Men in Black

KAY: It's easy. You work your way up the secret service, one day stand with the President, meet the most important people on the planet, fulfill your dreams, live happily ever after.

COWAN: And if I say yes?

KAY: Lose your name and identity, work endless hours an behalf people who don't know you exist, and abandon any hope that you might one day feel even the slightest bit sure of your place in the universe.

COWAN: Once I thought the biggest thing I'll ever do was guard the president.

KAY: Oh, you'll still, be guarding him.

KAY: We have one motto: Peace on Earth.

COWAN: And Goodwill Toward Man?

KAY: No. just peace on Earth.

COWAN: I gotta be honest about something.

KAY: ...touch that.

COWAN: What the hell...

KAY: Kids' game a couple galaxies over.

COWAN: I guess I lost:

KAY: You got smeared.

COWAN: So... this door. It's... not an exit... ?

KAY: It's not even a fucking door.

COWAN: Yes. That's true. Actually, at this point, I just want A job. Wait. What do you mean... yet?

KAY: It means I know you think you got a beat on things. But trust me, you don't. You don't even have an inkling of a hint of a clue as to what's really going on in the world. And if you want to find out even a little, you'll shut up and come with me. And if you don't, fine. Go with them. Cause I'm not interested in breaking in another little hot-shot only to have him wig or die on me just when I'm starting to count on him. So forgive me if you don't exactly hear me ringing little bells and whistling welcome aboard, but this isn't the Love Boat. And I'm not Captain Fucking Stubing. Now I'm sorry. But this has been one long, bad day.

COWAN: Sir, before you boot me, I just want to explain. I mean, okay, you got a goat-guy with a hook for a head...

KAY: Cowan--

COWAN: Wait. Uh-- sir. Please. Anyway. Hook-head-guy. I'm thinking "how can he think with a hook for a head?" Answer: that's not his head. Then I think--

KAY: Cowan--

COWAN: of course not, cause his head is that thing way on the other side of the road, cause, if you looked at it, the entire sidewalk full of stuff was actually ONE GUY and--

KAY: Cowan-- will you shut your god damed mouth?

KAY: You shot an eight year old girl.

COWAN: Uh... yes. Apparently I did, air.

KAY: The hell were you thinking?

COWAN: Well, I dunno. I mean, when you looked at all the other options... it just seemed sorta obvious.

KAY: Obvious? Why don't you and I have a little talk about the obvious... outside.

KAY: The hell happened?

COWAN: Hesitated, sir.

KAY: I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about your choice of targets.

COWAN: So... wait. You just asked... but he goes so fast, he actually brought what you asked for before you asked for it.

ZED: His physics are a little different than ours. Don't worry

COWAN: It'll make sense later?

ZED: No. But You'll get used to it. Welcome to the Men in Black.

ZED: Hell of an assistant, isn't he? Damn guy moves so fast, he actually gets there before you even ask for him.

COWAN: Sorta literally gets ahead of himself.

ZED: Hang on. -- And this is the good part; when you're fully ordained, he'll come when you call him, too. Dave.

ZED: Everybody, listen up: we've had a tremendous amount of movement lately. Be aware. Be safe. Have a good day. Oh, uh... Cowan?

COWAN: Yes, air? -- OOOMPH.

ZED: From now on, you'll respond only to the name "Jay." You'll dress in appropriate attire specially sanctioned by the INS Special Services. You're not to stand out in any way. Understand?

COWAN: Yes, sir.

ZED: Only the damn guy won't know it.

COWAN: What happens if I say no?

ZED: You think we're nuts.

COWAN: No-- it makes sense. Cause I gotta tell ya, when I was in third grade they told me I was crazy cause I swore that our teacher was from, like, Venus or something.

ZED: Mrs. Edelson?

COWAN: Well... you know, when you say "normal," what, exactly...

ZED: For instance... It says here you lost your parents at 15, and, since then...

COWAN: Sir. I thought those records were sealed.

ZED: We're the government, Cowan.

