Jerry Maguire

AVERY: Oh Jerry.

JERRY: You know I didn't ever want to hurt you.

AVERY: I did the 23 hour nose-route to the top of El Capitan in 6 hours! I can make this work.

JERRY: No.

AVERY: No one has ever dumped me.

JERRY: I'm not trying to make history. _ 67.

AVERY: Didn't hear it.

JERRY: There is something missing here.

AVERY: You've never been alone and you can't be alone --

JERRY: Listen to me, it's over.

JERRY: Listen to me!

AVERY: No.

JERRY: It's over --

AVERY: Don't say it. We're both ragged out right now.

JERRY: -- stop --

JERRY: Tell you what -- I'd prefer loyalty..

AVERY: What was our deal when we first got together? Brutal truth, remember?

JERRY: I think you added the "brutal."

AVERY: Jerry. You and I are salespeople. We sell --

JERRY: Look, I don't want a --

AVERY: It's not "love me." It's not "trust my handshake." It's make the sale. Get it signed. There shouldn't be "confusion" about that.

JERRY: Go ahead. Jump right on into my nightmare. The water's warm. _ 65.

AVERY: It's all about you, isn't it? Soothe me, save me, love me --

JERRY: Could you just stop moving?

AVERY: I have to finish my job --

JERRY: Everything's on the fucking run! Everything --

AVERY: I just heard.

JERRY: What do I do? How do I spin this?

AVERY: Oh honey. It's spun.

JERRY: This can't be happening to me.

AVERY: Jerry! Do something --

JERRY: I know. Sorry I threw a scare into our lives there --

AVERY: Don't worry about it -- I never told you what I thought of that memo either --

JERRY: Well, no you didn't --

AVERY: You lost your head, it happens. I'm so fuckin jazzed! Listen. I'm going to have to fly to Chicago tomorrow, how 'bout if we meet in the Dallas airport and we all fly into New York together for the draft?

JERRY: It's a plan -- -- _ 51.

JERRY: Now.

AVERY: Let's go. I'll drive you. _ 45.

JERRY: Who said anything about "loser?" Where do you get this word "loser?"

AVERY: I'm sorry. I was on a roll. I meant something else. When do you want to leave?

AVERY: Good. They're all heatseekers! All of them, everybody. You keep one superstar and they'll all follow. There's no real loyalty, and the first person who told me that, Jerry Maguire, was you.

JERRY: I think I was trying to sleep with you at the time.

AVERY: Well, it worked, and I will not let you fail. You are Jerry Ma- fuckin-guire.

JERRY: That's right.

AVERY: King of the Housecalls! Master of the Living Room!

JERRY: Okay, this is working.

AVERY: You are not a loser.

JERRY: The power move is to go unannounced. Black suit, right?

AVERY: And the egyptian cotton shirt that works with or without the jacket. Tell me again, how was it left with Cush?

JERRY: "Dad says we gwan sleep on it.

AVERY: Ugh!

JERRY: Seventy-two clients. ONE stayed. Jacket on, tie in pocket. _ 44.

AVERY: Who told you?

JERRY: One of the accountants.

AVERY: Oh -- don't forget tomorrow we have dinner with Wade Cooksey.

JERRY: I know about the bachelor party.

JERRY: You know. I don't think we need to do the thing where we tell each other everything!

AVERY: Jerry, this is what intimacy is!

AVERY: Don't ever stop fucking me!

JERRY: Sooner... or later... I'll have to stop.

AVERY: Oh Gawd, oh yes, it's never been better. Never BETTER!!

DOROTHY: He's asleep, right?

CHAD: Yeah, how'd it go with Sportboy?

DOROTHY: Still going.

DOROTHY: Don't let him stay up too late.

CHAD: Hey, man, tonight I'm going to teach Ray about jazz.

DOROTHY: Good, that'll put him to sleep early. No offense.

DOROTHY: Wait. Did I just say "hon" to him?

CHAD: Yeah, Dotty. You did. _ 50.

CUSH: Reporters, Jerry. They been callin' all night.

JERRY: Just be friendly and say "no comment."

CUSH: Talking and saying nothing, man, it's an art I have not mastered.

JERRY: Cush, Matt -- we have a decision to make.

CUSH: "It's okay to eat fish, 'cause they Don't have any feelings...

JERRY: Okay. San Diego just came in with a last-minute scenario. It's big.

CUSH: "Something in the way. Yeah."

JERRY: Let me think about that. Want something to drink?

CUSH: I see what you're saying.

JERRY: Wait. What do you mean?

JERRY: Airight. Enough. I'm pulling him out of this. This isn't what I had in mind anyway.

DOOLER: Then you shouldn't have begged me to hire him.

DOOLER: Look, Rod, just get on the camel!

JERRY: Bill, Rod, wait --

JERRY: ... this is... uh... too funny...

