Scream

BILLY: FIND HER YOU DIPSHIT!

STU: I can't... I'm bad off, Billy. You cut too deep.

STU: I don't know Billy but I'm hurtin'.

BILLY: Where the fuck did she go?

BILLY: She can't get both of us.

STU: Odds are -- she'll miss anyway.

BILLY: I thought she was dead.

STU: She looked dead. Still does.

BILLY: It's on the table.

STU: No, it's not.

STU: That's it, Billy. I can't take any more. I'm feeling woozy.

BILLY: Get the gun. I'll untie Pops.

BILLY: What if your father snapped? Your mom's anniversary set him off and he went on a murder spree, killing everyone...

STU: Except for me and Billy... we were left for dead...

BILLY: And then he killed you and then shoots himself in the head. It's a perfect ending.

STU: Everyone dies but us. We get to carry on and plan the sequel. Let's face it, these days -- you gotta have a sequel.

BILLY: Ready?

STU: Yeah...

STU: This is the best part, Sid. Billy's got it all figured out. Why do you think we kept your father alive so long? Why did we save you for last?

BILLY: You know what time it is, Sid? It's after midnight. It's your mother's anniversary. We killed her exactly one year ago today.

BILLY: Think about it. On the off chance I get caught -- a motive like that could divide a jury for years, don't you think?. You took my mother, so I took yours. Big sympathy factor. Maternal abandonment causes serious deviant behavior. It certainly fucked you up. It made you have sex with a psychopath.

STU: That's right and now that you're no longer a virgin. You gotta die -- those are the rules.

STU: Nope.

BILLY: And did they really ever explain why Hannibal Lecter liked to eat people? Don't think so. You see, it's scarier when there's no motive, Sid.

BILLY: Tell that to Cotton Weary. You wouldn't believe how easy it was to frame him.

STU: Yeah, we just watched a few movies. Took a few notes. It was fun.

STU: You have to play, Sid. Don't want to disappoint your dad. He's been waiting around all night.

BILLY: It's an easy game. We ask you a question. If you get it wrong -- you die.

STU: And if you get it right -- you die.

BILLY: Where ya going? It's not over yet. We've got one more surprise -- Stu, I believe it's your turn.

STU: Oh yeah.

STU: Dude. What are you doing here?

BILLY: I was hoping Sid and I could talk.

BILLY: You ready to party hard tonight?

STU: You know it.

BILLY: How'd you do?

STU: Piece of cake. She'll be there.

BILLY: Thanks, butt wart. You did good.

STU: So you gonna try and make up with Sid?

BILLY: Duh... that's quick.

STU: I was just asking. Why are you always at me?

BILLY: Because I'm trying to build your self-esteem. You're far too sensitive.

STU: Oh...

STU: Owwww...

BILLY: You open your mouth and stupidity pours out.

STU: Sorry.

STU: I didn't kill anybody.

BILLY: No one's saying you did.

STU: What? She asked.

BILLY: It's called tact, you fuckrag.

STU: Sorry.

SHERIFF BURKE: Did you ride past Casey Becker's house?

BILLY: No, I didn't. I didn't kill anyone, Sheriff.

SHERIFF BURKE: We're gonna have to keep you, Billy. The governor's got SBI, FBI, and god knows who else on their way down here.

SHERIFF BURKE: Thank you, Hank. We're on it. What were you doing out at Sidney's tonight?

BILLY: I just wanted to see her, that's all.

SHERIFF BURKE: You rode your bike out there?

BILLY: Yes, sir.

SHERIFF BURKE: And last night? Sidney said you crawled through her window last night too?

BILLY: I'm gonna rip you up bitch. Just like your slut whore mother.

SIDNEY: Gotta find me first, you pansy-assed Mama's boy.

BILLY: You bitch -- where the fuck are you?

SIDNEY: Not so fast. We're gonna play a little game. It's called GUESS WHO JUST CALLED THE POLICE AND REPORTED YOUR SORRY MOTHERFUCKING ASS?

BILLY: Hello?

SIDNEY: Are you alone in the house?

BILLY: Jesus... fuck, that hurt.

SIDNEY: Stop it!

BILLY: Got the ending figured out yet? Time's running out.

SIDNEY: I don't understand...

BILLY: We did your mom a favor, Sid. The woman was a slut bag whore who flashed her shit all over town like she was Sharon Stone or something.

SIDNEY: Why did you kill my mother?

BILLY: Why? WHY? Did you hear that, Stu? I think she wants a motive. Hmmm... I don't really believe in motives, Sid. I mean, did Norman Bates have a motive?

BILLY: It's called GUESS HOW I'M GOING TO DIE!

SIDNEY: Fuck you.

BILLY: We already played that game. You lost, remember?

SIDNEY: NO! Don't believe him.

BILLY: It's okay. Give me the gun.

SIDNEY: I thought you were...

BILLY: I'm alright. Gotta... get... help.

SIDNEY: Who did you call?

BILLY: What?

SIDNEY: When you're arrested -- you're allowed one phone call? Who did you call?

BILLY: I called my dad.

SIDNEY: No, Sheriff Burke called your dad. I saw him.

BILLY: Yeah... and when I called no one answered.

