILDY: That's the first time you've been right today. That's what I --

BURNS: You've had a better offer, eh?

HILDY: You bet I've got a better offer.

BURNS: Well, go on and take it. Work for somebody else! That's the gratitude I get for --

HILDY: I know, Walter, but I --

BURNS: What were you when you came here five years ago? A little college girl from a School of Journalism! I took a little doll-faced mugg --

HILDY: You wouldn't have taken me if I hadn't been doll-faced!

BURNS: Why should I? I thought it would be a novelty to have a face around here a man could look at without shuddering.

HILDY: Listen, Walter --

BURNS: I made a great reporter out of you, Hildy, but you won't be half as good on any other paper, and you know it. You need me and I need you -- and the paper needs both of us.

HILDY: Well, the paper'll have to learn to do without me. And so will you. It just didn't work out, Walter.

BURNS: It would have worked if you'd been satisfied with just being editor and reporter. But no! You had to marry me and spoil everything.

HILDY: I wasn't satisfied! I suppose I proposed to you!

BURNS: Well, you practically did! Making goo-goo eyes at me for two years till I broke down. And I still claim I was tight the night I proposed. If you'd been a gentleman you'd have forgotten all about it. But not you!

HILDY: You -- you --

HILDY: You're repeating yourself! That's the speech you made the night you proposed. "-- any time -- any place -- anywhere!"

BURNS: I notice you still remember it.

HILDY: I'll always remember it. If I hadn't remembered it, I wouldn't have divorced you.

BURNS: You know, Hildy, I sort of wish you hadn't done it.

HILDY: Done what?

BURNS: Divorced me. It sort of makes a fellow lose faith in himself. It almost gives him a feeling he wasn't wanted.

HILDY: Holy mackerel! Look, Walter, that's what divorces are for.

BURNS: Nonsense. You've got the old-fashioned idea that divorces are something that last forever -- till 'death us do part'. Why, a divorce doesn't mean anything today. It's only a few words mumbled over you by a judge. We've got something between us nothing can change.

HILDY: I suppose that's true in a way. I am fond of you, Walter. I often wish you weren't such a stinker.

BURNS: Now, that's a nice thing to say.

HILDY: Well, why did you promise me you wouldn't fight the divorce and then try and gum up the whole works?

BURNS: Well, I meant to let you go -- but, you know, you never miss the water till the well runs dry.

HILDY: A fellow your age, hiring an airplane to write: 'Hildy: Don't be hasty -- remember my dimple. Walter.! It held things up twenty minutes while the Judge ran out to watch it.

BURNS: Well, I don't want to brag, but I've still got the dimple -- and in the same place -- I just acted like any husband who doesn't want to see his home broken up.

HILDY: What home?

HILDY: How long is what?

BURNS: You know what. How long since we've seen each other?

HILDY: Let's see. I was in Reno six weeks -- then Bermuda... Oh, about four months, I guess. Seems like yesterday to me.

BURNS: Maybe it was yesterday. Been seeing me in your dreams?

HILDY: No -- Mama doesn't dream about you any more, Walter. You wouldn't know the old girl now.

BURNS: Oh, yes I would. I'd know you any time --

BURNS: What do you want?

HILDY: Why, I'm surprised, Mr. Burns. That's no way to talk to your wife -- even if she's no longer your wife.

BURNS: Hello, Hildy!

HILDY: Hello, Walter. Hi, Louie -- how's the slotmachine king?

MRS. BALDWIN: Oh, dear! Oh, dear!

BURNS: You grey-haired old Judas!

MRS. BALDWIN: Let me out! Let me out of here!

BURNS: Come on, Sheriff. We've got to get bail.

MRS. BALDWIN: I was in here -- and they had some kind of murderer in with them. They were hiding him!

BURNS: Are you referring to me, Madam?

MRS. BALDWIN: You know you did!

BURNS: Louie, take this lady over to Polack Mike's and lock her up. See that she doesn't take to anyone on the way.

MRS. BALDWIN: What's that -- what's that?

LOUIE: You know me. The shirt off my back.

BURNS: You got plenty of money?

LOUIE: Sure, boss.

BURNS: I mean real money -- not counterfeit!

LOUIE: I always have both.

LOUIE: Anything you want, Boss.

BURNS: Beat it out and get hold of some guys.

LOUIE: Who do you want?

BURNS: Anybody with hair on his chest. Get 'em off the street -- anywhere. Offer them anything -- only get them. We've got to get this desk out of here.

BURNS: You stay here. I'll find out everything.

LOUIE: Western an' Thirty-fourth.

BURNS: Butter-fingers! I give you an old lady to take somewhere, and you hand her over to the cops!

LOUIE: What do you mean, I handed her? The patrol wagon was on the wrong side of the street.

BURNS: Now everything's fine. She's probably squawking her head off in some police station.

LOUIE: I don't think she's talking much... You know what I mean?

LOUIE: Down Western Avenue. We were going sixty-five miles an hour. You know what I mean?

BURNS: Take that mush out of your mouth!