DOOLER: They ain't laughing, man. Something's wrong.

DOOLER: You hear those courtesy laughs, Jerry? There is a seething wrongness at the edges of this party.

JERRY: Oh come on --

DOOLER: This is fuckin Michael Jordan, man! They should be screaming.

JERRY: You're imagining it.

JERRY: This used to be my specialty. I was good in a living room. Send me in there, I'll do it alone. And now I just... I don't know... but on what was supposed to be the happiest night of my business life, it wasn't complete, wasn't nearly close to being in the same vicinity as complete, because I couldn't share it with you. I couldn't hear your voice, or laugh about it with you. I missed my wife. We live in a cynical world, and we work in a business of tough competitors, so try not to laugh -- I love you. You complete me.

DOROTHY: Aw, shut up. You had me at hello. _ 130.

DOROTHY: There's no question you'll be friends. Of course you'll be friends.

JERRY: So this break... is a break-up.

DOROTHY: Come on, Jerry. You know this isn't easy for me. _ 118.

JERRY: What if it's true? "Great at friendship bad at intimacy." I mean, come on. It's the theme of my bachelor film --

DOROTHY: I know. I watched it. I sort of know it by heart.

JERRY: I don't like to give up.

DOROTHY: Oh please. My need to make the best of things, and your need to be what, "responsible"... if one of us doesn't say something now we might lose ten years being polite about it. Why don't we call this next road trip what it is. A nice long break.

JERRY: What about Ray?

DOROTHY: Why fucking not! I deserve it.

JERRY: Dorothy -- what if I'm just not built that way?

DOROTHY: I think we made a mistake here.

DOROTHY: It's my fault.

JERRY: What --

DOROTHY: It's not fair to you. This whole --

JERRY: Tell me -- let me help --

DOROTHY: I took advantage of you and worst of all, I'm not alone. I did this with a kid. I was just on some ride where I thought I was in 1ove enough for both of us. I did this. And at least I can do something about it now.

JERRY: Well -- I'm not the guy who's going to run. I stick.

DOROTHY: I don't need you to "stick."

JERRY: You want...

DOROTHY: I don't know --

JERRY: ...my soul or something. _ 117.

JERRY: Why do you love me?

DOROTHY: Why do you love me?

DOROTHY: And I really don't know your noises yet.

JERRY: Well, when you wonder, ask me.

DOROTHY: Okay... I will...

JERRY: I was thinking I hope he doesn't get injured. I felt responsible.

DOROTHY: Sometimes I can't tell at all, what's going through that head of yours.

JERRY: If I said that, would you stay?

DOROTHY: No no. Don't do that. Don't say that if you don't...

JERRY: Will you marry me?

JERRY: What --

DOROTHY: Look, just in case this weekend becomes next month and next month becomes... whatever... Don't make a joke of your life. Go back and read what you wrote. You're better than the rest of them, better than the Bob Sugars, and don't forget it.

JERRY: Sure you're okay to drive this?

DOROTHY: This rig? Phht. No problem.

JERRY: So I'll see you this weekend.

JERRY: Another time, okay Dorothy?

DOROTHY: Fine, I just --

JERRY: And I appreciate that impulse.

DOROTHY: Oh God.

JERRY: Easy, easy --

DOROTHY: I think you should not come in, or come in depending on how you feel.

JERRY: Same to you.

DOROTHY: No. I have to go in. I live here.

JERRY: Right. I'll come in.

DOROTHY: Okay. Wait here a second. Do we really want to do this?

JERRY: Oh hell yes.

JERRY: Well -- this would be goodnight.

DOROTHY: Good night.

DOROTHY: Yeah. It wasn't like my marriage to Roger was so great, even before -- Jerry?

JERRY: What?

DOROTHY: Let's not tell our sad stories.

DOROTHY: Maybe you should call her.

JERRY: No no no. I just underestimated her... her temper, I guess. Why are we even talking about this?

JERRY: It was laziness1 my whole breakup with Avery. You know that thing you say, "it's nobody's fault." It's one of the great lies, right? Someone is always to blame -- if you go for it, go for it like you do a job, work at it --

DOROTHY: Maybe love shouldn't be such hard work. I know, but --

DOROTHY: We'll see you soon, honey. Bye.

JERRY: Bye you guys. _ 88.

JERRY: Wow. That's more than a dress. That's an Audrey Hepburn movie.

DOROTHY: Yeah -- guess I got revved up at the idea of an evening among adults -- no offense buster. You meet Chad the nanny?

JERRY: Yeah, I did -- am I dressed okay? I guess I didn't realize we were...

JERRY: I sunk most of what I had into this condo, which devalued, and --

DOROTHY: You don't have to explain.

JERRY: Look, the other night, I want to apologize.

DOROTHY: Yeah, what happened there.

JERRY: We're two people working together and we can't have an atmosphere.

