Ghostbusters

BRIDE: Hey, sweetheart, will you CUT THAT OUT!!!

GROOM: Uuuuuuugh!!

BRIDE: What's the matter, dear?

BRIDE: Now where are you going?

GROOM: To the bathroom, where do you think?

BRIDE: Have I done the right thing?

BRIDE: Roy? Your clock broke.

GROOM: Nice going, honey. It was brand new.

BRIDE: I didn't break your precious clock, Roy!

BRIDE: Aren't you glad we waited?

GROOM: I don't know. It probably would've been the same.

BRIDE: Well, thanks a lot.

VENKMAN: Okay. Just give me a second here. I have to leave now but if you've got some time I'd like you to come back this evening and do some more work with me.

COED: Eight o'clock?

VENKMAN: I was just going to say "eight." You're fantastic!

VENKMAN: Well, I guess some people have it and some don't.

COED: Do you think I have it, Dr. Venkman?

VENKMAN: Definitely. I think you may be a very gifted telepath.

VENKMAN: Ready? What is it?

COED: Ummm -- figure eight?

VENKMAN: Incredible! Five for five. You're not cheating on me here, are you?

COED: No. They're just coming to me.

VENKMAN: Well, you're doing great. Keep it up.

COED: Is it a star?

VENKMAN: It is a star! That's great. You're very good.

DANA: Oh, sure. I'm getting used to this.

LOUIS: I'm innocent! Honest, Dana. I never touched you. Not that I remember anyway.

DANA: All right, what happened to me?

LOUIS: Are you the Gatekeeper?

DANA: I am Zuul.

LOUIS: Oh, Dana, it's you.

DANA: Hi, Louis.

LOUIS: Hey, it's crazy in here. You're missing a classic party.

DANA: Well, actually Louis I have a friend coming by.

LOUIS: Great! Bring her, too. But you better hurry. I made nachos with non-fat cheese and they're almost gone. I'll make some more though.

DANA: Fine, Louis. We'll stop in for a drink.

LOUIS: I got the Twister game for later ...

LOUIS: Oh, no, I feel great. I just ordered some more vitamins. I see you were exercising. So was I. I taped "20 Minute Workout" and played it back at high speed so it only took ten minutes and I got a really good workout. You wanna have a mineral water with me?

DANA: No thanks, Louis. I'm really tired. I've been rehearsing all morning.

LOUIS: Okay. I'll take a raincheck. I always have plenty of mineral water and other nutritious health foods, but you know that. Listen, that reminds me, I'm having a party for all my clients. It's gonna be my fourth anniversary as an accountant. I know you fill out your own tax return, but I'd like you to come being that you're my next door neighbor and all ...

DANA: Oh, that's nice, Louis. I'll stop by if I'm around.

LOUIS: You know you shouldn't leave your TV on so loud when you go out. That creep down the hall phoned the manager.

DANA: I thought I turned it off. I guess I forgot.

LOUIS: Oh, Dana, it's you ...

DANA: Hi, Louis.

LOUIS: ... I thought it was the drug store.

DANA: Are you sick, Louis?

VENKMAN: This is going to cost you, you know. Our fees are ridiculously high.

DANA: Talk to my accountant.

VENKMAN: Nothing! We just got rid of that thing in your kitchen.

DANA: Really! Is it gone?

VENKMAN: Yeah, along with most of your furniture and a lot of your personal possessions. This one took some work.

DANA: Thank you. Next time I want to break a lease I'll know who to call.

VENKMAN: Actually, it's more of a policy than a rule.

DANA: I want you inside me.

VENKMAN: I don't know. You've got two people in there already. It could get a little crowded. I want you to close your eyes and relax. Now I'm going to speak to Dana and I want Dana to answer.

DANA: I am Zuul. I am ...

VENKMAN: Right ... You're the Gatekeeper. But I want Dana. Dana, speak to me ...

DANA: There is no Dana. I am Zuul.

