Meet Joe Black

ALLISON: Dinner? Again?

SUSAN: Haven't you had enough of us, Dad?

SUSAN: Look who's talking.

ALLISON: Yeah, speak for yourself.

ALLISON: -- But he does seem very nice.

SUSAN: You think so?

ALLISON: ...We're never all together two nights in a row. Maybe Christmas, Thanksgiving, that's it. What's going on?

SUSAN: Nothing's going on. Maybe he doesn't want to be alone. He's go- ing to be sixty-five in a minute --

ALLISON: ...I don't know, Daddy seems funny to me. Ever since Joe showed. It's like he dropped from the clouds...

SUSAN: That's your name?

ALLISON: And isn't it a lovely one? So sturdy, so straight --

SUSAN: Hi, everybody. Sorry to be late -- had to have dinner with my depart- ment chief --

ALLISON: You ate?

SUSAN: ...I'm here, aren't I? Wouldn't miss a loose end meeting. What's on the table for discussion? Party favors, flowers -- hi Dad, hi Drew --

ALLISON: I'm Allison, you're 'honey'.

SUSAN: Drew called from the AStar, they're still two minutes away.

ALLISON: Did he? That's more than we get to do.

DREW: Well, maybe next time Joe goes, he'll take us along.

DREW: That was 'Joe'.

ALLISON: He's cute.

DREW: Very.

DREW: Just plain 'Joe'?

ALLISON: Love that name.

ALLISON: Daddy! Come on, a name.

DREW: Yeah, Bill, the suspense is killing me.

ALLISON: Did you speak to the Governor?

DREW: He's coming.

ALLISON: His wife?

DREW: Unfortunately. I sat between them at the Bronx Zoo benefit -- it was better than Seconal.

PARRISH: You know, darling, this is going to be a wonderful party.

ALLISON: Yes, it is.

PARRISH: I haven't been the father to you that --

ALLISON: That you've been to Susan?

PARRISH: I wasn't going to say --

ALLISON: But that's what you were thinking. And that's okay. Because I know you love me. Not like it is with Susan, the way your eyes light up when she comes in the room and the way she always gets a laugh out of you, as opposed to me when I walk in a room and that look comes over your face, "What does she want now?"

ALLISON: I do it because I love you. Because everybody I loved you. Mommy -- wher- ever she is -- Susan, Quince, the people who work for you, everybody who's ever known you.

PARRISH: Yeah? And what about my enemies?

ALLISON: They respect you. Isn't that a kind of love?

ALLISON: Hi, Daddy, what do you think?

PARRISH: It's starting to grow on me. But what do the 'B' and 'P' mean?

ALLISON: The fountain is the Caspian Sea and the Sea is serving up caviar. The 'B's for Beluga, the 'P' for Petrossian. Of course, they also stand for 'Bill' and for 'Parrish'.

PARRISH: Do they, m'dear?

ALLISON: -- Plus we've got a baritone with a balalaika coming from The Russian Tea Room. I've dressed him in a Cossack shirt and he'll sing Nelson Eddy songs.

PARRISH: What is this?

ALLISON: Annie made them.

PARRISH: Who's Annie?

ALLISON: From La Rosette, only the greatest pastry chef in America. This is orange, from real Seville oranges. Lemon, on a mille-feuille crust, a little on the fanciful. And a while, nothing like a good old white cake, vanilla, with Angel food but some maroons shavings thrown in.

PARRISH: I don't like cake.

ALLISON: It's for the party, Dad --

PARRISH: Oh, the goddam party --

ALLISON: 'Goddam party'!

ALLISON: Did you know twenty-six members of your rifle company are coming?

PARRISH: Who?

ALLISON: From the Korean War.

PARRISH: Conflict, honey. Korean Conflict.

ALLISON: Whatever it was, they'll be here. We sent out invitations to everyone, plane tickets included -- the RSVP's are amazing. A few of them we didn't hear from, and some of them are dead, of course --

PARRISH: Of course.

ALLISON: You know, we're going to give this party for you whether you like it or not.

PARRISH: I like it. I like it. I'm sorry I don't seem more appreciative.

ALLISON: That's okay, Daddy.

ALLISON: Now, I'm getting interested. I want to know more ---

PARRISH: We've got some things to discuss.

PARRISH: -- Black.

ALLISON: Whew, at last. Nice to meet you, Mr. Black.

ALLISON: Daddy. Does your friend have a name?

PARRISH: A name?

PARRISH: What, honey?

ALLISON: I lay awake nights in a cold sweat, I want this party to be like some- thing Mom would have made for you, I want it to be perfect --

PARRISH: I know you do, darling.

ALLISON: And you could care less --

PARRISH: Oh, you couldn't be more wrong, sweetheart. I can' tell you how much I appreciate it and how I'm looking forward to it.

ALLISON: Good. Songs. What songs should Sidney -- Pancho and his six men we can forget about -- what songs do you think he should play?

PARRISH: I hate parties --

ALLISON: Calm down, Daddy, you'll see, you're going to love it.

PARRISH: Isn't it enough to be on this earth sixty-five years without having to be reminded of it.

ALLISON: No.

ALLISON: Daddy!

PARRISH: Hi, Allison --

ALLISON: Have you got a minute?

PARRISH: Not much more. Big day in the big city. What's on your mind?

ALLISON: Fireworks. Update -- we're con- structing the number '65' on the barge, archers from the State College at New Paltz will shoot flaming arrows at it, when it catches fire it will give us the effect of a Viking funeral with none of the morbidity... The Hudson River Authority says, for you, they'll make a special dispensation - of course there'll be an overtime bill for the Poughkeepsie Fire Dept...

PARRISH: Allison, I trust you. This is your thing.

ALLISON: But it's your birthday.

ALLISON: Yeah, but --

QUINCE: But what?

ALLISON: What will I tell Annie?

ALLISON: Paillarde of veal.

QUINCE: Yeah, they hit the calf over the head with a mallet and then Luisa hits it again in the kitchen.

ALLISON: Honey --!

QUINCE: You know what I'm saying, Joe?

ALLISON: Please don't be negative, Drew, we have an acceptance list that would do The White House proud -- The Secretary-General of the UN, the Chairman of the FCC, nine Senators, I don't know how many Congressmen, and at least twelve of the Fortune '500'.

QUINCE: No jocks? A twenty-game winner or a Masters champion? Someone I could talk to. Or would talk to me.

ALLISON: What about the Mayor?

QUINCE: He said he would be there with bells on.

ALLISON: Honey, please.

QUINCE: Okay. All aboard - New York, New York!

ALLISON: Remember everybody, tonight, dinner in the city at Daddy's. You too, Drew. We've still got some loose ends --

AMBROSE: I'm afraid this is a wine bar, Mr. Quince.

QUINCE: Okay, give me a bottle of wine.

AMBROSE: Red or white?

QUINCE: Both.

QUINCE: What do you do that for?

AMBROSE: Well sir, it's 9:30 in the morning.

QUINCE: 9:30's almost 10:30. Where I come from, the sun's over the yardarm, m'boy, and the cocktail lamp is lit.

QUINCE: ...This shit's not bad.

AMBROSE: -- The late harvest Riesling, Mr. Quince, a possibility for dessert.

QUINCE: And that?

AMBROSE: Pinot Grigio. We're considering it for the appetizer.

BONTECOU: Bill, thanks for coming over... And how're you doing today, Drew? You've got a firecracker here, the kid's really set the table.

PARRISH: Good, good. Glad to hear it.

BONTECOU: We've met before, y'know, that White House function, the President had you on his right and you know where I was?

PARRISH: I'm sorry, I don't recall --

BONTECOU: Left field somewhere. Well, Bill, I want to come in from the outfield, bat cleanup like you have, learn the plush ropes --

PARRISH: I thought you were buying my company.

BONTECOU: Oh, Mr. Parrish, I could never buy Parrish Communications. I could pay for it, of course, but it would always have your imprint.

JOE: I would prefer some peanut butter.

COYLE: How would you like that, sir? On some kind of toast?

JOE: Toast? No...just the butter.

COYLE: Right away.

