The Fisher King

LYDIA: No really..I can't.

ANNE: Hey? What did I tell you? Why don't you come? It's just dinner. You'll have something to tell your mother next time she calls.

LYDIA: Oh, no..I have to get home...

ANNE: The nails!! Watch the nails!!... Listen, you still have to eat.

ANNE: You know, let me tell you something! I'm not that kind of person. I don't do people favors. If I talk to you it's because I want to. So we're not all ...uh...Jerri Hall...Big deal... What a boring world if we were. You do the best you can with what you got. You're not so so invisible, ya know... You want make an impression? Try this; you can be a real bitch.

LYDIA: Really?

ANNE: Yeah!

LYDIA: ...My mother calls every week. Like a recurring nightmare. "So, have you met anyone?"..."No mom".. "So what's going to happen?"... "I don't know Mom"... I only thank God I moved out.

ANNE: I can't believe you lived with her for that long. If I had to live with my mother, I'd stab myself six times.

LYDIA: I think some people are meant to be alone. Maybe I was a man in a former life and I used women for pleasure so now I'm paying for it - which would be fine, if I could just remember some of the pleasure parts...

ANNE: I don't understand you. What is the problem?

LYDIA: I don't feel like I make any impression on people... At office parties I spend my time re-arranging the hors d'oeuvres as people eat them, so the platters will always look full. I don't start conversations because I have no idea how to end them...I think I'm just meant to live in the background of things.

ANNE: That's not true...You gotta ease up... Conversations have a life of their own. You gotta just go with it...We're having a lovely conversation.

LYDIA: I'm paying you.

ANNE: Well, don't say it like that. It's not so...ya know, crazy an idea. You are a healthy woman... You hold a steady job. Ya not crossed eyed or anything...

LYDIA: Well, there's nobody special!

ANNE: Fine.

LYDIA: I mean, it's not easy in this day and age.

ANNE: What?

LYDIA: Meeting ... people.

ANNE: Tell me about it. I've been dating longer than I've been driving. I can't believe that.

LYDIA: I never really...went through a... dating period.

ANNE: It's a disgusting process. You haven't missed anything.

ANNE: ...SO...anybody special in your life?

LYDIA: Do I look like I have someone special?

LYDIA: My parents were divorced.

ANNE: It's an awful thing, let me tell you. My Aunt used to say, "divorce is the sister-in-law of death".

ANNE: ...So he says to me, "you'll never find another man like me"...I said, "please, men like you have one hand on their dicks and the other hand on their mother's leg... I said, there's the door - take a trip.

LYDIA: You threw him out?

LYDIA: Will it hurt?

ANNE: That all depends on you. ...Sure you don't want a drink?

LYDIA: I've never been in an apartment above a store. You always pass them on the street but you never think anyone really lives in them.

ANNE: Can I get you anything...coffee... tea...a little tequilla?

LYDIA: No, thank you.

LYDIA: I like your nails. Where did you get them done?

ANNE: Ah... I do them myself. I used to work in a beauty parlor.

ANNE: You know, I think I... ordered some just the other day.

LYDIA: Well did you or didn't you?

ANNE: Yes! They'll be in soon.

LYDIA: Well, I guess I'll come back then.

ANNE: This will last you one year after which you have the option to renew if... you like at a membership discount.

LYDIA: But now it's free, right?

ANNE: Yeah.

PARRY: Yep! Right on it!

ANNE: Huh...the restaurant's just around the corner here...

PARRY: Holdin' my penis... What a lovely way of sayin' how Much ya like me...

ANNE: What are you, out of your mind!

ANNE: You're surprised!... But I guess I just never met the right guy. Whatta gonna do?

PARRY: I'm shocked. With a child bearing body like yours... ... why a man would have to be out of his mind!

ANNE: Most men are.

PARRY: Why this is outrageous!...

ANNE: I mean, I've gone out with bums, but they were gorgeous. It's the only reason to go out with a bum.

PARRY: This food's delicious. You're a wonderful cook. And you have a lovely home.

ANNE: Jack, he's starting a conversation...

ANNE: Getting your nails done is one thing but going to dinner with a bunch of strangers and him... She didn't even look at him.

PARRY: Got any more bread crust?

JACK: I think.. I...I realized...I love you.

ANNE: Huh-huh....You son of a bitch!

ANNE: Well! What do you want me to do - applaud?

JACK: How have you been?

ANNE: Terrific. Going on alot of dates ... seeing lots of men... lots of dates..

ANNE: What have you been doing here! Huh! I wanna know! What have you been doing here?!

JACK: Listen! We both got something out of it, all right!

ANNE: Oh yeah? What did I get? What did I get I couldn't've gotten from somebody with no name any night of the week? You think your company is such a treat? Your moods, your... "pain", your problems... You think you're entertaining?