SIDNEY: Uh-huh.

BILLY: You don't still think it was me?

SIDNEY: No, but if it were you, that would have been a very clever way to throw me off track. Using your one phone call to call me so I wouldn't think it was you.

SIDNEY: You heard me.

BILLY: Are you serious?

SIDNEY: Yeah... I think so.

BILLY: Sshh... it's okay.

SIDNEY: Or even a good porno.

BILLY: What?

SIDNEY: I wanna let go. I do...

BILLY: Ssshh... everything's gonna be okay. I promise.

SIDNEY: I think in some weird analytical, psychological bullshit way I'm scared I'm gonna turn out just like her, you know? Like the bad seed or something...

BILLY: Oh Sidney...

SIDNEY: Everytime I get close to you I see my mom. I know it doesn't make sense.

BILLY: Sure it does. It's like Jodie Foster in SILENCE OF THE LAMBS when she kept having flashbacks of her dead father.

SIDNEY: But this is life. This isn't a movie.

BILLY: Sure it is, Sid. It's all a movie. Life's one great big movie. Only you can't pick your genre.

SIDNEY: So...

BILLY: So... I'm sorry. I've been a selfish shit and I'm sorry.

SIDNEY: No, Billy. I'm the one who's been selfish and self-absorbed with all of my post traumatic stress.

BILLY: You lost your mom...

SIDNEY: But you're right -- enough is enough. I can't wallow in the grief process forever and I can't keep lying to myself about who my mom was.

BILLY: Subtlety, Stu. Look it up.

SIDNEY: It's okay. We need to talk.

SIDNEY: No... I don't... it's just... Oh God, Billy, someone was there, someone tried to kill me.

BILLY: The police say I scared him off. It wasn't me, Sid.

SIDNEY: I know. He called again last night at Tatum's house.

BILLY: See, it couldn't have been me. I was in jail, remember?

SIDNEY: I'm so sorry... please understand.

BILLY: Understand what? That I got a girlfriend who would rather accuse me of being a psychopathic killer than touch me.

SIDNEY: You know that's not true.

BILLY: Then what is it? Is there somebody else?

SIDNEY: No...

BILLY: Is it the sex thing? Am I being too pushy?

SIDNEY: No, it's me, Billy. I need time. I'm still adjusting to my mom.

BILLY: It's been a year since she died.

SIDNEY: Tomorrow. One year tomorrow.

BILLY: When are you gonna let that go, Sid? When my mom left my dad -- I just accepted it. This is the way it is. She's not coming back.

SIDNEY: Your parents split up. It's not the same thing. Your mom left town, she's not in a coffin somewhere.

BILLY: You have to move on, Sid.

SIDNEY: Jesus, SHIT!

BILLY: Hey, hey, it's just me.

SIDNEY: Oh Billy... Please... God...

BILLY: I heard screaming. The door was locked. Are you okay...

SIDNEY: He's here. He's trying to kill me...

SIDNEY: Would you settle for a PG-13 relationship?

BILLY: What's that?

SIDNEY: You know what my dad will do to you?

BILLY: I'm going... I'm going.

BILLY: It just occurred to me that I've never snuck through your bedroom window.

SIDNEY: Now that it's out of your system.

BILLY: And I was home, bored, watching television, THE EXORCIST was on and it got me thinking of you.

SIDNEY: Oh it did?

BILLY: Yeah, it was edited for TV. All the good stuff was cut out and I started thinking about us and how two years ago, we started off kinda hot and heavy, a nice solid "R" rating on our way to an NC17. And how things have changed and, lately, we're just sot of... edited for television.

SIDNEY: So you thought you could sneak in my window and we would have a little bump-bump.

BILLY: No, no. I wouldn't dream of breaking your underwear rule. I just thought we might do some on top of the clothes stuff.

BILLY: Close call.

SIDNEY: What are you doing here?

SIDNEY: My dad's in the other room.

BILLY: I'll only stay a sec.

SIDNEY: Billy? What the...

BILLY: I'm sorry. Don't hate me.

SIDNEY: What are you doing here?

BILLY: You sleep in THAT?

CASEY: Don't make me... I can't... I won't.

MAN: Your call.

MAN: What door am I at?

CASEY: What?

MAN: There are two doors to your house. A front door and a back one. If you answer correctly -- you live.

CASEY: ...leave me alone... please...

MAN: Answer the question and I will.

CASEY: You tricked me...

MAN: Lucky, for you there's a bonus round. But poor Steve... I'm afraid... he's out.

MAN: I'm sorry. That's the wrong answer.

CASEY: No it's not. It was Jason.

MAN: Afraid not.

CASEY: It was Jason. I saw that goddamned movie twenty times. It was Jason.

MAN: Then you should know Jason's MOTHER -- Mrs. Vorhees was the original killer. Jason didn't show up until the sequel.

CASEY: ...please... no...

MAN: Name the killer in FRIDAY THE 13TH.

MAN: Now for the real question.

CASEY: NOOOO....

MAN: But you're doing so well.

CASEY: Please go away! Leave us alone!

MAN: Then answer the question. Same category.

CASEY: Michael... Michael Myers.

MAN: YES!

