The Wizard of Oz

AUNT EM: Oh, we dream lots of silly things when we --

DOROTHY: No, Aunt Em -- this was a real, truly live place. And I remember that some of it wasn't very nice....

DOROTHY: But I did leave you, Uncle Henry -- that's just the trouble. And I tried to get back for days and days.

AUNT EM: There, there, lie quiet now. You just had a bad dream.

DOROTHY: No --

DOROTHY: -- no place like home -- there's no place like home -- no place --

AUNT EM: Dorothy. Dorothy, dear. It's Aunt Em, darling.

DOROTHY: Oh, Auntie Em -- it's you!

AUNT EM: Yes, darling.

AUNT EM: Dorothy!

DOROTHY: You wicked old witch! Uncle Henry, Auntie Em, don't let 'em take Toto! Don't let her take him -- please!

DOROTHY: Auntie Em, really -- you know what Miss Gulch said she was gonna do to Toto? She said she was gonna --

AUNT EM: Now, Dorothy, dear, stop imagining things. You always get yourself into a fret over nothing.

DOROTHY: No --

AUNT EM: Now, you just help us out today, and find yourself a place where you won't get into any trouble.

AUNT EM: Seventy -- Dorothy, please!

DOROTHY: Oh, but he doesn't do it every day -- just once or twice a week. And he can't catch her old cat, anyway. And now she says she's gonna get the sheriff, and --

AUNT EM: Dorothy! Dorothy! We're busy!

DOROTHY: Oh -- all right.

DOROTHY: Aunt Em!

AUNT EM: Fifty-seven, fifty-eight --

DOROTHY: Just listen to what Miss Gulch did to Toto! She --

AUNT EM: Dorothy, please! We're trying to count! Fifty-eight--

DOROTHY: Oh, but Aunt Em, she hit him over the --

UNCLE HENRY: Uhh -- yeah --

AUNT EM: Now, we can't go against the law, Dorothy. I'm afraid poor Toto will have to go.

UNCLE HENRY: Poor little orphan, and her Miss Gulch troubles. Gosh all hemlock - you know, she ought to have somebody to play with.

AUNT EM: I know, but we all got to work out our own problems, Henry.

UNCLE HENRY: Yes.

AUNT EM: Oh, I hope we got them in time.

UNCLE HENRY: Yes.

HICKORY: Look at you, Zeke -- you're just as white --

AUNT EM: Here, here, what's all this jabber-wapping when there's work to be done? I know three shiftless farm hands that'll be out of a job before they know it!

HICKORY: Well, Dorothy was walking along the --

AUNT EM: I saw you tinkering with that contraption, Hickory. Now, you and Hunk get back to that wagon!

HICKORY: All right, Mrs. Gale. But some day they're going to erect a statue to me in this town, and --

AUNT EM: Well, don't start posing for it now. Here, here -- can't work on an empty stomach. Have some crullers.

MAYOR: From now on you'll be history

BARRISTER: You'll be hist...

MAYOR: Then this is a day of Independence For all the Munchkins and their descendants!

BARRISTER: If any!

MAYOR: Yes, let the joyous news be spread.

MAYOR: As Mayor of the Munchkin City In the County of the Land of Oz I welcome you most regally

BARRISTER: But we've got to verify it legally To see...

MAYOR: To see?

BARRISTER: If she...

MAYOR: If she?

BARRISTER: Is morally, ethic'ly

OZ'S VOICE: ... -- Oz -- has spoken!

DOROTHY: Who are you?

OZ'S VOICE: Well, I -- I -- I am the Great and Powerful -- Wizard of Oz.

DOROTHY: You are?

DOROTHY: If you were really great and powerful, you'd keep your promises!

OZ'S VOICE: Do you presume to criticize the....

OZ'S VOICE: ...resourceful!

DOROTHY: Yes, sir. So we'd like you to keep your promise to us, if you please, sir.

OZ'S VOICE: Not so fast! Not....

OZ'S VOICE: ...have you come back?

DOROTHY: Please, sir. We've done what you told us. We've brought you the broomstick of the Wicked Witch of the West. We melted her.

OZ'S VOICE: Oh ....

DOROTHY: Oh, come on - come on! We'll soon find the Wizard!

OZ'S VOICE: The Wizard - The Wizard - The Great and Powerful Wizard of Oz - Oz - Oz-Oz - Oz - Oz - Oz - Oz!

DOROTHY: Our echo.

OZ'S VOICE: Tap - tap - tap - tap - What was that - that - that? Our echo - echo - echo.

DOROTHY: Oh! Come back! Don't go without me! Please come back!

WIZARD: I can't come back! I don't know how it works!

DOROTHY: Oh --

WIZARD: Goodbye, folks!