JACK: Then what do you want to stay with me for?

ANNE: You can't even give me that?! What were you gonna do, Jack?... Just gonna organize your life... ... walk out that door, move in by yourself and what -- drop the news when you find somebody else? What were you planning to do, Jack?

JACK: I didn't know. I just said all I want is some time.

ANNE: Bullshit! If you're going to hurt me, you hurt me now -- not some long... drawn out hurt that takes weeks of my life because you don't have the balls!

JACK: All right... I'll pack my stuff tonight.

JACK: ... I'd like to focus on my career - - now than I can, now that everything's all right... Parry's taken care of... and... Like I said, I feel like I know a lot more now and I don't...

ANNE: First of all, let me tell you something -- you don't know shit. Second of all, as far as we go, what time do you need? What have we been doing here, except time? Have I ever... ever pressured you!?

JACK: No.

ANNE: No. So what time do you need? I love you -- you love me -- you want to get your career going, great! I'd like to be a part of it -- I think I deserve that! So what do you need to figure out alone!?

JACK: ... Listen, so much has happened and I think it would be a good thing for both of us if we slowed things down a little.

ANNE: Slowed things down? Where have I been? Have we been going fast!?

JACK: Right now, I'm just not sure about... making such definite plans.

JACK: What?

ANNE: "I'm an incredible woman?" What is this, a death sentence?

JACK: No, I... I think we should talk about this.

ANNE: You want to talk? Come on, Jack... Did I cross the line by mentioning the future or what?

JACK: No... it's just...

ANNE: ... What?... You don't want to commute?

JACK: No, it's not... Come here...

JACK: Ugh, these tapes are a mess. I don't know where to begin...

ANNE: ... I would love to start looking at least. You know, maybe a two bedroom or even, maybe the top floor of a house -- like in Brooklyn or Staten Island...

ANNE: It's so great to see you like this, honey... I can't tell you.

JACK: Thanks.

ANNE: Ya know, I'm thinkin' -- with another income coming in, I would love to get a bigger place.

JACK: I've got to put these tapes in some kind of order... and... Oh, I should get my sports jacket cleaned... ... There's coffee if you want...

ANNE: You made coffee?... You're going back to work and you made coffee?... I love this!

ANNE: So what's going on? Who's Lou again?

JACK: My agent. I called my agent.

ANNE: You're kidding! What did he say?

JACK: He says if I want to get back to work, no problem. He wants me to come in and talk and... and... that's it!

ANNE: Whoah! Oh, honey, that's terrific!

JACK: You know, I can't believe I did it. You think it'll work out?

ANNE: Who's knows. My Aunt Marge used to say, "some matches are made in heaven, some are made in hell and some are made in hardware stores".

JACK: Nothing it's just...I begining to understand you.

ANNE: Well...I think you should feel very proud. You did a real nice thing for somebody else. I'm very proud.

JACK: You were great. Thanks alot.

JACK: What do you think?

ANNE: I think they're made for each other. And it scares me.

ANNE: What are you two up to?

JACK: Well..everything's closed up. We thought we'd get some dinner. Say!....Anybody up for Chinese? Have you eaten? Would you like to come along?

JACK: Well talk back. He won't bite you.

ANNE: Thank you very much.

ANNE: I don't know... He's a little disgusting... Although some women go for that.

JACK: He just needs some clothes?

ANNE: Hello....congratulations.

JACK: And this is our other..uh...co-worker.. Parry..uh...Parry....

JACK: I was not with a woman last night. I was out with Parry.

ANNE: The moron?

JACK: He's not a moron.

ANNE: And who's Lydia?

JACK: Lydia is the girl Parry likes... And I thought, if I could get them together I...

ANNE: What? The curse'll be lifted? Will you please!

JACK: I... You're not going to understand this.

ANNE: Don't treat me like I'm stupid. It pisses me off.

JACK: All right... Sorry... I feel indebted to him.

ANNE: What does that mean?

JACK: See, I told you!

ANNE: Well, what the hell does that mean?

JACK: I thought... if... if I can help him in some way... you know?... get him this girl he loves... Then... maybe.... things'll start changing for me... My luck, ya know... Maybe... Forget it... It's a stupid idea.

ANNE: Can I have my desk please.

JACK: Hello, I'd like to speak to Lydia?

ANNE: Lydia?! Lydia who!?

JACK: I don't know her last name... I'll be off in a second.

ANNE: You're calling Lydia in my office. You must think I'm some dope. You fuckin' bastard... You... ... stay out all night long...

JACK: What... No... Lydia... I want to speak to... her name is Lydia... I...uh...

ANNE: ... I don't get a friggin' phone call. You stroll in here at noon. I got... two people out sick. Ya think I need this? I Do Not Need This!