JOE: 'Laura Scudder's Peanut Butter'. You like it?

COYLE: I would say, sir, it is right up there with Jif and Skippy. But miles ahead of Peter Pan. Like a taste?

JOE: What are you eating.

COYLE: You mean this, sir?

COYLE: Yes, sir?

JOE: Hello. I'm Joe Black. Nice to meet you.

COYLE: Yes sir, Mr. Black, a pleasure.

DREW: Oh, you're the great Joe's attorney now? Are we going to go to court? Or are we going to go to bed? And I don't mean you and me. I mean you and him.

SUSAN: That's it. It's over. Get out.

DREW: So I guess a blowjob's out of the question?

SUSAN: Well... goodnight.

DREW: Yeah. Goodnight.

SUSAN: ...See you tomorrow night.

DREW: Include me out. I've had enough of the conversations.

SUSAN: You don't mean that. You wouldn't disappoint Daddy --

DREW: Daddy'll do fine. Besides, he's got Joe. And so do you.

SUSAN: Drew, you're out of line.

DREW: That may be. But I don't like the fucker. I don't like the way he looks at you and talks to you. And vice versa.

SUSAN: Sorry, but I like the way he looks and talks to me. And vice versa. Okay?

DREW: No, not okay. I thought we had a good thing going here. It shows you never know.

DREW: -- Did I hear 'business'?

SUSAN: What 'business'?

DREW: Hello, Beautiful.

SUSAN: Hi.

SLOANE: We're not getting anywhere here. Why don't we take some of the best out of this thing, let's consider it coolly, let's take a week --

DREW: Bontecou wants a speedier response than that.

SLOANE: He'll wait --

DREW: Thank you for coming.

SLOANE: Hello, Quince.

SLOANE: And what would that be?

DREW: Bill's birthday is the day after tomorrow. There is a provisory by- law in our charter. Per the discre- tion of the Board, Corporate off- icers can be retired at age sixty- five.

SLOANE: You're taking this too far, Drew.

DREW: Am I not obligated to?

DREW: I'm not stepping anywhere --

JOE: I appreciate your gentlemanliness, Bill, but what we need to do here is drive the dagger home --

DREW: The dagger --?

DREW: So tell me, tell me, I'm peeing in my pants.

JOE: -- And now you're going to pee some more.

JOE: No, I don't --

DREW: Not good, not bad, you know what we got? Nothing. No credit, no cars, no mortgages -- no wives. Nothing.

JOE: Perhaps you could remind me.

DREW: I'll make a note of it. Anything else?

DREW: Who are we talking about?

JOE: But I know she's grateful for the care you're giving her.

DREW: Is this a state secret or are we being excluded just for the fun of it?

JOE: Susan's patient is whom we are talking about.

JOE: No.

DREW: Well, I'm going to tell you anyway. I did cheat on that exam at Groton. But so did twenty-six other guys, and nobody ever mentioned it until today. And I'm expecting you won't mention it again. I don't know who you are and where you're getting your information, but I'm willing to pretend I did not hear it, and let bygones be bygones. But can I tell you something else, it'd be nice to see the big guy without you next to him. What are you, his shadow? Do you hold his dick for him when he goes to take a leak? You know some- times somebody would like a few min- utes alone with W.P. That means without you. Okay, pal? Let's eat.

DREW: May I interrupting?

JOE: Yes.

DREW: Yes.

JOE: What an odd pairing.

DREW: It's just a saying, Mr. Black,

JOE: Of whom?

DREW: It doesn't matter.

JOE: Then why did you bring it up?

DREW: Yes.

JOE: "Death and Taxes"?

DREW: Anything else, Mr. Black? How about some water?

JOE: Why yes, thank you.

DREW: Hot or cold.

JOE: Cold.

DREW: And a glass.

DREW: Nice to see you. I didn't expect you, but certainly you can't get enough of a good thing.

JOE: Thank you.

DREW: The Board of Parrish Communications - is hereby called to order. Our sole order of business is an acceptance of John Bontecou's generous offer and --

JOE: Do you have any more of these deli- cious cookies?

DREW: Incidentally, Joe, where're you staying?

JOE: Here...

DREW: 'Here'?

JOE: We have an arrangement now.

DREW: What side of the industry did you say you were on?

JOE: I didn't say.

DREW: Joe sounds like a ringer, Bill. I have the feeling you guys got the broad strokes already. Need any help with the details?

DREW: And what do I get?

PARRISH: You get not to go to jail.

DREW: You're talking through your hat. You're offering a deal because you've got no proof.

PARRISH: Proof? We've got plenty of proof.

DREW: I think I'd like to talk to my lawyer --

PARRISH: No lawyers, Drew. We're going to offer you a deal.

DREW: I don't know where you get that idea -- the Board agreed --

PARRISH: The Board didn't know you're a mole who burrowed inside so you could bury us all.

DREW: Is this Mr. Black's fantasy? Another one of his whoppers? Aren't you sick of this asshole lurking around? No one knows who he is, but one thing everyone does know, he somehow got your ear and has been pouring poison into it ever since.

PARRISH: In English, please.

DREW: Mandatory retirement upon our Chairman's sixty-fifth birthday.

PARRISH: I've already introduced Mr. Black to you all.

DREW: But who is he? What are his creden- tials? What is his relationship to you?

PARRISH: That's it?

DREW: Bontecou wants a quick response and --

PARRISH: The answer is no, quick enough for you?

DREW: Don't you want to hear the details?

PARRISH: I'm not interested in the details. And I'm not interested in the big picture either. What I am inter- ersted in is how my Board got conven- ed behind my back, is entertaining a further proposal from a man whom it offends me to do business with, moreover has the audacity to present this to me like a prize fish, and I am expected to clap for it like a performing seal. No, thank you.

DREW: So I am to understand from your re- sponse that you do not want to hear the details of Bontecou's offer?

PARRISH: Yes, you are to understand that, and now may I ask you a question?

DREW: Certainly, Bill.

PARRISH: Are you running this Board or am I?

DREW: Did you want to have a cup of coffee or something, Bill?

PARRISH: I don't think so. Do you?

PARRISH: I think it's time you went home, Drew.

DREW: Certainly. Goodnight.

PARRISH: Whose?

DREW: Yours.

PARRISH: I'm feeling real uncomfortable right now because the guy who reports to me is threatening me.

DREW: I'm just giving you the truth. There was a time when William Parrish liked the truth.

DREW: What do you think the Board is going to say when I tell them that?

PARRISH: I don't care.

DREW: With all due respect, you damn well better care because if you try to stonewall them again, there'll be blood on the floor.

PARRISH: What is there to say? They know what John Bontecou is -- and if they didn't, they know now.

DREW: Yes, you made your feeling abun- dantly clear. Now they want to do the same with theirs.

PARRISH: What are their feelings?

DREW: If I read this Board right now, they want you to accept Bontecou's offer.

PARRISH: Over my dead body.

DREW: I have to go, Bill -- it's been a helluva day. Need a few minutes to sort everything out.

PARRISH: Okay, we'll see you tomorrow.

DREW: Sure.

DREW: Mind if I throw up?

PARRISH: Please, Drew.

PARRISH: You're competitive soul, Drew. That's what makes you a great addi- tion to the money. Joe is just... around.

DREW: For how long? And why?

PARRISH: Please. Don't worry about him. And above all, don't antagonize him.

PARRISH: I was a little abrupt with you this afternoon, Drew. Forgive me. I want you to know I value your advice.

DREW: As much as Joe's?

PARRISH: Joe, cut it out. And you too, Drew.

DREW: I thought this was practically a done deal --

PARRISH: Well now it's undone, okay? Forget Bontecou! Scrub him! I'm tired of his fancy name and his fancy offer. I'm not going for it.

PARRISH: Why?

DREW: I was hired, you told me, to help bring Parrish Communications into the 21st Century. This merger is the vehicle --

PARRISH: No.

DREW: 'Just kidding'?

PARRISH: Sit down, Drew.

DREW: Before I do -- I was hoping we might be alone, Bill.

PARRISH: Joe and I have no secrets from each other.