ZED: What's so funny, cadet Cowan?

COWAN: I... I don't know, air. This guy. Mr. "Best of the best of the best... " I don't know. It's just still find it a little... humorous. I'm sorry. Sir.

COWAN: ... think that maybe my supervisors referred me here because of certain issues which I assure you I have spent a good deal of time working very hard to correct--

ZED: Your supervisors have no idea why you're here.

COWAN: They don't?

ZED: They don't. Now, son. If you get the job, you're going to be working with some very particular people who like to do things in some very particular ways. Here's a little piece of advice: Don't use this so much.

WALLACE: Look. I don't know why. I could guess, however. Maybe it's your attitude. Or that you're not even close to a team player. Or that you always seen to think you know more than your supervisors.

COWAN: Actually, sir--

WALLACE: Cowan. Do you ever think that maybe, just maybe, other people might be right and you might be wrong?

COWAN: All the time, sir.

WALLACE: You do?

COWAN: Yes, air. But I'm usually wrong. Sir.

COWAN: Bull... loney- Sir. I'm sorry. Sir, I'm sorry. Sir. I just, I find it hard to believe that it didn't come from you. I mean, everything here comes from you.

WALLACE: Well this didn't.

COWAN: Then where did it-- ? Sir. Forgive me, but it makes no sense. worked my ass off to grad--

WALLACE: Sorry, Cowan, I found out literally just before the ceremony.' Apparently you're to report for further review.

COWAN: Further... what are you talking about, air? That makes no sense-- I hold three cadet class records--

WALLACE: Actually, it didn't come from me.

KAY: Dee. God damn it. I told you to go home.

DEE: Kay...

DEE: 'Hell, I may as well do something useful.

KAY: Dee, you've been useful for 50 years. We're clueless, you're tired. Why don't you go home and get some rest.

DEE: Home? You gotta be kidding me. Black?

DEE: Helluva night, isn't it?

KAY: Yup. Sure is.

KAY: Grab the coffee, will ya? I told Zed I'd give him a buzz.

DEE: Listen-- do me a favor-- don't mention the 140 thing--

KAY: Don't worry about it.

KAY: I wasn't scared...

DEE: Oh yeah? The hell you weren't. Little pither just out of school...

DEE: Kay, listen, I dunno what got into--

KAY: Don't worry about it. It's been a long night. Speaking of which-- you owe me a cup of coffee, remember?

KAY: Little more burn on the perimeter-they weren't roasting smores here. Dig out this hole a little. Cmon, I know it's late, but the sooner we get it right, the sooner we'll all be home.

DEE: Kay, I'm sorry...

KAY: Don't worry about it. Four-Eyes'll run a track on him. We'll get that son of a... whatever the hell he's the son of.

KAY: Mikey. Hold it, Mikey-- I want you to talk to me. Mikey. I'm telling you.. don't make me... Mikey Gimme the 140.

DEE: Oh. Shit. it's in the car--

KAY: What? I thought you just--

KAY: Which do you have your money on, Dee?

DEE: I'd go with number three.

KAY: Three, huh? Really? Cause a cup of coffee says we're talking about... number... four? Huh? No?

KAY: Underground gas vein. Next time, be more careful when you shoot off your guns.

INS LEADER: What?

KAY: You heard me. You two, especially.

KAY: This is a neurelyser. it was a gift from some friends from out of town. I need you to look at it. This red eye here isolates and measures the nature of the electronic impulses currently in your brain. More specifically, the ones -for memory, which it will then block. I said I need you to look right here.

INS LEADER: Why? What are you gonna do?

KAY: Actually that's a very good question. The answer-- if You'll Just look at this Part-- is here.

KAY: Vayanse. You others, go on.

INS LEADER: Sir--

KAY: Pasen al-furgon v larguense de aqui! Take the van and go.

INS LEADER: Sir, you can't just--

KAY: DON'T "SIR" ME-- YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHO YOU'RE DEALING WITH.

KAY: We'll take it from here.

