The Lost Boys

SAM: Well... we blew Plan A.

ALAN: Time to activate Plan B.

SAM: What's Plan B?

ALAN: They're gaining on us!

SAM: You gotta drive!

SAM: Burn rubber does not mean warp speed!

ALAN: We blew it, Edgar! We lost it!

SAM: I'll have to drive!

ALAN: We don't ride with vampires.

SAM: Fine! Stay here!

ALAN: They wouldn't be out in the daytime.

SAM: Exactly how many vampires have you actually destroyed?

ALAN: Why not?

SAM: He's my brother.

ALAN: You better get a garlic T-shirt, buddy.

ALAN: Salt sticks to the bottom of his feet.

SAM: Yeah.

ALAN: He's a vampire alright.

SAM: All day.

ALAN: Can't stand light?

SAM: Wears sunglasses in the house.

SAM: I don't like horror comics.

ALAN: Think of this more as a survival manual... there's our number on the back, and pray that you never need to call us.

SAM: I'm gonna pray that I never need to call you.

ALAN: We're fighters for Truth, Justice, and the American Way.

SAM: You better get some fresh air.

ALAN: Yeah, you think we just work in a comic book store for our dad, huh?

SAM: This isn't a comic book store, right. It's a bakery.

ALAN: How do you like Santa Carla?

SAM: It's a pretty cool place if you're a Martian.

SAM: I don't like horror comics.

ALAN: This one could save your life.

ALAN: Just passing through Santa Carla?

SAM: No, I'm a resident as of today and you'll probably be seeing a lot of me... I've been collecting comic books all my life... perhaps you'd like to see my collection?

EDGAR: Death to all vampires!

ALAN: Maximum body-count.

EDGAR: We are awesome monster-bashers!

ALAN: The meanest!

EDGAR: The baddest!

ALAN: Did you see that sucker burn?!

EDGAR: Man, we totally annihilated his night-stalkin' ass!

ALAN: Two down and two to go.

EDGAR: Four to go.

ALAN: Whattaya mean?

EDGAR: Those two we brought back with us. The girl and the kid. I don't trust 'em. I say we terminate 'em while we can.

ALAN: You know what? You're absolutely right.

ALAN: Good.

EDGAR: That's just the way we like it.

EDGAR: They're looking at us.

ALAN: They're gonna book us.

EDGAR: Shut up!

ALAN: We unraveled in the face of the enemy!

EDGAR: They pulled a mind-scramble on us, man! It wasn't our fault! They opened their eyes and talked!

ALAN: Should I run him through?

EDGAR: I've only got one question for you, and I want an honest answer. Have you taken any human victims yet?

EDGAR: Okay. Where's Nosferatu?

EDGAR: The Prince of Darkness.

ALAN: The nightcrawler. The bloodsucker.

EDGAR: El Vampiro.

EDGAR: All together?

ALAN: Zero.

EDGAR: We've been aware of some very serious vampire activity in this town for a long time.

ALAN: Santa Carla has become a haven for the undead.

EDGAR: As a matter of fact, we're almost certain that ghouls and werewolves occupy high positions at City Hall.

MICHAEL: What is this, David?

DAVID: You're one of us, now -- aren't you?

MICHAEL: Where is she?!

DAVID: Hey, take it easy.

MICHAEL: Where's Star, David?!

DAVID: If you ever want to see Star again, then you better come with us.

MICHAEL: What's going' on?

DAVID: What's goin' on, Marko?

MICHAEL: I'm my own man.

DAVID: Get your bike. We're going someplace.

MICHAEL: Don't! Stop!

DAVID: Why? They're only noodles.

DAVID: So how do you like those maggots, Michael?

MICHAEL: What?...

DAVID: You're eating maggots. How do they taste?

MICHAEL: We were gonna grab some food.

DAVID: Good idea. Marko. We're hungry.

MICHAEL: I can't beat a Triumph.

DAVID: You don't have to beat me, Michael. Just try to keep up.

MICHAEL: We still going?

DAVID: Honda 250, huh?

MICHAEL: That's right.

DAVID: C'mon, Star. Climb on.

MICHAEL: Star?...

DAVID: You can't kill me, Star.