MAN: What's his name?

CASEY: I can't think.

CASEY: I don't know...

MAN: Come on, yes you do.

CASEY: Please..stop...

CASEY: Please don't do this...

MAN: Come on. It'll be fun.

CASEY: No... please.

MAN: It's an easy category. Movie trivia.

CASEY: ...please...

MAN: I'll even give you a warm up question.

CASEY: Don't do this. I can't...

MAN: Name the killer in HALLOWEEN.

CASEY: No...

MAN: Come on. It's you favorite scary movie, remember? He had a white mask, he stalked the baby-sitters.

CASEY: What kind of game?

MAN: Turn off the light.

MAN: I wanna play a game.

CASEY: No...

MAN: Then he dies. Right now.

CASEY: NOOO!

MAN: Which is it?

CASEY: Please don't hurt him.

MAN: That all depends on you.

CASEY: Why are you doing this?

CASEY: Where are you?

MAN: Guess.

CASEY: How do you know his name?

MAN: Go to the back door and turn on the porch light -- again.

CASEY: I lied. I do have a boyfriend and he'll be here any second and your ass better be gone.

MAN: Sure...

CASEY: I swear it. And he's big and plays football and will beat the shit out of you.

MAN: I'm getting scared.

CASEY: I'm telling you the truth. I lied before...

MAN: I believe you...

CASEY: So you better leave.

MAN: His name wouldn't be Steve, would it?

CASEY: My boyfriend will be here any second and he'll be pissed when I tell him...

MAN: I thought you didn't have a boyfriend.

CASEY: Look, enough is enough. You had your fun now you better leave me alone or else.

MAN: Or else what?

CASEY: What do you want?

MAN: TO SEE WHAT YOUR INSIDES LOOK LIKE.

CASEY: I'm two seconds from calling the police.

MAN: They'd never make it in time.

CASEY: Is this some kind of a joke?

MAN: More of a game, really.

CASEY: Listen, asshole...

MAN: NO, YOU LISTEN, YOU LITTLE BITCH. IF YOU HANG UP ON ME AGAIN I'LL GUT YOU LIKE A FISH. UNDERSTAND?

CASEY: Yes?

MAN: I told you not to hang up on me.

CASEY: What do you want?

MAN: To talk.

CASEY: Dial someone else, okay?

MAN: You getting scared?

CASEY: No-bored.

CASEY: I have to go now.

MAN: Wait... I thought we were gonna go out.

CASEY: Nah, I don't think so...

MAN: Don't hang up on me.

CASEY: Gotta go.

MAN: Don't...

CASEY: What did you say?

MAN: I want to now who I'm talking to.

CASEY: That's not what you said.

MAN: What do you think I said?

CASEY: Why do you want to know my name?

MAN: Because I want to know who I'm looking at.

CASEY: Uh... HALLOWEEN. You know, the one with the guy with the white mask who just sorta walks around and stalks the baby sitters. What's yours?

MAN: Guess.

CASEY: Uh... NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET.

MAN: Is that the one where the guy had knives for fingers?

CASEY: Yeah... Freddy Krueger.

MAN: Freddy -- that's right. I liked that movie. It was scary.

CASEY: The first one was, but the rest sucked.

MAN: So, you gotta boyfriend?

CASEY: Why? You wanna ask me out?

MAN: Maybe. Do you have a boyfriend?

CASEY: No.

MAN: You never told me your name.

CASEY: I don't know.

MAN: You have to have a favorite.

CASEY: Popcorn.

MAN: You're making popcorn?

CASEY: Uh-huh.

MAN: I only eat popcorn at the movies.

CASEY: I'm getting ready to watch a video.

MAN: Really? What?

CASEY: Just some scary movie.

MAN: Do you like scary movies?

CASEY: Uh-huh.

MAN: What's your favorite scary movie?

CASEY: Hello.

MAN: Why don't you want to talk to me?

CASEY: Who is this?

MAN: You tell me your name, I'll tell you mine.

CASEY: I don't think so.

MAN: What's that noise?

CASEY: What?

MAN: I want to talk to you for a second.

CASEY: They've got 900 numbers for that. Seeya.

CASEY: Hello.

MAN: I'm sorry. I guess I dialed the wrong number.

CASEY: So why did you dial it again?

MAN: To apologize.

CASEY: You're forgiven. Bye now.

MAN: Wait, wait, don't hang up.

CASEY: Yes.

MAN: Who is this?

CASEY: Who are you trying to reach?

MAN: What number is this?

CASEY: What number are you trying to reach?

MAN: I don't know.

CASEY: I think you have the wrong number.

MAN: Do I?

CASEY: It happens. Take it easy.

DEWEY: I'll call for backup.

GALE: I'll get my camera.

DEWEY: Shit. It's Neil Prescott's car.

GALE: Sidney's father?

DEWEY: We gotta get back. Jesus. He's here. What the fuck is he doing here?

GALE: People treat me like the Antichrist of television journalism.

DEWEY: I don't think you're so bad.

GALE: So is Dewey your real name?

DEWEY: Dwight. Dewey was something I got stuck with a long time ago.

GALE: I like it. It's... sexy.

DEWEY: Nah... it's just this town's way of not taking me serious.