INS LEADER: What? Who the hell are you?

KAY: INS, Washington. Special services.

JAY: Who's she gonna tell, anyway? She only hangs out with dead people.

KAY: Not her. Me. They're beautiful, aren't they? The stars. I never just look anymore and they're beautiful.

JAY: Kay, you're scaring your partner.

KAY: I haven't been training a partner -- I've been training a replacement.

JAY: Oh no, I can't do this job by myself.

JAY: After I got the shit beat out of me!

KAY: And I almost got digested. It goes with the job.

JAY: You coulda told me what you were doing.

KAY: There wasn't time, sport!

KAY: You were saying?

JAY: Getting eaten!? That was your plan!?

KAY: Do IT! SHOOT HIM!

JAY: Kay!?

JAY: Wow... this one's cool. And it looks just like a shotgun.

KAY: Actually, it is a shotgun. Hold onto it--

JAY: in case I need it?

KAY: In case I need it.

KAY: I'm going to try and cut him off at the hotel. You guys get to the Memorial. Keep this stuff hidden. The last thing we need is some over-zealous Secret Service twirp to...

JAY: Do his job.

KAY: Right. Oh, and here.

JAY: Would you call this a code 100?

KAY: I'd double it and add 20.

KAY: It's marble.

JAY: All of it?

KAY: We saw it in the office. It went from this big... to big... in a day.

JAY: Well, if the bugs have hatched, and they're not here... then where are they?

KAY: Maybe they didn't get here. Maybe they've been here.

JAY: For how long?

JAY: Since how long?

KAY: Since as long as we've been keeping records...

JAY: What are you doing?

KAY: Everything left the planet, right? Except one thing. That little insect-- the one we found in Sudbury. Did it leave when everything else left?

KAY: Great. Fine. Listen, why don't we call the pentagon, maybe they'll take you back with the new age well wishers. I'll stay here and go extinct with the dinosaurs.

JAY: Kay. All I'm saying--

KAY: I know what you're saying. And I'm telling you I don't trust him--

JAY: I know you don't trust him. You don't trust anybody--

KAY: Cause I've been doing this thirty years and if I don't know when something doesn't feel right by now--

JAY: That's my point. For thirty years you've been looking through things and under things and behind things. Well what I'm saying is maybe this is a time where you should look right at things. He said our enemy in already here. Well maybe it is. Maybe our enemy is, literally, already here.

KAY: He's here to help!?

JAY: Yes. Well, in his own mind, yeah. What if, from his point of view, he is?

KAY: How does that help me?

JAY: Well... if you think about it, then it would mean that maybe everything he's saying is true.

JAY: Kay--

KAY: Hang on. There's gotta be something on this guy. Did you contact the Alliance? Do they have anything?

KAY: Oh, yeah? Fill us in, why don't you.

JAY: What if he's telling the truth?

KAY: You know something? I actually never think of that. I gotta get some coffee.

KAY: "Perhaps we shoulld take a lesson from our dinosaurs..."

JAY: I dunno, man. Maybe we should.

KAY: Where's it coming? Where's he landing?

JAY: The Pentagon.

JAY: Jesus Christ...

KAY: We're rising.

JAY: Jesus...

KAY: Get back in the car!

KAY: Ernie Goose? Cynthia?

JAY: That's the Loch Ness Monster. And... Kay-- that's... 444-Eyes?

JAY: What's going on, Kay?

KAY: I don't want to rattle you, but Dee was here for the War of the Worlds.

JAY: The radio show?

KAY: No. The aliens organized, all of them, and tried a coup. They made it seem like a radio show afterwards.

JAY: You think that's what's-happening?

KAY: I think that's what's happening...

JAY: Looks like a train ticket.

KAY: Where to?

KAY: Something's wrong here.

JAY: Gee. You really think?

KAY: Jeebs is eager to have me deport him. But would rather kill himself than go downtown. Why?

JAY: I dunno. Why did that family need all their luggage for a dinner?.