STAR: I will, David!

DAVID: No, Star. Put it down. Put it down.

STAR: Look.

DAVID: You're almost one of us now, Michael.

STAR: Leave him alone.

DAVID: Sorry, Michael. No hard feelings, huh? Here. Try these noodles.

STAR: C'mon, Michael. I want to go.

DAVID: No. Stick around.

DAVID: Where you going?

STAR: For a ride.

DAVID: With him?

STAR: Yeah.

EDGAR: We don't have one yet. And we only have two and a half hours to come up with one.

SAM: What happens in tow and a half hours?

EDGAR: The dun goes down and they'll be comin' for us.

SAM: No, Nanook! Quiet!

EDGAR: Your dog knows flesh-eaters when he smells 'em!

SAM: Oh, no...

EDGAR: What?

SAM: There's a cop behind us.

SAM: I thought they'd be in coffins.

EDGAR: That's exactly what this place is. One great big coffin. Let's stake 'em.

SAM: What's that smell!?

EDGAR: Vampires, my friend. Vampires.

EDGAR: Just so you know: If you try to stop us, or vamp-out in any way, I'll stake you without thinking twice about it.

SAM: Chill out Edgar.

SAM: He's telling the truth! Aren't you, Michael?

EDGAR: To free you, we must destroy the leader of the vampires.

EDGAR: He's not glowing.

SAM: Hit the lights again.

EDGAR: I wish they were vampires so I could nuke them in their hearts.

SAM: How do you know they're not?

SAM: I have something to tell you guys. Not only is my own brother showing systems of being a vampire... but now I'm convinced my mother's dating one!

EDGAR: That is very probable. What's your reasoning?

SAM: Well... he only shows up at the store after dark. And today, his dog attacked my mom. Listen to this. From Vampires Everywhere... 'Vampires require a daytime protector -- a Guardian -- to watch over them as they sleep. For it is during the day that the vampire is most vulnerable. Since they hold sway over animals, fierce dogs -- the hounds of Hell -- are often employed for this purpose.'

EDGAR: Get yourself a good sharp stake and drive it through his heart.

SAM: I can't do that!

EDGAR: Bad breath? Long fingernails?

SAM: His fingernails are longer, but he always has bad breath.

EDGAR: This is just our cover. We're dedicated to a higher purpose.

SAM: Now I get it... you're like those people in the airport trying to get you to give them money. You're part of a cult.

EDGAR: Or a vampire.

SAM: Are you guys sniffing old newsprint or something?

EDGAR: You think you're cool, don't you? You think you know what's really happening, don't you? Well, you don't know shit, buddy.

SAM: And these Archies should be over here with the Richie Rich's.

EDGAR: Where the hell are you from, Kryton???

SAM: Phoenix actually and these Bullwinkle and...

EDGAR: Don't go out there! Stop him!

MICHAEL: Sam, don't --

MICHAEL: I said, I'll take you there. Nobody's going near Star without me.

EDGAR: Okay, okay.

MICHAEL: David.

EDGAR: I don't want names! Just lead me to him. Where's their nest?

MICHAEL: I'll take you there.

MICHAEL: Of course not!

EDGAR: If you're telling the truth, it means we can save you.

GRANDPA: Smells good. When do we eat?

LUCY: I told Max eight o'clock.

GRANDPA: Max? You men we're having company again?

LUCY: 'Again'? Dad... you haven't had company in this house since Mom died eight years ago.

GRANDPA: Right. An' now we're having company again. I'll take mine to go.

LUCY: Dad! Don't sneak up on people like that!

GRANDPA: It's called the Indian walk. Walkin' without makin' a sound.

LUCY: I can't sleep with the closet door open, either. Not even a crack. Your father doesn't mind, though. It could be wide open for all he cared. I think one of the reasons I divorced him was because he never believed... in the horror... of the closet monster!

GRANDPA: Closet monster!?

GRANDPA: Ouch, my hair...

LUCY: When I dressed like you do now, you threw me out of the house. I used to hate your short hair and your uptight suits... then I went ahead and married one... I went Yuppie and you became a hippie... Were still out of synch.

GRANDPA: Lucy, you're the only woman I ever knew didn't improve her situation by getting divorced.