DREW: How nice for you both.

PARRISH: Shall we adjourn?

DREW: But the matter's still on the table, Bill --

DREW: You're not familiar with the phrase, "In this world, nothing is certain but Death and Taxes"?

PARRISH: I am now.

DREW: Glad I could be of some help.

DREW: ...Sounds like you're not leaving much room for discussion.

PARRISH: Sorry. I know it looks like I'm reversing my field.

DREW: That's your privilege, Bill. But given our needs, given the absolute necessity for growth, given the fu- ture, the truth is... joining John Bontecou is every bit as certain as - Death and Taxes.

PARRISH: No --

DREW: I get the feeling you've done some business before.

DREW: Have we met?

PARRISH: Uh -- he's from out of town --

DREW: 'Joe...'

PARRISH: Yes.

DREW: Is there any more to it?

PARRISH: What do you mean?

DREW: Like 'Smith' or 'Jones --'

PARRISH: Sorry...um - you - you know it's gone right out of my head --

DREW: What?!

DREW: Yeah, something he goes by --

PARRISH: Oh, excuse me. This is -- uh -- this is --

DREW: So... Board convenes tomorrow, you'll recommend, we close and it's a deal, right?

PARRISH: As close as a deal could be.

DREW: Olympic.

DREW: I'm all excited --

PARRISH: Me, too.

DREW: I thought it was great, I thought you and Big John would be like a couple of bulls in a china shop -- Instead it was --

PARRISH: Like a marriage made in heaven?

DREW: You have a way with words.

PARRISH: Our first annual report, must be thirty-five years ago now, I owned two stations, I wrote down a state- ment of purpose, that one day you would wake up to a Parrish radio station, read a Parrish paper at breakfast, catch our news on tele- vision during the day, and go to bed with one of our books or magazines and you would always be told the truth and in the bargain, have a good time.

DREW: That's great! Wait 'til I show it to Bontecou.

DREW: ...Tomorrow we sign off -- photo opportunity, you and Big John, it'll lead network news. Okay so far?

PARRISH: Sounds good.

DREW: It's going to be great --

PARRISH: Do you think I need a haircut?

DREW: Bill, after this deal, you'll be able to afford one.

DREW: I was saying to Quince we won't need --

PARRISH: Did you just hear something?

DREW: Why yes, Bill, I was saying to Quince --

PARRISH: No no, not you.

PARRISH: Good morning, Drew. Thanks for coming out.

DREW: Well, it's a big day. Wanted to line up a few ducks before kickoff. Any thoughts? Last minute refine- ments or variations?

PARRISH: 'Thoughts'? Not a one -- but I did hear a voice last night.

DREW: A voice?

PARRISH: In my sleep.

DREW: What'd it say?

PARRISH: 'Yes'.

DREW: 'Yes' to the deal?

PARRISH: Maybe, who knows? You know how voices are. Let's go.

DREW: This is damn big of Bill, I also think it's smart.

QUINCE: He had no choice. You're a formidable adversary.

DREW: He said that?

QUINCE: Well, you've got him by the short- hairs.

DREW: Yeah, the short, gray hairs.

QUINCE: I don't want to get rich this way -- I'm going to expose you.

DREW: Go right ahead. Tell William Parrish how you betrayed him at a secret Board meeting. And tell Allison how you got her father fired -- and he lost his company.

QUINCE: I'm going to put a stop to this!

DREW: Quince, you can't unscramble scrambled eggs.

QUINCE: But I didn't mean to do it!

DREW: The train's left the station, pal, and you're aboard. Would you like to hear the silver lining? Check that, gold. I've been working with John Bontecou all along. We had a game plan -- acquire Parrish Communications then break it apart and peddle it piece-by-piece to the highest bidder. I set it up for him, he smacks it out of the park.

QUINCE: What have you done? You've gotten the old man fired!

DREW: That we did. Thanks to you. He was wobbling, mind you, but you spplied the coup de grace.

QUINCE: Well, I'm happy to tell you I've got good news. As I was telling Drew, I've been making a little hay while the Bontecou sun was shining -- two, possibly three new and boiling hot prospects for merger.

DREW: How did Bill react to the leads you've developed?

QUINCE: He was interested.

DREW: -- But he was concerned about the timing?

QUINCE: The timing -- yes. He says it's up to Joe.

DREW: 'It's up to Joe'?

QUINCE: That's what he said.

QUINCE: I'd like to come, too. See Susan strut her stuff.

DREW: You're on, Quin-cee. Destination Hospital. Joe, you'll be the Tour Guide. Okay? How's that sound to you?

QUINCE: I thought so, too. Joe's a neat guy.

DREW: Yeah. Neat.

QUINCE: ...I know you're down, but you know when you're down, Drew, there's no place to go but up.

DREW: Thanks, Quince.

QUINCE: Never mind Bontecou. I've got some other merger possibilities up my sleeve, and I'm putting them to see old man.

DREW: Are you?

QUINCE: We'll do it together. I'll clue you in. Timing's got to be right. The old man says it's up to Joe.

DREW: 'It's up to Joe'? Those were his words?

QUINCE: Yeah.

DREW: 'It's up to Joe', huh?

QUINCE: Yeah, that's what he said.

DREW: Well, that's very interesting.

QUINCE: Well, I guess he's found one.

DREW: Joe, you do get around.

DREW: You're overthinking it --

QUINCE: I don't think they're ordinary. I love keychains.

QUINCE: Hey, this is it, the hour approach- es, I'm getting all excited. So what do you think, is it -- -- just the 'Executive Committee' or could you guys use me?

DREW: Quince, m'man, thanks for the offer, but it's all set for just me and Bill. More people might --

QUINCE: I know. Gum up the works.

JOE: Yah.

EASTER: You loved back?

JOE: I am.

EASTER: She knows you real self?

JOE: She knows how she feel.

EASTER: Rass!

JOE: Don' need you okayin'.

EASTER: Schoolboy tings is you head. Badness for you, badness for her, badness for me, lyin' here tumor, big as breadfruit, poison my inners an' waiting.

JOE: Brung you flowers and all I gettin's facety back.

EASTER: Only flowers I wan' see's one's over my peaceful self restin' in the dutty.

JOE: Can do no right by people. Come to take, you wan' to stay, leave you stay, you wan' to go. Rahtid!

EASTER: Oh, you come to see Doctor Lady?

JOE: Yes.

EASTER: My Doctor Lady?

JOE: Mine, too.

JOE: Don' be facety, woman.

EASTER: None facety, mistah. You come for me? Dat's good news.

JOE: No, I come to see Doctor.

EASTER: Doctor? What could be wrong wit' you?

JOE: Nuthin'.

JOE: Not time yet.

EASTER: Make it time.

JOE: I nuttin' to do wi' dat.

EASTER: Make it go 'way.

JOE: Doctor lady make it irey.

EASTER: Not dis pain. Dis pain tru an' tru. Make it go 'way.

JOE: Can't, sistah.

EASTER: Can, mistah. Take me to dat nex' place.

EASTER: Obeah.

JOE: Obeah evil. I not evil.

EASTER: What you then?

JOE: I from dat nex' place.

EASTER: You wait here'n to take us? Like you bus driver to dere?

JOE: No, no. I on holiday.

EASTER: Some spot you pick.

JENNIFER: Good morning, Mr. Parrish.

PARRISH: Good morning, Jennifer.

JENNIFER: The Board is waiting.

PARRISH: What?

JENNIFER: Didn't you call a Board meeting?

PARRISH: -- And call my family, I'd like them to come over for dinner tonight.

JENNIFER: Didn't the family get together last night --?

PARRISH: Jennifer.

JENNIFER: Of course, Mr. Parrish. Right away.

JENNIFER: I've been buzzing you, Mr. Parrish. Are you all right?

PARRISH: Sure.

JENNIFER: Lunch is 'in' today, have you given it any thought --_

PARRISH: No. Nothing.

JENNIFER: Nothing?

JENNIFER: Good morning, Mr. Parrish.

PARRISH: Hi, Jennifer.

QUINCE: Do you think I should wait to tell him 'till after the party?

JOE: No.