DUFFY: Here's that certified check, Walter. I drew out my wife's savings, and if this isn't back by 5:30 I'm a ruined man!

BURNS: Don't worry, Duffy, you'll have it back by five. Thanks, Duffy. Stick around.

DUFFY: Don't blame me. I'm City Editor in name only. You do all the hiring around here.

BURNS: Yeah! Well, I do the firing, too. Remember that, Duffy, and Keep a civil tongue in your head.

DUFFY: Walter!

BURNS: I'm busy, Duffy.

DUFFY: Well, you're not too busy to know that the Governor hasn't signed that reprieve!

BURNS: What?

DUFFY: And that means Earl Williams dies tomorrow morning and makes a sucker out of us!

BURNS: You're crazy. Where's Mac?

DUFFY: He's on my phone. He just called me.

BURNS: They can't do that to me!

COOLEY: Let's see the money.

HILDY: First we talk. How did Earl Williams get that gun?

COOLEY: How much?

HILDY: Four hundred and fifty dollars. Is it a deal?

COOLEY: It's a deal. Let me up.

HILDY: There's money in it, Cooley.

COOLEY: I can't Hildy. It means my job! It means --

HILDY: A lot of money. Four hundred and fifty dollars --

HILDY: Cooley, I want to talk to you.

COOLEY: Hildy -- I can't. I'm busy -- I -- Let me up, Hildy. Earl Williams has escaped --

HILDY: Say, isn't this your twenty dollars?

COOLEY: I think it is.

HILDY: I thought so. Come on, I'm in a hurry.

COOLEY: Hello, Hildy! What are you doing around here?

HILDY: I want to interview Earl Williams, Warden. How about a little service?

COOLEY: No more interviews. Besides, a doctor's coming over.

HARTMAN: I don't know --

EGELHOFFER: Come, come, Sheriff, lightning doesn't strike in the same place twice. Nothing's going to happen.

EGELHOFFER: The newspapers! Sheriff, they're the scum of modern civilization.

HARTMAN: You said it!

EGELHOFFER: They're always after me for interviews.

HARTMAN: Me, too.

EGELHOFFER: Of course, I sort of promised them I would give out a statement when I got through here. You don't mind?

HARTMAN: Well, I don't know if that's ethical. You see, all statements are supposed to come from me.

EGELHOFFER: We'll have to satisfy them. What would you say to giving them a joint interview? I could give them some of the psychological aspects of the case and you could give them the legal aspects.

HARTMAN: A joint interview, eh? That might be all right. We could have our pictures taken together, Doctor.

EGELHOFFER: Yes, shaking hands. I don't take a very good picture, though.

HARTMAN: It doesn't matter. The publicity's the main thing.

EGELHOFFER: Yes, I suppose so. It all helps.

EGELHOFFER: So -- now I say to you: 'Earl Williams, you are under arrest!' and you point your gun at me.

WILLIAMS: Well, it wasn't exactly that way --

EGELHOFFER: Point the gun at me!

EGELHOFFER: Now, the Sheriff will be Mollie Malloy, in whose room you were. You will be Earl Williams. And I will be the policeman. Follow me, Mr. Williams?

WILLIAMS: Yes, sir.

EGELHOFFER: You know you are to be executed, Mr. Williams. Who do you feel is responsible for that?

WILLIAMS: The system. But I'm not afraid to die, Doctor. I'm dying for what I believe.

EGELHOFFER: I see. You realize, however, that you committed a crime?

WILLIAMS: In a legal sense, yes. But not actually. Actually, I'm innocent. I didn't do anything.

WILLIAMS: Are you gentlemen all through with me?

EGELHOFFER: Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot you were here. No, Mr. Williams, we still have some questions for you. Sheriff, will you kindly extinguish the lights?

ENDICOTT: Better let us in on it, Mollie.

HILDY: Aw, why don't you let her alone? She's ill!

HILDY: A fine bunch of reporters. Biggest story in two years and they're too lazy to go after it.

ENDICOTT: It's easy for you to talk. You're retired. We're still working.

ENDICOTT: She looks as though she's going to come to.

HILDY: Give me a hand with her, will you?

ENDICOTT: Okay. Up you go, Mollie.

ENDICOTT: Mollie Malloy -- what happened to her?

HILDY: Came up here -- had hysterics and passed out. I've been trying to get her to come to.

ENDICOTT: Kind of exclusive, ain't you? We got calls to make, you know.

HILDY: Run down and get some smelling salts, will you?

ENDICOTT: Hey!

HILDY: Mollie, drop down here! You've fainted!

ENDICOTT: Open up there, will you!

HILDY: All right -- all right!

ENDICOTT: Who locked the door?

HILDY: Just a second, Mike --- Mollie, I got it!

ENDICOTT: I call. What you got?

HILDY: Three bullets! Any good?

ENDICOTT: Beats king up.

ENDICOTT: Say, that's old Prissy Bensinger's desk.

HILDY: I know, I just want to give him a thrill.

ENDICOTT: Well, that about covers everything.

HILDY: Good. Now I want to ask you fellows a couple of questions. Did Earl Williams know what he was doing when he fired that gun?