KAY: Why did Mikey leave Nazca?

JAY: And what's this ... ?

KAY: What?

KAY: He's a slimy little slithering scumwad is what he is.

JAY: There's gotta be a hundred pawn shops in downtown Philadelphia. I take it there's a reason we're going to this one.

KAY: There's a god damn good reason.

KAY: A signazoid's eleven thousand pounds. I think we'd know if held left.

JAY: Then wouldn't we also know if he's here?

KAY: Hold it.

JAY: Now what?

KAY: History's proven that where there's a nitrogenizer, there's a 12-legged signazoid. They use it to make our food digestible for their systems.

KAY: Well, Mr. Intuition... When the neighbors report screaming and we hear nothing but silence, what does that lead you to believe?

JAY: I guess it's simple, huh? They're either gone... or dead.

KAY: Or someone has a nitrogenizer.

JAY: A what?

JAY: what's this?

KAY: It's an Edna named after Zed's ex wife. All you do is at the target. The scope matches the image with the image on your retina. The barrel will find the target on its own.

JAY: What?

KAY: Something seem unusual to you about that?

JAY: Uh... you mean... a family of sixeyed, red-faced space creatures travelling to New Mexico to have dinner with their cousins, the invertebrates? Seemed pretty god damned ordinary to me.

KAY: If it was just a meal, why did they have so much luggage?

JAY: I dunno. Maybe it was baby supplies, Kay starts the car, starts to pull a U-turn.

KAY: Let's check am out.

JAY: Kay, um... how, uh, fast does this thing actually go ... ?

KAY: Let's see... that was second gear..Kay shifts into THIRD. Jay winces.

JAY: Well, one thing's for sure. You could certainly lighten up.

KAY: Why?

JAY: Why? Well, it wouldn't hurt you to have a little more fun. I know I don't know you all that well, but--

KAY: You don't know me at all.

JAY: Um-- Kay?

JAY: I'm just saying it was cold. I think she kind of liked me.

KAY: She didn't even know you. .

JAY: I know, that's usually the only time I actually have a shot. And what if I wanted to see her again? I'd have to completely re-introduce myself.

KAY: Such a shame, too. Cause you made such a good impression the first time.

JAY: Hey, I was workin' her. I was workin' my thing.

KAY: Just so I understand... you're "thing" is... acting like an idiot? Or is it actually being an idiot? Besides--

JAY: I know, I know. I read the manual. No attachments. We work alone. Blah. blah.

KAY: If you don't have anyone to tell, you won't tell anyone. Believe me, you get used to it.

JAY: I think you're too used to it. If you ask me, you've been doing this job too long.

KAY: You don't know the half of it.

JAY: What'd you do before this, anyway? Wait-- let me guess. Ice sculpture? Rock?

KAY: I taught kindergarten.

JAY: Ha ha. No, really.

KAY: It was a long time ago.-

JAY: I think she's the alien. In any case, she's clearly spent my too much time alone in this room.

KAY: Keep her out of here while I check it out.

JAY: I'm, uh... real curious about your met up here. I see you have the, uh, double-office-type thing going here..

JAY: I tell you, if we really wanted to bland in, that'd what we'd be wearing. I think it'd be a good look for you, too. I'll even help you choose a tattoo.

KAY: It's the way we do it. The way we've always done it.

JAY: I know, but we're on a college campus...

KAY: This is a college? I'm sorry, I thought it was a carnival.

JAY: So... lemme get this straight. We got the use of all sorts of technology from all sorts of other planets. We got information no one else in the world is privy to. And we're in a 1986 Ford LTD about to go look at an insect?

KAY: So what's the problem?

JAY: Well, first of all... I gotta think we could still blend in pretty nice in a Ferrari Testerrosa. I mean, there is a lot of `em on the street these days, and... uh...

JAY: It's a bug.

KAY: Right.

JAY: But not a BUG bug-- it's an insect.

KAY: The point is to not call attention to ourselves.

JAY: I understand. Hey, it works for the Hasids, right? No one recognizes them.