VENKMAN: Whoa!! Nice voice.

DANA: Do you want this body?

VENKMAN: Well, I'll just use it for a while and get it right back to you.

DANA: Take me now.

DANA: We must prepare for the coming of Gozer.

VENKMAN: Okay, I'll help you. Should we make some dip or something?

DANA: He is the Destructor.

VENKMAN: Really? Can't wait to meet him. As long as we're waiting for him, I'd really like to try something with you -- in the bedroom.

VENKMAN: Hey, Dana. What is it? What happened?

DANA: I am Zuul. I am the Gatekeeper.

DANA: He is a very close friend. Do you have some explanation of what happened in my apartment?

VENKMAN: Yes, but I have to tell you in private at a fine restaurant.

DANA: Can't you tell me now?

VENKMAN: I'll cancel the reservation, I found the name "Zuul" in ... The Roylance Guide to Secret Societies and Sects. I don't suppose you've read it.

DANA: You must have gotten the last copy.

VENKMAN: Well, the name Zuul refers to a demi-god worshipped around 6000 B.C. by the ... What's that say?

DANA: Hittites, the Mesopotamians and the Sumerians. "Zuul was the Minion of Gozer."

VENKMAN: "Gozer" -- he was very big in the Sumerian religion. One of their gods.

DANA: What's he doing in my refrigerator.

VENKMAN: I'm checking on that. I think we should meet Thursday night at nine to talk about it.

DANA: I don't think so. I'm busy Thursday night.

VENKMAN: You think I enjoy giving up my evenings to spend time with clients? I'm making an exception because I respect you as an artist and as a dresser.

DANA: All right. Since you put it that way.

VENKMAN: I'll pick you up at your place. I'll bring along the Roylance Guide -- we can read after we eat.

DANA: I've got to go now.

VENKMAN: Great rehearsal.

DANA: You heard it?

VENKMAN: You're the best one in your row.

DANA: Most people can't hear me with the whole orchestra playing. You're good.

VENKMAN: I don't have to take abuse from you. I have other people dying to give it to me.

DANA: I know. You're quite a celebrity these days. Are you here because you have info ... about my case?

VENKMAN: Who's the stiff?

DANA: The "stiff?" He happens to be one of the finest musicians in the world and a wonderful man.

VENKMAN: Is he dying or something?

VENKMAN: There's nothing there now and I don't get any significant readings.

DANA: This is terrible. Either there's a monster in my kitchen or I'm completely crazy.

VENKMAN: If it's any comfort to you, I don't think you're crazy.

DANA: Thanks. Coming from you that really means a lot to me.

VENKMAN: I'm a qualified psychologist. I've got a degree and everything. I believe that something happened here and I want to do something about it.

DANA: All right. What do you want to do?

VENKMAN: I think I should spend the night here.

DANA: That's it. Get out.

VENKMAN: On a purely scientific basis.

DANA: Out!

VENKMAN: I want to help you.

DANA: I'll scream.

VENKMAN: Don't scream.

DANA: Then leave.

VENKMAN: Okay, okay. But if anything else happens, you have to promise you'll call me.

DANA: All right.

VENKMAN: Okay. Then I'll go.

DANA: Goodbye.

VENKMAN: No kiss?

VENKMAN: Damn!

DANA: Are you all right?

VENKMAN: Yeah, yeah.

VENKMAN: You're quite a housekeeper.

DANA: I told you, I ...

VENKMAN: I know. It happened by itself.

DANA: Uh-huh.

VENKMAN: Well, let's check it out.

DANA: I'll wait here if you don't mind.

VENKMAN: That's too bad.

DANA: What?

VENKMAN: Nothing. Is that the kitchen?

DANA: You really don't act like a scientist.

VENKMAN: No? What do I act like?

DANA: Like a used car salesman.

VENKMAN: Thanks. What's in there?

VENKMAN: You play the cello! It's my favorite instrument.

DANA: Really? Do you have a favorite piece?