ENDICOTT: Hold the phone!

MURPHY: I'll have it in a minute.

MURPHY: Come on, Pinky! Give 'em a little third degree.

ENDICOTT: Make them talk and you got Williams, Pinky!

MURPHY: Come on, you! Before we slap you down.

ENDICOTT: Do you want us to call the cops and have them give you the boots?

MURPHY: Where is he, before we beat it out of you?

MURPHY: Oh, you two are pals now -- I think you're right, Endicott. Mollie did give her some kind of story.

ENDICOTT: I tell you, it's a screwy set-up. We better hold onto 'em both.

MURPHY: Say, Hildy, if I know you, you sound pretty anxious to get rid of us. Are you trying to scoop us or something?

ENDICOTT: Something smells around here. If you ask me Mollie gave her the story on how Williams got that gun. Did you smuggle that gun into Williams, Mollie?

MURPHY: So have we!

ENDICOTT: What's the dope, Sheriff?

MURPHY: Who engineered this getaway?

ENDICOTT: No, I tell you! Nobody knows where he got it.

MURPHY: The Crime Commission has offered a reward of ten thousand dollars for Williams' capture.

ENDICOTT: Call you back.

MURPHY: Boy, did you see her go?

ENDICOTT: Lioness Rushes to Defense of Cub.

MURPHY: You guys wanna play some more poker?

ENDICOTT: What's the use? I can't win a pot.

MURPHY: She says she's gonna write fiction.

ENDICOTT: Well, if she's gonna write fiction, there's nothing like being a reporter.

MURPHY: Well, a guy can win when Hildy ain't around.

ENDICOTT: Who's this guy she's gonna marry?

ENDICOTT: Trouble is, when the Red Menace shows up the Sheriff will still be crying 'Wolf!'

MURPHY: What have you got, Hildy?

MURPHY: That must be the tenth alienist they've had on Williams. Even if he wasn't crazy before, he would be after ten of those babies got through psychoanalyzing him. Gimme the desk.

ENDICOTT: This Egelhoffer's pretty good.

MURPHY: Yeah? What did he ever do for his country?

ENDICOTT: Don't you remember? He's the guy went to Washington to interview the Brain Trust, and gave out a statement that they were all sane. It created a sensation!

MCCUE: We know what you're up to.

ENDICOTT: Probably goin' out to get Williams.

MCCUE: You ain't gettin' out o' here!

ENDICOTT: Now, where is he?

MCCUE: What a chase!

ENDICOTT: No luck on Williams, yet -- call you back.

ENDICOTT: Goodbye, Yonson.

MCCUE: So long, Hildy.

MCCUE: I'll call.

ENDICOTT: Three sixes. Is that any good?

HILDY: Gus, this --

GUS: Good coffee, isn't it?

HILDY: Oh, I'm sorry, Gus! My foot must have slipped.

GUS: That's all right.

HILDY: No -- just coffee, Gus.

GUS: Just coffee. And you, sir?

HILDY: Oh -- I'll take the same, I guess. And coffee.

GUS: Little rum in yours, too?

HILDY: I guess so.

HILDY: How's everything, Gus?

GUS: I can't complain.

HILDY: That's murder!

HARTMAN: All right! Carl! Frank! One of you get on each side of the desk. Take hold of the cover.

HILDY: He's harmless.

HARTMAN: Don't take any chances. Shoot through the desk.

HILDY: He can't hurt anybody. You've got his gun.

HILDY: He went over to the hospital to call on Professor Egelhoffer.

HARTMAN: What?

HILDY: With a bag of marshmallows.

HARTMAN: Where'd you get this?

HILDY: I've got a right to carry a gun if I want to.

HARTMAN: Not this gun!

HARTMAN: Johnson, I'm going to the bottom of this. What do you know about Williams? Are you going to talk or aren't you?

HILDY: What do I know about Williams?

HARTMAN: All right, boys. Take her along. I got ways of making her talk.

HILDY: I don't know anything, I tell you. There's been an accident.

HARTMAN: Johnson, there's something very peculiar going on.

HILDY: You can send somebody with me if you don't believe me!

HARTMAN: I wasn't born yesterday. Now the boys tell me you and this Mollie Malloy --

HILDY: Nobody's trying to put anything over on you. I'm getting out of here and you can't stop me!

HILDY: Let me go! Fellows, something's happened to my mother-in-law.

HARTMAN: Hang onto her! Keep her in here!

HILDY: Take your paws off me!

HARTMAN: Hold her, boys!

HARTMAN: Just a minute, Johnson!

HILDY: Let go o' me. What's the idea?

HILDY: No, thanks Sheriff. I'm leaving town tonight.

HARTMAN: You ought to stay over. You always wrote a good hanging story, Hildy.

HILDY: That's awful kind of you, Sheriff. I've got to get started on my interview. See you later.

HILDY: Same way you did. Through that gate.

HARTMAN: I gave strict orders that nobody was to interview Williams without my permission.