JAY: Well, how about if I guess, then? Black: Vast space. Deep. Spiritual. The essence of infinity.

KAY: We wear black.

JAY: Oh. Right. I guess that's kind of cool, too, in it's own way. Course, this isn't really black; it's kind of a dull, dirty, tarry sort of noncolor, isn't it?

ZED: I put word out-- you know how long it takes to get the signals across.

JAY: Kay. Seriously. What if he actually means what he says?

JAY: Sure.

ZED: Me, too. I feel a long day coming on.

ZED: Yeah. His dream and our worst nightmare.

JAY: You know, there's something we never really thought of...

JAY: I'm just wondering what's so great out there that everyone's trying to get to it?

ZED: Or what's no horrible down here that everyone's trying to avoid It?

JAY: Why does it feel like the only thing scarier than having a bunch of aliens on the planet... is having then leave the planet?

LAUREL: What are you doing?

JAY: They respond to fear, right?

LAUREL: Yeah ... ?

JAY: Well I'm going to give them something to be afraid of.

JAY: Okay. If you've got a bug problem-a big one. And they're swarming and there's no way to shoot them all individually... how do you get rid of them?

LAUREL: The only thing I could think of would be... you'd have to get rid of the queen.

JAY: What if you have the foggiest clue as to where the queen is?

LAUREL: Are you sure you don't?

JAY: Is it my eyes... or is that thing a little...

LAUREL: Out of focus?

LAUREL: What do we do?

JAY: What do we do? Lean into it.

LAUREL: What the hell does that mean?

JAY: Actually... I don't know.

JAY: When?

LAUREL: It would've had to have been recently-- within a few weeks.

JAY: So... how did they get here?

LAUREL: I swear to God, that was not here two days ago...

JAY: What is it?

LAUREL: It's the most amazing insect nest I've ever seen. And I'll tell you one thing, it sure as hell ain't the Andean Mollatoosa.

JAY: But it's definitely a nest, isn't it?

LAUREL: Man, hey-- maybe you are an entopologist after all.

LAUREL: It's hard to find. It's an old civil war cemetery. Nobody ever goes there. So... what is it you say you do?

JAY: I guess you could say we're entopologists of a sort.

LAUREL: I don't think so. I mean, him, he could be a scientist, maybe. But you... Exterminator, I'd understand. But entopolgist? No way.

JAY: Why not?

LAUREL: Well, first of all, it's entomologist.

LAUREL: Once-- just once-- I thought I'd made the discovery of a lifetime...

JAY: Actually, you may have.

JAY: Right, right-- I like that stuff.

LAUREL: With exclusionary frecto-inhibitors?

JAY: Exactly. I very much enjoy that.

LAUREL: Do have any idea what I just said?

LAUREL: So... how'd you hear about this?

JAY: Oh, yeah, well, you know. I'm a big fan. I've read all your work.

LAUREL: Yeah, right. Even I can barely read all my work.

LAUREL: Or when someone has a hideous birthmark and all you do is stare. I really like that. Let the other girls have the guys like you. Chiseled jaw, perfect nose, quirky dimples. I find you all so boring.

JAY: I'd prefer if you were just a little more blunt.

JAY: So, I guess you could say you're really into insects...

LAUREL: Actually, they disgust me. But that's what I love about them. Like a car wrack, you know, how you shouldn't look, but you always pull over and watch real close, or even pretend you're a reporter so you can get even closer and take pictures?

KAY: Let's go, Jeebs. Downtown.

JEEBS: You're not taking me in!

KAY: And I'm arranging deportation papers.

JEEBS: Yes. Yes, that's eminently fair of you.

KAY: And I'm bringing you in and locking you up until you tell me--

KAY: Your licence is revoked. Permanently.

JEEBS: I understand. I understand, thank you. --How about a transmographic dexahydrochlorophallomixaloosalyser?

JEEBS: The kid looked desperate. I figured...

KAY: You figured what?

