The Butterfly Effect

ANDREA: Thank you for showing it to me first. I'll... I'll take care of it. Can I have the picture?

MRS. BOSWELL: Of course. There is one more thing, Mrs. Treborn. And I feel bad for mentioning it...

ANDREA: What?

MRS. BOSWELL: When I asked Evan about his drawing, well, he didn't remember doing it.

MRS. BOSWELL: I was going to show this to the principal, but I wanted to talk to you first.

ANDREA: What is it?

MRS. BOSWELL: Yesterday I had all the children draw pictures of what they wanted to be when they grew up. Most of them made drawings of what their parents did, but this...

MRS. BOSWELL: Mrs. Treborn! I need to speak with you!

ANDREA: I'm sorry, but can it wait til tonight? I'm already late for work --

ANDREA: No dances, just tell me.

DR. REDFIELD: The hemorrhaging... the neural damage is irreparable. I'm frankly surprised he still has use of his motor functions.

DR. REDFIELD: Actually, these tests weren't available twenty years ago.

ANDREA: So what did you find.

ANDREA: Evan wake up, oh please wake up!

DR. REDFIELD: Nine, ten. And you're awake! Open your eyes, dammit!

DR. REDFIELD: Well, the good news is that the results are negative. I've found no evidence in the way of lesions, hemorrhaging, tumors...

ANDREA: And the bad news?

DR. REDFIELD: Unfortunately, we've got nothing to work with. It's harder playing detective now.

ANDREA: But you must have something to go on?

DR. REDFIELD: If I had to guess, I'd say the blackouts are stress related.

ANDREA: But he's seven. What kind of stress can he have?

DR. REDFIELD: Plenty. Who knows? Maybe he's got severe coping problems about not having a father. Did you say the last blackout occurred when he was with his friend's dad.

ANDREA: Come on, I doubt the answer's that simple.

DR. REDFIELD: You'd be surprised how often they are.

ANDREA: Well, he has been pushing me to meet his father, but I've been putting it off.

DR. REDFIELD: It's worth a shot. I can arrange a controlled meeting. A careful dose of sedatives for Jason, some security, you and I monitoring. Evan comes in for a quick visit and with any luck, no more missing father complex.

ANDREA: How soon?...

ANDREA: Just tell me that Evan doesn't have Jason's illness...

DR. REDFIELD: Look, Andrea, I'm sure he'll test negative for brain disorders. But there's something else you can try to monitor his memory.

ANDREA: Anything.

DR. REDFIELD: A journal. Just have him write down everything he does.

ANDREA: Why? What for?

DR. REDFIELD: It could be extremely useful to jog his memory. See if he remembers anything new the next day. And I'll have the test results back in a few days.

DR. REDFIELD: And you say he doesn't remember any of it?

ANDREA: Not according to his teacher. It just got me thinking about Jason and what if Evan's inherited his father's condition?

DR. REDFIELD: Hold it, hold it, Andrea. Let's not jump to conclusions. I'll run some preliminary tests, see what we can rule out.

ANDREA: Just. Like. Jason.

EVAN: Don't worry. I'm gonna get you out of here.

ANDREA: How. Did you. Know that?

EVAN: You told me that on Parents' Weekend. Remember? Wait, that wasn't me. Or you.

ANDREA: You're. Acting. Like your father.

EVAN: Come on, Mom. Just 'cause Dad was my age when he started going crazy doesn't mean that I'm nuts.

EVAN: There must be a way to fix this.

ANDREA: Fix?

EVAN: I just need the entry about the blockbuster. Wait, shit, no arms. I never even got the chance to write it.

ANDREA: What does that mean for Evan?

EVAN: He's saying it's like forty years worth of new memories have been jammed in my brain since last year. Overload city. 'Sat about the gist of it, doc?

EVAN: Okay, doc. What's the damage? How much time have I got?

ANDREA: Cute, Evan.

ANDREA: I found these. The others are still in storage.

EVAN: Damn it, Mom. I told you I need them all!

ANDREA: Fine. You'll get them, Evan. But I think it's far more important to focus on your case right now.

ANDREA: ...I spoke to your new lawyer about the appeal. He's sure he can get you off on self-defense, so if you're patient.

EVAN: How long will I be in here?

ANDREA: I don't know. These things take time.

EVAN: How's Kayleigh doing? She all right?

ANDREA: I couldn't tell if they were real memories or just phantoms. You know, he might only have thought he actually remembered them...