VENKMAN: I'd have to say Prokofiev's third concerto.

DANA: That's a violin concerto.

VENKMAN: Yeah, but it's got a great cello break.

VENKMAN: Have you ever thought of moving out -- at least until this disturbance blows over?

DANA: No. If I moved out now I'd be acknowledging that what happened was real. I'm not ready to do that.

DANA: No, just that one word -- Zuul -- but I have no idea what it means.

VENKMAN: Spengler, see if you can find the word "Zuul" in any of the literature. I'll take Miss Barrett home and check out her apartment.

DANA: Is that your professional opinion?

VENKMAN: It's in the stars.

DANA: Why would anyone make up a thing like that?

VENKMAN: Some people like the attention. Some people are just crazy.

DANA: ... and then I opened the door again but it was gone. There was nothing there.

VENKMAN: So what do you think it was?

VENKMAN: Hello. I'm Peter Venkman. May I help you?

DANA: Yes ... well ... I'm not sure. What I have to say may sound a little ... unusual.

VENKMAN: We're all professionals here, Miss ...

DANA: Barrett. Dana Barrett.

VENKMAN: I trust you're moving us to a better space somewhere on campus.

DEAN YAEGER: No, we're moving you OFF CAMPUS. The Board of Regents has decided to terminate your grant. You are to vacate these premises immediately.

VENKMAN: This is preposterous! I demand an explanation.

DEAN YAEGER: Fine. This University will no longer continue any funding of any kind for your group's activities.

VENKMAN: But why? The students love us!

DEAN YAEGER: Dr. Venkman, we believe that the purpose of science is to serve mankind. You, however, seem to regard science as some kind of "dodge" or "hustle." Your theories are the worst kind of popular tripe, your methods are sloppy and your conclusions are highly questionable. You're a poor scientist, Dr. Venkman, and you have no place in this department or in this University.

VENKMAN: I see.

FIRST BUM: Well, that definitely looks like marshmallow to me.

SECOND BUM: Yeah, it's some kind of mallow-type substance - that's for sure.

FIRST BUM: You have to wonder why anybody would dump a marshmallow that size right in the middle of the street.

SECOND BUM: I wonder if there might not be a very large cup of hot chocolate somewhere in the area.

FIRST BUM: That would definitely explain it.

SECOND BUM: That is one speedy mutt.

FIRST BUM: He's a big one. You don't want to mess with that particular breed.

SECOND BUM: Definitely some sort of fighting Spaniel, I think.

HEAD LIBRARIAN: Did you see it? What was it?

VENKMAN: We'll get back to you.

HEAD LIBRARIAN: What's that got to do with it?

VENKMAN: Back off, man! I'm a scientist!

HEAD LIBRARIAN: Hello, I'm Roger Delacorte - the Head Librarian. Are you the men from the University?

VENKMAN: Yes. I'm Dr. Venkman and this is Dr. Stantz.

HEAD LIBRARIAN: Thank you for coming. I'd appreciate it if we could take care of this quickly and quietly.

VENKMAN: One thing at a time. We don't even know what it is yet.

JANINE: I want you to have this.

SPENGLER: What is it?

JANINE: It's a souvenir from the 1964 World's Fair at Flushing Meadow. It's my lucky coin.

SPENGLER: I don't believe in luck.

JANINE: Keep it anyway. I have another one at home.

SPENGLER: Thank you.

JANINE: Egon, there's something very strange about that man. I'm very psychic usually and right now I have this terrible feeling that something awful is going to happen to you. I'm afraid you're going to die.

SPENGLER: Die in what sense?

JANINE: In the physical sense.

SPENGLER: I don't care. I see us as tiny parts of a vast organism, like two bacteria living on a rotting speck of dust floating in an infinite void.

JANINE: That's so romantic.

JANINE: You're very handy, I can tell. I bet you like to read a lot, too.

SPENGLER: Print is dead.