JACK: ...Forget it... Goodbye!

JACK: I tell you something, Anne. I really feel like I'm cursed.

ANNE: Oh stop. Things will change. My Aunt Mary always said, there's a remedy for everything in this world except death and having no class.

JACK: I get this feeling like I'm... a magnet but I attract shit. Out of all the people in this city, why did I meet a man who's wife I killed?

ANNE: You didn't kill anybody. Stop.

JACK: I wish there was some way I could... just... pay the fine and go home.

JACK: ... You have a little... uh... something on your face...

ANNE: Oh, I got a pimple... This stuff is supposed to blend with my skin color... Like it really works, ya know...

ANNE: Oh, I used to be such a Catholic.

JACK: You still believe in God?

ANNE: Oh sure... Gotta believe in God. But I don't think God made man in his own image. No. 'Cause most of... the bullshit that happens, is because of men. No, I think man was made out of the devil's image and women were created out of God -- because women can have babies which is sorta like creating, and which also explains why women are attracted to men, because, lets face it, the devil is a helluva lot more interesting -- I slept with a few saints and let me tell you... Booooorring!!!... And so the whole point of life, I think, is for men and women to get married so the devil and God can live together and, ya know -- work it out... ... Not that we have to get married.

JACK: I'm not seeing anyone else. I really was attacked.

ANNE: Okay. ... I love you...

ANNE: ... So... where did you sleep last night?

JACK: I... I stayed at a friend's. Listen, I --

ANNE: Please... before you go on... let me tawk... okay... We've had a wonderful time together... When we first met, you said this wasn't serious and I shouldn't get serious and then you moved in and we haven't been serious. And I just wanna say that I have no regrets. None. And don't wanna have any now so I want ya to be up front with me... I want the truth. If you're seein' somebody else, let me know... You don't have to pour gasoline on yourself and light a match just to break up with me. Just tell me the truth.

ANNE: You were attacked. My God. Should I call a doctor! Did you call the police...

JACK: No, I'm fine... really...

ANNE: You're all right... you sure...

ANNE: I can't tell you how distraught I was. All night long. What the hell happened?

JACK: I was attacked.

ANNE: What!

JACK: Two kids tried to set me on fire.

ANNE: Oh my God... What did they do! My God!!!

JACK: I'm sorry.

ANNE: I smell gas... Do you smell gas...

ANNE: It happens to be a beautiful love story. Ya know, you used to like that about me. You used to say you liked that I didn't make you think so much. That we could be together and not think...

JACK: Yeah, well... suicidal paranoiacs say funny things sometimes.

ANNE: Well, it's funny! Whatta want from me?

JACK: It's not funny. It's... sophomoric and mindless... and dumb.

ANNE: Then why the hell do we watch all the time?

JACK: Because it makes me feel good to see how not funny it is and how America doesn't know the first thing about funny which makes it easier not being a famous funny TV celebrity because that would just mean that I'm not really talented.

ANNE: Are you in a mood today baby? Is this one of those days when you're in ...whadda call it... an emotional abyss? Talk to me, cause I don't understand these moods.

JACK: Anne, they're MY moods. If you want to understand moods, have one of your own!

ANNE: Why don't you go upstairs... take the day off. All right?...I'll cook tonight.

JACK: Parry?

DOCTOR: He can't hear you. Hi...I'm Dr. Weintraub.... I was on duty when they brought him in...I've been going over his record... He was brought in once before I understand... ..."catatonic stupor"...condition rendered him non-verbal for a period of -...

JACK: Yeah so? The guy's beat up - he...he probably has a concussion or something, right? He'll snap out of it?

DOCTOR: I'm afraid not ... Then again, I'm not sure. The beating's bad but it's not the problem... It seems he's.. re-experiencing the catatonia... So, like before, he could snap out it in an hour or in thirteen months or thirteen years... ....I don't know. There's no way to tell.

JACK: But..How could that happen?

DOCTOR: Well, it's not unusual in his case... Sometimes victims of tragedies are subject to the brain's replay system. The brain never loses anything - it just stores it up and waits. A person could actually re-experience the full effect of a tragedy, long after the event took place. Are you relatives? Well, it doesn't matter. We'll take care of it. He'll have to be sent back to the same institution..

JACK: What if I was a relative?

DOCTOR: You'd have the option to care for him at home but my advice is it wouldn't be the best thing for him. He needs hospital care. I just thought you could sign the release forms, but the city can do that. I wouldn't feel responsible in any way. There's really nothing you can do. I'm sorry.

EDWIN: No, Jack, no, it's not... She likes me.

JACK: She gave you the old brusheroo, kiddo... Believe me -- this tart will never make it to your desert plate...

EDWIN: She likes me. She said for me to call!

JACK: Yeah, but does she swallow, Edwin?