WIZARD: Frightened? You are talking to a man who has laughed in the face of death -- sneered at doom and chuckled at catastrophe. I was petrified. Then suddenly the wind changed, and the balloon floated down into the heart of this noble city, where I was instantly acclaimed Oz, the First Wizard de Luxe!

DOROTHY: Ohhh!

WIZARD: Times being what they were, I accepted the job, -- retaining my balloon against the advent of a quick get-away. And in that balloon, my dear Dorothy, you and I will return to the land of E Pluribus Unum!

WIZARD: Yes-s-s -- that...that's exactly so. I'm a humbug!

DOROTHY: Oh ....

WIZARD: Uhhhh -- yes...

DOROTHY: I don't believe you!

WIZARD: No, I'm afraid it's true. There's no other Wizard except me.

DOROTHY: Oh! Oh, Zeke! Help! Help me, Zeke! Get me out of here! Help!

HICKORY: Are you all right, Dorothy?

DOROTHY: Yes, I'm all right. Oh -- I fell in and -- and Zeke --

HICKORY: Oh! Oh, it feels like my joints are rusted. Listen, Dorothy, don't let Hunk kid you about Miss Gulch. She's just a poor sour-faced old maid that -- she ain't got no heart left. You know, you should have a little more heart yourself, and have pity on her.

DOROTHY: Well, gee, I try and have a heart.

HICKORY: Now look, here's something that really has a heart. This is the best invention I ever invented.

DOROTHY: This?

HICKORY: Sure. It's to break up winds, so we don't have no more dust storms. Can you imagine what it'll mean to this section of the country? I'll show you. It works perfectly now. Here's the principle. You see that fan -- that sends up air currents into the sky. These air currents -- Oh, stop it!

DOROTHY: Oh!

HICKORY: Who did it? Now wait a minute.

DOROTHY: Hickory!

HICKORY: Now what happened? I'll bet Hunk did that.

DOROTHY: Run, Toto, run!

WITCH: Catch him, you fool!

WITCH: Ahh! Ah!

DOROTHY: I'm sorry. I didn't do it! Can I still have my dog?

WITCH: No! Fool, that I am! I should have remembered -- those slippers will never come off, as long as...

DOROTHY: No! No -- no! Here -- you can have your old slippers -- but give me back Toto.

WITCH: That's a good little girl. I knew you'd see reason.

DOROTHY: What are you going to do with my dog? Give him back to me!

WITCH: All in good time, my little pretty -- all in good time.

DOROTHY: Oh, please give me back my dog!

WITCH: Certainly -- certainly -- when you give me those slippers.

DOROTHY: But the Good Witch of the North told me not to.

WITCH: Very well! Throw that basket in the river and drown him!

WITCH: ...didn't you?

DOROTHY: No -- No! It was an accident! I didn't mean to kill anybody!....

GLINDA: And think to yourself -- "There's no place like home; there's no place like home; there's no place like home."

DOROTHY: There's no place like home. There's no place like home. There's no place like home. There's no place like home.

DOROTHY: Yes, I'm ready now.

GLINDA: Then close your eyes, and tap your heels together three times.

GLINDA: Are you ready now?

DOROTHY: Yes. Say goodbye, Toto.

DOROTHY: ...Toto, too?

GLINDA: Toto, too.

DOROTHY: Oh, now?

GLINDA: Whenever you wish.

DOROTHY: Oh, dear -- that's too wonderful to be true! Oh, it's -- it's going to be so hard to say goodbye. I love you all, too. Goodbye, Tin Man. Oh, don't cry. You'll rust so dreadfully. Here -- here's your oil-can. Goodbye.

DOROTHY: Oh, will you help me? Can you help me?

GLINDA: You don't need to be helped any longer. You've always had the power to go back to Kansas.

DOROTHY: I have?

GLINDA: Pooh -- what a smell of sulphur! I'm afraid you've made rather a bad enemy of the Wicked Witch of the West. The sooner you get out of Oz altogether, the safer you'll sleep, my dear.

DOROTHY: Oh, I'd give anything to get out of Oz altogether -- but which is the way back to Kansas? I can't go the way I came.

GLINDA: No -- that's true. The only person who might know would be the great and wonderful Wizard of Oz himself!

DOROTHY: The Wizard of Oz? Is he good or is he wicked?

GLINDA: Oh, very good, but very mysterious. He lives in the Emerald City, and that's a long journey from here. Did you bring your broomstick with you?

DOROTHY: No, I'm afraid I didn't.

GLINDA: Well, then, you'll have to walk. The Munchkins will see you safely to the border of Munchkinland. And remember, never let those ruby slippers off your feet for a moment, or you will be at the mercy of the Wicked Witch of the West.

DOROTHY: But, how do I start for Emerald City?

GLINDA: It's always best to start at the beginning -- and all you do is follow the Yellow Brick Road.

DOROTHY: I thought you said she was dead.