GALE: What about Gale Weathers? I sound like a meteorologist...

DEWEY: Sheriff just radioed me. I'm gonna check out a possible lead. Thought you might like to join me.

GALE: What kind of lead?

DEWEY: A car was spotted in the bushes a little ways up the road.

GALE: I'd love to. If you're sure it's alright?

DEWEY: Ma'am, I am the Deputy of this town.

GALE: Can I bring Kenny?

DEWEY: NO! I mean... I should probably take just you.

DEWEY: Evening, ma'am.

GALE: Deputy... good evening.

DEWEY: What brings you out to these parts?

GALE: You never know when or where a story will break.

DEWEY: Not much story here. Just a bunch of kids cutting loose.

GALE: Then what are you doing here?

DEWEY: Keeping an eye on things. Checking the place out.

GALE: Mind if I join you?

DEWEY: I just turned 25. I was 24 for a whole year.

GALE: You are precious. Please, call me Gale.

DEWEY: If you'll excuse me, ma'am.

GALE: Am I keeping you? I'm sorry.

DEWEY: That's quite alright. If I may say so, ma'am, you're much prettier in person.

GALE: Boy, you people sure do make fuss over a serial killer.

DEWEY: Serial killer is not really accurate, ma'am. The killer has yet to strike twice.

GALE: Well, we can hope, can't we? We certainly don't have any leads. A ghost mask, a cellular phone -- not much there.

DEWEY: We're tracking the cellular phone bill.

GALE: Really? You small town guys are good. And have you located Sidney's father?

DEWEY: No, not yet.

GALE: He's not a suspect, is he?

DEWEY: We haven't ruled out that possibil...

DEWEY: I'm twenty-five years old, ma'am.

GALE: Twenty-five, huh? In a demographic study I proved to be most popular amongst males, 11-24. I just missed you. Of course, you don't look a day over twelve, except in the upper torso area. Does the force require that you work out?

GALE: And why is that? Has something happened?

DEWEY: You're not supposed to be here, ma'am.

GALE: I know, I should be in New York covering the Sharon Stone stalker but who knew? Please, call me Gale. You look awfully young to be a police officer.

GALE: Hi! Gale Weathers. Field Correspondent, INSIDE STORY.

DEWEY: I know who you are, ma'am. How's the eye?

GALE: Productive. So they're closing down the school?

DEWEY: Well... uh... yes ma'am. For the time being.

TATUM: What is she doing here?

DEWEY: She's with me. I just wanted to check on things.

TATUM: No, Dewey. You'll ruin the whole night.

DEWEY: Sorry, police orders. I'll stay out of the way, I promise.

TATUM: Shit.

DEWEY: A party? Mom's gonna kill you. Then me.

TATUM: Don't be so self-righteous. It's just a little blow out -- we'll be perfectly safe.

DEWEY: What did Mama tell you? When I wear this badge you treat me like a man of the law.

TATUM: I'm sorry, Deputy Dewey-boy but we're ready to go.

TATUM: Hey... Dewey. Can we go now?

DEWEY: Hold up a sec...

DEWEY: Does mom know?

TATUM: Yes, you doofus.

DEWEY: What are you doing here?

TATUM: Oh, God, Sid, I'm sorry I was late.

DEWEY: You can't be here, Tatum. This is an official crime scene.

SIDNEY: Have they found my father?

DEWEY: Afraid not.

SIDNEY: Should I be worried?

DEWEY: Not yet.

DEWEY: You girls ready.

SIDNEY: Yeah.

DEWEY: Looks like I'm your personal bodyguard tonight, Sid.

DEWEY: I see you as a young Meg Ryan myself.

SIDNEY: Thanks, Dewey. But with my luck they'd cast Tori Spelling.

SIDNEY: God, look at this place, it's THE TOWN THAT DREADED SUNDOWN.

DEWEY: Hey, I saw that movie. True story, 'bout some killer in Texas.

DEWEY: Billy was released. His cellular bill was clean. He didn't make those calls.

SIDNEY: Somebody called me, Dewey. I'm not making it up.

DEWEY: I know. We're checking every cellular account in the county. Any calls made to you or Casey Becker are being cross-referenced. It's gonna take time but we'll find him.

SIDNEY: And my Dad? Any word on him?

SIDNEY: Any word on my Dad?

DEWEY: Not yet, but we're looking. If you need anything...

SIDNEY: Did you reach my Dad?

DEWEY: You're sure it was the Hilton?

SIDNEY: At the airport.

DEWEY: He's not registered. Could he have gone to another hotel?

SIDNEY: I don't know. I guess.

DEWEY: We'll find him, Sid. Don't worry.

DEWEY: You gonna be able to come down to the station and talk to us a bit?

SIDNEY: ...yeah...

SHERIFF BURKE: Dewey! Where the hell you been, boy?

DEWEY: Keeping my eye on Sidney.

SHERIFF BURKE: Listen up, Dewey, because it's bad. Real bad. Aircomp just faxed us. The calls were listed to Neil Prescott -- Sidney's father. He made the calls with his cellular phone. It's confirmed.

DEWEY: Couldn't his cellular number have been cloned?