EDWIN: I think she likes me... she gave me her number, but she must work a lot cause when I call she's never home... But I think we'll go out this weekend... I've...

JACK: Yeah, Edwin, sure... and Pinnochio is a true story... Edwin! Wake up! This is a fairytale...

JACK: Yeah, I know the place. It's one of those chic yuppie gathering holes.

EDWIN: Okay... I know but... I met this beautiful girl...

JACK: So, Edwin, baby, this is Sunrise Confession time... what have you got for us?

EDWIN: I... I... went to this bar... this very, ya know -- hard-to-get-in place... called Babbitt's...

FRANK: Can I help you?

JACK: I'm... just looking for Parry...

FRANK: He's not here.

FRANK: You a friend of Parry's?

JACK: No... He is supposed to live there?

FRANK: Yeah, well... I let him stay there. What else could I do after such a tragedy?

JACK: Tragedy?

FRANK: He and his wife was were at some bar ..and some nut came in with a shotgun and blew the place apart. She was a beautiful girl...She never knew what hit her.

FRANK: Where you comin' from?!

JACK: Uh... basement I think...

FRANK: I tell him no visitors!!!

JACK: Remember. One chorus and out.

GAY BUM: I'm a man with a mission, Jack.

JACK: Um...I've got to run. I've bee doing this all day. Are you going to be all right?

GAY BUM: Oh please!...I was born a Catholic in Brooklyn... I've been to hell and back.... I'll be fine... ....Thanks...You're a gem.

JACK: Can you tell me something? Did you lose your mind all of a sudden or was it a slow gradual process?

GAY BUM: Well,... I'm a singer by trade... Summer stock...nightclub revues... that kind of thing...It used to be what I absolutely lived for...God...I can do GYPSY backwards - every part- but, one night...in the middle of singing "Funny..... - it suddenly hit me... ...what does all of this really mean? That, and the fact that all my friends are dead...God, I sound like a veteran. Dad would be so proud.

GAY BUM: I wanna go...Just let me go...

JACK: Uh...Where...where do you want to go?

GAY BUM: A real nice place I know... Ah...can't get there! Not tonight.

JACK: Where? Maybe we can.

GAY BUM: No...no...we can't...we can't..

JACK: Come on...maybe we can...where do you want to go?

GAY BUM: Venice...Like Katherine Hepburn in SUMMERTIME. . ....Why can't I be Katherine Hepburn...

GAY BUM: Isn't that awful? Poor Brenda Frazier. Poor Little Gloria. They ruined them! THEY ATE THEM ALIVE!

PARRY: It was a crime.

GAY BUM: Leave me alone...I wanna go...

PARRY: It's O.K...It's O.K...Lets me help you up.

GAY BUM: NO...I WANNA GO! I WANNA GO NOW!

PARRY: Come on now...You can't sit here.

GAY BUM: NO! I want a debutante on a horse to step on me. Leave me alone!!

LEATHER: .....Me neither.

JACK: No...No please...!

LEATHER: You shouldn't hang around this neighborhood.

JACK: I... I was just leaving.

LEATHER: People spend a lot of hard earned money for this neighborhood. It's not fair... looking out their windows to see your ass asleep on the streets...

JACK: Yes... I... I agree...

LEATHER: Good. You believe this drunk?

JACK: About dinner as a concept or about dinner with... Raoul?

SONDRA: You're so witty. I'm so jealous... I need to get out of here, Jack, and do something other than sit in this apartment and count how many funny lines you have per page.

JACK: You know, tomorrow's a very big day for me... It would be nice if you acted like you understood.

SONDRA: Fine. I'll say no.

JACK: They're putting me on film tomorrow.

SONDRA: Fine.

JACK: ... First time in my life I'll be a voice with a body. Do you know what that means? What this could lead to?

SONDRA: Jack, it's a sitcom -- you're not defining Pi.

JACK: I'll remember that the next time you get excited by drawing pubic hairs on raisin bran. Want some?

SONDRA: No, I have to work.

JACK: How un-sixties of you.

SONDRA: I was nine in the sixties.

JACK: I used to think my biography would be JACK LUCAS - THE FACE BEHIND THE VOICE, but now it can be JACK LUCAS, THE FACE "AND" THE VOICE...or maybe just JACK - EXCLAMATION POINT...

JACK: Can I ask that when you clean your hands you wipe the ink off the inside of the sink before it stains the stainless steel.

SONDRA: You can ask.

LYDIA: Okay... twenty dollars... When can you...

JACK: Tonight! How's tonight?

JACK: You know, Anne does other people too. Sort of a sideline...

LYDIA: How much?

JACK: Well, since you're a member, we could...

LYDIA: Now what?

JACK: Uh... you... you can pick out up to ten movies...

LYDIA: Free?

JACK: Yes. They're free.