GLINDA: That was her sister -- the Wicked Witch of the East. This is the Wicked Witch of the West. And she's worse than the other one was.

GLINDA: The Munchkins are happy because you have freed them from the Wicked Witch of the East.

DOROTHY: Oh. But, if you please -- what are Munchkins?

GLINDA: The little people who live in this land -- it's Munchkinland, and you are their national heroine, my dear. It's all right -- you may all come out and thank her. It's all right now - you may all come out.

DOROTHY: Toto's my dog.

GLINDA: Well, I'm a little muddled. The Munchkins called me because a new witch has just dropped a house on the Wicked Witch of the East. And there's the house, and here you are, and that's all...

GLINDA: Are you a good witch, or a bad witch?

DOROTHY: Who, me? Why, I'm not a witch at all. I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas.

GLINDA: Oh! Well....

PROFESSOR: Oh --

DOROTHY: But you couldn't have been, could you?

DOROTHY: ...you don't suppose she could really be sick, do you? Oh -- Oh, I've got to go home right away!

PROFESSOR: But -- what's this? I thought you were going along with me.

DOROTHY: Oh, no, no, I have to get to her right....

PROFESSOR: ...bed.

DOROTHY: Oh, no -- no!

PROFESSOR: That's all -- the Crystal's gone dark.

DOROTHY: Oh, you....

DOROTHY: ...paper?

PROFESSOR: I said it had poppies on the wall paper! Eh -- she's -- What's this? Why, she's -- she's putting her hand on her heart -- she's -- she's dropping down on the....

PROFESSOR: ...room --

DOROTHY: Has it poppies on the wall....

DOROTHY: I had the measles once -- and she stayed right by me every minute.

PROFESSOR: Uh-huh.

DOROTHY: What's she doing now?

DOROTHY: That's right. What's she doing?

PROFESSOR: Well, I -- I can't quite see. Why, she's crying.

DOROTHY: Oh --

PROFESSOR: Someone has hurt her -- someone has just about broken her heart.

DOROTHY: Me?

PROFESSOR: ...her face is careworn.

DOROTHY: Yes...That's Aunt Em.

PROFESSOR: Her -- her name is Emily.

DOROTHY: That's our farm!

PROFESSOR: Oh -- yes.

PROFESSOR: Oh, yes - you - you wanted to go home, huh?

DOROTHY: Oh, no, I wanted to go along with you.

PROFESSOR: Oh --

DOROTHY: Nobody cares about me at home. They wouldn't even miss me.

PROFESSOR: Aw, come, come, come --

DOROTHY: No, they won't - honestly.

PROFESSOR: Oh --

DOROTHY: Auntie Em was even going to let them kill Toto yesterday for biting Miss Gulch. Oh, please, Professor, why can't we go with you and see all the Crowned Heads of Europe?

PROFESSOR: Do you know any? Oh, you mean the thing -- Yes, well, I -- I never do anything without consulting my crystal first. Let's....

PROFESSOR: Yes --

DOROTHY: Please, Professor, why can't we go along with you?

PROFESSOR: Let's see -- you're -- you're travelling in disguise. No, that's not right. I -- you're -- you're going on a visit. No, I'm wrong. That's...You're -- running away.

DOROTHY: How did you guess?

PROFESSOR: Professor Marvel never guesses -- he knows! Now, why are you running away?

DOROTHY: Why --

PROFESSOR: No, no -- now don't tell me. They -- they don't understand you at home. They don't appreciate you. You want to see other lands -- big cities -- big mountains -- big oceans --

DOROTHY: Why, it's just like you could read what was inside of me.

MISS GULCH: Here! I've got an order! Let me have...

DOROTHY: Stop her!

MISS GULCH: Now you're seeing reason.

DOROTHY: No --

MISS GULCH: Here's what I'm taking him in -- so he can't attack me again.

DOROTHY: Oh, no, no! I won't let you take him! You go away, you....! Oooh, I'll bite you myself!

MISS GULCH: That dog's a menace to the community. I'm taking him to the sheriff and make sure he's destroyed.

DOROTHY: Destroyed? Toto? Oh, you can't! You mustn't! Auntie Em! Uncle Henry! You won't let her, will you?

TIN MAN: Now I know I've got a heart -- 'cause it's breaking.

DOROTHY: Oh -- Goodbye, Lion. You know, I know it isn't right, but I'm going to miss the way you used to holler for help before you found your courage.

DOROTHY: ...yes.

TIN MAN: Look -- it ticks!

TIN MAN: Ahh --- Oh, it ticks! Listen!

DOROTHY: Yes...!

DOROTHY: Tomorrow? Oh, but I want to go home now.

TIN MAN: You've had plenty of time already!

TIN MAN: Dorothy!

DOROTHY: I knew you would!