SHERIFF BURKE: There's more. Guess what tomorrow is? The anniversary of his wife's death. It all fits. He's our man.

DEWEY: Have you contacted the bureau?

SHERIFF BURKE: They believe he's out of state by now. We'll keep roadblocks and curfew in effect through the night. If he's not picked up by morning -- we'll do a house to house.

DEWEY: You think he could still be in town?

SHERIFF BURKE: He'd have to be crazy. Where's Sidney?

DEWEY: She's with my sister. Should I bring her in?

SHERIFF BURKE: Hold off for now. Just stay close to her.

DEWEY: She'll be with her friends over at Stu Maker's tonight.

SHERIFF BURKE: Watch her. Don't let on -- just keep your eyes out.

DEWEY: Yes, sir.

SHERIFF BURKE: She's okay. Looks like some boys were teasing her. Himbry's shutting down the school though. I want you to take look around.

DEWEY: Yes, sir, sheriff.

SHERIFF BURKE: She staying with you?

DEWEY: We haven't located her Dad yet.

DEWEY: That ghost mask is sold at both Kroger's and WalMart. Neither of which keep purchase records.

SHERIFF BURKE: What about the cellular phone bill?

DEWEY: They're pulling Loomis' account. But it'll be morning before we see something. You think he did it?

SHERIFF BURKE: Twenty years ago I woulda said not a chance. But these kids today... damn if I know.

DEWEY: I was first to respond.

SHERIFF BURKE: What were you doing out here?

DEWEY: Drive by patrol.

SHERIFF BURKE: How is she?

DEWEY: She's tough.

SHERIFF BURKE: Have to be. The shit she's gone through.

DEWEY: We got him, Sheriff. Billy Loomis.

SHERIFF BURKE: Hank Loomis' kid? Aw... Jesus...

DEWEY: He's her boyfriend.

DEWEY: It's Deputy Riley today, Sid.

SHERIFF BURKE: How is everything?

FATHER: Casey! Casey!

MOTHER: Not my daughter... not my...

FATHER: Where is she?

MOTHER: I can hear her. Oh Mother of God, I can hear her.

FATHER: Casey? Where are you honey? Call the police, goddamnit.

MOTHER: The phone's dead.

MOTHER: Where is she?

FATHER: Call the police.

FATHER: Jesus...

MOTHER: What is it? Where's Casey?

FATHER: Casey? Casey?

FATHER: That fish smelled strong.

MOTHER: I told you to send it back.

KENNY: The control board's glitched. You know we can't carry a live picture.

GALE: What's the delay?

KENNY: About thirty seconds.

GALE: As long as it records I don't give a shit. We're not doing a remote.

KENNY: What's the plan?

GALE: Prep the compact, we'll hide it in a window and tape all of tonight's festivities.

GALE: No, not so fast. We have nothing concrete.

KENNY: When did that ever stop you? You can't sit on this. This is huge.

GALE: If I'm gonna blow this up -- I need hard proof.

KENNY: But it's so much easier when we make it up.

GALE: Not this time. I owe Cotton that much. Hell, even I thought that man was guilty.

GALE: Jesus Christ! An innocent man on death row. A killer still on the loose. Kenny, tell me I'm dreaming.

KENNY: You want to go live?

KENNY: What? What?

GALE: Jesus! The camera-hurry!

GALE: He was convicted in a court of law. Your testimony put him away. It doesn't matter what I think.

SIDNEY: During the trial, you did all those stories about me. You called me a liar.

GALE: I think you falsely identified him. Yes.

SIDNEY: Have you talked to Cotton?

GALE: Many times.

SIDNEY: Has his story changed?

GALE: Not one word. He admits to having sex with your mother but that's all.

SIDNEY: He's lying. She wouldn't have touched him. He raped her, then butchered her. Her blood was all over his coat.

GALE: He was drunk that night. He left his coat at your house, after your mother seduced him...

SIDNEY: I saw him leaving wearing it.

GALE: But couldn't it have been someone else you saw wearing that coat? The same person who planted it in Cotton's car, framing him? The same person who really killed your mother?

SIDNEY: You owe my mother.

GALE: Your mother's murder was last year's hottest court case. Somebody was gonna write a book about it.

SIDNEY: And it had to be you with all your lies and bullshit theories.

GALE: What is your problem? You got what you wanted. Cotton Weary is in jail. They're gonna gas him. A book is not gonna change that.

SIDNEY: Do you still think he's innocent?

SIDNEY: Please. You owe me.

GALE: I owe you shit.

SIDNEY: Off the record. No cameras.

GALE: Forget it.

SIDNEY: I'm not here to fight.

GALE: Just stay back.

SIDNEY: I want to talk to you.

GALE: Kenny. Camera. Now.

SIDNEY: I'll look for it.

GALE: I'll send you a copy.

SIDNEY: How's the book?

GALE: It'll be out later this year.

SIDNEY: It's okay, Tatum. She's just doing her job. Right, GALE?

GALE: Yes, that's right.

GIRL #2: Where do you get this shit?

GIRL #1: Ricki Lake.

GIRL #2: Cut some slack. She watched her mom get butchered.