LYDIA: So how do we do this?

JACK: Well..um...you get an official membership card... Just sign that and we'll laminate it right here... Parry? You want to laminate Miss Sinclair's card?...

LYDIA: Hello. My name is Lydia Sinclair.

JACK: Yes. Hi..Congratulations. Jack Lucas. Nice to meet you finally. This is Anne Napolitano, the owner of Video Spot.

JACK: Your name was picked.

LYDIA: Well, I don't understand. What did you do -- did you pick my name out of a hat or... or... a list?

JACK: A list.

LYDIA: Well -- were there a lot of people in the room or just you or what?

JACK: Well there.... What's the difference?

LYDIA: Well, I mean... I don't know you... This has never... I've never won anything and... I don't have a VCR.

JACK: You get a VCR with the membership. ... For a short time until you get your own. Listen, why don't you come down to the store and you can check it out. See if you're interested.

LYDIA: Did Phyllis in accounting tell you to call me?

JACK: No! I told you! You won a contest!

LYDIA: Yes.

JACK: Yes well... You are a credit card holder, are you not?

LYDIA: Huh-huh.

JACK: Well, congratulations Lydia, because out of several thousand card holders... in conjunction with several major credit card companies...

LYDIA: Which ones?

JACK: All of them... Which means you have just won a free membership at our store on Second Avenue.

JACK: Hello Lydia?

LYDIA: Yeah? Who is this?

RECEPTIONIST: Oh, Lydia!

JACK: Lydia. Lydia what?

RECEPTIONIST: God, I have no idea. She's worked here for fifteen years and I have no idea. I'll call her.

JACK: No... no... that's all right... I thought I knew her... Thanks...

JACK: Could you help me-- what was the name of that girl who just came in...

RECEPTIONIST: What girl? I didn't notice.

JACK: Uh... she was wearing a kind of... a flouncy kind of... uh... plain...

PARRY: Beautiful night huh?

JACK: Yeah.....Hey they're moving.... Am I doing that?

JACK: Parry, it's Lydia Sinclair - our membership winner.

PARRY: I know!

PARRY: ...I feel so much for her...I feel like something awful is going to happen.

JACK: No. Nothing bad's going to happen. Anne'll be there. I'll be there. Nothing bad will happen.

PARRY: I'm still scared.

JACK: Will you stand still so I can do this!

PARRY: I'm sorry....I'm just so excited. You must have felt this way when you first met Anne, huh? Where did you two meet?

JACK: In a bar called Hellfire.

PARRY: Tch...how romantic. Yeah. If I wasn't already committed to Lydia, boy. Except Anne'd never go for me though. She loves you too much. And you really love her, huh?

JACK: No. But that's not the only reason people get together or..stay together.

PARRY: What are the other reasons?

PARRY: Holdin' my penis...

JACK: Parry! Close your pants...

PARRY: I can't ask for her...I have to earn her.

JACK: Parry, you don't have to earn a woman. It's the twentieth century.

PARRY: Maybe, when we get the Grail...

JACK: Well, see, I think she can help...You know women are great..they...they make homes and they..ya know, kill the livestock so the knights can go out and get Grails and...and slaughter villages with a clear head...I mean, where would Arthur be without Guinevere...

PARRY: Happily married, probably.

JACK: Bad example. Just trust me. A woman who loves you keeps you going...gives you strength... Makes you feel like you can do anything...

PARRY: Is that what your girlfriend does for you?

JACK: Sure...

PARRY: Are there any questions?

JACK: What?

PARRY: Then let's begin with the story itself. It's a story of the Grail myth...And although there are several variations, my favorite begins with the Fisher King as a young boy... who had to spend a night alone in the forest to prove his courage... and during that night, he is visited by a sacred vision. Out of the fire, appears the Holy Grail - God's highest symbol of divine grace. And a voice says to the boy, "You shall be the guardian of the Grail, that it may heal the hearts of men"...But the boy was overcome ...Innocent and foolish, he was blinded by greater visions - a life ahead filled with beauty and glory, hope and power...Tears filled his eyes as he sensed his own... invincibility. A boy's tears of naive wonder and inspiration. and in this state of...radical amazement...he felt for a brief moment, not like a boy, but like God... ...And so he reached into the fire to take the Grail. And the Grail vanished. And the boy hands were left caught in the flames...leaving him wounded and ashamed at what his recklessness had lost him. When he became King, he was determined to reclaim his destiny and find the Grail... But with each year that passed, with each campaign he fought, the Grail remained lost, and this wound he suffered in the fire grew worse... He became a bitter man. Life for him lost it's reason. With each disappointment, with each betrayal... with each loss ... this wound would grow... Soon the land began to spoil from neglect and his people starved...Until finally, the King lost all faith in God's existance and in man's value...He lost his ability to love or be loved And he was so sick with experience... that he started to die. As the years went on, his bravest knights would search for the Grail that would heal their King and make them the most respected and valued men in the land, but to no avail. Pretty soon, finding the Grail became a ruthless struggle between ambitious men vying for the King's power, which only confirmed the King's worst suspicions of man, causing his wound to grow. His only hope, he thought, was death. Then one day, a fool was brought in to the King to cheer him. He was a simple-minded man... not particularly skilled...or admired... He tells the King some jokes...sing him some songs, but the King feels even worse...Finally, the fool says, "What is it that hurts you so much? How can I help?"...And the King says, "I need a sip of water to cool my throat"...So, the fool takes a cup from the bedstand, fills it with water and hands it to the King...Suddenly, the King feels a lot better. And when he looks to his hands, he sees that it was the Holy Grail the fool handed him...an ordinary cup that had been beside his bed all along...And the King asks, "How can this be?...how could you find what all my knights and wisest men could not find"? And the fool answers, "I don't know. I only knew you were thirsty."... And for the first time since he was a boy, the King felt more than a man - not because he was touched by God's glory...but rather, by the compassion of a fool.