LUCY: A big legal war wasn't going to improve anybody's situation. We've all been through enough. Besides I was raised better than that. Thanks for having us, Dad.

SAM: Grandpa, the Widow Johnson called. She said to pick her up a seven instead of eight.

GRANDPA: Did we have a date tonight?

SAM: I guess so. She said not to be late.

GRANDPA: I better get cleaned up, then.

GRANDPA: Are we havin' fun or what?

SAM: I thought we were goin' into town.

GRANDPA: I hate goin' into town. That's about as close to town as I like to get.

SAM: Grandpa, stop doin' the Indian Walk!

GRANDPA: Gotta keep in practice. It's a dyin' art.

SAM: Good!

GRANDPA: Whatcha doin' over here?

SAM: Oh... I was just... having a look at your truck. What's all that wood in there for?

GRANDPA: Been fixin' to build me fence one of these days. Bought all the materials, then put it off... for about ten years. Well, one more day won't hurt. Wanna go into town with me?

SAM: Great. I wanna get some new comics.

SAM: Thanks, Grandpa...

GRANDPA: Lots more where he came from.

GRANDPA: ... And stay outta here.

SAM: You have a T.V.?

GRANDPA: No, I just like to read the T.V. Guide. Read the T.V. Guide, you don't need a T.V...

LADDIE: You like Michael.

STAR: I like Michael.

LADDIE: You better not like him too much.

STAR: You didn't tell David?

LADDIE: No. Just you.

STAR: Promise me you'll keep it that way. You're not like the others, Laddie. You're like me. I can still remember, too.

LADDIE: I had the dream again about them.

STAR: Who, Laddie?

LADDIE: I know it was them, Star. I'm sure of it. He was working in the yard -- hammering something. The yard was big with lots of grass. There was no boardwalk and no ocean. She was bringing him something cold to drink... and had red hair. I was there, too. And a dog -- but I don't know its name. I was running and the dog was chasing me. Then I turned around and chased the dog. They were watching me. Drinking their cold drinks and laughing. And I was laughing, too.

STAR: Laddie... you can still remember. You can still remember home.

LADDIE: It was a dream, Star.

STAR: No, Laddie. It was a memory.

LADDIE: Hi... I'm Laddie.

STAR: This is Michael.

MICHAEL: I didn't invite you in this time!

LUCY: Michael!...

MICHAEL: Get out, Mom! Run!

LUCY: Max is coming for dinner, Michael. I'd like you to meet him.

MICHAEL: Can't. Got plans of my own.

LUCY: There's only three weeks left of summer, Michael. Things are going to change around here when school starts.

MICHAEL: Gotta go, Mom.

LUCY: -- If there's a girl, we could talk about her.

MICHAEL: I'm tired now.

LUCY: Wait a minute, kiddo.

MICHAEL: Mom... please.

MICHAEL: Sure.

LUCY: Does that mean we are, or we aren't?

MICHAEL: We are...

LUCY: Then let's act like friends. Let's talk. I know this is a new place, and --

LUCY: Okay?

MICHAEL: Okay.

LUCY: Michael, are you still in bed?

MICHAEL: No. I'm up.

LUCY: Michael, will you do me a favor this evening? Will you stay home with Sam tonight? I'm meeting Max for dinner after work.

MICHAEL: I watch him all day. The only time I have more myself is at night. Let Grandpa watch him.

LUCY: Grandpa has plans of his own. Michael, I want you to do this. Everybody has been bending over backwards for you. You come home late. You sleep in to the middle of the day -- Sam is always alone. You do exactly what you want... tonight do what I want for a change.

MICHAEL: See you later.

LUCY: I get off in another twenty minutes. I thought maybe we'd all get a bite together.

MICHAEL: I'll pass.

MICHAEL: It's early. Why do we have to go home?

LUCY: Bring your own wheels tomorrow night and you can stay as long as you want... well 'til eleven thirty maybe.

MICHAEL: I'll hitch.

LUCY: Oh, no, you won't.

MICHAEL: He looks dead.

LUCY: He's just a deep sleeper.

MICHAEL: He's not breathing, Mom.

LUCY: Still mad at me?

MICHAEL: For what.