DOROTHY: Oh! Something bit me, too!

TIN MAN: Now come on - you're acting silly --

TIN MAN: No. Why only -- Oh --

DOROTHY: Oh! Oh, Tin Man! Oh!

TIN MAN: Oh, he's just ascared again.

DOROTHY: Don't you know the Wizard's going to give you some courage?

TIN MAN: Can't that female take no for an answer?

DOROTHY: Oh --

TIN MAN: And him a brain.

DOROTHY: I'm sure he could give you some courage.

TIN MAN: And bears!

DOROTHY: What sort of an animal is that?

TIN MAN: It-it-it-it - it's a huge one!

TIN MAN: We might.

DOROTHY: Oh --

TIN MAN: And I was standing over there rusting for the longest time.

DOROTHY: Still, I wish I could remember. But, I guess it doesn't matter anyway. We know each other now, don't we?

DOROTHY: Oh --

TIN MAN: Oh, see - I killed it. Oh, I killed that poor little honey bee!

DOROTHY: Oh-oh-

TIN MAN: Oh! They're - they're gone now.

DOROTHY: Oh, goodness! Did any of them sting you?

TIN MAN: I - I guess they tried to, but they bent their stingers.

DOROTHY: Oh, dear. I don't know what I'd do if a whole swarm kept -- Oh! Oh! Oh, there's one on me!

TIN MAN: Oh - I'll get it!

DOROTHY: Oh! Oh!

TIN MAN: Well, suppose the Wizard wouldn't get me one when we got there?

DOROTHY: Oh, but he will! He must! We've come such a long way already.

TIN MAN: Ohh -- what's that? Oh --

DOROTHY: Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, are you all right?

TIN MAN: I'm afraid I'm a little rusty yet.

DOROTHY: Oh, dear -- That was wonderful! You know -- we were just wondering why you couldn't come to Emerald City with us to ask the Wizard of Oz for a heart.

TIN MAN: Emerald City? Why, that's a long and dangerous journey. And it might rain on the way.

DOROTHY: Oh --

TIN MAN: All hollow. Oh --

TIN MAN: ...and right in the middle of a chop, I...I rusted solid. And I've been that way ever since.

DOROTHY: Well, you're perfect now.

TIN MAN: My...my neck. My...my neck. Perfect? Oh -- bang on my chest if you think I'm perfect. Go ahead -- bang on it!

DOROTHY: Oh --!

TIN MAN: Oh --

DOROTHY: ...Oh, did that hurt?

TIN MAN: No -- it feels wonderful. I've held that axe up for ages. Oh ---

DOROTHY: Oh, goodness! How did you ever get like this?

TIN MAN: Oh -- well, about a year ago -- I was chopping that tree -- minding my own business -- when suddenly it started to rain....

TIN MAN: ...m...m...my, my, my, my goodness -- I can talk again! Oh -- oil my arms, please -- oil my elbows.

DOROTHY: Oh...

DOROTHY: Where do you want to be oiled first?

TIN MAN: My mouth -- my mouth!

TIN MAN: Oil can.....Oil can....

DOROTHY: Did you say something?

TIN MAN: Oil can....

DOROTHY: Oh, my!

TIN MAN -- SCARECROW AND DOROTHY: Lions and tigers and bears!

DOROTHY: Oh, my!

TIN MAN -- SCARECROW AND DOROTHY: Lions and tigers and bears!

DOROTHY: Oh, my!

TIN MAN -- SCARECROW AND DOROTHY: Lions and tigers and bears!

DOROTHY: Oh, my!

TIN MAN -- SCARECROW AND DOROTHY: Lions and tigers and bears!

DOROTHY: Oh, my!

LION: Well -- I would never've found it if it hadn't been for you.

DOROTHY: I think I'll miss you most of all.

DOROTHY: Oh, now I'll never get home!

LION: Stay with us, then, Dorothy. We all love you. We don't want you to go.

DOROTHY: Oh, that's very kind of you -- but this could never be like Kansas. Auntie Em must have stopped wondering what happened to me by now. Oh, Scarecrow, what am I going to do?

LION: ...Ain't it the truth! Ain't it the truth!

DOROTHY: Oh -- oh -- they're all wonderful.

LION: They're coming back!

DOROTHY: Ohhh!

DOROTHY: Oh -- Oh -- Oh! Toto -- Toto!

LION: Did they hurtcha?

DOROTHY: Lion, darling -- I knew you'd come!

LION: As Monarch of the Forest I don't like the situation.

DOROTHY: Are you gonna stand around And let 'em fill us full of horror?

LION: I'd like to roar 'em down -- But I think I lost my roarer.

LION: That noise don't come from no ordinary bird.

DOROTHY: It may be just a cricket Or a critter in the trees.

DOROTHY: Does it work?

LION: No, but it's wonderful for threatening with.