JACK: ..Ha...Little fella? I mean the man talks to invisible people - he sees invisible horses - and he's naked in the middle of Central Park. I should be surprised? I'm not surprised. I'm fucking outta my mind to even be here!

PARRY: Who are you talking to Jack?

JACK: YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND!!

PARRY: Bingo!

JACK: You can't do this! This is New York! Nobody lies in naked in a field in New York..It's...it's too Midwestern.

PARRY: Come on, try it. Ya feel the air on your body - ya little fella's flappin' in the breeze. ...everybody in the city is busy with their business and no one knows we're bare assed in the middle of it. Come on!

JACK: NO! I will not! This is nuts! I'm leaving! I mean it...this is nuts. This is too nuts...I'm leaving. I mean it!

JACK: .....What are you doing?

PARRY: Have you ever done any cloudbusting? You lie on your back and you concentrate on the clouds...and you try yo break them apart with your mind. It's wild.

JACK: Don't you think it's time to go now? Running around here during the day is one thing but at night we could be killed by a wide variety of people.

PARRY: Well that's stupid. This is my park just as much as it is theirs. You think it's fair they keep us out just because they make us think we'll get killed or something?

JACK: Yes. I think that's very fair.

JACK: It's such a great song.

PARRY: It's a classic.

JACK: Listen, he just needs to sleep it off. Someone will take care of him.

PARRY: Who?

JACK: Well, maybe he wants to stay here. Do...do you want to stay here?

JACK: Parry...

PARRY: Buddy, the days of the debutantes are ... not what they used to be.

JACK: SAW WHO!!?

PARRY: The Red Knight!

JACK: The Red...? You're totally gone, aren't you?

PARRY: Isn't it great up here... He's gone now, but we had him on the run! We would've had his ass if we had horses! He's running scared!

JACK: WHO! WHO'S RUNNING?!! WHO HAVE WE BEEN CHASING!?? CAN I ASK THIS QUESTION NOW!!!

PARRY: He knows who you are! He's afraid! I can tell!

JACK: You're totally gone, aren't you?

JACK: Will you shut-up!!!

PARRY: You're a true friend.

JACK: I'm not. Believe me. I'm scum.

PARRY: You're a real honest to goodness good guy.

JACK: I'm self-centered, I'm weak - I don't have the will power of a fly on shit...

PARRY: That's why the Little People sent you. Just like magic.

JACK: I don't believe in little floating people! THERE IS NO MAGIC!

PARRY: So what? You going to help me?

JACK: WILL YOU PLEASE... please listen to me ... You know none of this is true - PARRY the Grail, the voices... Jack... There's a part of you that Come on...what are knows this isn't true. saying... I know who you are... I know who you are.. or who you were. You're acting really- You don't belong on the No, no, no, no... streets. You're intelligent Jack... man....you're a teacher... Jacck!... You were a teach at Hunter College. Don't you remember?...

PARRY: ...You are such a great guy. First the money, now this. Isn't he fabulous!?

JACK: Please don't hug me in public again, O.K.?

PARRY: I LOVE THIS MAN...YA HEAR ME JADED CITY... ...I'M DAFFY ABOUT THIS GUY AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!!!

PARRY: Pretty impressive huh?...Don't let it scare you. I'll admit it's formidable but everything has it's weakness.

JACK: You can't just break into Langdon Carmichael's house. This man has done nothing.

PARRY: O.K...let me explain this one more time...The Holly Grail is in -....

JACK: All right! Listen - please...don't start drooling or...rolling your eyes when I tell you this but - You shouldn't do this..There is no Holy Grail.