JEEBS: I figured it didn't matter. It's my last day of business. I was wrong. I'm sorry. Hey, look what I got for you-- a free-floating plasma pad? --One of the good ones, too, with zoids.

KAY: What a coincidence, cause I was just thinking about you, too, Jack. Recognize this?

JEEBS: No.

KAY: Maybe you need a closer look.

KAY: Goodwill...

YAZ: Most entirely. Earth has been overrun with an infestation of a species which, in order for the planet to survive, must be exterminated.

KAY: Not bad. Briliiant, actually. You come unarmed, and alone. Cause your army's been growing underground for what? 100 years? 150?

YAZ: Give or take. It was right around your civil war, I think, when I was here last. We were waiting till your planet was warm enough.

KAY: Pardon me. I hate to break up this lovely little group hug, but we people aren't ready for what we have. How is this going to help?

YAZ: How could it not?

KAY: Why don't you ask the Mosebacke? Brazil. Until 44 years ago they ate with their hands, lived in huts, and didn't even know the rest of the world existed. 44 years ago a well intentioned missionary gave them a fork. Today, they don't exist.

YAZ: Come on now. People are smart.

KAY: No-- a Person is smart. People are dumb. And the more people you put together, the dumber they get. And you know that.

KAY: Oh yeah? Well if you're suddenly such a good samaritan, why didn't you file a departure report, like you're supposed to? You know how many rules you've just broken?

MIKEY: I dunno. One?

KAY: Try seven. From unauthorized mobilization to appearing unconcealed before a resident. You wanna tell me what's going on? Huh?

MIKEY: It's... coming.

KAY: What are you talking about, it's coming? What's coming?

MIKEY: Er. well, nowhere special.

KAY: I don't believe you, Mikey. And you know why I don't believe you? Cause last time you said that you and your pals left eight dozen empty beer cans on the other side of the moon.

MIKEY: Yeah, wall, you know, I was just going there... to pick then up.

MIKEY: Nowhere.

KAY: Nowhere, huh? odd you'd get all dressed up like that just to be going nowhere.

KAY: I know what this is. Zed, you in?

ZED'S VOICE: Yeah, Kay?

KAY: Did our friend announce when he's making his speech?

ZED'S VOICE: Noon exactly.

KAY: Did he say where?

ZED'S VOICE: Actually, yeah--

KAY: Wouldn't happen to be the Lincoln Memorial, would it?

ZED'S VOICE: How'd you know that? Kay?

KAY: Cause I think we're looking at it.

KAY: ... recent landings within a hundred mile radius of Sudbury, Virginia?

ZED'S VOICE: Nothing.

KAY: Nothing at all? Now? Last month? Anything in the last few years?

ZED'S VOICE: Nope. Nothing at all.

KAY: So... now what? Cattle call again?

ZED'S VOICE: We've got about eight or nine prospects I want you look--

KAY: Yeah, I'll talk to you.

LEONARD: I just wanted to scare em. So I go in to buy a starter's pistol-- you know, the kind they use at track meets that shoot blanks-- and this guy, he said if I really wanted to mess with with them, he had just the thing...

KAY: This guy. Where was he?

LEONARD: Found it.

KAY: Tell us the truth. You don't just find these things, at least not in this neighborhood.

LEONARD: I promised I wouldn't tell.

KAY: Listen to me. You're holding something very very dangerous. You've just iced 350 of your pals--

LEONARD: They're not my pals--

KAY: They're not even gonna be your enemie-a if you don't give that to me really soon.

LEONARD: What if I don't?

KAY: In about 10 seconds they're gonna start losing brain cells at the rate of about a million a minute.

LEONARD: Will it lower the curve?

KAY: I don't think it's a tradeoff you really want to make. Now give it to me-- I can reverse the effects if you give it to me now.

LEONARD: I wanna make a deal.

LAUREL: Really nice wheels, by the way.

KAY: Wait-- listen--

KAY: Which way?

LAUREL: Seriously. I'm not going any further until you tell who you are.