JANINE: That's very fascinating to me. I read a lot myself. Some people think I'm too intellectual. But I think reading is a fabulous way to spend your spare time. I also play racketball. Do you ever play?

SPENGLER: Is that a game?

JANINE: It's a great game! You should play sometime. I bet you'd be good. You seem very athletic. Do you have any hobbies?

SPENGLER: I collect spores, molds and fungus.

JANINE: Oh, that's very - unusual.

SPENGLER: I think it's the food of the future.

JANINE: Remind me not to go to lunch with you.

JANINE: And someone from the EPA is here to see you.

VENKMAN: The EPA? What's he want?

JANINE: I didn't ask him. All I know is that I haven't had a break in two weeks and you promised you'd hire more help.

VENKMAN: Janine, I'm sure a woman with your qualifications would have no trouble finding a top flight job in the housekeeping or food service industry.

JANINE: Oh, really? Well, I've quit better jobs than this one, believe me.

VENKMAN: Here's the paper on the Brooklyn job. She paid with a Visa card.

JANINE: Here are tonight's calls.

VENKMAN: Why don't you step into the office and we'll talk about it. Hold all my calls, Janine.

JANINE: What calls?

MANAGER: Thank you for coming so quickly. The guests are starting to ask questions and I'm running out of excuses.

STANTZ: Has this ever happened before?

MANAGER: Well, most of the original staff knows about the twelfth floor ... The disturbances, I mean ... But it's been quiet for years ... Up until two weeks ago ... It was never ever this bad, though.

STANTZ: Did you ever report it to anyone?

MANAGER: Heavens, no! The owners don't like us to even talk about it. I hoped we could take care of this quietly tonight.

STANTZ: Yes, sir. Don't worry. We handle this kind of thing all the time.

VENKMAN: Mr. Mayor, it's a pretty simple choice. You can believe Mr. Pecker here ...

PECK: That's "Peck!"

VENKMAN: ... or you can accept the fact that this city is heading for a disaster of really Biblical proportions.

VENKMAN: The man is a psychopath, Your Honor.

PECK: Probably a mixture of gases, no doubt stolen from the Army ...

VENKMAN: You turned off the power! Look, there was another man here ... You have to find him and bring him back. A short determined-looking guy with the eyes of a happy zombie.

PECK: See! They are using drugs.

VENKMAN: At ease, Officers. I'm Peter Venkman. I think there's been some kind of misunderstanding here and I want to cooperate in every way I can.

PECK: Forget it, Venkman. You had your chance to cooperate but you thought it was more fun to insult me. Now it's my turn, smart-ass.

PECK: May I please see the storage facility?

VENKMAN: Why do you want to see it?

PECK: Well, because I'm curious. I want to know more about what you do here. Frankly, there have been a lot of wild stories in the media and we want to assess any possible environmental impact from your operation. For instance, the storage of noxious, possibly hazardous waste materials in your basement. Now either you show me what's down there or I come back with a court order.

VENKMAN: Go ahead! Get a court order. Then I'm gonna sue your ass off for wrongful prosecution.

PECK: Have it your way, Mr. Venkman.

VENKMAN: Hey! Make yourself useful! Go save a tree!

PECK: Exactly what are you a doctor of, Mr. Venkman?

VENKMAN: I have Ph.D's in psychology and parapsychology.

PECK: I see. And now you catch ghosts?

VENKMAN: You could say that.

PECK: And how many ghosts have you caught, Mr. Venkman?

VENKMAN: I'm not at liberty to say.

PECK: And where do you put these ghosts once you catch them?

VENKMAN: In a storage facility.

PECK: And would this storage facility be located on these premises?

VENKMAN: Yes, it would.

PECK: And may I see this storage facility?

VENKMAN: No, you may not.

PECK: And why not, Mr. Venkman?

VENKMAN: Because you didn't say the magic word.

PECK: And what is the magic word, Mr. Venkman?

VENKMAN: The magic word is "please."