DOROTHY: I'm relieved you said that.

JERRY: I mean, the other night was... I felt like you understood something I could barely even say, something way down deep in the murk -- -- but we have a company here to think about. I won't ever take advantage of you in that way again.

DOROTHY: Oh good.

JERRY: You walked out on a job for me, and I won't ruin that.

DOROTHY: Exactly because I know this is a time when you need to be alone with your thoughts. _ 86.

JERRY: Good. Good. Glad is good.

DOROTHY: Plus, you could use that commission.

DOROTHY: Dennis Wilburn called from Arizona to say he's faxing in the new Tidwell offer on Thursday morning, and you'll be happy.

JERRY: Happy. He said "happy?"

DOROTHY: Actually he said "glad." _ 85.

JERRY: Well, good evening.

DOROTHY: Good evening.

DOROTHY: Well.

JERRY: Sorry about this hand. You know that feeling -- you're not completely embarrassed yet, but you glimpe tomorrow's embarrassment?

DOROTHY: Don't worry about it, boss.

JERRY: Oh shit. You said "boss."

DOROTHY: Yeah, I did.

JERRY: Now I feel like Clarence Thomas.

DOROTHY: No. No don't feel like Clarence Thomas.

JERRY: No, I do. I feel like Clarence Thomas. I'm like... harrassing you... right now.

DOROTHY: I may not sue.

DOROTHY: I'm working with you because of that memo...

JERRY: Mission... statement...

JERRY: Me too.

DOROTHY: What you wrote inspired me. _ 79.

DOROTHY: Truth?

JERRY: Sure.

DOROTHY: Don't worry about me. I can get jobs --

JERRY: We will be fine!

DOROTHY: -- especially one like this.

JERRY: And I am...

DOROTHY: Drinks. Food. Plus, I called you a cab.

JERRY: Good idea. Thank you.

DOROTHY: Beer okay?

JERRY: Yeah, thanks.

DOROTHY: Sorry. Uh, let me see, have a seat. I'll get you some aloe vera for that cut too.

JERRY: Do you have something to drink?

DOROTHY: Sure --

DOROTHY: Too bad.

JERRY: Better now than later. We'll still be friends. I'm dying here.

DOROTHY: Jesus, it's a real gash, isn't it?

JERRY: And just think if I got her the ring she really wanted.

DOROTHY: Oh my God.

JERRY: Yeah. That too. I broke up with Avery.

JERRY: Thanks for inviting me over. Where's the little guy?

DOROTHY: He's asleep. Watch out for that lamp.

JERRY: I'm glad you're home. That "alone" thing is... not my specialty...

DOROTHY: Hey you.

JERRY: Hi.

DOROTHY: Okay, have we gone over everything? Back on Tuesday, right?

JERRY: Yep. Have a good time at school, Ray. Wish me luck.

DOROTHY: Happy for us... okay. Here's the number. 404-453-2222.

JERRY: Thanks.

DOROTHY: Call me later, hon.

JERRY: It's all going to work. We're going to save the world.

DOROTHY: Well, I'm happy for you.

JERRY: Happy for us.

JERRY: Dorothy, let me tell you something, we are back. We are so very very back. I re-signed Cush. We're set.

DOROTHY: We are?

JERRY: It's all going to work.

DOROTHY: I just got goosebumps.

DOROTHY: ... light.

JERRY: Shit, it's just so frustrating to not be able to talk to Avery --

JERRY: No, that's fine. What calls came in today?

DOROTHY: Wait. That's yesterday, from the other office. Today is...

DOROTHY: Honey -- later, okay? Whoop. Wait.

JERRY: Hello?

DOROTHY: Sorry, that's my son and the nanny. I had the calls transferred to my home so I could go over your stuff.

DOROTHY: That took guts.

JERRY: Same to you.

JERRY: But I mean really... wonderfully... great.

DOROTHY: Absolutely.

DOROTHY: And I guess we didn't talk about money. So, I'll just dive in --

JERRY: Give me your number. I'll call tomorrow. I'm just a little. I'm a little insane right now. But it's going to be great.

DOROTHY: No no, I know --

DOROTHY: So I know this is a bad time, but -- you will have a medical program, right?

JERRY: Sure. Yes. Medical, I don't know.

JERRY: Wonder what he said.

DOROTHY: My favorite aunt is hearing impaired. He said "you complete me." _ 40.

DOROTHY: Oh no. I'm sure it would just make your day to drive us all the way to Manhattan Beach, taking that left down to little tiny Waterloo street where you have to play chicken with oncoming traffic, and your life flashes before your eyes, but -- hey, I've obviously had too much coffee and all -- here's my sister Laurel to pick us up. Thanks, though. Bye.

JERRY: Dorothy. Ray. A pleasure.

DOROTHY: I think in this age, optimism like that... it's a revolutionary act.