HILDY: All right, then, I'll just run the story that Sheriff Hartman is afraid to let reporters interview his prisoner. Of course, with election coming, that might do you a lot of harm, but just as you say.

HARTMAN: Now, wait a minute! I'm not afraid of anything. What were you going to write about Williams?

HILDY: Oh, nothing much. Just that the state had proved he was sane -- and he admits it himself. If you don't want me to run it --

HARTMAN: Oh, that'll be all right, Hildy. Go ahead, run it. And you can say I treated him well, too. 'Lo, Earl. How are you feeling?

MURPHY: Where is he?

HARTMAN: Where he used to live. You can catch the Riot Squad -- it's just going out.

HARTMAN: If the Mayor wants me, he knows where I am.

MURPHY: This tear bomb went off unexpectedly in the hands of Sheriff Hartman's Bombing Squad.

HARTMAN: What went off?

MURPHY: Four of Mr. Hartman's Deputy Sheriffs were rushed to the hospital --

HARTMAN: A fine fair-weather friend you are!

MURPHY: The names are Merwyn D. Mayor, who is the Mayor's brother-in-law --

HARTMAN: After all I've done for you --

MURPHY: Howard Shenken, the Sheriff's uncle on his mother's side --

HARTMAN: Just one second --

PINKUS: That's good, because my health ain't what it used to be.

HARTMAN: Well, wait a minute, will you? I'm in conference.

PINKUS: No, I couldn't do that.

HARTMAN: Read it! Insane, he says. He knows very well that Williams ain't insane!

PINKUS: Yeah. But I --

HARTMAN: For who?

PINKUS: Earl Williams. The reprieve.

HARTMAN: I'm Sheriff Hartman. You want me?

PINKUS: You're certainly a hard fellow to find, Sheriff.

HARTMAN: And so do I!

MAYOR: So do you what, you hoodoo! And now, Mr. Pinkus, if you'll come with us, we'll take you over to the Warden's office and deliver this reprieve.

MAYOR: Walter, I can't tell you how badly I feel about this. There was no excuse for Hartwell to fly off the handle.

HARTMAN: I was only doing my duty. Nothing personal in it.

MAYOR: Take those handcuffs off our friends, Pete. That wasn't at all necessary.

HARTMAN: I was just going to!

HARTMAN: That's a lie!!

MAYOR: I never saw him before!

MAYOR: You drunken idiot! Arrest him! The idea of coming here with a cock-and- bull story like that!

HARTMAN: It's a frame-up! Some imposter!

MAYOR: Who is this man?

HARTMAN: Throw him out, Frank.

MAYOR: Fine work, Pete! You certainly delivered the goods. I'm proud of you.

HARTMAN: Look kind o' natural, don't they, Fred?

MAYOR: A sight for sore eyes!

HARTMAN: Aiding an escaped criminal! And a little charge of kidnapping I'm looking into. But that's the jail! There must be somebody there!

MAYOR: Well! Looks like about ten years apiece for you birds!

MAYOR: All right. Tell 'em to shoot to kill.

HARTMAN: What?

MAYOR: Shoot to kill, I said.

HARTMAN: I don't know, Fred. There's that reprieve if they ever find out.

MAYOR: Nobody reprieved that policeman he murdered. Now, do as I tell you.

HARTMAN: Hello, Olsen... Listen... Shoot to kill... That's the orders pass the word along... No! We dont want him! And listen, Olsen, five- hundred bucks for the guy that does the job... Yes, I'll be right out there. Well, I hope that's the right thing to do.

MAYOR: Now take that guilty look off your face, Pete -- and stop trembling like a horse.

HARTMAN: If we didn't have election Tuesday I'd have this on my conscience.

MAYOR: We'll fix that, too.

HARTMAN: Just -- one -- second!

HARTMAN: Hold your horses -- will you, Olsen? Hurry up, Fred!

MAYOR: Now what do you say?

HARTMAN: No -- don't out me off.

MAYOR: How would you like to have a job for three hundred and fifty dollars a month. That's almost a hundred dollars a week!

MAYOR: Dementia praecox Oh-h-h!

HARTMAN: We got to think fast before those lying reporters get hold of this. What'll we tell 'em?

MAYOR: Tell 'em the party is through in this State on account of you.

HARTMAN: Ah, Fred -- Hello... this is Hartman --

MAYOR: And you can tell 'em as an afterthought that I want your resignation now!

HARTMAN: Sssh. Wait, Fred. What?... Where?... Where? Holy Moses!

MAYOR: What is it?

HARTMAN: They got him! Wait a minute -- hold the wire. They got Earl Williams surrounded -- the Riot Squad has -- in his house.

MAYOR: Tell 'em to hold the wire.

HARTMAN: I did. Hold the wire.

MAYOR: Cover up that transmitter!

MAYOR: Pure politics!

HARTMAN: An attempt to ruin us!

HARTMAN: The Governor gave me his word of honor he wouldn't interfere. Two days ago!

MAYOR: And you fell for it, Pete. It frightens me what I'd like to do to you. Who else knows about this?

MAYOR: Williams ain't a Red, and you know it!