DOROTHY: Oh --

DOROTHY: Oh -- Oh, come on.

LION: Huh? What'd he say?

LION: I'd be too scared to ask him for it.

DOROTHY: Oh, well, then -- we'll ask him for you.

LION: I'd sooner wait outside.

DOROTHY: But why? Why?

LION: Because I'm still scared!

DOROTHY: Oh, come on.

LION: Ohh!

DOROTHY: How about a hippopotamus?

LION: Why, I'd thrash him from top to bottomamus!

DOROTHY: Supposin' you met an elephant?

LION: I'd wrap him up in cellophant!

DOROTHY: Your Majesty, if you were king You wouldn't be afraid of anything?

LION: Not nobody, not nohow!

DOROTHY: I'll be home in time for supper!

LION: In another hour, I'll be King of the Forest. Long Live the King! If....

DOROTHY: Oh, but -- but please. It's very important.

LION: And -- and I got a permanent just for the occasion.

LION: Who's her? Who's her?

DOROTHY: It's the Witch! She's followed us here!

DOROTHY: Ho -- ho --ho -- ho

LION: Hah!

LION: Oh -- unusual weather we're having, ain't it?

DOROTHY: Look! He's rusted again. Oh, give me the oil can -- quick! Oh-oh, quick!

DOROTHY: Yes -- let's run!

LION: Yes.

DOROTHY: It's beautiful, isn't it? Just like I knew it would be. He really must be a wonderful Wizard to live in a City like that!

LION: Well, come on, then. What are we waiting for?

DOROTHY: A home --

LION: The nerve.

LION: ...has been simply unbearable.

DOROTHY: Oh.

LION: Yeh, it's sad, believe me, Missy When you're born to be a sissy, Without the vim and verve. But I could show my prowess -- Be a lion not a mou-ess -- If I only had the nerve I'm afraid there's no denyin' I'm just a dande-lion -- A fate I don't deserve. I'd be brave as a blizzard --

DOROTHY: It's bad enough picking on a straw man, but when you go around picking on poor little dogs --

LION: Well, you didn't have to go and hit me, did you? Is my nose bleeding?

DOROTHY: Well, of course not. My goodness, what a fuss you're making. Well, naturally, when you go around picking on things weaker than you are -- Why, you're nothing but a great big coward!

LION: You're right -- I am a coward.

LION: What -- what did you do that for? I didn't bite him.

DOROTHY: No, but you tried to.

DOROTHY: Why, Zeke, -- you're just as scared as I am!

HUNK: What's the matter -- gonna let a little old pig make a coward out of you?

HUNK: Now lookit, Dorothy, you ain't using your head about Miss Gulch. Think you didn't have any brains at all.

DOROTHY: I have so got brains.

HUNK: Well, why don't you use them? When you come home, don't go by Miss Gulch's place. Then Toto won't get in her garden, and you won't get in no trouble. See?

DOROTHY: Oh, Hunk, you just won't listen, that's all.

HUNK: Well, your head ain't made of straw, you know.

SCARECROW: No -- No -- No -- No!

DOROTHY: Ohh! OHH! OHH!

SCARECROW: Help! I'm burning! I'm burning! I'm burning! Help! Help! Help!

SCARECROW: Oh, come on now - everybody --

DOROTHY: Did you just hear what I just heard?

DOROTHY: Oh -- Oh --

SCARECROW: Oh -- are you -- are you all right?

DOROTHY: Oh --

SCARECROW: Looks like we came a long way for nothing.

DOROTHY: Oh -- and I was so happy! I thought I was on my way home!

DOROTHY: Dear, whatever shall we do?

SCARECROW: Well, we'd better hurry if we're going to see the Wizard!

SCARECROW: -- A hot water bottle would be good if we had one.

DOROTHY: Oh, he's been crying! Why have you been --

SCARECROW: Yes -- there --

DOROTHY: Oh -- here quick -- oh! - we'll oil him up.

SCARECROW: It does help. Dorothy, you're waking up!

DOROTHY: Oh --

SCARECROW: ...along.

DOROTHY: Oh, no -- please. I have to rest for just a minute. Toto!

SCARECROW: Oh, that's too bad. Don't you think the Wizard could help him, too?

DOROTHY: I don't see why not. Why don't you come along with us? We're on our way to see the Wizard now. To get him a heart.

DOROTHY: I don't like this forest! It's -- it's dark and creepy!

SCARECROW: Of course, I don't know, but I think it'll get darker before it gets lighter.

DOROTHY: Do -- do you suppose we'll meet any wild animals?

DOROTHY: Oh, you're the best friends anybody ever had! And it's funny, but I feel as if I've known you all the time. But I couldn't have, could I?

SCARECROW: I don't see how. You weren't around when I was stuffed and sewn together, were you?