JERRY: You think so?

DOROTHY: Oh tsht. Yes.

JERRY: I appreciate that, because some of that stuff... you know, it was two in the morning and...

DOROTHY: -- the part about "we should embrace what it is still virginal about our enthusiasm" --

DOROTHY: Oh no.

JERRY: No no. I knew.

DOROTHY: Nnnnn. I just killed the surprise.

JERRY: No, I'm just... anxiously looking past it. I already had my bachelor party. It was called "my twenties." See you later.

DOROTHY: Well, thanks.

JERRY: Well, take care.

DOROTHY: And have fun at your bachelor party.

JERRY: Can I help?

DOROTHY: Oh. Hi. I work in your office. I was on the junket to the conference. I'm --

JERRY: I know who y6u are. You're Dorothy Boyd. You're in... wait... you're in Accounts. You have the middle cubicle toward the back with that poster of Albert Einstein morphed onto Shaquille 0 Neal's body.

DOROTHY: Hmm. Pretty good.

JERRY: Now what did you lose?

DOROTHY: My son... my mind...

JERRY: No no...

DOROTHY: Oh, tell the story.

LAUREL: Easy, hon, I was just looking for fun details --

DOROTHY: Oh, well, why didn't you say so? And oh, I don't know if you're interested in this detail, but I was just about to tell you that I love him. I love him, and I don't care what you think. I love him for the guy he wants to be, and I love him for the guy he almost is. I love him.

LAUREL: Because I'm worried that you're putting your faith in this guy who, because of the way things are going, may not have an emotional marble in his head.

DOROTHY: Please, if I start talking --

LAUREL: Guys are just different people when they're hanging onto the bottom rung.

LAUREL: First you gotta tell me something.

DOROTHY: No--

LAUREL: No no. Don't cry at the beginning of the date.

DOROTHY: Oh, knock it off! _ 89.

LAUREL: Forgot your keys --

DOROTHY: That's the first time I ever saw him kiss a man, like a dad, wasn't that just... thrilling? I mean, he must have been needing that.

DOROTHY: I've got a 24 hour a day reminder of Roger, for the rest of my life. I have had three lovers in four years, all boring, all achingly self-sufficient all friends of yours I might add, and all of them running a distant second to a warm bath. Look at me, Laurel, look at me. I'm the oldest 26 year old in the world! How do I look?

LAUREL: Good.

DOROTHY: Thanks.

DOROTHY: That's the girl I love.

LAUREL: But you just gotta hear me out on one thing. You're very responsible with Ray and you know it's not right for a little boy to hear some strange man's voice in the house.

DOROTHY: As opposed to twenty angry women?

LAUREL: I heard.

DOROTHY: No kidding. I looked over and saw the shadow of two curious shoes in the doorway of the kitchen.

LAUREL: This guy would go home with a gardening tool right now if it showed interest. Wait. Use the frosted glasses.

DOROTHY: Thank you.

LAUREL: Look, here's some of that chicken with salsa too, I warmed it up -- _ 74.

DOROTHY: He just lost his best client. He called from the plane. I invited the guy over.

LAUREL: Dotty -- this is not "guy.". This is a "syndrome." It's called Early Midlife, About-To-Marry, Hanging Onto The-Bottom-Rung Dear- God-Don't-Let-Me-Be-Alone, I'll- Call-My-Newly Long-suffering- Assistant-Without Medical-For- Company Syndrome. And if, knowing all that, you still allow him to come over, more power to you.

DOROTHY: Honey, he's engaged. And for the first time in my professional life, I'm a part of something I believe in.

DOROTHY: He's coming over.

LAUREL: At eleven at night? _ 70.

DOROTHY: Wait. Where is he?

LAUREL: He's in the living room asleep.

LAUREL: You are a single mother. You have given up the right to be frivolous.

DOROTHY: If you'd read what he wrote, you would have left with him too.

LAUREL: You know how much those Well Child exams cost --

DOROTHY: Of course I know --

LAUREL: What about medical?

DOROTHY: Of course, medical! _ 42.

TIDWELL: Oh yes. Jerry Maguire! My agent! This is a fierce, loving individual, I love this man, he is love, he is about love -- my ambassador of kwan.

FIRESTONE: Ten seconds, Rod.

TIDWELL: And I love my fans, of which he is one. Wanna thank them for all my Sundays, and of course my Monday nights too. That about says it...

TIDWELL: No, Roy. I'm not gonna cry.

FIRESTONE: -- well, Rod, your agent passed me a note before the show. He says that your deal memo has been signed by the Arizona Cardinals. Four years for ten-point-two million dollars. Playing in the state where you grew up.

TIDWELL: I... I love everybody, man. I love my wife. My kids. Little Tyson. My new baby Kaydee. My brother Tee Pee. I love my friends, my teammates, who am I leaving out?