QUINCE: You think so? How do you know?

JOE: Because that's the kind of man Bill Parrish is.

JOE: Oh yes, you are one of my favorites.

QUINCE: What would you say if you knew it was me who brought down Bill Parrish? I told Drew and the Board that Bill depended on you. Drew led me on, but I had no business telling him in the first place. He was setting up Bill from day one. Drew and Bontecou are going to chop up the company and sell it off for parts. Bontecou was outside, Drew was Mr. Inside. And I was the fool who made it all happen. Oh God, what do I do?

QUINCE: Because there's nothing we don't know about each other and it's okay. I mean the deeper, darkest secrets -- they don't matter.

JOE: 'The deepest, darkest secrets --'?

QUINCE: Yeah, it's like you know every inch of each other's souls -- and then you're free.

JOE: What do you mean 'free'?

QUINCE: Free to love each other. Com- pletely. Totally. No fear.

QUINCE: C'mon, have a drink. You look like you need one bad as me.

JOE: Do I? I'm a little confused.

QUINCE: Confused, huh? About what?

JOE: Love.

QUINCE: 'Love'? Oh, man, I've got troubles of my own.

JOE: You love Allison, don't you?

QUINCE: Oh yes, I do.

JOE: How did you meet?

QUINCE: I was a world-class loser and she was a happy, little rich girl -- and for some reason she took me in.

JOE: But she loves you?

QUINCE: You're an original, Joe. A little hard to figure, maybe...

JOE: And you're a nice man, Quince.

QUINCE: Thanks.

JOE: You're welcome.

JOE: Cirrhosis of the liver is the fifth leading killer of adult Western males.

QUINCE: I didn't know that.

JOE: On the other hand, Winston Churchill drank a bottle of cognac a day and lived until he was ninety-one.

JOE: That's very gracious of you, Quince.

QUINCE: No problem. I'll leave you two alone. I can tell you guys have something on the fire --

QUINCE: Don't bother asking, we already tried.

JOE: It's so very nice to see you again.

JOE: Black.

QUINCE: Hey, this is fun.

QUINCE: How long you here, Joe?

JOE: As long as it takes.

QUINCE: 'Joe Black'. Won fifteen and lost two for the Brooklyn Dodgers in 1952.

JOE: Yes?

QUINCE: You bet. I'm king of my Rotisserie League.

JOE: Are you?

SUSAN: That's it?

JOE: Well, I don't know what else to say. It's a helluva party --

SUSAN: You think so?

JOE: Yeah...and you're the prettier thing here.

JOE: Susan --

SUSAN: -- Yes?

JOE: Thank you for loving me.

SUSAN: Tell me you love me -- tell me you love me now --

JOE: I love you now, I'll love you always --

SUSAN: Hold me --

JOE: I'm still here.

SUSAN: But you're not. You're somewhere else. You're someone else --

JOE: I - uh --

SUSAN: You want me to wait for you, you'll be back --

JOE: The 'coffee shop' --

SUSAN: -- That was the place... and you were the guy.

JOE: Did I say that?

SUSAN: And I said you'd have a hard time finding a woman like that.

JOE: What will we do?

SUSAN: 'Love will find out the way'.

JOE: 'Love will find out the way'?

SUSAN: It's a saying.

JOE: I believe that, don't you?

SUSAN: Yes, that's why I said it.

JOE: We know so little about each other --

SUSAN: We know all that we need to know --

JOE: But there's so much to tell you --

SUSAN: Don't. That will come later.

JOE: Will it?

SUSAN: Lightning struck. We caught it in a bottle. Don't let it out. I want to be with you, Joe --

JOE: I can tell you the when part. Tonight.

SUSAN: It gets worse.

JOE: No worse than it gets for me. I'm in love with a woman whom I don't want to leave.

SUSAN: Then don't.

JOE: Well -- I --

SUSAN: And you can't tell me who you are.

JOE: Yes. Your father and I, our time together has come to an end.

SUSAN: Where are you going?

SUSAN: I like you in a black tie.

JOE: I love you in an evening gown.

SUSAN: It beats a surgical, doesn't it?

SUSAN: Where are you going?

JOE: Nowhere? I'm...here.

SUSAN: For how long?

JOE: Oh, I hope a long, long time.

SUSAN: Did you like making love to me?

JOE: I loved it.

SUSAN: More than you love peanut butter?

JOE: Yes!

JOE: ...No.

SUSAN: Maybe it's the draft through the door.

JOE: He's taking a nap.

SUSAN: He must be tired -- this Bontecou thing --

JOE: Yes, he's tired. I believe so.

SUSAN: I just thought I'd drop by, scrounge a little lunch, I was in the neigh- borhood --

JOE: How beautiful.

SUSAN: You're here?

JOE: I am.

JOE: Yes?

SUSAN: I don't know who you are.

JOE: Well...I'm -- uh, Joe. And you're Susan. And I - uh - have this weak feeling in my knees --

SUSAN: And is your heart beating strangely?

JOE: Faster. And I want the scent from underneath your ears and the taste of your lips and the touch of your tongue to stay with me -- forever.

JOE: -- Could you?

SUSAN: Never tried, 'til now. Joe, may I kiss you?

JOE: Why, yes. Thank you.

JOE: Thank you.

SUSAN: It was everything.

JOE: I love your smell.

SUSAN: -- I guess you haven't.

SUSAN: I'm sorry about --

JOE: Please. We don't need to talk about Drew.

JOE: Almost.

SUSAN: I said get out.

JOE: You first.

SUSAN: Why don't you get off his case?

SUSAN: Where are you going?

JOE: To bed.

SUSAN: 'To bed'?

JOE: Yes. I'm tired.

JOE: No, I'm not.

SUSAN: Girlfriend?

JOE: No.

SUSAN: Gay?

JOE: No.

JOE: Why?

SUSAN: Because guys who never say anything about themselves are always married.

SUSAN: How long have you been standing there?

JOE: I don't like the way Drew spoken to you. But I feel better about it now because of the way you spoke back.

JOE: I'm very concerned about the woman you attended to today.

SUSAN: I am, too.

JOE: Has her pain abated?

SUSAN: We're doing what we can for her. But it doesn't look good.

JOE: I'm sorry to hear that.

JOE: Yes...

SUSAN: It comforts you, doesn't it?

JOE: Yes...I've found that it does.

SUSAN: Why do you love peanut butter so much?

JOE: I don't know.

SUSAN: I adore things like that....food I can't do without. Don't you?

JOE: I wanted to apologize, Susan --

SUSAN: I thought you said 'Be sorry for nothing'.

JOE: Well, now I am sorry. For intruding on you this afternoon.

SUSAN: It wasn't an intrusion. And if it was, it turned out to be welcome.

JOE: I appreciate you --

SUSAN: Excuse me?

JOE: I mean I appreciate that.

SUSAN: And I appreciate you, too.

SUSAN: I have to go, I'm sorry to say --

JOE: Be sorry for nothing.

SUSAN: Joe, I'm with Drew.

JOE: Not now.

JOE: She's in a great deal of pain.

SUSAN: Yes.

JOE: Oh goodness, no.

SUSAN: Then why are you here, Joe?

JOE: I came to see you.

SUSAN: I don't have any time to see you now. I'm doing grand rounds and then I'm examining back-to-back patients until dinner and then --

JOE: Very well, I'll watch.

SUSAN: Watch me do what?

JOE: Whatever you do.

SUSAN: That's impossible. I'm a doctor, I'm --

JOE: And I'll be a visitor.

SUSAN: Patients have visitors, not doctors.

JOE: I don't mind --

SUSAN: Joe --

JOE: How nice you look. Is that your uniform?

JOE: Yes?

SUSAN: I think you want to go to the west wing. Through there.

SUSAN: Goodnight, Joe.

JOE: Goodnight to you, Susan.

JOE: Susan?

SUSAN: Yes?

JOE: Did you know you have a wet spot on your shoulder?

SUSAN: Yes --?

JOE: I have a certain function to per- form, and that seems to take all of my time. Bu sometimes - uh - I speculate - uh - I haven't left room for - uh - anything else.