LUCY: For everything.

LUCY: Ohmygod...

SAM: Mom!

LUCY: What happened? Is everybody all right?!

LUCY: What did you say?

SAM: Vampires, Mom! Everywhere! You've got to tell the police! The newspapers! The TV stations! They'll listen to you. They'll believe you... you're a mom!

LUCY: Not funny, Sam!

SAM: This is not a joke. They know that we know about them. They're coming to the house as soon as it gets dark!

LUCY: Stop it, Sam. Stop it right now!

SAM: But, Mom...

LUCY: Not another word! I can't believe you're doing this. I'm going to see Max tonight and you're trying to ruin it for me again.

SAM: No, I'm not...

LUCY: There's nothing wrong with Max. I don't know why you don't --

SAM: -- I'm not talking about Max! To hell with Max!

LUCY: Oh, no. Now what?

SAM: Must be a circuit breaker.

LUCY: Nanook, stop breathin' on me.

SAM: C'mere, Nanook.

SAM: These are my dinner guests. Edgar and Alan. The Frog Brothers.

LUCY: Ah... I didn't know you were having guests...

SAM: Well if we're in your way we can just eat peanut butter out of the jar in the kitchen.

LUCY: No, no... there's plenty for everybody... Oh, Max, this is Sam... and the Frog Brothers...

SAM: Can I sleep in here with you tonight?

LUCY: In here?

SAM: Do you mind? It was a real scary comic.

LUCY: Okay. Have you been eating pizza? You smell like garlic.

LUCY: Where's Michael?

SAM: He's already gone to bed.

LUCY: Sam! What happened!? You had me scared to death. Are you all right?

SAM: Sorry, Mom. It was a mistake. I thought I saw something out the window. I was reading this horror comic and I guess I go a little carried away...

LUCY: Sam. Is everything all right?

SAM: Mom. I think we've got to have a long talk about something?

LUCY: What's wrong? Tell me.

SAM: We can't talk about it on the phone.

LUCY: Lights out, Sam.

SAM: Soon as I finish this comic. Okay?

SAM: He met a girl.

LUCY: I guess no one cares what I got a job.

SAM: Can we get a T.V.?

SAM: Help me, Mom. Help.

LUCY: Soon.

SAM: When you ran away from home, hitch- hiked to Berkeley, spent the night in Golden Gate Park and begged for spare change in the morning?

LUCY: You've heard this story before?

SAM: So many times, I'm starting to think it happened to me.

LUCY: Tell them to get something to eat.

SAM: I thought we were poor.

LUCY: Not that poor.

SAM: Mom, there's an amusement park right on the beach!

LUCY: That's the boardwalk, Sam.

SAM: Can we go now, huh? LUCY Maybe later. Grandpa's expecting us.

LUCY: We're getting close...

SAM: What's that smell?

LUCY: Ocean air!

SAM: Smells like something died.

LUCY: Guys, I know it hasn't been easy... the divorce and now the move... but I think you're really going to like living in Santa Carla...

LUCY: Will somebody please tell me what this is all about!?

MAX: It's you I was after all along, Lucy. To be our day time guardian. I knew if we could bring Sam and Michael into the faimly, there'd be no way you could say no.

LUCY: Max... what are you talking about?

MAX: It was all going to be so perfect, Lucy. One big happy family. My boys... and yours.

MAX: Something the matter?

LUCY: No, no. Just worrying about my boys -- as usual.

MAX: Let me tell you something about boys. They're like weeds. They grow best when they're ignored.

LUCY: I thought you said they needed discipline?

MAX: Well... what do I know? I'm a bachelor. Lucy... this is going to be a very special night, I promise you.

MAX: Maybe this is the night where everything finally goes right for a change.

LUCY: I hope so.

LUCY: I'm really sorry, Max.

MAX: Our batting average isn't very good is it? So far we're zero for two.

LUCY: I don't understand Sam. He's just not like this.

MAX: Boys Sam's age need a good deal of discipline, or they walk all over you.

LUCY: He doesn't walk all over me.

MAX: I don't want to fight with you, Lucy. Come on. Let's give it one more try. Dinner at my house, tomorrow night. I'm cooking.

LUCY: Max! What's wrong?