FIRESTONE: It's only a half-hour show, Rod.

JERRY: Now. Wait. You didn't actually sign with Sugar, did you? Tell me you didn't sign. Because I'm still sort of moved by your "my word is stronger'n oak" thing --

MATT: We signed an hour ago. You were in the lobby with the black fella.

MATT: Apparently, Denver wanted to deal with him instead of you.

JERRY: Said who? Sugar?

MATT: Hey, I'm learning as I go.

JERRY: So you empowered Bob Sugar to deal with Denver behind my back?

MATT: I'm sorry, I --

JERRY: I brought Denver to twenty million. Denver deals with me all the time. You listened to Sugar? You let that snake in the door.

MATT: Not right now, Jerry.

JERRY: Do I know everything there is to know here? You fellas aren't talking with Bob Sugar, are you?

MATT: What happened to Denver?

JERRY: Denver got very silent about a day ago. San Diego's got a fever for Cush. This stuff tends to happen the night before a draft. People get crazy. And San Diego, you should know, is crazy to the tune of seven years for thirty. Signing bonus of eight. Million.

MATT: Denver is where he should be.

JERRY: I'll give it everything.

MATT: You know I don't do "contracts." But'cha do have my word, and it's stronger than oak.

MATT: I want him to go number one in the draft, and I want him to play.

JERRY: It's either going to be Denver or San Diego trading up to take him.

JERRY: Oh, thank you.

MATT: Told myself -- if he shows up, we'll stick with him.

JERRY: You know, I'm not a hugger and yet... I can't let go.

JERRY: Matt, I came here because in all honesty your son is just another piece of cattle to SMI. But to me --

MATT: We decided to stay with you.

TIDWELL: Thanks for coming.

JERRY: I missed ya. What can I say?

TIDWELL: Jerry! You made it --

JERRY: Go. Flee.

TIDWELL: I don't want to be friends anymore.

JERRY: Fine.

TIDWELL: Beautiful.

JERRY: We still having dinner in L.A.?

TIDWELL: Only 'cause my wife likes your wife!

TIDWELL: I'm sorry I asked.

JERRY: No, I'm going to answer you. You want an answer? I'll give it to you. Loyalty. She was loyal. Everything grew from there.

TIDWELL: That's an answer.

JERRY: Damn right.

TIDWELL: For loyalty, you buy a dog. For love, you get married.

JERRY: Look. I'm happy to entertain you, as always, but I have a question for you. Are we really "friends?"

TIDWELL: Why not --

JERRY: Well, friends can tell each other anything, right? If we have our "friends" hats on --

TIDWELL: I think so.

JERRY: Airight. Here's why you don't have your ten million dollars yet. You are a paycheck player. You play with your head. Not your heart. In your personal life? Heart. But when you get on the field -- _ 113.

JERRY: Not everyone has what you have.

TIDWELL: Then why'd you get married? I'm asking you as a friend.

JERRY: You're jabbing at me. _ 112.

TIDWELL: I'm gonna have the game of my life on Monday Night Football, and show all these motherfuckers.

JERRY: Take care, okay? You're my entire client roster.

TIDWELL: Don't I know. Now go home to your wife.

JERRY: What's that supposed to mean?

TIDWELL: Why are you even here, man? You could have told me all this over the phone.

JERRY: I don't know -- how's "dedication" for an answer?

TIDWELL: You don't want to go home, do you?

JERRY: Why are you doing this to me, Rod?

TIDWELL: I'm asking you a question --

JERRY: No, you're --

TIDWELL: I'm trying to talk to you. How's your marriage?

JERRY: Well, just stay healthy. I will show you the kwan.

TIDWELL: Hey, that's my word, okay?

JERRY: We can still take the offer, Rod.

TIDWELL: No.

TIDWELL: Tidwell moves to a tan in a wheelchair, signs an autograph and moves on. Jerry alongside. The quarterback sucks, man. He's gonna get me killed.

JERRY: I'm a little worried --

TIDWELL: I'm worried too. I'm worried that the only reason I'm here getting my brains blown loose is that you weren't asshole enough to get my ten million three months ago.

TIDWELL: You never had The Talk, did you?

JERRY: No.

TIDWELL: Well, this was another way to go.

JERRY: The kid is amazing.

TIDWELL: No. A real man does not shoplift the "pooty" from a single mom.

JERRY: I didn't "shoplift the pooty." We were thrown together and -- I mean it's two mutual people who -- Alright, I shoplifted the pooty.

TIDWELL: Shame on you. SHAME on you.

TIDWELL: First, single mothers don't "date." They have been to the circus, you know what I'm saying? They have been to the puppet show and they have seen the strings. You love her?

JERRY: How do I know?

TIDWELL: You know when you know. It makes you shivver, it eats at your insides. You know?

JERRY: No, I don't know.