SUSAN: I'm sorry to say I know what you're saying.

SUSAN: You act like you never had peanut butter before --

JOE: I haven't.

SUSAN: -- What kind of childhood did you have?

JOE: Do you love Drew?

SUSAN: Come again?

JOE: When you put your mouth to his, Susan, it seems a frequent thing.

SUSAN: Drew is none of your damn business. Nor is where I put my mouth.

JOE: I'm sorry. Do you live here?

SUSAN: No, Joe, I'm swimming here. Then I'm going home.

JOE: I guess what I'm trying to say is -- I'd like us to be friends.

SUSAN: I've got plenty of friends.

JOE: I don't have any.

SUSAN: I can see why.

SUSAN: What are your intentions? To make little dreams in coffee shops, turn a woman's head, and I don't mind admitting it was turned, I liked it, but ten hours later I feel like a fool. I don't get it. You, my father, here in this house, the cof- fee shop, it's making me upset, and I don't like being upset. Who are you anyway? And what are you eating?

JOE: Peanut butter.

JOE: 'Big'?

SUSAN: You appear at his side out-of-the- blue, stay at his house, eat dinner with his family, it's practically a first. You're in the red-hot center of big business and I thought you were a regular Joe.

JOE: I am Joe.

SUSAN: Not the one I met this morning, hit- ting on me in as nice a way as I've been hit on in a long time, but the moment you find out I'm my Dad's daughter, you act like a stranger.

JOE: That is not my intention.

SUSAN: What are you doing here?

JOE: I'm lost.

SUSAN: -- Can't seem to escape you today.

JOE: I'm sorry.

JOE: Yes.

PARRISH: That's life. What can I tell you?

JOE: Not exactly.

PARRISH: I guess you have your reasons.

JOE: Yes.

JOE: Happy Birthday, Bill.

PARRISH: Thank you.

PARRISH: The Treasury Department asked my cooperation in his undercover investigation of John Bontecou. They were convinced that Bontecou, on past deals, had structured his mergers and acquisitions in sus- picious and complicated ways so as to evade paying the taxes he is liable for. The IRS wanted to go after him, and this deal offered them the opportunity. I agreed to cooperate.

JOE: And we're very grateful.

PARRISH: Moreover, Agent Joe Black here -- of course that's not his real name -- smelled out your involvement, Drew. He developed evidence you were working both sides of the fence. Unfortunately, that's known as a conflict of interest --

JOE: Undisclosed conflict of interest --

PARRISH: An offense --

JOE: An indictable offense.

PARRISH: I told you to shut up.

JOE: Prepare yourself, Drew - I am --

PARRISH: He is --

JOE: I'll take it from here -- I am --

PARRISH: -- An IRS man.

PARRISH: Joe, don't do this --

JOE: It's time to put this person where he belongs.

PARRISH: It's not necessary, Joe. Drew's going to step aside --

JOE: Okay.

PARRISH: Get him in here.

JOE: I don't like what you're saying.

PARRISH: I don't expect you to.

JOE: Are you threatening me?

PARRISH: I certainly hope so -- I loved Susan from the moment she was born, and I love her now, and every minute in between, and what I dream of is a man who will discover her and she will discover a man who will love her, who is worthy of her, who is of this world, of this time and has the grace and compassion and fortitude to walk beside her as she makes her way through this beautiful thing called life.

JOE: Susan wants to come. She says she's in love with me.

PARRISH: With you?! Who is 'you'? Did you tell her who you are?

JOE: No.

PARRISH: Does she know where she's going?

JOE: I'm sorry, Bill --

PARRISH: Susan is my daughter, she has a wonderful life ahead of her and you're going to deprive her of it and you're telling me you're sorry? Well, I'm sorry, apology not accepted.

JOE: I love her, Bill. She is all that I ever wanted, and I've never wanted for anything because I've never wanted anything before, if you can understand.

PARRISH: How perfect for you -- to take whatever you want because it pleases you. It's not love --

JOE: Then what is it?

PARRISH: Some aimless infatuation in which, for the moment, you feel like in- dulging. It's missing everything that matters.

JOE: Which is what?

PARRISH: Trust, responsibility, taking the weight, for your choices and feel- ings and spending the rest of your life living up to them. And above all, not hurting the object of your love.

JOE: So that's what love is?

PARRISH: Multiply it by infinity and take it to the death of forever and you will still have barely a glimpse of what I am talking about.

JOE: Those were my words, Bill.

PARRISH: Well, they're mine now.

PARRISH: You're what?

JOE: I think you heard me, Bill.

PARRISH: You're not taking Susan anywhere. And what the hell does that mean anyway?

JOE: -- And I'm in love with your daughter.

PARRISH: Say again?

JOE: I'm in love with your daughter, and I'm taking her with me tonight.

PARRISH: What the hell do you care?

JOE: I was just asking, Bill.

PARRISH: You 'want to know', I'll tell you. You're looking at a man who tonight is not about to walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, he's galloping into it. And the same time, the business he built with his own hands and his own head is being commandeered by a couple of cheap pirates. And, oh yes, I almost forgot, my daughter's fallen in love with Death.

PARRISH: Thanks.

JOE: Not at all.

JOE: You are?

PARRISH: Yeah.

JOE: Good. Tomorrow, after the party.

JOE: Uh --

PARRISH: Yes?

JOE: -- I have the feeling that, all in all, what I made this voyage for -- has served its purpose.

PARRISH: What are you saying, that it's time to go?

PARRISH: You're violating the laws of the universe.

JOE: This universe?

PARRISH: Any universe that exists or ever existed. You may be the pro, Joe. But I know who you are. And you're all fucked up.

JOE: I don't like your tone, and I don't like your references.

PARRISH: And I don't give a shit.

JOE: May I remind you this is not just a dispute with a putative suitor, this is me. So watch it...Bill.

PARRISH: Cut the 'Bill' crap out -- you sonofabitch.

JOE: I told you, 'watch it'.

JOE: Yes, I saw you see me.

PARRISH: Well, you're at the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong woman.

JOE: I'll be the judge of that.

PARRISH: I'm her father!

JOE: With all due respect, Bill, I'm not asking your permission.

PARRISH: Well, you goddam well should. You walk into my life, give me the worst news a guy can get, have me dancing on the heads of pins with my busi- ness and with my family, and now you're spooning with my daughter.

JOE: 'Spooning'?

PARRISH: Yes, and stop repeating everything I say, and turning it into a question. Spooning, fooling around, God knows what. You arrive on the scene -- why you picked me, I still don't under- stand --

JOE: I picked you for your verve, your excellence, and for your ability to - how shall I say - instruct. You've lived a first-rate life. And I find it eminently usable.

PARRISH: I couldn't sleep.

JOE: I'm sorry to hear that.

JOE: I'm not hungry.

PARRISH: Then I can't help you.

PARRISH: What 'okay' is, it's 'okay' it's over. We've got bigger fish to fry, don't we, Joe?

JOE: 'Fish'?

PARRISH: Never mind. I'm tired. I'm going to take a nap.

JOE: I'm sorry, Bill --

PARRISH: That's okay.

JOE: What's okay?

PARRISH: Just a manner of speaking.

PARRISH: Okay. Goodnight.

JOE: Goodnight.

JOE: Hello, Bill.

PARRISH: Hello. Would you like to join me, Quince and Allison for a nightcap?

JOE: Um -- not right now.

PARRISH: Why did you go to the hospital?

JOE: I don't know.

PARRISH: You were just curious?

JOE: I guess...

PARRISH: About Susan?

JOE: I wouldn't put it that way.

PARRISH: What way would you put it?

JOE: You tell me, Bill.

PARRISH: How about you telling me? When I ask a simple question, I expect a straight answer. That's what I'm used to. Anybody who doesn't give it to me, I fire.

JOE: Are you going to fire me, Bill?

JOE: Why, at this juncture, are you letting yourself be so concerned by business matters?

PARRISH: I don't want anybody buying up my life's work and turning it into something it wasn't meant to be. A man wants to leave something behind. And he wants it left behind the way he made it. And he wants it to be run the way he run it -- with a sense of honor, of dedication, of truth. Okay?