VENKMAN: Can I help you?

PECK: I'm Walter Peck. I represent the Environmental Protection Agency, Third District.

VENKMAN: Great! How's it going?

PECK: Are you Peter Venkman?

VENKMAN: Yes, I'm Doctor Venkman.

SOPHOMORE: Hey! I'm getting a little tired of this.

VENKMAN: You volunteered, didn't you? Aren't we paying you for this?

SOPHOMORE: Yeah, but I didn't know you were going to give me electric shocks. What are you trying to prove?

VENKMAN: I'm studying the effect of negative reinforcement on ESP ability.

SOPHOMORE: I'll tell you the effect! It pisses me off!

VENKMAN: Then my theory was correct.

VENKMAN: Nervous?

SOPHOMORE: Yes. I don't like this.

VENKMAN: Well, just 75 more to go. What's this one?

SOPHOMORE: Two wavy lines?

VENKMAN: Sorry. This isn't your day.

SOPHOMORE: Circle?

VENKMAN: Close -- but definitely wrong.

VENKMAN: All right. What is it?

SOPHOMORE: A square?

VENKMAN: Good guess -- but no.

STREET PUNK: Wait! Wait! Let me ask you something. If you like shot Superman with those guns, would he feel it or what?

SPENGLER: On Earth -- no. But on Krypton we could slice him up like Oscar Mayer Bologna.

STREET PUNK: Wow!

STREET PUNK: Hey, Mister! Can I see those guns?

SPENGLER: They're not guns. They're particle throwers.

STREET PUNK: Yeah, yeah. I just want to see 'em.

SPENGLER: I couldn't do that. You might hurt someone.

WOMAN: Yes?

SPENGLER: Were you recently in the bathroom?

WOMAN: What on earth gave you that idea?

SPENGLER: The wet towels, residual moisture on your lower limbs and hair, the redness in your cheeks indicating ...

WOMAN: You're a regular Sherlock Holmes. Now what do you want?

SPENGLER: When you were in the bathroom, did you notice anything that was yellow and unusually smelly?

VENKMAN: No! You said crossing the beams would be BAD. It'll kill her! And us!

SPENGLER: Life is just a state of mind.

VENKMAN: But it's my favorite state.

VENKMAN: On the count of three! One ... Two ...

SPENGLER: No! Them! Shoot them! Cross the beams.

VENKMAN: What now?

SPENGLER: Full-stream with strogon pulse.

SPENGLER: Of course! Ivo Shandor, I saw his name in Tobin's SPIRIT GUIDE. He started a secret society in 1920.

VENKMAN: Let me guess -- Gozer Worshippers.

SPENGLER: Yes. After the First World War Shandor decided that society was too sick to survive. And he wasn't alone. He had close to a thousand followers when he died. They conducted rituals, bizarre rituals, intended to bring about the end of the world.

VENKMAN: She said he was "the Destructor."

SPENGLER: Who?

VENKMAN: Gozer.

SPENGLER: You talked to Gozer?

VENKMAN: Get a grip on yourself, Egon. I talked to Dana Barrett and she referred to Gozer as the Destructor.

VENKMAN: Where's the Keymaster?

SPENGLER: Oh, shit!

SPENGLER: He wants to shut down the storage grid.

VENKMAN: If you turn that thing off we won't be responsible for the consequences.

SPENGLER: All right. I'll try.

VENKMAN: I'll spend the night here and get back first thing in the morning.

SPENGLER: All right, Peter. Good night.

VENKMAN: It's Peter, Egon. I've got a problem.

SPENGLER: What is it?

VENKMAN: I'm with Dana Barrett and she's floating three feet off the bed.

SPENGLER: Does she want to be?

VENKMAN: I don't think so. It's more of that Gozer thing. She says she's the Gatekeeper. Does that make any sense to you?

SPENGLER: Some. I just met the Keymaster. He's here with me now. Venkman? Are you there?