MAX: It's garlic!! I like garlic, but...

MAX: This looks terrific, Lucy.

LUCY: Boy! Somebody areound here sure has bad breath!

MAX: Is it okay for the guest to see the food before the dinner?

LUCY: You're thinking of the groom not seeing the bride before the wedding.

MAX: Oh, right. I always gets those two confused.

MAX: So, I've met the one woman on the planet who's going to hold my success against me.

LUCY: You seem like a terrific guy, Max, and I'm grateful for the job...

MAX: But I don't think it's what you really want to do, is it?

LUCY: I guess if I had my choice, I'd like to do something that involves children. Work with kids in some way. Teenagers, maybe. And Santa Carla seems to be full of them.

MAX: Yeah. Runaways, mostly. They come from all over. Attracted by the boardwalk and the ocean. Lucy... listen I know I have no right to ask you this... but don't look for another job just yet... I mean besides being the best employee I have... I think you're cute.

LUCY: I hear this is the decade for cute.

MAX: Not impressed, are you?

LUCY: Ohm I would have been... one marriage ago.

LUCY: You're cute, Max.

MAX: I know. It's so 'Eighties.' It's the Cute Decade.

MAX: Say hello to Thorn.

LUCY: Hi, Thorn.

MAX: You've got a generous nature. I like that in a person. My name is Max.

LUCY: Lucy.

MAX: So what can I help you find tonight, Lucy? We've got it all. Best selection in Santa Carla.

LUCY: I'm not looking for a tape. What I need is --

MAX: -- a job.

LUCY: Do I look that needy?

SAM: But you passed the test!

MAX: Michael invited me in. Never invite a vampire into your house. It renders you powerless.

SAM: What?! Did you know that!?

SAM: I am?

MAX: Yeah. I'm not trying to replace your Dad... or steal your Mom. I just want to be your friend.

SAM: Does it burn?

MAX: Burn?? Are you kidding? It's freezing!

SAM: How about a little Parmesan cheese on that?

MAX: Okay, Sam. Thanks.

MICHAEL: It's gone. I feel it!

STAR: So do I!

STAR: They'll be coming for Laddie and me, won't they?

MICHAEL: They'll be coming for all of us.

MICHAEL: You've got to put this on.

STAR: Take laddie.

MICHAEL: Huh?

STAR: Save Laddie first.

STAR: David's looking for me... I have to go.

MICHAEL: You're not going anywhere... Sam...

MICHAEL: Do you know where David took me tonight, Star? Do you?!

STAR: Yes... and I'm to blame for it. If you hadn't met me... if I hadn't liked you... I tried to warn you...

MICHAEL: That night in the cave -- that wasn't wine they gave me to drink... it was blood! David's blood. I'm one of them, Star! I'm just like them!

STAR: Not yet... You're like Laddie and me... Half-vampires... You're not a full vampire until you've made your first kill... You were supposed to be mine... but I couldn't, Michael.

MICHAEL: Why not?

STAR: Because I love you...

MICHAEL: Then it's not too late for us...

STAR: It's not too late for you to be saved... but each night... it becomes harder and harder for me to resist killing...

MICHAEL: I know, I've felt it...

STAR: I'm weak... Soon I'll need to feed.

STAR: I have to talk to you. Can I come up?

MICHAEL: Okay.

MICHAEL: I have to talk to you. Please wake up.

STAR: Have to sleep. Have to sleep, Michael.

MICHAEL: When?

STAR: Tonight. At the boardwalk...

MICHAEL: I wouldn't have given my Mom such a hard time about moving here if I'd known I was going to meet you.

STAR: I used to fight with my family all the time... just got fed up and ran away.

MICHAEL: Now you and David...

STAR: No. They've made me one of them, but I miss my family.

MICHAEL: Let's go see them.

STAR: No... no, everything's different now...

MICHAEL: Ouch.

STAR: Don't be a baby. That didn't hurt and you know it.

MICHAEL: Are you hungry? Wanna get something to eat?

STAR: Okay.

STAR: I guess you're new around here.

MICHAEL: Sort of. We used to come here summers when I was kid. Now we're here on a permanent basis.

MICHAEL: What's your name?

STAR: Star.