KAY: We need to talk to you about the alien.

LAUREL: The what?

LAUREL: Hmnn... wall, it's funny, cause usually I'm not all that attracted to stupid guys, but--

KAY: But, unfortunately, you're even less attracted to guys you've never seen before.

KAY: We're with the immigration and Naturalization Service, Intergalactic Bureau. We monitor all-alien activity in and around Earth and its enveloping atmosphere.

LAUREL: Come again?

LAUREL: I mean, I dunno. I've seen insects with really great camoflauge ability. But never like this.

KAY: May I have a look?

KAY: This it?

LAUREL: Yeah. Nov I know it looks normal, but watch this.

KAY: We're from Scientific American. We read about your discovery. We'd like to take a look.

LAUREL: Scientific American? Really?

ZED: How'd you know?

KAY: Just a guess. But I think found a nest.

ZED: And get this: you know how humans evolved from primates? Well guess what the dominant life form on planet evolved from?

KAY: Don't tell me. Insects.

KAY: Yeah? What's up?

ZED: I got a planet check on that bug. It's from way the hell out in the third belt. it's organic, formed in the same blast that made our solar system.

ZED: Well, it wasn't in the jar...

KAY: Did it leave?

ZED: Actually, I don't know...

KAY: Oh shit!

ZED: As far as I can tell, the guy's what he says he is - alone, and unarmed. All he wants is five minutes to introduce himself to the public.

KAY: Where's he making his big speech?

ZED: They haven't announced it yet. All I know is we're in motion for the most watched media event in history.

KAY: And they're buying it?

ZED: They went right to the President.

KAY: They went to the President? Directly? THEY WENT OVER OUR HEADS?

KAY: I'm getting a trajectory...

ZED: What do we have? Are we showing anything?

ZED: They're gone.

KAY: Dee? What are you doing here?

ZED: Even that little bug you found in Sudbury seems to have taken off.

KAY: Jesus, everyone's moving. Could be an assembly. Does it look aggressive?

ZED: Hard to tell. I hope not.

KAY: Keep an eye on things there. We'll see what we can find out at Ernie Goosels.

ZED: He's gone, too.

KAY: What about the other agents? Ella? Tee?

ZED: Elle's up in Portland-- three of her charges left visibly at a Trailblazers game. Shots got a lot to mop up. Tee says his Shanghai quadrasectionals haven't been around since morning.

ZED: Kay? What's your 20?

KAY: Highway 119, just west of Smith. Why?

ZED: I need you in Philadelphia. I got a code 90, in a-high school.

KAY: What the hell is going on?

KAY: Jupiter, actually. well, one of the moons.

ZED: So whattya say, kid? You in or out?

ZED: How's Dee?

KAY: Fine. Good.

YAZ: Why, you might ask? Because you're ready. Because you've finally gone as far as you can go without it.

PRESIDENT: If I may, sir... what exactly are you offering?

YAZ: A good question. And a simple answer. No more hunger. No more smog. No more overpopulation. No more war.

PRESIDENT: And I assume you're bringing this to us because we're the most powerful country on the planet...

YAZ: That and, well... I want my friends to see me on CNN. Okay, I will admit it: ours is an illegal hookup. We'll gladly pay when you can get your trucks out to install it.

YAZ: Now, what are we looking at? Keys. Look at them all. Why do we have them? Mr. President?

PRESIDENT: Well, uh... so we can got into things, I guess.

YAZ: That's why you have doors, Mr. President. Keys, however, are to lock the doors. And locks, as you know, are to keep people out. Why? Fear. You humans are afraid. So you set up boundaries. Borders. Your car. Your home. Your country. All the while your true enemy could very well be considered already here among you. Well I am here to let that enemy go. Because there's a border you didn't even know existed. It's the border to the Universe. And unlike your other borders, you humans didn't set this border up to keep other planets from you. It was set up by others, to keep you away from them. Until now. Because I have been sent here to open the door. To present you, so to speak, with the key to the universe.