JOE: Okay.

PARRISH: And I don't need your goddamn permis- sion either! You! Drew! I don't need anyone to tell me how to run my life.

JOE: Easy, Bill. You'll give yourself a heart attack and ruin my vacation.

PARRISH: Dinner? Absolutely.

JOE: Absolutely.

PARRISH: I thought you'd heard a trillion times --

JOE: This part I'm interested in.

JOE: And more.

PARRISH: Why didn't you stop me?

JOE: Well...I don't know.

JOE: Truly - uh - splendid.

PARRISH: Glad you like it. My wife turned me onto cold lamb sandwiches. Joan -- that was my wife --

JOE: Uh-huh.

PARRISH: Cold lamb sandwiches -- not as chewy as roast beef, not as boring as chicken. She knew stuff like that.

JOE: Excellent. What is it?

PARRISH: Cold lamb sandwich with cilantro. A little Coleman's mustard.

JOE: Are you going to eat your lunch

PARRISH: It's all yours.

PARRISH: Jennifer, give Mr. Black a map of the city.

JOE: No thank you, Bill. I can manage.

PARRISH: Now I'd like to be alone.

JOE: Oh. Okay.

PARRISH: ...I'd like to be alone for a while.

JOE: Are you sad, Bill?

PARRISH: Yes, I am. There's a research lib- rary on the fourth floor. Why don't you go down and read some magazines?

JOE: You're not thinking of going some- where, are you, Bill?

PARRISH: Joe, could I ask you to take a walk? Buy a tie or something. I know I'll be seeing you.

JOE: Of course.

PARRISH: -- What's the deal here? Are you going to be breathing down my neck right 'til the very end?

JOE: I don't understand.

PARRISH: Would you like to sit down, Joe?

JOE: Yes.

PARRISH: Perhaps you would like to wait in my office --?

JOE: No.

PARRISH: What I'm trying to say is this is a Board meeting and you are not a mem- ber of the Board.

JOE: I'm sure you'll see to it that it won't be a problem.

PARRISH: What's it like?

JOE: What do you mean?

PARRISH: What's it like where I'm going?

JOE: Can you keep a secret?

PARRISH: Yes.

JOE: So can I.

PARRISH: I want to live.

JOE: I understand.

PARRISH: -- I don't deserve this. I'm still young, this is not my time --

JOE: That's what everybody says.

PARRISH: I'm not everybody.

JOE: That's what everybody says.

PARRISH: Joe --?

JOE: Yes, Bill.

PARRISH: How about giving a guy a break?

JOE: Make an exception?

PARRISH: There's one to every rule.

JOE: Not this.

JOE: When you were shaving this morning, you weren't just shaving, right?

PARRISH: What do you mean?

JOE: You were hatching ideas, making plans, arriving at decisions, right?

PARRISH: I guess so.

JOE: So you understand the concept then. When you're busy here, your work, what your task is, is being executed elsewhere.

PARRISH: Of course.

JOE: So you've grasped the idea. Con- gratulations. Now multiply it by infinity and take it to the depth of forever, and you still will have barely a glimpse of what I am talking about.

JOE: Bill --

PARRISH: Yes?

JOE: You've got a deal.

JOE: And what?

PARRISH: And I won't tell anyone who you are.

JOE: Sounds fair enough.

PARRISH: It is a deal?

JOE: A 'deal'?

PARRISH: You give your word, I give mine -- that we'll do what we say. It's a truth exchanged between two people.

PARRISH: Good morning.

JOE: Good morning, Bill.

PARRISH: How are you? How're you feeling?

JOE: 'Feeling'? I feel fine. How do you feel?

PARRISH: Um -- well, I didn't sleep too well. This is crazy. This is the left- field thing of all time. What do I do? What do I tell my family?

JOE: Oh, I wouldn't tell them anything, Bill. You'll ruin the good start we had last night. I felt as if I were being treated like a person. 'Joe' this and 'Joe' that - a nice smile - Quince passed me the rolls -- no 'rapture' or 'passion' or any of those mighty things you seem so intent on imparting, but I am cer- tain, should you - uh - say - uh - who I am - our adventure would end abruptly.

PARRISH: Well, thank you for letting me know.

JOE: Not at all.

PARRISH: And - uh - I guess, 'goodnight'.

JOE: Good night to you, Bill.

PARRISH: When you go, I go.

JOE: That's the best I can do. ...but minute-by-minute, I find myself lingering.

PARRISH: ...I just saw my doctor, he told me everything was fine.

JOE: Your doctor? Did your doctor say anything about a tiny, undetectable hole in your aorta? Did he mention an irreparab- ly weak vein in the further reaches of your famous brain? Were there any prognostications about the possibil- ilites of a fatal collision on a golf cart or suffocating in an avalanche on a ski vacation in Gstaad?

PARRISH: No --

JOE: I hope you realize, Bill...in your office this morning, that was your time.

PARRISH: Closer than that.

PARRISH: If there is anything else, don't hesitate --

JOE: I won't.

PARRISH: How long have I got?

JOE: You're putting me on the spot, Bill.

JOE: What a good idea.

PARRISH: Thank you. Would you like the man's name?

JOE: No.

PARRISH: ...I'm sorry, I'm a little discon- certed, that stuff between you and Susan -- uh -- threw me.

JOE: 'Threw' you? Where?

PARRISH: Shook me up. I mean that you knew her and everything --

JOE: I didn't know her. The body I took knew her. The man she met in the coffee shop this morning. I - uh - took him.

PARRISH: So there's nothing between you and Susan?

JOE: No.

PARRISH: I wish you had said something to me about staying here --

JOE: It hadn't occurred to me until then. I was just having such a wonderful time -- Besides, isn't this what I'm here for?

PARRISH: Joe, that's the kitchen.

JOE: Thank you.

JOE: No --

PARRISH: Joe knows what you're saying, just being polite --

PARRISH: Excuse me? Could I say something?

YOUNG MAN: Of course.

PARRISH: It just occurred to me --

YOUNG MAN: Speak up, please.

PARRISH: When I introduce you, if I say who you are, I don't think anyone will stay for dinner.

YOUNG MAN: Then don't.

PARRISH: This is crazy -- you're not going to eat dinner with us.

YOUNG MAN: Bill, I am eating dinner with you. And your family. And that's what we're doing. It's not open for discussion. Nothing is. Don't you understand?

PARRISH: You want me to be your guide --?

YOUNG MAN: You fill the bill, Bill.

PARRISH: I do? How long will you be staying?

YOUNG MAN: You should hope quite a while.

PARRISH: And then --?

YOUNG MAN: Yes.

PARRISH: Death!

YOUNG MAN: That's me.

PARRISH: You're not Death. You're just a kid in a jacket and a pair of pants.

YOUNG MAN: The jacket and the pair of pants came with the body I took. Let me ask your opinion. Do I blend in?

PARRISH: You are --?

YOUNG MAN: '...Yes --'

PARRISH: Am I dreaming this? Are you a dream?

YOUNG MAN: I am not a dream.

PARRISH: You're coming to 'take me'. What is that? Who the hell are you?

PARRISH: Yes what?

VOICE: 'Yes' is the answer to your ques- tion.

PARRISH: What question?

VOICE: Bill. Come on. The question. The question you've been asking yourself with increased regularity, at odd moments, panting through the extra game of handball, when you ran for the plane in Delhi, when you sat up in bed last night and hit the floor in the office this morning. The question that is in the back of your throat, choking the blood to your brain, ringing in the ears over and over as you put it to yourself --

PARRISH: The 'question' --

VOICE: Yes, Bill. The question.

PARRISH: About what?

VOICE: I want to have a look around before I take you.

PARRISH: 'Take me'...? Where?

VOICE: It requires competence, wisdom, experience -- all those things they say about you in testimonials -- and you're the one.

PARRISH: 'The one' to do what?

VOICE: Show me around. Be my guide. And in return, you get...

PARRISH: Get what?

VOICE: Time.

PARRISH: What the hell are you talking about?

VOICE: Watch it!