TIDWELL: Then you gotta have The Talk.

JERRY: But I sure don't like that she's leaving.

TIDWELL: Well, that ain't fair to her. A single mother, that's a sacred thing, man. _ 103.

TIDWELL: Oh I know plenty. I was raised by a single mother.

JERRY: Tell me, because it's been a month, and she's about to take another job in San Diego.

JERRY: Can I ask you a question totally unrelated to your career?

TIDWELL: Oh, we gonna be friends now?

JERRY: What do you know about dating a single mother?

TIDWELL: Dude, know your art form. If you put the camera down here, looking up, I look more powerful. There's no need for a camel... you got ME.

JERRY: Rod, get on the camel.

JERRY: I'll get you some quick work --

TIDWELL: Good deal, man.

JERRY: If you get injured, you get nothing.

TIDWELL: Won't happen. I'm strong in my mind.

JERRY: It's a risk.

JERRY: I'm out here for you! You don't know what it's like to be me out here for you. It is an up-at-dawn pride-swallowing seige that I will never fully tell you about! Okay?! Help me help you help me help you.

TIDWELL: You're hanging by a very thin thread, dude. And I dig that about you.

TIDWELL: What's wrong.

JERRY: Forget it. Forget it.

TIDWELL: No tell me. _ 84.

TIDWELL: Do your job, man, don't tell me to dance.

JERRY: Fine.

TIDWELL: "Love me love me love me... put me on t.v." That's the iconography of rascism, man!

JERRY: Rod, I'm not a rascist. I'm telling you to be the best version of you, to get back to the guy who first started playing this game. Way back when you were a kid. It wasn't just about the money, was it?

TIDWELL: You're telling me to dance.

JERRY: No, I'm saying to be --

TIDWELL: Is that your porty or mine?

JERRY: You.

TIDWELL: I got there from "coin," dude. Coin, coin... kwaaaan.

JERRY: Great word. Towel?

TIDWELL: No, I air-dry.

JERRY: Rod, I say this with great respect, but those players you mentioned are marquee players and --

TIDWELL: -- the kwan.

JERRY: That's your word?

TIDWELL: Yeah, man, it means love, respect, community... and the dollars too. The package. The kwan.

JERRY: But how did you get "kwan?" _ 82.

TIDWELL: Did you tell him about the "ten million for four years?"

JERRY: Uh, not today, but --

TIDWELL: John Taylor. J.J. Stokes. Andre Rison. I SMOKE all these fools, and yet they're making the big sweet dollars. They're making the money, and I got an agent that ain't even put the number on the table.

JERRY: I understand your anxiety.

TIDWELL: Maybe you don't. Because it's not just the money I deserve. It's not just the "coin." It's the...

TIDWELL: Man, I got a shelf life of ten years, tops! My next contract's gotta bring me the dollars that'11 last me and mine a very long time. I'm out of this sport in five years. What's my family gonna live on? What you get me. So I don't want to hear about ya shit, your "nya nya nya."

JERRY: Another drink please.

TIDWELL: Anybody else would have left you by now, but I'm sticking with you. I said I would. And if I got to ride your ass like Zorro, you're gonna show me the money.

JERRY: Oh my God.

TIDWELL: You are not allowed to act this way.

JERRY: Why not?

JERRY: See this jacket I'm wearing? You like it? I don't really need it, because I'm CLOAKED IN FAILURE. I lost the number one draft pick the night before the draft. They will teach my story to other agents on "do not do this" day in agent school. Why? Let's recap. Because a hockey player's kid made me feel like a superficial jerk, I had two slices of bad pizza, went to bed, grew a conscience and wrote a 25-page Manifesto of Doom!

TIDWELL: Well, boo-fucking-hoo.

JERRY: The least you could do is nod and act sympathetic --

TIDWELL: No.

JERRY: It's a quality that might come in handy for a commercial sometime. _ 69.

JERRY: Rod --

TIDWELL: You feel bad you tested positive? Quit doing blow! You feel bad about your baby girl? Why did you leave the mother?

JERRY: What are you doing with me, Rod?

TIDWELL: Huh?

JERRY: Don't you even see -- I'm finished. I'm fucked. Twenty-four hours ago, I was hot. Now... I'm a cautionary tale!

TIDWELL: You love me now, don't you?

JERRY: Very much.

TIDWELL: Good. I was just testing ya. But just you saying that? Makes me love ya.

JERRY: Get some sleep. See you tomorrow.

TIDWELL: Sure you don't want to go out and find some karoake? I'm a very good singer, man --

JERRY: Call me tomorrow.

TIDWELL: I might call you later!

TIDWELL: You're loving me now, aren't ya?

JERRY: I'm not about love -- I'm about "showing you the money."

TIDWELL: You believe they're shooting a Nike ad down there? Did I ever tell you my Nike story?

JERRY: I gotta get back to Cushman.