VENKMAN: Yeah, yeah. I was just thinking. It probably wouldn't be a good idea for them to get together at this point.

SPENGLER: I agree.

VENKMAN: You have to keep him there. Do whatever you have to, but don't let him leave, He could be very dangerous.

SPENGLER: Wait! Wait! There's something I forgot to tell you.

VENKMAN: What?

SPENGLER: Don't cross the beams.

VENKMAN: Why not?

SPENGLER: Trust me. It will be bad.

VENKMAN: What do you mean "bad?"

SPENGLER: It's hard to explain, but try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously and finding yourself confined forever in another dimension.

SPENGLER: Something was definitely here.

VENKMAN: Yeah, I can smell it.

SPENGLER: Did you see anything?

VENKMAN: Didn't see anything, Didn't get anything. Nice girl - no ghost. I'm starting to worry. You said your graph was pointing to something big. You told me things were going to start popping.

VENKMAN: Generally, you don't see that kind of behavior in a major appliance. What do you think, Egon?

SPENGLER: She's telling the truth -- or at least she thinks she is.

SPENGLER: Just for your information, Ray, the interest payments alone for the first five years come to over $75,000.

VENKMAN: Will you guys relax? We are on the threshold of establishing the indispensable defense science of the next decade - Professional Paranormal Investigations and Eliminations. The franchise rights alone will make us wealthy beyond your wildest dreams.

VENKMAN: Spengler, are you serious about actually catching a ghost?

SPENGLER: I'm always serious.

VENKMAN: Wow!

SPENGLER: Oh! You're here.

VENKMAN: What have you got, Egon?

SPENGLER: Oh, this is big, Peter. This is very big. There's definitely something here.

VENKMAN: Egon, somehow this reminds me of the time you tried to drill a hole in your head. Do you remember that?

STANTZ: You mean if I stand here and concentrate on the image of Roberto Clemente, Gozer will appear as Roberto Clemente and wipe us out?

SPENGLER: That appears to be the case.

STANTZ: Look at the structure of the roof cap. It looks exactly like the kind of telemetry tracker NASA uses to identify dead pulsars in other galaxies.

SPENGLER: And look at this, Peter Cold-riveted girders with selenium cores.

STANTZ: What happened??!!!?

SPENGLER: The storage facility blew. This one ... ... shut off the protection grid.

SPENGLER: I've got to sleep.

STANTZ: I need two new purge valves. How's the grid around the storage facility holding up?

SPENGLER: I'm worried, Ray. It's getting crowded in there. And all my recent data points to something big on the bottom.

STANTZ: Set entry grid.

SPENGLER: Neutronize. System shut.

STANTZ: It's working!

SPENGLER: Easy ... Easy ... I'm going to throw in my trap now.

SPENGLER: Ray! Where are you? Are you all right?

STANTZ: God, it's ugly!

STANTZ: Sorry, Buddy!

SPENGLER: We'd better adjust our streams.

STANTZ: I just realized something. We've never had a completely successful test with any of the equipment.

SPENGLER: I blame myself.

STANTZ: You know, Peter, this could be a past life experience intruding on the present.

SPENGLER: Or even a race memory, stored in the collective unconscious. And I wouldn't rule out clairvoyance or telepathic contact either.

VENKMAN: AND YOU CAME UP WITH THAT?

STANTZ: The Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man! He was on all the packages we used to buy when I was a kid. We used to roast Stay-Puft marshmallows at Camp Waconda!

VENKMAN: Great! The marshmallows are about to get their revenge.

STANTZ: I couldn't help it! It just popped in there!

VENKMAN: What? What popped in there?

STANTZ: Look!

VENKMAN: Agile bastard, isn't he?

STANTZ: Forget the trapping! Just blast him!

STANTZ: As a duly-constituted representative of the City of New York, and on behalf of the County and State of New York, the United States of America, the Planet Earth and all its inhabitants, I hereby order you to cease and desist any and all supernatural activity and return at once to your place of origin or next parallel dimension.