GIRL #1: And it fucked her up royally. Think about it. It makes perfect sense. Her mom's death leaves her distraught and hostile at a cruel and inhumane world, she's disillusioned, where's God, etc. Completely suicidal. And one day she snaps. She wants to kill herself but realizes teen suicide is out this year. And homicide is a much healthier therapeutic expression.

GIRL #2: You're evil.

GIRL #1: Please, it's common knowledge. Her mother was a trollop.

GIRL #2: Why would Sidney want to be with Steve? She has her own bubble-butt boyfriend Billy.

GIRL #1: Maybe she's a slut just like her mom.

GIRL #1: What if she did it? What if Sidney killed Casey and Steve?

GIRL #2: And why would she do that?

GIRL #1: Maybe she was hot for Steve and killed them both in a jealous rage.

GIRL #1: She was never attacked. I think she made it all up.

GIRL #2: Why would she lie about it?

GIRL #1: For attention. The girl has some serious issues.

MAN: Poor Billy-boyfriend. An innocent guy doesn't stand a chance with you.

SIDNEY: LEAVEMEALONE!

MAN: Looks like you fingered the wrong guy... again.

SIDNEY: Who are you?

SIDNEY: Hello?

MAN: Hello Sidney.

SIDNEY: Good try, Randy. Tell Tatum to hurry. Bye now.

MAN: If you hang up, you'll die just like your mother.

SIDNEY: Can you see me right now?

MAN: Uh-huh.

SIDNEY: What am I doing?

SIDNEY: So where are you?

MAN: Right here.

SIDNEY: Why would you call me from my front porch?

MAN: That's the original part.

MAN: Are you alone in the house?

SIDNEY: That is so unoriginal. You disappoint me, Randy.

MAN: Maybe that's because I'm not Randy.

SIDNEY: So who are you?

MAN: The question is not who am I. The question is where am I?

SIDNEY: So where are you?

MAN: Your front porch.

SIDNEY: I have no idea.

MAN: Scary night, isn't it? With the murders and all, it's like right out of a horror movie or something.

SIDNEY: Aha, Randy, you gave yourself away. Are you calling from work? Tatum's on her way over.

MAN: Do you like scary movies, Sidney?

SIDNEY: I like that thing you're doing with your voice, Randy. It's sexy.

MAN: What's your favorite scary movie?

SIDNEY: Don't start. You know I don't watch that shit.

MAN: And why is that?

SIDNEY: Because they're all the same. It's always some stupid killer stalking some big breasted girl -- who can't act -- who always runs up the stairs when she should be going out the front door. They're ridiculous.

SIDNEY: Have a good trip.

MR. PRESCOTT: Sleep tight, sweetie.

MR. PRESCOTT: Are you okay?

SIDNEY: Can you knock?

MR. PRESCOTT: I heard screaming.

SIDNEY: No you didn't.

MR. PRESCOTT: No? Oh, well... I'm hitting the sack. My flight leaves first thing in the morning. Now the expo runs all weekend so I won't be back til Sunday. There's cash on the table and I'll be staying at the Raleigh Hilton...

SIDNEY: ...out at the airport...

MR. PRESCOTT: ...so call if you need me.

SIDNEY: Got it.

TATUM: Stu was with me last night.

RANDY: Oooooh... before or after he sliced and diced.

TATUM: Fuck you, nut case. Where were you last night?

RANDY: Working, thank you.

TATUM: I thought Blockbuster fired you.

RANDY: Twice.

SIDNEY: Only if it's a nice Meg Ryan movie.

RANDY: You got it.

SIDNEY: Stop. Right there.

RANDY: Don't shoot. It's me.

SIDNEY: Don't come any closer.

RANDY: Listen to me, Sid. I found Tatum. She's dead, she's been killed... I think Stu did it.

SIDNEY: THE FOG, TERROR TRAIN, PROM NIGHT -- How come Jamie Lee Curtis is in all these movies?

RANDY: She's the Scream Queen.

STU: Come on, Sid. Give me the gun.

RANDY: No, Sid.

STU: His movie nut mind has snapped, Sid. He's gone psycho.

RANDY: Don't listen to him. It's him. He's the one.

RANDY: There are certain rules that one must abide by in order to successfully survive a horror movie. For instance: 1. You can never have sex. The minute you get a little nookie -- you're as good as gone. Sex always equals death. 2. Never drink or do drugs. The sin factor. It's an extension of number one. And 3. Never, ever, ever, under any circumstances, say "I'll be right back."

STU: Wanna another beer?

RANDY: Yeah.

STU: I'll be right back.

STU: I wanna see Jamie Lee's breasts. When do we see Jamie Lee's breasts?

RANDY: Not until TRADING PLACES in '83. Jamie Lee was always the virgin in horror movies. She didn't show her tits until she went legit.

RANDY: What's Leatherface doing here?

STU: He came to make up.

RANDY: There goes my chance with Sid.

STU: Like you had one.

RANDY: We could be like two grief stricken students and we'll say really nice things about our good friends who were slaughtered senselessly.

STU: I can cry on cue.

STU: I thought everything was checked out.

RANDY: I had 'em hid in the foreign section.

RANDY: You're absolutely right. I'm the first to admit it. If this were a scary movie, I'd be the prime suspect.