PARRY: Of course there is, Jack. What do you think the Crusades were - a frat initiation? I don't think so...There has to be a Grail.

JACK: Look, you're only sort of insane, really. People like you can lead semi-normal lives. You could get a job...

PARRY: I don't need a job. I have a quest.

JACK: I take it back - you're fucking deranged... And you're going to get yourself killed trying to get in there!

PARRY: Tch. You are so sweet...Now I know why you're saying this. ...You're afraid I'm in danger and you're trying to protect me.

JACK: No. I think you're a moron and I don't want to get into trouble.

JACK: But I gave it to you!

PARRY: Well what am I gonna do with it?

JACK: I don't know. But I gave it to you...to help YOU...not him.

PARRY: You really want to help me?

PARRY: Well, I think you should be realistic. Ya can't start an ad agency on fifty dollars!

JACK: What are you doing? Give that back!

JACK: That's O.K.

PARRY: Can I take you to lunch?

JACK: No..I have to get back to work. Take care of yourself.

JACK: Here's another twenty. Will that do? I mean, what's it going to take!

PARRY: No..no, it's..I don't know what to say. This is so nice of you...Jack...

JACK: Here...I just would like to help you. I thought...maybe...you could use some money.

PARRY: Fifty dollars?

JACK: Why did you do that?

PARRY: Well, if every time someone did something offensive they hit in the head with a pebble, I think they might alter their behavior. What do you think Jack...

JACK: Do you follow her every day?

PARRY: Huh-huh. I'm deeply smitten.

JACK: What's her name?

PARRY: I don't know.

PARRY: "Soveriegn princess of his captive heart what dire affliction has thou made me suffer, thus banished from thy presence with reproach, and fettered by thy rigorous command, not to appear again before thy beautiful face. Deign princess, to remember this thy faithful slave, who now endures such misery for love of thee"....

JACK: Parry!

JACK: I'm not married.

PARRY: Funny -- you look married.

JACK: Thanks... You can keep the doll.

PARRY: Thanks a mill -- And I'll give you a buzz as soon as I hear from the people upstairs and we'll get this thing off the ground... Thanks for stopping by, Jack. Give my love to the wife and kids.

PARRY: See, you don't know him... That's why you're the one... You can get it...

JACK: Listen, forget the shoes. I'll just take a cab... Uh...

PARRY: Parry.

JACK: Parry... I'm Jack.

PARRY: I know...

JACK: I think you're a very nice... very nice psychotic man. I really appreciate what you did for me. It was a very brave and noble thing...

PARRY: Oh, please... you're embarrassing me.

JACK: I wish you all the luck in the world. When you get the Grail, I'm sure I'll be seeing lots of you on various talk shows...

PARRY: But I can't get it... He's...

JACK: The Holy Grail? Some billionaire has the Holy Grail sitting in a commode on Madison Avenue?

PARRY: I know! You can't imagine how surprised I was. Who would think you could find anything divine on the Upper East Side.

JACK: Listen... I don't mean to be flippant or to enrage you or anything but... you're an imbecile. And I'm not The One... I'm not any One...

JACK: Uh... gee... well... you seem to be some kind of vigilante...

PARRY: No, no... I mean that sort of happens along the way but no... I'm on a very special quest.

JACK: A quest?

PARRY: But I need help and they sent you.

JACK: The Little...

PARRY: They work for Him.

JACK: Him...?

PARRY: God... I'm the janitor of God.

PARRY: ... Do you know who I am?

JACK: Uhh... I'm drawing a blank.

PARRY: Take a guess... Let him guess!! Tch.

PARRY: ... I've got a right to say something. I mean, you're tying my hands here! They say you're not ready to know.

JACK: I'm not... Now, where are those shoes...

PARRY: Do you know what the Little People just told me?

JACK: The Little People?

PARRY: They said you're The One.

JACK: I'm the one what?

PARRY: Oh shut up!!!

JACK: Where am I?

PARRY: My abode... My domicile... My neck of the woods... Hungry? Breakfast? A fruit pie perhaps?

JACK: No... thanks... Listen --

PARRY: My name is Parry.

JACK: Hi... Where are my shoes?

PARRY: They're -- -- What?

JACK: Where -- ?

PARRY: What!?

JACK: What?!

PARRY: Sshhhh!

JACK: Have I died?

PARRY: Hahahahaaa... Nononono... Not yet... Hahahaha...

JACK: If you're going to murder me, that's fine... just don't laugh.

JACK: This is it. I'm in hell. Damned to an eternity of idiotic conversation.

PARRY: Great place huh?

JACK: I need a drink.

PARRY: I know a great place. ...UH...WARREN!

JACK: Please don't hurt me?

PARRY: "OH beings blind! What ignorance besets you!

LEATHER: You can't leave me tied up out here alone, you fucking faggot!