HARTMAN: Well, there's a lot of Communistic sympathizers around --

MAYOR: I know it! But they've got nothing to do with this case! Do you realize there are two hundred thousand votes at stake and unless we hang Earl Williams we're going to lose 'em?

HARTMAN: But we're going to hang him, Fred. He can't get away.

HARTMAN: That gives you an idea of what I'm up against!

MAYOR: We're up against a lot more than that with that nutty slogan you invented: 'Reform the Reds With a Rope'.

MAYOR: Pete, you're through!

HARTMAN: What do you mean -- through?

MAYOR: I mean I'm scratching your name off the ticket Tuesday and running Czernecki in your place. It's nothing personal. And, Pete -- it's the only way out. It's a sacrifice we all ought to be glad to make.

HARTMAN: Fred!

MAYOR: Now, Pete! Please don't appeal to my Sentimental side.

HARTMAN: Fred, I don't know what to say. A thing like this almost destroys a man's faith in human nature.

MAYOR: I wish you wouldn't talk like that, Pete.

HARTMAN: Our families, Fred. I've always looked on Bessie as my own sister.

MAYOR: If there was any way out...

HARTMAN: Now, listen, Fred. Just give me a few hours before you make any decisions. I'll get results. I'm doing everything humanly possible. I've just sworn in four hundred deputies.

MAYOR: Four hundred! Do you want to bankrupt this administration?

HARTMAN: I'm getting them for twelve dollars a night.

MAYOR: Twelve dollars! -- For those rheumatic uncles of yours? Out shooting everybody they see for the fun of it?

HARTMAN: If you're talking about my brother- in-law, he's worked for the city fifteen years.

MAYOR: Pete, I want to talk to you!

HARTMAN: I ain't got time, Fred, honest. I'll see you after.

MAYOR: Did you actually give Williams that gun?

HARTMAN: The professor asked me for it -- I thought it was for something scientific!

MAYOR: Pete, I've got a mighty unpleasant task to perf --

HARTMAN: Got you, Williams!

WILLIAMS: Go on -- shoot me!

WILLIAMS: I hope you're pretty nearly through with me, Doctor, I'm getting a little fatigued.

HARTMAN: Yeah, you don't want to tire him out, Doctor.

WILLIAMS: Fine, thanks, Sheriff.

HARTMAN: That's good, Earl. Oh, they've got another alienist to see you. He ought to be here any minute. Don't go to sleep, will you?

WILLIAMS: I won't.

HARTMAN: Hildy, how'd you like a couple of tickets for the hanging?

HILDY: Let him out of here, Lieutenant.

LIEUTENANT: But, Hildy, I can't. He's accused of stealing a watch. And they found the watch on him.

HILDY: And who accused him? Diamond Louis! One of the worst crooks in town! Why don't you arrest Louis instead of innocent people that he frames?

LIEUTENANT: Now, Hildy --

HILDY: Don't Hildy me! Are you going to let him out?

LIEUTENANT: I can't.

HILDY: All right. You can't. But tomorrow the Post will run the story of that roulette game on 43rd Street that your brother-in-law runs. And we'll print that you get five hundred a month for forgetting about it!

LIEUTENANT: Now, Hildy, don't be hasty! I can't let him out.

HILDY: You can let him out on bail, can't you?

LIEUTENANT: Five hundred dollars.

HILDY: You'll take fifty and like it!

LIEUTENANT: Well, all right. But I'm liable to get into a jam.

HILDY: Nobody's going to rush me into anything! You keep away from me!

LOUIE: All right, Judge.

LOUIE: I'm telling you. Can you imagine bumping into a load of cops?! They come rollin' out like oranges!

HILDY: What did you do with her?

LOUIE: Search me! When I come to I was running down Thirty-fifth Street.

HILDY: -- You were with her. You were in the cab, weren't you?

LOUIE: Was I? The driver got knocked cold.

LOUIE: We run smack into a police patrol. You know what I mean? We broke it in half!

HILDY: Oh-h-h... was she hurt?

HILDY: Where's the old lady?

LOUIE: I'm telling you!

HILDY: Wait a minute, Walter. You can't do that!

LOUIE: My name is Louis Peluso.

LOUIE: Oh, I ain't doing that any more. I'm retired. I'm one of you fellas now -- a newspaper man.

HILDY: Editorials?

HILDY: There goes another scrub lady.

WILSON: I'll go right after it.

HILDY: Gentlemen of the Press! Always picking on somebody who can't defend himself -- the littler the better.

WILSON: Phone for you, Hildy.

HILDY: Who is it?

WILSON: Oh, some insurance man. Are you in?

HILDY: Give me that!

HILDY: Any news?

SCHWARTZ: Yeah. I was never so tired in my life.

SCHWARTZ: Hello, Mr. Burns. Yes, she's still here.

HILDY: I'll take it. What's the matter, Mr. Burns -- don't you understand English? -- Why, your language is shocking, Mr. Burns -- positively shocking! I don't mind because I was married to you and know what to expect, but suppose Central is listening in... Oh, did you hear that, Central? We ought to report him, don't you think?... Oh, fooey on you!