VENKMAN: Well, that ought to do it.

VENKMAN: It doesn't seem to have slowed him down any.

STANTZ: I don't think it's Shandor.

VENKMAN: I guess they don't build them like they used to, huh?

STANTZ: No! Nobody ever built them like this! The architect was either an authentic whacko or a certified genius. The whole building is like a huge antenna for pulling in and concentrating psychokinetic energy.

VENKMAN: Who was the architect?

STANTZ: He's listed on the blueprints as I. Shandor.

VENKMAN: Egon, how's the grid around the storage facility holding up?

STANTZ: It's not good, Pete.

STANTZ: Boy, that was a rough one.

VENKMAN: I can't take much more of this. The pace is killing me.

VENKMAN: It's here, Ray. It's looking at me.

STANTZ: Don't move. It won't hurt you.

VENKMAN: How do you know?

STANTZ: I don't know. I'm just guessing.

VENKMAN: Ray -- Something's here.

STANTZ: Where are you, Pete?

VENKMAN: Third floor. Get down here,

STANTZ: Sit tight. I'm on my way.

VENKMAN: Well, hurry up. The needle's going wild.

STANTZ: I'm getting high readings near the air vents. It must be using the duct system to get around. See, I told you we'd get something.

VENKMAN: So far all we got is a shit smell on the twelfth floor and we almost fried a Puerto Rican bellboy.

STANTZ: All right. Let's cool the negative vibes. These things can sense them.

VENKMAN: So do I.

STANTZ: No sense worrying about it now.

VENKMAN: Sure. Each of us is wearing an unlicensed nuclear accelerator on our back. No problem.

STANTZ: They will.

VENKMAN: Do you know when that might be? We're on the brink of a very serious cash-flow problem.

STANTZ: How was your date?

VENKMAN: It wasn't a date. It was an investigation.

STANTZ: Why don't I check out the building? It may have a history of psychic turbulence.

VENKMAN: Good idea. Were any other words spoken that you remember?

STANTZ: Everybody can relax. I found the car. How do you like it?

VENKMAN: Do you think it's wide enough? How much?

STANTZ: Fourteen hundred.

STANTZ: Wow! Does this pole still work?

VENKMAN: This might do ... I don't know ... it just seems kind of "pricey" for a fixer-upper, don't you think? We're trying to keep our costs down. You know how it is when you're starting a new company.

STANTZ: But most people are afraid to even report these things.

VENKMAN: Maybe. But no one ever advertised before.

VENKMAN: You'll never regret this, Ray.

STANTZ: My parents left me that house, I was born there.

VENKMAN: You're not going to lose the house. Everybody has three mortgages these days.

STANTZ: But at nineteen percent interest! You didn't even bargain with the guy.

STANTZ: This is like a major disgrace. Forget M.I.T. or Stanford now ... they wouldn't touch us with a three-meter cattle prod.

VENKMAN: You're always so worried about your reputation. We don't need the University. Einstein did his best stuff while he was working as a patent clerk.'They can't stop progress.

STANTZ: Do you know what a patent clerk makes? I liked the University. They gave us money, they gave us the facilities and we didn't have to produce anything! I've worked in the private sector. They expect results. You've never been out of college. You don't know what it's like out there.

VENKMAN: Let me tell you, Ray, everything in life happens for a reason. Call it fate, call it luck, Karma, whatever. I think we were destined to get kicked out of there.

STANTZ: For what purpose?

VENKMAN: To go into business for ourselves.

STANTZ: You said you floored 'em at the Regents' meeting.

VENKMAN: Ray, I apologize. I guess my confidence in the Regents was misplaced. They did this to Galileo, too.

VENKMAN: If you guys are right, if we can actually trap a ghost and hold it somehow, I think I could win the Nobel Prize.

STANTZ: If anyone deserves it, it's Spengler and me. We're doing all the hard research and designing the equipment.