PARRY: You won't be alone for long.

PARRY: Are you all right?

LEATHER: OWW...MAN...

LEATHER: Come on! Go for it! What the hell are they gonna do? They can't do nothin!

PARRY: Nothing! They can do nothing! Gentlemen!

PARRY: I advise you to let us go.

LEATHER: You advise us!

PARRY: You're out numbered son.

LEATHER: OWWW....What are you nuts?!

PARRY: BINGO! Tell the man what he's won!

LEATHER: You a fag too?

PARRY: Fag..a fag you say!?... "Curst wolf! Thy fury inward on thyself Pray and consume thee!"

LEATHER: Fuck you.

PARRY: Unhand that degenerate - you adolescent ass of a one balled donkey!

LEATHER: It's just a bum...You know, there's enough in here for the two of you.

PARRY: Ha, ha, ha, ha rubbish...now begone...before somebody drops a house on you!...

PARRY: ... It's not just from tonight. I've known you for a long time. I see you come out of work every day. I walk with you to lunch. I know what you order... I see you buy Baby Ruths before going back in... I know how you feel on certain days by whether or not you go into the bookstore... ... I know you hate your job and you don't have many friends and you sometimes feel like you're not as... as wonderful as everybody else and you're a little uncoordinated ... and feeling like you're the only one who's as separate and... alone as you are... and I love you. I love you. I think you're the greatest thing since... spice racks and I would be knocked out several times if I even got just a first kiss. But I'll be back in the morning. And I won't be distant. And I will call if you let me... But I still don't drink coffee.

LYDIA: Shhh...

PARRY: Excuse me...

LYDIA: Listen, I'm not feeling well.

PARRY: Well, no wonder. We just met, made love and broke up all in the space of thirty seconds and I can't even remember the first kiss which is the best part.

LYDIA: Listen, you're very nice... b...

PARRY: So are you, but I think maybe you should shut up now... ... I'm not coming up to your apartment. That was never my idea.

LYDIA: Oh... You mean you don't want to.

PARRY: Oh no, I want to. I've got a hard-on for you the size of Canada... but I don't... want just one night. I have a confession to make?

LYDIA: You're married.

PARRY: No.

LYDIA: Divorced.

PARRY: No, I...

LYDIA: You have a disease.

PARRY: Will you stop!... ... I'm in love with you...

PARRY: Tell me more. I want to know everything.

LYDIA: There isn't any more to tell.

PARRY: Don't say that.

LYDIA: No, really..believe me - there isn't any more. This is it.

PARRY: Well, it's enough for me.

LYDIA: You don't have to say that.

PARRY: I never say anything I have to.

LYDIA: I mean you don't have to say nice things to me... That kind of thing is a little old fashioned for what we're about to do.

PARRY: What are we about to do?

LYDIA: Well... you're walking me home. I... I guess you're sort of... attracted to me and you'll want to come upstairs for... coffee...

PARRY: I don't drink coffee...

LYDIA: ... and then we'll probably have a drink and talk and get comfortable with each other and... and we'll... then you'll sleep over and then in the morning... ... you'll be distant and you won't be... able to stay for breakfast... you'll just have some coffee maybe...

PARRY: I don't drink coffee...

LYDIA: And then we'll exchange phone numbers and you'll leave and never call and I'll go to work and feel great for the first hour and then slowly turn into a piece of dirt by lunch. Why am I putting myself through this? It was very nice... uh meeting you. Good night..

LYDIA: What do you do - for a living I mean?

PARRY: Well, I'm in search of the Holy Grail.

LYDIA: How do you know him?

PARRY: We were neighbors for a couple for weeks on Sutton Place.

LYDIA: We mostly publish trashy romance novels.

PARRY: Well - empires have fallen because of trashy romances...

LYDIA: ...I..uh..I get to read some of the books but mostly I..just calculate production costs from first edition hard cover publication to paperback. After paperback it's basically someone else's problem.

PARRY: It sounds exciting.

LYDIA: Why does it sound exciting? There's absolutely nothing exciting about it.

PARRY: ... Uh... we seem to be all out of Ethel Merman.

LYDIA: What a gyp.

PARRY: Yeah.

PARRY: How about the "Hell Merchants"?

LYDIA: I don't like horror movies!

PARRY: How about... Zbiegnew Speizak's "The Purple Bread," an intensely portrayed tale of love and envy set against the sweeping background of a Polish bakery. In subtitles.

LYDIA: I don't like... uh... Polish love stories... ... I like musicals.

PARRY: Well, we have plenty of those. Right over here. We got the MGM series, Astaire and Rogers, the Judy Garlands...

LYDIA: Got any Ethel Merman?

LYDIA: Parry Parry?

PARRY: No just Parry.

LYDIA: Oh...like Moses.