HILDY: It's getting so a girl can't step out of the room without being discussed by a bunch of old ladies. Hello, Post... Mr. Walter Burns, please.

SCHWARTZ: Well, Hildy, we were only saying that a swell reporter like you wouldn't give this up so easily.

HILDY: This is Hildy Johnson... Oh, I can give it up all right. Without a single quiver. I'm going to live like a human being -- not like you rats. Oh, is that you, Walter dear? Oh, I didn't mean "dear." That was just habit, I guess. Oh, be yourself, Walter. I've got some news for you... Yes, I got the interview, but I've got some news that's more important.

HILDY: Well, anyhow, I won't be covering stuff like this any more.

SCHWARTZ: What's the matter? Getting yellow?

HILDY: Look out, you --

MCCUE: What's the use of fighting, Hildy?

MCCUE: Okay. Forget it.

HILDY: What's the matter with you boys? Afraid it might rain? If you want to go, I'll cover this end.

HILDY: If Walter Burns calls, hold the wire for me, will you? I'll be right back.

MCCUE: Okay, Hildy. Well, we can't get any official statement --

MCCUE: Did you get that, Hildy?

HILDY: No -- what?

MCCUE: Hello, Hildy. I thought you were gone.

HILDY: I thought so, too.

MCCUE: Certified, eh? Who is it -- your milkman?

HILDY: But, Bruce, don't keep it in your wallet!... Well, you see -- -- there's an old newspaper superstition that the first big check you get you -- you put in the lining of your hat. That brings you good luck for ten years.

MCCUE: Say, I've been a reporter twenty years and never heard any hooey like that. Where'd you get it?

HILDY: I made it up just now, and who's asking you? I know it's silly, honey, but do it for me, won't you?... Yes, right now.

HILDY: I don't know why you boys are so good to me.

MCCUE: Your poker's improved a lot, Hildy. Lend me two bucks, will you?

HILDY: Nothing doing. I'm playing for keeps.

MCCUE: You fight it cut.

HILDY: And up a dime.

HILDY: You know it is!

LOUIS: I didn't frisk him. He must have dropped it in Burns' office. I didn't know whose it was.

HILDY: No -- and you don't know that your cheap boss has had Mr. Baldwin arrested again -- do you?

LOUIS: What -- already? Why, the dame left only a minute before I did!

HILDY: Have you got my dough?

LOUIS: Oh, sure. The boss sent me over with it. Four hundred dollars, wasn't it?

HILDY: Four hundred and fifty and I'll cut your throat if you try any tricks!

LOUIS: All right, all right. You can't blame a guy for tryin', can you?

HILDY: Come on with that money!

LOUIS: First you got to sign a receipt.

HILDY: Where's the money?

LOUIS: Keep your shirt on. I got it -- right here. One hundred -- two hundred -- three hundred -- four hundred -- and fifty. Now sign.

HILDY: Here!

LOUIS: Thanks. So long, Hildy!

HILDY: So long, nothing! Where's Bruce Baldwin's wallet?

LOUIS: Huh?

HILDY: None of that innocent stuff, you double-crossing hyena! You stuck Bruce Baldwin in jail this afternoon on a phony charge that he swiped your watch, and you frisked his wallet! Now, give me that wallet or I'll stick you in jail and it won't be on any phony charge either! It'll be for life!

LOUIS: Now don't get excited, Hildy! I don't know what you're talking about -- but is this Mr. Baldwin's wallet?

MURPHY: Hiding him where?

HILDY: Mother!

MURPHY: Hildy, I thought you were gone --

HILDY: Well -- I was going, but Mollie fainted away and I thought I ought to do what I could.

MURPHY: Some Hallowe'en goin' on outside. The whole police force standing on it's ear.

MURPHY: Any dope yet on how he got out?

HILDY: From all I can get the Sheriff let him out so's he could vote for him.

HILDY: Kings and sixes.

MURPHY: That's good.

HILDY: 'Kings and sixes The pot affixes'... Poetry. I learned that at my grandma's knee.

HILDY: Mother!

MRS. BALDWIN: That man there!

HILDY: Mother! Oh, I'm so glad to see you! Are you all right? Tell me.

HILDY: I don't know what she's talking about. I never said any such thing.

MRS. BALDWIN: I'm quoting my son, and he has never lied to me.

HILDY: Mother!

MRS. BALDWIN: Don't you mother me! Playing cat-and- mouse with my poor boy! Keeping him looked up -- making us miss two trains -- and supposed to be married tomorrow!

HILDY: Mother, I can explain everything. I'll go with you in five minutes and --

MRS. BALDWIN: You don't have to go with me at all! Just give me my son's money and you can stay here forever as far as I'm concerned. Stay with that murderer you caught!

WILLIAMS: What good'll it do?

HILDY: We'll get you out in ten minutes.

HILDY: Stop screaming, Mollie or we're sunk. I'm trying to think of something before those reporters get back.

WILLIAMS: Let 'em take me. It's better that way.

HILDY: Quiet, Mollie, quiet!