VENKMAN: Yeah, but I introduced you guys. You never would've met if not for me. That's got to be worth something.

VENKMAN: "Get her?" That was your whole plan? You call that science?

STANTZ: I guess I got a little overexcited. Wasn't it incredible! I'm telling you, this is a first. You know what this could mean to the University?

VENKMAN: Oh, yeah. This could be bigger than the microchip. They'll probably throw out the entire engineering department and turn their building over to us. We're probably the first serious scientists to ever molest a dead old lady.

STANTZ: I told you it's real.

VENKMAN: What do we do now?

STANTZ: I don't know. Talk to it.

VENKMAN: What do I say?

STANTZ: Anything! Just make contact.

VENKMAN: Hey, Lady? Lady! Can you talk? Who are you? This is not working. Think of something else.

STANTZ: Okay. Okay. I got it. I know what to do. Stay close. I have a plan.

STANTZ: What is it?

VENKMAN: It looks like a big pair of breasts and a pot belly.

STANTZ: Spengler and I have charted every psychic occurrence in the Tri-State area for the past two years. The graph we came up with definitely points to something big.

VENKMAN: Ray, as your friend I have to tell you I think you've really gone around the bend on this ghost stuff. You've been running your ass off for two years checking out every schizo in the Five Boroughs who thinks he's had an experience. And what have you seen?

STANTZ: What do you mean by "seen?"

VENKMAN: Looked at with your eyes.

STANTZ: Well, I was at an unexplained multiple high-altitude rockfall once.

VENKMAN: Uh-huh. I've heard about the rockfall, Ray. I think you've been spending too much time with Spengler.

VENKMAN: Excuse me for a minute. Ray, I'm right in the middle of something here. Can you come back in about an hour?

STANTZ: Peter, at 1:40 this afternoon at the main branch of the New York Public Library on Fifth Avenue, ten people witnessed a free-roaming, vaporous, full-torso apparition. It blew books from shelves at twenty feet away. Scared the socks off some poor librarian.

VENKMAN: Sure. That's great, Ray. I think you should get down there right away and check it out. Let me know what happens.

STANTZ: No, this one's for real, Peter. Spengler went down there and took some PKE readings. Right off the top of the scale. Buried the needle. We're close this time. I can feel it.

WINSTON: What's he talking about? Choose what?

STANTZ: What do you mean "choose?" We don't understand.

WINSTON: Stantz? You okay in there?

STANTZ: LATER, MAN!!

STANTZ: You don't have to worry about that with us, sir.

WINSTON: Right. We'll believe anything.

WINSTON: Hey man. What is it you're so involved with there?

STANTZ: Uh ... Oh these are blueprints of the structural ironwork in Dana Barrett's apartment building ... And they're most unusual.

WINSTON: Are you a Christian, Ray?

STANTZ: Mmmhmmm.

WINSTON: Me, too.

STANTZ: Boy! Solid cores of shielded Selenium .325.

WINSTON: Do you believe in God?

STANTZ: No. But I liked Jesus' style.

WINSTON: Me, too. Parts of the Bible are great.

STANTZ: The whole roof cap was fabricated with a magnesium-tungsten alloy.

WINSTON: Ray, do you remember something in the Bible about a day when the dead would rise up from their graves?

STANTZ: And the seas would boil ...

WINSTON: Right. And the sky would fall ...

STANTZ: Judgement Day ...

WINSTON: Yeah, Judgement Day.

STANTZ: Every ancient religion had its own myth about the end of the world.

WINSTON: Well, has it ever occurred to you that the reason you've been so busy lately is because the dead have been rising from their graves?

STANTZ: Very impressive resume. Electronic countermeasures, Strategic Air Command ... Black belt in Karate ... Small arms expert ... Mr. Zeddemore, as you may have heard, we locate ghosts and spirits, trap them with streams of concentrated quantum energy and remove them from people's homes, offices and places of worship.

WINSTON: Yeah, I heard that. Now tell me what you really do.