DOROTHY: ...just that the Witch is so wicked. I don't think you two ought to come with me because you'll get into trouble.

SCARECROW: Oh, you don't think we're going to stand by and let her get away with fireballs and bees, do you?

SCARECROW: But you've just been saying how much you want a heart.

DOROTHY: And I'll keep the oil-can handy.

SCARECROW: He said his mouth.

DOROTHY: Here -- here --

SCARECROW: The other side....

DOROTHY: Yes --- there.

SCARECROW: Oil can what?

DOROTHY: Oil can? Oh -- oh, here it is!

DOROTHY: Why, it's a man! A man made out of tin!

SCARECROW: What?

DOROTHY: Yes. Oh -- look --

SCARECROW: Hooray! I guess that did it! Help yourself.

DOROTHY: Oh --

DOROTHY: Oh, dear -- I keep forgetting I'm not in Kansas.

SCARECROW: Come along, Dorothy -- you don't want any of those apples. Hmm!

SCARECROW: Hooray! We're off to see a Wizard!

DOROTHY: Oh -- well -- you're not starting out very well.

SCARECROW: Oh, I'll try! Really, I will.

DOROTHY: To Oz?

SCARECROW: To Oz!

DOROTHY: Wonderful! Why, if our Scarecrow back in Kansas could do that, the crows'd be scared to pieces!

SCARECROW: They would?

DOROTHY: Um-hmm.

SCARECROW: Where's Kansas?

DOROTHY: That's where I live. And I want to get back there so badly I'm going all the way to Emerald City to get the Wizard of Oz to help me.

SCARECROW: You're going to see a Wizard?

DOROTHY: Um-hmm.

SCARECROW: Do you think if I went with you this Wizard would give me some brains?

DOROTHY: I couldn't say. But even if he didn't, you'd be no worse off than you are now.

SCARECROW: Yes -- that's true.

DOROTHY: But maybe you'd better not. I've got a witch mad at me, and you might get into trouble.

SCARECROW: Witch? Huh! I'm not afraid of a witch! I'm not afraid of anything --- except a lighted match.

DOROTHY: I don't blame you for that.

SCARECROW: But I'd face a whole box full of them for the chance of getting some brains. Look -- I won't be any trouble, because I don't eat a thing -- and I won't try to manage things, because I can't think. Won't you take me with you?

SCARECROW: ...free!

DOROTHY: Oh! Oh! Ohhh!

SCARECROW: Did I scare you?

DOROTHY: No, No -- I -- I just thought you hurt yourself.

SCARECROW: Whhhooops! Ha-ha -- there goes some of me again!

DOROTHY: Oh -- does it hurt you?

SCARECROW: Oh, no -- I just keep picking it up and putting it back in again.

DOROTHY: Ohhh --

SCARECROW: My, it's good to be....

DOROTHY: ...yes.

SCARECROW: Ohhhh --

DOROTHY: Ohh!

SCARECROW: Down? No, you see, I'm -- Well, -- I'm --

DOROTHY: Oh, well, here -- let me help you.

SCARECROW: Oh, that's very kind of you -- very kind.

DOROTHY: ...don't talk.

SCARECROW: It's pleasant down that way, too.

WITCH: You stay out of this, Glinda, or I'll fix you as well!

GLINDA: Oh, rubbish! You have no power here. Be gone, before somebody drops a house on you, too.

WITCH: Very well -- I'll bide my time -- and as for you, my fine lady, it's true, I can't attend to you here and now as I'd like, but just try to stay out of my way....

WITCH: The ruby slippers! What have you done with them? Give them back to me, or I'll ---

GLINDA: It's too late! There they....

GLINDA: ...ting the ruby slippers?

WITCH: The slippers -- yes.....the slippers!

WITCH: Who killed my sister? Who killed the Witch of the East? Was it you? Answer me!

GLINDA: Leave her alone!

WITCH: You stay out of this! I'm here for vengeance! So it was you, was it? You killed her,....

WIZARD: ...excellence to the Miracle Wonderland Carnival Company -- until one day, while performing spectacular feats of stratospheric skill never before attempted by civilized man, an unfortunate phenomena occurred. The balloon failed to return to the fair.

LION: It did?

LION: Yeah.

WIZARD: Ah --

LION: Dorothy next!

WIZARD: Yes. Dorothy -- ah -- Dor --

LION: Real courage. That's what we want.

WIZARD: You do? boys, you're aiming low. You not only surprise, but you grieve me.

SCARECROW: You humbug!

LION: Yeah!

LION: Where -- where do we go now?

SCARECROW: This way! Come on!

SCARECROW: Stop pushing!

LION: Oh - I was only trying to help. Ohhh!

SCARECROW: Come on -- I've got another idea.

LION: Do -- do you think it'll be polite -- dropping in like this?

SCARECROW: Up!

LION: Now...