TIDWELL: Okay, I understand. I'll boil it down for ya. Fuck Nike. All they do is ignore me...

TIDWELL: I came all the way here for that? To walk the lobby?

JERRY: Yeah. And it might have even worked too.

TIDWELL: Let's do it again.

JERRY: At last I find you.

TIDWELL: Why the fuck am I here? I feel like I'm five years late for the Prom.

JERRY: Show. Me. The. Money.

TIDWELL: Congratulations. You're still my agent.

JERRY: I got it.

TIDWELL: Now doesn't that just make you feel good to say it? Say it with me.

TIDWELL: -- now to recap, I want to stay in Arizona, I want my new contract, I like you, you're nice to my wife, I will stay with you, that's what I'm doing for you, but here's what you're gonna do for me. You listening?

JERRY: Mmm. Hmm.

TIDWELL: It's a very personal, very important thing. It's a family motto. So I want to share it with you. You ready?

JERRY: Yes.

TIDWELL: Here it is. "Show me the money." Show. Me. The. Money. _ 36.

TIDWELL: Good, 'cause see, I am a valuable commodity. I go across the middle. I see the ball and a dude coming right at me, wanting to kill me, I tell my brain "get killed, catch the ball." That's New York Steak, baby. Rare. And yet, nobody's giving me LOVE. Nobody's giving me PROPS. Nobody. I went to Arizona State, I'm from Arizona, I break Arizona records, I'm a Sun Devil, man!!!

JERRY: Now you want Arizona dollars.

TIDWELL: Exactly. And I'm sitting here with an ant problem, look! And my brother Tee Pee's room is flooded with water. Say hello to Jerry Maguire --

TIDWELL: Alright, we're just getting started on my list of things you need to know. Take notes if you want to.

JERRY: Okay.

JERRY: Which they do. And we're standing there. All the football guys are in the lobby, watching, there's even an ESPN crew. So I turn to her and sort of grandly say, "Well, this is me, Klutz, asking you, Goddess of Rock Climbing, to marry me." And I took out the ring, and I don't much like big scenes, but she said "yes" right there in the lobby and some of the toughest men in football wept like babies. We're getting married in February.

WOMAN: Jerry. You two will be together forever.

JERRY: Well, it bothered me somewhat. And I got quiet. And now she's quiet and we're both pouting a little, you know. And I decide I'm not going to propose. The mood is not right. Why be impulsive? Now at this point I know she knows that I was going to propose and didn't. And she knows I know. So the entire sixty mile ride back to the airport, we don't speak. And we're both good at that. We fly to Honolulu in silence. We check into the Pro Bowl hotel --

WOMAN: How sad --

JERRY: But wait...

WOMAN: Oh, tell the story.

JERRY: --so our first date, she told me about her favorite place in the world, the seven pools of Hana on the island of Maui...

WOMAN: Gorgeous.

JERRY: A year-and-a-half later, we were both in Hawaii for the Pro Bowl. Now I've always hit a wall at 18 months. Every serious girlfriend lasts 18 months. It's like --ka- boom. The curse of 18 months.

WOMAN: That's when you need to cement, and define define define.

JERRY: Exactly. And the world does not need another 35 year-old bachelor. I knew I wanted to propose, so I took her there.

WOMAN: To the pools?

JERRY: To the pools. Now she's Miss Rock Climber, and I'm more the Non-Rock Climber, but we're hiking up through the pools and there's a fine mist in the air, and I have the ring in my pocket, and I'm a little nervous, I'm lagging behind, and she says to me, get this -- "Hurry up, klutz."

WOMAN: Oh no -- _ 14.

JERRY: I uh... don't think we're quite at your pitch yet.

WOMAN: Tell me, and then you can sleep.

JERRY: She's an NFL publicist... amazing sense of style... former athlete... volleyball... world class... really knows how to live every moment of her life, which is why I should take a nap now...

WOMAN: And I can't say his name without laughing I want to eat him up. I want to say goodbye to every bad thought I ever had about relationships. I mean, I crave this guy... and yet... why... why did I have that affair this weekend? Does that mean I'm not in love with my boyfriend?

JERRY: I think you'll know when you see him at the gate.

WOMAN: It's the death rattle of my singlehood, right? Because I finally see the white picket fence looming and I love it/hate it/love it/hate it/ love it... you're right, I'll know when I see him. Why is it so easy to talk with you?! Tell me about your fiancee.

WOMAN: You're with the sports people on the plane, right?

JERRY: Jerry Maguire. SMI.

WOMAN: Bobbi Fallon. BPI. I'm producing the Coke commercials for the playoffs.

JERRY: Well. Good luck with that --

JERRY: I have to ask.

WOMAN: What --

JERRY: Where'd you find the perfect white shirt?

JERRY: He took a shot. He's unconscious.