MICHAEL: Oh. Your folks, too, huh?

STAR: What do you mean?

MICHAEL: Ex-hippies. My mom was one. I came this close to being called Moon Child, or Moon Beam or something. But Star's great. I like Star.

STAR: Me, too.

MICHAEL: I'm Michael.

STAR: Michael's great. I like Michael.

MICHAEL: Hi...

STAR: If you want your ear pierced, I'll do it.

MICHAEL: Well... yeah. Sure.

STAR: Okay. Talk.

MICHAEL: I just wanted to... I, uh...

STAR: Are you following me?

MICHAEL: Well, I...

STAR: Did you want to talk to me?

SAM: What's the matter?

MICHAEL: I... I don't feel any differently. Do you?

SAM: Michael! Get behind the wheel.

MICHAEL: Huh?...

MICHAEL: Who are you calling?

SAM: The Marines.

MICHAEL: Star.

SAM: Don't kill anybody until we get back to you...

SAM: It's that girl from the boardwalk. Is she one of them?

MICHAEL: I don't know.

MICHAEL: We've got to stick together, Sam. You've got to help me.

SAM: What about Mom?

MICHAEL: No! We can't tell Mom! Please, Sam. Don't tell her.

SAM: I don't know, Michael. This is not like breaking a lamp or getting a 'D'.

MICHAEL: Just for a few days, Sam. Give me a chance to work this out by myself.

MICHAEL: What??

SAM: Look at your reflection in the mirror!!

SAM: What did you to do him, Michael? Why did he bite you?

MICHAEL: He was protecting you!

SAM: What happened, Michael!?

MICHAEL: Nanook...

SAM: What about Nonook? What have you done to Nanook?! What have you done to my dog, you asshole?!

MICHAEL: Nothing! I didn't hurt him. He bit me! This is my blood!

SAM: Michael?

MICHAEL: Don't turn on the light.

SAM: Lose the earring, Michael. It's not happening. It's just not happening.

MICHAEL: Piss off.

SAM: You have such a great personality, Michael. You should open your own charm school.

SAM: I'm making you a sandwich.

MICHAEL: Don't bother.

MICHAEL: Mom's home?...

SAM: No. On the phone.

MICHAEL: I told you it was pretty weird Chinese food.

SAM: Wanna go to the comic book store?

MICHAEL: No.

SAM: Did you spill something?

MICHAEL: No. Why?

SAM: The bottoms of your feet are covered with salt.

SAM: You don't suppose Grandpa's an alien, do you?

MICHAEL: What would that make Mom?

SAM: You're right... not even to mention you and me.

SAM: What did you do last night? You look wasted.

MICHAEL: I can't remember much after the Chinese food that looked like maggots.

MICHAEL: Go away.

SAM: You're supposed to watch me and entertain me, and make me appreciate the brief but happy years of childhood.

MICHAEL: Entertain yourself.

SAM: Do I have to do this?

MICHAEL: Come on, Sam, you know before there were malls there was 'like the ocean.'

SAM: Mom, you hitched all the way to Berkeley once, remember?

MICHAEL: Mom, just give me five more minutes. Just five minutes, okay?

SAM: Where are we going?

MICHAEL: Nowhere.

SAM: Then what's the rush? You're chasing that girl, why don't you just admit it? I'm at the mercy of your sex glands!

MICHAEL: Don't you have something better to do than follow me around all night?

MICHAEL: You're beautiful.

SAM: Wanna change my hair, my clothes, my face.

MICHAEL: This room is mine.

SAM: I was here first.

MICHAEL: Okay. I'll flip you for it.

SAM: Grandpa does not own a T.V. Have you noticed? There's no T.V. Santa Carla has no malls, no Cineplexes and now I won't even have MTV. I will not know anything hip happening anymore.

MICHAEL: Hey, Sam, we're flat broke.

SAM: Even poor people have T.V.s

MICHAEL: This is kind of a cool place.

SAM: I'm so excited I just can't hide it. I'm about to lode control and I think I like it.

MICHAEL: Will you give Mom a break?

SAM: What!? He can and I can't?! No fair!!

MICHAEL: That's okay, Mom. I can see it later. I'll help you unload.