STU: And what would be your motive?

RANDY: It's 1995 -- motives are incidental.

STU: Why would he want to kill his own girlfriend?

RANDY: There's always some stupid bullshit reason to kill your girlfriend. That's the beauty of it all. Simplicity. Besides, if it's too complicated you lose your target audience.

STU: So what's his reason?

RANDY: Maybe Sidney wouldn't have sex with him.

STU: She's saving herself for you.

RANDY: Could be. Now that Billy's tried to mutilate her, you think Sid would go out with me?

STU: I think her father did it. How come they can't find his ass?

RANDY: Because he's probably dead. His body will come popping out in the last reel somewhere... eyes gauged. See, the police are always off track with this shit, if they'd watch PROM NIGHT they'd save time. There's formula to it. A very simple one. Everyone's always a suspect -- the father, the principal, the town derelict...

STU: Which is you...

RANDY: So while they're off investigating a dead end, Billy, who's been written off as a suspect, is busy planning his next hunting expedition.

RANDY: If you were the only suspect in a senseless bloodbath would you be standing in the horror section?

STU: It was all a misunderstanding. He didn't do anything.

RANDY: You're such a little lap dog. He's got killer printed all over his forehead.

STU: The why'd the police let him go?

RANDY: Because, obviously they don't watch enough movies. This is standard horror movie stuff. PROM NIGHT revisited.

STU: Jesus, this place is packed.

RANDY: We had a run in the mass murder section.

STU: You coming tonight?

RANDY: Yeah, I'm off early -- curfew you know. Now that's poor taste.

STU: What?

RANDY: Besides -- "Takes a man to do something like that."

STU: I'm gonna gut your ass in a second.

RANDY: Did you really put her liver in the mailbox? I hear they found her liver in the mailbox.

RANDY: And are the police aware you dated the victim?

STU: What are you saying? That I killed her or something?

RANDY: It would certainly improve your high school Q.

STU: For about two seconds.

RANDY: Before she dumped him for Steve.

RANDY: That was an ice pick -- not exactly the same.

STU: Yeah, Casey and Steve were completely hollowed out. Takes a man to do something like that.

SIDNEY: So Stu, what's your motive? Billy's got one. The police are on their way. What are you going to tell them?

STU: Peer pressure... I'm way to sensitive.

SIDNEY: You're crazy -- both of you.

STU: The official term is "psychotic".

SIDNEY: You'll never get away with this.

STU: Guess, I won't be needing this anymore.

SIDNEY: Why are you doing this?

STU: It's all part of the game.

SIDNEY: If Tatum sees you -- she'll draw blood.

STU: You guys can go up to my parents room? To talk and... whatever.

STU: Remember, there's safety in numbers.

SIDNEY: Yeah, okay... whatever.

STU: Cool. See you guys tonight. Bring food.

STU: And to celebrate this impromptu fall break, I propose we have a party. Tonight, my house.

SIDNEY: Are you serious?

STU: My parents are out of town. It'll be like my hurricane bash last year. Nothing extreme. Just a few of us, hangin'.

SIDNEY: Why are they doing this?

STU: Are you kidding? This is like Christmas.

STU: You heard Billy -- shut the fuck up.

SIDNEY: Hey, Stu? Didn't you use to date Casey?

TATUM: There's that sense of humor. I knew it still existed. Ohh, Sid, let's have some fun tonight.

SIDNEY: Deal.

SIDNEY: What secret meaning? Like a Satanical thing?

TATUM: Watch the show, Sid. His basket is bigger than the one you're pushing.

SIDNEY: TATUM!

TATUM: Oh, Sidney. WHAT? A guy can talk tits til he's dead but the minute you mention an eight inch weenie. Watch out.

SIDNEY: Who?

TATUM: Grant Goodeve -- the oldest brother on EIGHT IS ENOUGH. Remember that show? He was the one who lived off alone. He would come around every now and then with his guitar and sing "Eight is enough to fill our lives with love..." He had all these brain dead sisters and that idiot brother from CHARLES IN CHARGE. God, I was in love with Grant, he was so hot. The show came on every day after school right during my puberty years. Grant Goodeve was very instrumental in my maturing as a woman.

SIDNEY: How does that get you in the mood with Stu?

TATUM: During foreplay, I sing the theme song to myself. "Eight is enough to fill our lives with love..." It's a real turn on.

SIDNEY: No way.

TATUM: Grant wrote the song himself. I'm convinced the lyrics had a secret meaning, "Eight is enough..."

SIDNEY: What do you think about when you're having sex?

TATUM: With Stu, there's little time to stop and reflect. But sometimes before, to relax and get in the mood, I think about Grant Goodeve.

SIDNEY: Billy's right. Whenever he touches me, I just can't relax.

TATUM: You have a few intimacy issues as a result of your mother's untimely death. It's no big deal. You'll thaw out.

SIDNEY: But he's been so patient with me, Tatum. You know, with all the sex stuff. How many guys would put up with a girlfriend who's sexually anorexic?

TATUM: Billy and his penis don't deserve you.

SIDNEY: Is Billy going to be there tonight?