SCARECROW: I've got a plan how to get in there.

LION: Fine. He's got a plan

SCARECROW: And you're going to lead us.

LION: Yeah. Me?

SCARECROW: Yes, you.

LION: I -- I -- I -- I -- gotta get her outta there?

SCARECROW: That's right.

LION: All right, I'll go in there for Dorothy -- Wicked Witch or no Wicked Witch -- guards or no guards -- I'll tear 'em apart. I may not come out alive, but I'm going in there. There's only one thing I want you fellows to do.

LION: They sure knocked the stuffings out of you, didn't they?

SCARECROW: Don't stand there talking! Put me together! We've got to find Dorothy!

SCARECROW: What happened?

LION: Somebody pulled my tail.

SCARECROW: Oh, you did it yourself!

LION: I -- Oh --

SCARECROW: Here -- Come on.

LION: What was that?

LION: Wait a minute, fellahs. I was just thinkin'. I really don't want to see the Wizard this much. I better wait for you outside.

SCARECROW: What's the matter?

LION: Would...would it do any good if I roared?

SCARECROW: Who at?

LION: I don't know.

SCARECROW: What if it were a brontosaurus?

LION: I'd show him who was King of the Fores'!

LION: Comin' to think of it, forty winks wouldn't be bad.

SCARECROW: Don't you start it, too!

TIN MAN: You don't get around us that easy!

LION: Not nohow!

LION: ...the door! Open the door! Open the door! Open the door! Open the door!

TIN MAN: Don't push!

TIN MAN: Where do we go now?

LION: Yeah.

LION: No? Now, wait a minute.

TIN MAN: You don't neither --

LION: ...I -- I -- I hope my strength holds out.

TIN MAN: I hope your tail holds out. Oh --

TIN MAN: There. Now, that's the best we can do without any pins.

LION: Yeah --

TIN MAN: Now, let' s see -- this goes -- Oh, I wish I were better at puzzles.

LION: Wait a minute. This is the left one. He walks bad enough already.

TIN MAN: Oh, poor Dorothy. We may never see her again.

LION: It's a whatzis.

TIN MAN: It's a whatzis?

LION: Whozat?

TIN MAN: Whozat?

LION: What's that? What's that? Take it away - take it away - Take it away!

TIN MAN: Hold still - hold still --

TIN MAN: From now on, we're on enemy ground. You should have something to protect yourself with.

LION: She - she can have my Witch Remover.

TIN MAN: Not even a rhinoceros?

LION: Imposserous!

LION: Dorothy!

TIN MAN: Dorothy! You can't sleep here! You can't sleep in the middle of a field!

LION: I haven't slept in weeks.

TIN MAN: Why don't you try counting sheep?

LION: That doesn't do any good -- I'm afraid of 'em.

LION: Sneaking up on me, eh? Why!

TIN MAN: Here -- here. Go 'way and let us alone!

LION: Oh, scared, huh?

MISS GULCH: ... about Dorothy.

UNCLE HENRY: Dorothy? Well, what has Dorothy done?

MISS GULCH: What's she done? I'm all but lame from the bite on my leg!

UNCLE HENRY: You mean she bit you?

MISS GULCH: No, her dog!

UNCLE HENRY: Oh, she bit her dog, eh?

MISS GULCH: NO!

MISS GULCH: Mr. Gale!

UNCLE HENRY: Howdy, Miss Gulch.

MISS GULCH: I want to see you and your wife right away....

OZ'S VOICE: ...of the West.

TIN MAN: B-B-B-B-B-But if we do that, we'll have to kill her to get it!

OZ'S VOICE: ...junk!

TIN MAN: Ohhhh -- yes...yes, sir -- Y-Yes, your Honor. You see, a while back, we were walking down the Yellow Brick Road, and --

OZ'S VOICE: Quiet!

TIN MAN: Ohhhhhh!

OZ'S VOICE: ...Tin Man!

TIN MAN: Ohhhh -- it's me!

SCARECROW: Hey -- what about Dorothy?

TIN MAN: Yes -- how about Dorothy?

SCARECROW: Oh - upstairs, quickly!

TIN MAN: Go on!

SCARECROW: Whew! That wasn't my plan - but something happened, didn't it?

TIN MAN: You put up a great fight, Lion.

SCARECROW: Yeah --

TIN MAN: I don't know what we'd have done without you.

TIN MAN: No, you don't.

SCARECROW: Oh, no!

TIN MAN: Oh, I hate to think of her in there. We've got to get her out.

SCARECROW: Don't cry now. We haven't got the oil-can with us and you've been squeaking enough as it is.

SCARECROW: ...to Dorothy!

TIN MAN: Oh --

SCARECROW: Come on, fellows!

SCARECROW: Oh, don't worry about me. I'm all right. We must worry about Dorothy.