WILLIAMS: Don't cry, Mollie, there's nothing to cry about.

HILDY: How'd you get here, Earl?

WILLIAMS: Down the drainpipe. I didn't mean to shoot him. You believe me, don't you, Mollie?

HILDY: Don't talk too loud.

WILLIAMS: Wakin' me up in the middle of the night -- talkin' to me about things they don't understand. Callin' me a Bolshevik. I'm an anarchist. It's got nothin' to do with bombs. It's the philosophy that guarantees every man freedom. You see that, don't you?

HILDY: Sure I do, Earl.

HILDY: Earl, you must never do that again.

WILLIAMS: Oh, I'm awful tired. I couldn't go through another day like this.

HILDY: Well, maybe you think I could!

HILDY: Earl, there's just one thing I ought to clear up for the interview.

WILLIAMS: What's that? Only -- you're getting too near. I don't trust anybody.

HILDY: I don't blame you, Earl. If I were in your place I wouldn't trust anybody, either.

WILLIAMS: Keep away!

WILLIAMS: Maybe you're my friend and maybe you're not -- but don't come any nearer. You can't trust anybody in this crazy world. Say, I'll bet I could shoot you from here.

HILDY: Sure you could, Earl -- but you wouldn't want to do that, would you? You wouldn't want to kill anybody.

WILLIAMS: No, no, you're right. I don't want to kill anybody. All I want to do is be let alone.

HILDY: Earl, you don't want to hurt your friends, do you?

WILLIAMS: Don't move!

HILDY: You're not going to shoot me, Earl. I'm your friend, remember? I've got to write that story about your "Production for Use".

WILLIAMS: Yes -- that's right. Production for use.

WILLIAMS: You're not going to phone anybody where I am.

HILDY: Put down that gun, Earl.

WILLIAMS: Don't forget about production for use.

HILDY: I won't, Earl.

WILLIAMS: A gun? Why -- to shoot, of course.

HILDY: Is that how you came to shoot the policeman?

WILLIAMS: Sure. You see, I'd never had a gun in my hand before and I didn't know what to do with it. Well, when I get stuck, I know that there's an answer for everything in production for use. So it came to me in a flash: what's a gun for? To shoot! So I shot. Simple isn't it?

HILDY: Very simple, Earl.

WILLIAMS: There's nothing crazy about that, is there?

HILDY: No, Earl, not at all. Who sent you the flowers, Earl?

WILLIAMS: Miss Mollie Malloy. She's a wonderful person.

HILDY: Isn't that her picture?

WILLIAMS: Yes. Isn't she beautiful?

WILLIAMS: I couldn't plead insanity, because you see I'm just as sane as anybody else.

HILDY: You didn't mean to kill that policeman?

WILLIAMS: Of course not. I couldn't kill anybody -- it's against everything I've ever stood for. They know it was an accident. They're not hanging me for that -- they're hanging me for my beliefs.

HILDY: What are your beliefs, Earl?

WILLIAMS: They're very simple. I believe in the Golden Rule. I'm not the first man to die for preaching it. But if they would only listen to it -- we could have a fine, decent world instead of this mass of hate that makes man do such cruel things.

HILDY: How would you go about applying the Golden Rule, Earl?

WILLIAMS: I'd do away with the profit system and have production for use only. There's enough food and clothing and shelter for everybody if we'd use some sense.

HILDY: "Production for use only." Well, maybe that's the answer.

WILLIAMS: It's the only answer. Everything has a use and if we let it be used for its purpose, we could solve all our problems. Food was meant to be eaten, not stored away in restaurants while poor people starved; clothing was meant to be worn, not piled up in stores while people went naked. Doesn't that make sense?

HILDY: Yes, that makes a lot of sense, Earl.

HILDY: Are you all right, now?

MOLLIE: Yeah, I'm feelin' fine.

MOLLIE: Hey --

HILDY: Shut up, you!

MOLLIE: What's the idea?

HILDY: Never mind! Just play dead.

HILDY: I'm coming! Keep dead quiet. Don't even breathe.

MOLLIE: I'll be right here. I won't leave you.

MOLLIE: They'll get him! They'll get him!

HILDY: Ssh!

MOLLIE: What's that?

HILDY: Quiet, Mollie!

MOLLIE: There's somethin' funny going on around here.

MOLLIE: They got him surrounded some place -- gonna shoot him like a dog!

HILDY: Mollie, they haven't got him. You gotta help me, Mollie! We've got to do something!

MOLLIE: What do you mean?

MOLLIE: Where are they gone? You know where they are?

HILDY: Wait a minute, Mollie.

HILDY: Come on, Mollie. This is no place for you.

MOLLIE: They're not human!

HILDY: They're newspaper men, Mollie. They can't help themselves. The Lord made them that way.

MOLLIE: It wasn't the Lord! It was the devil!

PINKUS: Here's the picture of my wife.

MAYOR: A very fine-looking women.

PINKUS: She's good enough for me! And if I was to go home and tell my wife --

MAYOR: I understand perfectly, Mr. Pinkus, and as long as I am Mayor --

PINKUS: They wouldn't take it.