TATUM: He better not be. I told Stu to keep his mouth shut. I think we can live without EVERYBODY'S ALL AMERICAN for one night.

TATUM: Hey, Sid. Just think if they make a movie about you. Who's gonna play you?

SIDNEY: Oh, god...

SIDNEY: If I was wrong Cotton, then he's still out there.

TATUM: Don't go there, Sid. You're starting to sound like some Wes Carpenter flick. Don't freak yourself out -- we've got a long night ahead of us.

SIDNEY: You're right. I'm cracking up. Ignore me.

TATUM: Come on, let's rock.

TATUM: Maybe Cotton Weary is telling the truth. Maybe he was having an affair with your mom.

SIDNEY: So you think my mom was a slut too?

TATUM: I didn't say that, Sid. But you know there were rumors. Your dad was always out of town on business. Maybe your mom was a very unhappy woman.

SIDNEY: If they were having an affair how come that Cotton couldn't prove it in court?

TATUM: You can't prove a rumor. That's why it's a rumor.

SIDNEY: Created by that little tabloid twit Gale Weathers.

TATUM: It goes further back, Sid. There's been talk about other men.

SIDNEY: And you believe it?

TATUM: Well... you can only hear that Richard Gere-gerbil story so many times before you have to start believing it.

TATUM: This could be good. What do you think, Sid?

SIDNEY: I don't know...

TATUM: Come on. Pathos has it's perks.

TATUM: It was just some sick fuck having a laugh.

SIDNEY: It was him, Tatum. I know it.

TATUM: Shit, what is he doing here?

SIDNEY: I bet he's pissed.

TATUM: Just ignore him. You had good reason to think what you did.

SIDNEY: This is a mistake. I shouldn't be here.

TATUM: I want you to meet me here right after class, okay?

TATUM: Just relax. You're at school now. No one can get you here.

SIDNEY: But if it wasn't Billy it could be anybody. He could be here at school right now.

TATUM: Come on, Sid.

SIDNEY: Just a sec... I need to talk to someone.

TATUM: Take a message.

SIDNEY: It's alright. I'll get it.

TATUM: Do you really think Billy did it?

SIDNEY: He was there, Tatum.

TATUM: I knew this guy was too perfect. He was destined to have a flaw.

SIDNEY: Just another sleepover at the Riley's.

TATUM: Just like old times, ain't it?

SIDNEY: No, nothing's like it used to be.

SIDNEY: It's okay. She was supposed to pick me up.

TATUM: Her dad's out of town. She's staying with us.

TATUM: Practice ran late. I'm on my way.

SIDNEY: It's past seven.

TATUM: Don't worry. Casey and Steve didn't bite it til way after ten.

SIDNEY: I'm not worried.

TATUM: Good, 'cause I wanna swing by BLOCKBUSTER and get us a video. I was thinkin' Tom Cruise in ALL THE RIGHT MOVES. You know, if you pause it just right you can see his penis.

SIDNEY: Whatever. Just hurry.

TATUM: Bye.

SIDNEY: You sure I can stay over? My dad won't be back til Sunday.

TATUM: No prob. I'll pick you up after practice.

SIDNEY: Tell your mom I said thanks.

TATUM: Yeah, yeah... are you okay?

SIDNEY: Uh-huh, it's just... you know, the police and reporters... it brings it all back.

TATUM: I'll be there by seven. I promise

SIDNEY: Thanks, Tatum.

TATUM: Later.

TATUM: Or a man's mentality.

SIDNEY: How do you gut someone?

TATUM: Oh God! You don't know? Casey Becker and Steve Forrest were killed last night.

SIDNEY: No way.

TATUM: And not just killed, Sid. We're talking splatter movie killed-split open end to end.

SIDNEY: Casey Becker? She sits next to me in English.

TATUM: Not anymore. Her parents found her hanging from a tree. Her insides on the outside.

SIDNEY: Do they know who did it?

TATUM: Fucking clueless -- they're interrogating the entire school. Teachers, students, staff, janitors...

SIDNEY: They think it's school-related?

TATUM: They don't know. Dewey said this is the worst crime they've ever seen. Even worse than... Well it's bad. They're bringing in the feds. This is big.

TATUM: Do you believe this shit?

SIDNEY: What happened?

STU: I got it. Tatum get me a beer. They're in the fridge in the garage.

TATUM: What am I? The beer wench?

STU: Hey, guess who's here? It's that chick from INSIDE STORY?

STU: With that set of lungs -- she should be.

TATUM: Tits -- see.

TATUM: That's mature.

STU: Where you guys been? We had to start without you.

STU: Is this not cool or what? Hey, Sid, what happened?

TATUM: For once, Stu, drop it.

STU: Okay, but whatever you did -- the entire student body thanks you.

TATUM: You know if I were accused of carving up two people, I'd take the opportunity to skip school.

STU: Hey, go easy, Tatum. He didn't do it.

TATUM: I thought you dumped her for me.

STU: I did. He's full of shit.

STU: Because there's no way a girl could have killed them.

TATUM: That is so sexist. The killer could easily be female -- BASIC INSTINCT.

TATUM: Hunt? Why would they ask if you like to hunt?

STU: I don't know, they just did.