TIN MAN: But how can we find her? We don't even know where she is. Look! There's....

SCARECROW: Who do you suppose they were? And where did they take her? A fine thing - to go to pieces at a time like this!

TIN MAN: Now, now, don't fret.

SCARECROW: Oh, dear, dear.

TIN MAN: We'll get you together!

SCARECROW: Help! Help! Help! Help! Help!

TIN MAN: Oh! Well, what happened to you?

SCARECROW: They tore my legs off, and they threw them over there! Then they took my chest out, and they threw it over there!

TIN MAN: Well, that's you all over.

TIN MAN: It's a whozis.

SCARECROW: It's a whozis?

SCARECROW: Oh, I think I see a jijik And he's fuzzy and he's furry I haven't got a brain But I think I ought to worry!

TIN MAN: I haven't got a heart But I got a palpitation.

SCARECROW: Oh, did - did you see that?

TIN MAN: Oh - look out.

SCARECROW: You know something?

SCARECROW: Did you hear that? He'll announce us at once! I've as good as got my brain!

TIN MAN: I can fairly hear my heart beating!

SCARECROW: Ha -- ha -- ha --

TIN MAN: Ho -- ho --ho

SCARECROW: Oh, this is terrible -- can't budge her an inch! This is a spell, this is!

TIN MAN: It's the Wicked Witch! What'll we do? Help! HELP!

SCARECROW: It's no use screaming at a time like this! Nobody will hear you! Help!

TIN MAN: Oh! We ought to try and carry Dorothy.

SCARECROW: I don't think I could, but we could try.

TIN MAN: Let's.

SCARECROW: Yes.

TIN MAN: Oh -- now look at him! This is terrible!

SCARECROW: Here, Tin Man -- help me.

TIN MAN: Oh - oh, poor Dorothy!

SCARECROW: Don't cry -- you'll rust yourself again!

SCARECROW: Hey, Dorothy!

TIN MAN: Dorothy!

SCARECROW: Oh! Oh, come on, come on!

TIN MAN: Look -- you can see it here. It's wonderful!

SCARECROW: Emerald City!

SCARECROW: Come on -- come on --

TIN MAN: Hurry -- hurry --

SCARECROW: Then I'm sure to get a brain --

TIN MAN: A heart --

TIN MAN: I'd be gentle as a lizard --

SCARECROW: I'd be clever as a gizzard --

SCARECROW: Animals that -- that eat straw?

TIN MAN: Some -- but mostly lions, and tigers, and bears.

SCARECROW: That's right.

TIN MAN: We do.

SCARECROW: To Oz?

TIN MAN: To Oz!

TIN MAN: No, sir!

SCARECROW: No, sir!

SCARECROW: I'm not afraid of her. I'll see you get safely to the Wizard now, whether I get a brain or not! Stuff a mattress with me! Hah!

TIN MAN: I'll see you reach the Wizard, whether I get a heart of not. Bee-hive -- bah! Let her try and make a bee-hive out of me! You know -- Hmm? What's that?

SCARECROW: Beautiful! What an echo!

TIN MAN: It's empty. The tinsmith forgot to give me a heart.

SCARECROW: How can I ever thank you enough?

WIZARD: Well, you can't. As for you, my fine friend -- you're a victim of disorganized thinking. You are under the unfortunate delusion that simply because you run away from danger, you have no courage. You're confusing courage with wisdom. Back where I come from, we have men who are called heroes. Once a year, they take their fortitude out of mothballs and parade it down the main street of the city. And they have no more courage than you have. But! They have one thing that you haven't got! A medal! Therefore -- for meritorious....

WIZARD: Therefore, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Universitatus Committeeatum e plurbis unum, I hereby confer upon you the honorary degree of Th.D.

SCARECROW: Th.D.?

WIZARD: Well --

SCARECROW: You promised us real things -- a real...

SCARECROW: What about us?

WIZARD: Well, I --

SCARECROW: What about the heart that you promised Tin Man --?

WIZARD: Well, I --

SCARECROW: -- And the courage that you promised Cowardly Lion?

WIZARD: Well, I --

WIZARD: Uh - now, please don't be angry with me. I'll - I'll do anything you say, only... only if you don't shout at me. It makes me nervous!

SCARECROW: It makes you nervous?

WIZARD: Yes.

WIZARD: -- Ruined my exit!

TIN MAN: Help!

TIN MAN: Stop that dog!

WIZARD: This is a highly irregular procedure! This is absolutely unprecedented!

TIN MAN: Oh! Help me! The balloon's going up!

WIZARD: As for you, my galvanized friend, you want a heart! You don't know how lucky you are not to have one. Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable. I could have been a world figure, a power among men, a - a successful wizard, had I not been obstructed by a heart.

TIN MAN: But I still want one.

WIZARD: Yes -- ....