MAYOR: You're insane!

MAYOR: Get out of here!

PINKUS: You can't bribe me!

PINKUS: You forgot to tell me what a City Sealer has to do.

MAYOR: I'll explain it tomorrow!

PINKUS: Is it hard?

MAYOR: No! It's easy -- it's very easy!

PINKUS: This puts me in a peculiar hole.

MAYOR: No, it doesn't. Now, remember: you never delivered this. You got caught in the traffic, or something. Now, get out of here and don't let anybody see you.

PINKUS: But how do I know...?

MAYOR: Come in and see me in my office tomorrow. What's your name?

PINKUS: Pinkus.

MAYOR: All right, Mr. Pinkus, all you've got to do is lay low and keep your mouth shut. Here! Go to this address. It's a nice, homey little place, and they'll take care of you for the night. Just tell 'em Fred sent you. And here's fifty dollars on account.

MAYOR: Why not?

PINKUS: I couldn't work in the city. You see, I've got my family in the country.

MAYOR: But you could bring 'em in here! We'll pay all your expenses.

PINKUS: No, I don't think so.

MAYOR: For heaven's sake, why not?

PINKUS: I got two kids going to school there, and if I changed them from one town to another, they'd lose a grade.

MAYOR: No, they wouldn't -- they'd gain one! And I guarantee that they'll graduate with highest honors!

PINKUS: Yeah?

MAYOR: Now, listen. There's a fine opening for a fellow like you in the City Sealer's office.

PINKUS: The what?

MAYOR: The City Sealer's office!

PINKUS: You mean here in the city?

MAYOR: Yes, yes!

PINKUS: Who? Me?

MAYOR: Who do you think!

MAYOR: Now, listen! You never arrived here with this -- reprieve. Get it?

PINKUS: Yes, I did, just now. Don't you remember?

MAYOR: How much do you make a week?

PINKUS: Huh?

MAYOR: How much do you make a week? What's your salary?

PINKUS: Forty dollars.

PINKUS: They were all standing around when he wrote it. It was after they got back from fishing.

MAYOR: Get the Governor on the phone!

PINKUS: You can't get him on the phone. He's out duckshooting now.

MAYOR: Fishing! Duckshooting! How do you like that. A guy does nothing more strenuous for forty years than play pinochle -- he gets elected Governor and right away he thinks he's Tarzan!

MAYOR: What do you want?

PINKUS: I'm a messenger at the State House. This is from the Governor.

MAYOR: What's from the Governor?

PINKUS: The reprieve for Earl Williams.

MCCUE: Williams put up a desperate struggle but the police overpowered --

MURPHY: -- tried to shoot it out with the cops but his gun wouldn't work, so --

MCCUE: What's your hurry?

MURPHY: We want to see you.

MURPHY: There she is!

MCCUE: Say, Hildy...

MCCUE: Get the cops, somebody.

MURPHY: Come on, fellas.

MURPHY: Sure, Mollie, you never looked better in your life.

MCCUE: Yeah, hold the line. Hey, this looks good. An old lady just called the detective bureau and claims Williams is hiding in her cellar. Well - we've looked every other place. Want to go out on it?

MCCUE: Look out!

MURPHY: Look out where you're aiming, will you?

MCCUE: Well, well -- Miss Mollie Malloy.

MURPHY: Hello, Mollie.

MURPHY: If you ask us, no. If you ask the state alienists, the answer is yes.

MCCUE: It's a simple story. Earl Williams works for the E.J. McClosky Manufacturing Company as a bookkeeper for fourteen years. He starts in at twenty dollars a week and gradually works his way up to twenty-two fifty. A year ago the McClosky Company goes out of business and Williams loses his job. Take it away, Fred Wilson!

SCHWARTZ: The door was locked.

WILSON: She and Mollie were talking.

WILSON: Who? Hildy Johnson? She just stepped out. She'll be back in a second. Who? Oh, Mr. Baldwin. Well, if you'll hang on a minute, she ought to be right in. All right.

WILSON: Baldwin. The blushing bridegroom -- himself.

SCHWARTZ: What's he want?

WILSON: Wants Hildy -- and sounds very excited.

WILSON: Baldwin -- his name is.

SCHWARTZ: I give that marriage six months.

WILSON: Well -- Williams goes a little balmy and begins making speeches on a plan he's got to save the world. Only he makes his speeches, usually, on a very busy street and neglects to get a license for it. Well, the cops let him alone as much as they can because he's harmless and they're kinda sorry for him. But one day he decides to hold a meeting right in the middle of a Veteran's Parade and the cops chase him. He gets scared and goes into hiding. Come in, Dave Schwartz.

SCHWARTZ: His Honor, the Mayor, now comes out with a statement that Earl Williams is a dangerous character in the employ of two or three foreign governments and the police are going to get him dead or alive. Somebody sends out a tip that this guy is hiding in Molly Malloy's joint. And this colored policeman, Daniels, goes over to pick Williams up. Williams has read the papers, thinks the cop is going to kill him and shoots first. That is all.