PARRISH: I'm sorry --

VOICE: In return you'll receive minuets, days, weeks, I'm not going to go into details ... what matters is that I stay interested.

VOICE: The great Bill Parrish at a loss for words? The man from whose lips fall 'rapture' and 'passion' and 'obses- sion'...all those admonitions about being 'deliberately happy', what there is no sense 'living your life without...', all the sparks and energy you give off, the rosy advice you dispense in round, pear-shaped tones --

PARRISH: What the hell is this? Who are you?

VOICE: Just think of millenniums multiplied by aeons compounded by infinity, I've been around that long, but it's only recently that your affairs here have piqued my interest. Call it boredom, the natural curiosity of me, the most lasting and significant element in existence has come to see you.

PARRISH: What is this, a joke, right? Some kind of elaborate practical joke? At my 40th reunion, we delivered a casket to the Class president's hotel room and --

VOICE: Quiet.

PARRISH: Where are you?

VOICE: I'm here.

PARRISH: Where are you? Are you there?

VOICE: It's enough now.

PARRISH: Please. Talk to me --

VOICE: There's going to be plenty of time for that.

PARRISH: What do you mean?!

VOICE: I think you know --

PARRISH: Know what? Know what, goddammit!

VOICE: Are you giving me orders?

PARRISH: I'm sorry, I --

VOICE: No, you're not. You're trying to 'handle' the situation but this is the one situation you knew you never could handle.

PARRISH: What are you talking about?

VOICE: What you were talking about.

VOICE: I think you know --

PARRISH: I don't!

VOICE: Try. Because 'if you haven't tried, you haven't lived'.

PARRISH: 'Yes' what?

VOICE: 'Yes' is the answer to your question.

PARRISH: I didn't ask any question.

VOICE: I believe you did.

VOICE: '...I know, it's none of my business.'

PARRISH: What?

PARRISH: All in all, what Bill wants to do is build the golden bridge to Drew with no hard feelings.

QUINCE: You think Drew will go for it?

PARRISH: Quince, I've got confidence in you.

QUINCE: Sir, I'll deliver the package.

QUINCE: Joe knew the whole story. I told him. It was his idea that I come clean. I mean I wanted to come clean but he gave me a pair of balls, you know what I mean?

PARRISH: Yes, I believe I do.

QUINCE: Come in, Joe -- I want to thank you -- okay, Bill?

PARRISH: Sure.

QUINCE: ...what can I say after I say that I'm sorry? I zipped when I should've zagged, I opened my big mouth one too many times, everything got all twisted --

PARRISH: It's okay, Quince. I understand. You've always meant well and I appreciate that. Sometimes things just turn out -- wrong.

PARRISH: This one.

QUINCE: The vodka. What'd I tell you?

QUINCE: But he does give a shit. Don't you, Bill?

PARRISH: Yeah, I give a shit.

QUINCE: See. There. What'd I tell you?

QUINCE: This is great, honey. The orange. Has it got a little vodka in it? Like that Finnish stuff, orange vodka -- Put your lips around this one, Bill. It's out of this world.

PARRISH: No thank you, Quince. I'm sorry, honey. I'm no good at this. Why don't you choose whatever cake you like?

PARRISH: No, anything is possible. It's up to Joe.

QUINCE: Joe, you don't know how glad I am you're aboard. Anybody who can take some of the weight off the old man, I'm in his corner.

QUINCE: ...I read you all the way on the Bontecou thing, and I know where you're coming from. And I'm with you a hundred and one percent.

PARRISH: Thank you, Quince.

QUINCE: But I've got to tell you, if mergers are in the wild, I've got some great prospects I've developed. I want to talk to you about them next week.

PARRISH: Next week?

QUINCE: Yeah. Or the week after.

QUINCE: Hi, Bill --

PARRISH: Good morning, Quince.

QUINCE: How're you doing--?

PARRISH: I'm doing great. You ready?

QUINCE: I am, this is it. B Day.

PARRISH: How's that, Quince?

QUINCE: Bontecou Day. Going to close with Big John -- Look at you, Bill, all cool as a cat and over at Bontecou's, I'll bet he's shitting in his pants.

PARRISH: Well, thank you, that's great, but it's more than I bargained for. I just wanted to set the record straight.

SLOANE: But we want you back, Bill. Mean- while, enjoy your party, celebrate, we'll attend to the nasty details. And Mr. Black, may we say thank you.

SLOANE: We're all here, Bill --

PARRISH: I appreciate this, Eddie, members of the Board, this will just take a minute of your time. As the custo- dians of the company, you may re- ceive information from what follows that is valuable to you -- -- or not. Either way, thanks.

SLOANE: We're all ears.

PARRISH: Eddie?

SLOANE: Yeah - Bill - How are you? You okay?

PARRISH: Fine, fine. Big doing up here. Why are you still down here?

SLOANE: The Board's working through the weekend, tying up the loose ends on this damn thing. But I want to give it one more try, I'm still holding out some hope.

PARRISH: Eddie, hold out all the hope you want but, I promise you, it's hope- less, it's over. Come on up, let's get drunk, if I had your shoulder to lean on I might actually enjoy this --

SLOANE: No, I'm going to stay down here, keep my finger in the dike and maybe by Monday, the waters could recede.

PARRISH: If you're trying to show me lay- down-in-front-of-the-bus loyalty, forget it.

SLOANE: Sorry, Bill, have a drink, eat your cake, blow out the candles and make a wish. Talk to you Monday. Okay?

PARRISH: Okay, Eddie -- anyway, thanks for the memory.

SLOANE: ...It's not over, 'til it's over.

PARRISH: Please, Eddie, no 'Fat Lady Sings" shit.

SLOANE: I still sense some doubt in this group, we could turn it around. You'll be up in the country?

PARRISH: Yes, the big 'celebration' of my mandatory retirement birthday. You're an honored guest, Eddie.

SLOANE: I'm going to stick it out here. We still have a shot.

SLOANE: Why don't we let it rest for the moment? Give it some air?

PARRISH: Well said, Eddie. Mr. Black, shall we?

PARRISH: What was that?

SUSAN: The fireworks are about to start.

PARRISH: If you don't mind dancing with an old fogey like me.

SUSAN: Oh, Dad, you're not old. You'll never be old.

PARRISH: I'm still here. Would you like to dance with me, Susan?

SUSAN: Oh, yes --

SUSAN: I love you, Daddy --

PARRISH: That's why it's okay.

SUSAN: But what?

PARRISH: I want you to know how much I love you. That you've given a meaning to my life that I had no right to expect, and that no one can ever take from me.

SUSAN: Daddy --

PARRISH: No -- I love you so much and I want you to promise me something. I don't want you to ever worry about me. If anything should happen, I'm going to be fine and everything's going to be all right. -- And I have no regrets.

SUSAN: Are you relieved?

PARRISH: Yes, but --

SUSAN: You were right about Joe, he is going somewhere --

PARRISH: I'm sorry.

SUSAN: What a night.

PARRISH: I'm having a helluva time.

SUSAN: I love him.

PARRISH: I don't care if you love him! I'm telling you he's no good for you!

PARRISH: Susan, I don't think Joe is going to be with us long.

SUSAN: Where's he going?

PARRISH: I don't know, I can't say --

SUSAN: C'mon! The guy's working with you. You always know chapter and verse about everyone who works --

PARRISH: In this case, I can't. I - uh -- I just can't help you. I only would tell you -- that with Joe, you are on very, very dangerous ground.

PARRISH: This is crazy --

SUSAN: Why? A man appears at your side, almost never leaves it, you clearly trust him, depend on him, I sense you value him deeply, why aren't those things good enough for me?

PARRISH: You don't know anything about Joe --

SUSAN: What are you afraid of, Dad? That I'll fall head over heels for Joe -- well, I have -- as you did with Mom. That's always been standard, whether you like or not.

SUSAN: Because I was sitting in a staff meeting, incredibly bored, my mind kept wandering and the only place it landed was -- Joe.

PARRISH: I don't understand.

SUSAN: Love. Passion. Obsession, all those things you told me to wait for. Well, they've arrived.