MARCEE: I'm freakin out. Oh God I'm --

JERRY: Keep the phone open. I'll call back. Stay calm. He's got some good doctors out there.

MARCEE: "Stay calm?" I'm freakin...

JERRY: Alright, I'm freaking too. But they need you to stay calm. I'll call back. _ 124.

MARCEE: I'm sorry what I said back there.

JERRY: Don't be silly.

MARCEE: My husband believes in you. We're gonna make it. Bye bye Dorothy.

JERRY: Marcee --

MARCEE: What DO you stand for???

JERRY: Okay, we don't take this emotionally. We roll with this problem.

MARCEE: What are you talking about -- "don't get emotional." If you ask me, you haven't gotten emotional ENOUGH about this man. _ 98.

JERRY: I'll go back to them.

MARCEE: And say what? "Please remove your dick from my ass?!"

JERRY: Marcee, things are changing around here. You and Rod will have my total personal attention.

MARCEE: Damn right, and you can start by taking Rod's poster and putting it where people can see it!

JERRY: Damn right.

MARCEE: You gonna get that --

JERRY: Not a chance.

JERRY: How can I make your life better?

MARCEE: I know you say to take the Arizona offer, but my husband needs more recognition. _ 25.

JERRY: Marcee. How's my favorite player's wife?

MARCEE: Jerry, Rod is very very upset. Tyson, no!

JERRY: SMI represents all three quarterbacks on your team, where's their loyalty going to be? You stay with me, I'd fight for YOU alone. You'd be my only client on that team...

SUGAR: I've got the clients. I've got the juice.

SUGAR: Give me a little credit for doing this face-to-face! What I went through knowing I was going to do this to my mentor! Can you get past yourself for a second?

JERRY: You'll lose.

SUGAR: You wanted smaller.

JERRY: I'm over it. Now I want all my clients and yours too.

SUGAR: Jerry --

JERRY: -- and I'll get 'em.

SUGAR: You'll always be my hero, Jerry. Always always always. We're bringing other elements in, we're focusing on endorsements -- it's not about handholding anymore. We're no longer babysitters --

SUGAR: ... dick?

JERRY: Dick.

JERRY: You...

SUGAR: You did this to yourself. You said "fewer clients." You put it all on paper. Scully was very upset. Heart attacks make some people sweeter, but not him. You did this to yourself --

JERRY: Aw shit...the crowded restaurant... so there's no scene...

SUGAR: I know. It sucks. I suck.

JERRY: Pardon me?

SUGAR: Came here to fire you, Jerry.

JERRY: Gimme a second here... Tidwell... Arizona contract... new glass cabinet...

SUGAR: You okay?

JERRY: I'm fine. What's up?

SUGAR: I came here to let you go. _ 27.

SUGAR: Cronin's okay for lunch?

JERRY: Marcee -- this is one of our agents. This is Bob Sugar, who needs to learn to knock.

SUGAR: Pleasure.

JERRY: Dooler, you know Bob Sugar.

SUGAR: The best commercial director in the business. I hail you.

JERRY: -- I give you my favorite animal in the zoo. Are you ready for the weirdness, the strange perfection and truth of...

RAY: I'm scared. What is it?

JERRY: It's in a cage. Do not be scared of...

RAY: Show me the animal, Jerry!

JERRY: Right up ahead, buddy --

RAY: What's going on, Jerry?

JERRY: A lot. We got a big fax today... we need this commission, buddy.

RAY: I don't see any.

JERRY: Funny.

RAY: Funny... I better go to bed.

RAY: I won't tell.

JERRY: We'll go to the zoo sometime. Okay? I think I might have some time on my hands.

RAY: Let's go right now. Let's go to the zoo.

JERRY: Aw, the fucking thing... I mean, the zoo is closed.

RAY: You said "fuck".

JERRY: Yeah I know. I did.

RAY: And then my dad died and my mom took me to the zoo and I love the zoo. Do you hate the zoo or do you love the zoo?

JERRY: Wait. I want to tell you more about my dad.

RAY: Let's go the zoo.

JERRY: Okay. I've been hogging it. You're right. _ 76.

RAY: Hi.

JERRY: Hi Ray.

JERRY: Hey, man, you know they have big balloons built into cars?

RAY: No.

JERRY: They do, my brother.

RAY: I'm not your brother!

RAY: One-two-three, swing.

JERRY: Thanks. May I offer you both a ride?

TEE PEE: He should have kept his head tucked down.

MARCEE: Shut up!!!

TEE PEE: I'm not putting him down, I just have a commitment to the truth.

TEE PEE: He's gonna have nothing left for next season. They're letting him kill himself.

MARCEE: Can you be quiet?

TEE PEE: What'd I say?

MARCEE: Now go kiss your daddy, quick.

TEE PEE: That's why they cheer, you know. The white man sending the black man into battle...