SUSAN: Where is he?

PARRISH: I don't know.

SUSAN: Where's Joe?

PARRISH: Joe?

PARRISH: I won't say you may be getting onto shaken ground --

SUSAN: Then what will you say?

PARRISH: I don't think this is the lightning you are looking for. Drew's a good man. I know I didn't seem to be completely in his corner before, but I've come to appreciate --

SUSAN: Now we love Drew and Joe in verbo- ten? What's going on?

PARRISH: Nothing.

SUSAN: When you say 'nothing' that way, it's not nothing.

PARRISH: Then what is it?

SUSAN: It's something.

PARRISH: That was wonderful.

SUSAN: Yeah, it's good to get together.

PARRISH: Do you mind if I raise a little caution flag?

SUSAN: Raise away.

PARRISH: What is the nature of your interest in Joe?

SUSAN: Well, remember how you told me about "lightning striking"? The nature of it's in there somewhere.

SUSAN: It'll come back, Daddy.

PARRISH: Will it?...

SUSAN: Funny, I don't get that feeling. Maybe it's because you found out I'm Bill Parrish's daughter.

PARRISH: Cut it out, Susan. You and I've got to talk. Big day tomorrow, everybody. Joe, let's go.

PARRISH: Uh - will that hold you, Joe?

SUSAN: Incidentally, 'Joe' what?

PARRISH: You know each other?

SUSAN: We've met.

PARRISH: What?!

SUSAN: -- This morning. The Corinth Coffee Shop. He was looking for a doctor.

SUSAN: Are you okay?

PARRISH: A-Okay. Got my gloves on, my ears pricked. I'm ready for action.

SUSAN: Well, go get 'em, Pops.

PARRISH: Yer damn right.

SUSAN: What is it, Daddy --?

PARRISH: Nothing.

SUSAN: Daddy, what's the matter?

PARRISH: Nothing. I'm sorry.

SUSAN: Thank God.

PARRISH: He doesn't care. But thanks anyway.

SUSAN: I won't. And when I tell Drew about it, he won't either.

PARRISH: You won't tell him, and even if you did, he'd clock it and punch it into his laptop in order to pull out some key phrases when he gives the Commencement Speech at Wharton.

SUSAN: You're terrible.

PARRISH: I know. But I'm the only father you've got.

PARRISH: I know it's a cornball thing but love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without. If you don't start with that, what are you going to end up with? I say fall head over heels. Find someone you can love like crazy and who'll love you the same way back. And how do you find him? Forget your head and listen to your heart. I'm not hearing any heart. Run the risk, if you get hurt, you'll come back. Because, the truth is there is no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love -- well, you haven't lived a life at all. You have to try. Because if you haven't tried, you haven't lived.

SUSAN: Bravo.

PARRISH: Aw, you're tough.

SUSAN: I'm sorry. But give it to me again. The short version.

PARRISH: Stay open. Who knows? Lightning could strike.

PARRISH: Don't get carried away.

SUSAN: Uh oh --

PARRISH: Susan, you're a hell of a woman. You've got a great career, you're beautiful --

SUSAN: And I'm your daughter and no man will ever be good enough for me.

PARRISH: Well, I wasn't going to say that --

SUSAN: What were you going to say?

PARRISH: Listen, I'm crazy about the guy -- He's smart, he's aggressive, he could carry Parrish Communications into the 21st century and me along with it.

SUSAN: So what's wrong with that?

PARRISH: That's for me. I'm talking about you. It's not so much what you say about Drew, it's what you don't say.

SUSAN: You're not listening --

PARRISH: Oh yes, I am. Not an ounce of excitement, not a whisper of a thrill, this relationship has all the passion of a pair of titmice.

SUSAN: Don't get dirty, Dad --

PARRISH: Well, it worries me. I want you to get swept away. I want you to levitate. I want you to sing with rapture and dance like a dervish.

SUSAN: That's all?

PARRISH: Be deliriously happy. Or at least leave yourself open to be.

SUSAN: 'Be deliriously happy'. I'm going to do my upmost --

PARRISH: Do you love Drew?

SUSAN: You mean like you loved Mom?

PARRISH: Forget about me and Mom -- are you going to marry him?

SUSAN: Probably.

SUSAN: ...There's a start for a meeting.

PARRISH: I know it's none of my business --

SUSAN: I thought you were in a meeting--?

PARRISH: I am. With you.

PARRISH: Not my birthday again?

SUSAN: You're only six-five once.

PARRISH: Thank God. Now could we go? Let's get this day started.

PARRISH: I don't like to interfere.

SUSAN: ...Then don't.

SUSAN: Will you relax? I know it is a big deal day --

PARRISH: How did you know?

SUSAN: Drew told me.

PARRISH: Does Drew tell you everything?

SUSAN: I hope so.

PARRISH: You like him, don't you?

SUSAN: Yeah. I guess so.

PARRISH: Drew's aboard?

SUSAN: He wanted to ride back down with you. Now sit and relax, get some- thing in that flat tummy of yours --

SUSAN: Good morning, Dad.

PARRISH: Hi, honey.

SUSAN: ...We know so little about each other.

YOUNG MAN: But we've got time.

YOUNG MAN: You said you liked me.

SUSAN: No --

YOUNG MAN: Y'didn't?

SUSAN: Sure, I'll give you the name of a doctor. ...And I don't want to examine you.

YOUNG MAN: Why not?

SUSAN: Because I like you so much. Now I've got to go.

SUSAN: I've got to go --

YOUNG MAN: Did I say something wrong?

SUSAN: No, it was so right it scares me.

YOUNG MAN: I've been thinking... I don't want you to be my doctor. Because I don't want you to examine me.

SUSAN: Why?

YOUNG MAN: Because I like you so much. You have coffee here every morning, don't you? If I came by, could you give me the name of a doctor?

SUSAN: You'll have a hard time finding a woman like that these days --

YOUNG MAN: You never know. Lightning could strike.

YOUNG MAN: ...It's kind of a pro bono job.

SUSAN: 'Pro bono'. That means doing good -- Going to be doing good all your life?

YOUNG MAN: I know what you're saying. Doesn't pay very well. Depends on the woman I marry. Maybe she'd like a bigger house, a better car, lotsa kids, college doesn't come cheap --

SUSAN: You'd give up what you want for the woman you marry?

YOUNG MAN: I would.

SUSAN: Not at all.

YOUNG MAN: How 'bout another cup of coffee?

SUSAN: I've got patients coming in --

YOUNG MAN: And I want to get into my apartment and go to work. Please, what do you say, another cup of coffee?

SUSAN: Yes, I could. I have an office in the hospital.

YOUNG MAN: -- This is my lucky day. I arrive in this big bad city and I not only find a doctor, a beautiful woman as well.

YOUNG MAN: So if I needed a doctor, you could be it?

SUSAN: I could be her.

YOUNG MAN: 'Her'.

SUSAN: How'd you know?

YOUNG MAN: Everybody's a doctor around here. This apartment house is all green pajamas and slippers. The guy I'm waiting for to vacate is a doctor. What kind of doctor?

SUSAN: Me? Internal medicine.

YOUNG MAN: Good morning, I was talking kind of loud there, sorry.

SUSAN: Not at all. It was fascinating.

YOUNG MAN: Oh yeah? What was 'fascinating' about it?

SUSAN: You and 'Honey'?

YOUNG MAN: My kid sister. She just broke up with her boyfriend and she's thinking about dropping out of law school.

SUSAN: I'm sorry --

YOUNG MAN: Nothing to be sorry about. That's the way with men and women, isn't it?

SUSAN: What's the way?

YOUNG MAN: Nothing lasts.

SUSAN: I agree --

YOUNG MAN: Why?

SUSAN: I was just being agreeable, now I've got to explain why?

YOUNG MAN: I'm not trying to sharpshoot you, but that 'nothing lasts' stuff, that's what was the trouble with Honey's guy. He was fooling around and Honey caught him at it. One girlfriend wasn't enough for him.

SUSAN: So you're a one-girl guy?

YOUNG MAN: Damn right. Looking for her right now. Who knows? You might be her.