EVAN: Sure...

ANDREA: And then, just before it got so bad that he had to be committed, he said that he could...

EVAN: What? What could he do?

ANDREA: Why do you ask?

EVAN: No, it's just weird with him being such a brain and all, I just wondered if he was ever able to remember stuff he'd forgotten.

ANDREA: When he was around your age... almost exactly your age. He said he figured out a trick to remember the past.

EVAN: Please, mom. People will talk.

ANDREA: I can't help it. I'm just so proud of you. You've got the highest grades in all of your classes.

EVAN: Did Da -- Jason --- get good grades?

ANDREA: Please. He got straight A's without ever touching a book. That was the one area where his memory never failed him.

EVAN: Ma? Did he ever say that he figured out a way to recall a lost memory years after he blacked it out for the first time?

EVAN: I don't know... I don't remember.

ANDREA: Something must've happened! What set him off?

EVAN: I... I blacked out.

ANDREA: Don't try to use your blackouts to get out of this one!

ANDREA: Now your father may seem sleepy to you, but that's just because of his medicine, okay?

EVAN: Okay.

EVAN: What happened?

ANDREA: Honey. What were you doing with that?

EVAN: I... I don't remember.

EVAN: These'll bring you luck, Crockett.

ANDREA: Great. I'll see you soon.

ANDREA: That's why I wanted you to come here, Evan. Dr. Redfield already has a background in memory loss.

EVAN: My father has a bad memory, too?

EVAN: I don't like this place, Mom. It's creepy. Please can we go? I promise I won't make any more bad pictures!

ANDREA: You'll be fine. Dr. Redfield just wants to give you some tests. You'll like him.

EVAN: All the dads are gonna be there.

ANDREA: I get the point, kiddo. But I'm not so bad, am I?

EVAN: No.

ANDREA: Good. Because I've been waiting to see your art projects all week and I'd feel terrible if all you thought about was your father not being there.

ANDREA: Darn it!

EVAN: Um... can dad come this time?

ANDREA: You know the answer to that.

EVAN: Can't he come out for one day?

ANDREA: We've been over this a hundred times. It's too dangerous for him.

EVAN: But Lenny said that his dad's coming... and Tommy and Kayleigh's dad...

EVAN: Righty-tighty, lefty-lucy.

ANDREA: Thanks. Don't worry Evan, you'll have plenty of time.

EVAN: We're gonna be late again.

ANDREA: When did you ever care about getting to school on time?

EVAN: We're putting up pictures for Parent's Night.

EVAN: What did you see? What did it look like?

CARLOS: Signs of the Lord. They just appeared out of nowhere. I thought you were loco!

EVAN: So you believe me?

EVAN: Just tell me if anything weird happens.

CARLOS: Weirder than this?

EVAN: Marks, scars, I dunno. Anything could happen I guess.

EVAN: So when I'm out, I need you to watch my face and hands closely.

CARLOS: You need to see the prison shrink, man.

EVAN: You're religious Carlos, you believe that bit about "the Lord works in mysterious ways?"

CARLOS: Straight up.

EVAN: Because I think he sent me to your cell on purpose. For you to help me.

CARLOS: Shit. I knew you were crazy.

EVAN: I ain't bullshitting. Jesus speaks to me in my dreams.

CARLOS: Best not bitch up. Wind up someone's luggage that way.

EVAN: Can you protect me?

CARLOS: Jesus himself couldn't make me take on the Brotherhood. When they come, just put your mind in another place, man. Be somewhere else.

DR. REDFIELD: Think Evan. You've invented a disease that doesn't exist. Alternate universes with colleges, prisons, paraplegia...

EVAN: But I... I need those books.

DR. REDFIELD: You remind me of your father. He always screamed for a photo album even though he never had one.

EVAN: Photos?

DR. REDFIELD: Hey, Evan. What's the big rush? We don't meet for another hour.

EVAN: Where are my goddamn books?

DR. REDFIELD: Books?

EVAN: My journals! Where are they?

DR. REDFIELD: This is where we're finding most of the hemorrhaging. The outer lining of the cerebral cortex.

EVAN: Lemme guess. Would that be where the memories are stored?

DR. REDFIELD: It's a little complicated. I haven't seen results exactly like these before.

EVAN: Are you sure? Not even with my father?

DR. REDFIELD: Go on. Nothing can hurt you. Remember, this is only a movie. You're completely safe.

EVAN: I can't... the car vanishes and all of a sudden I'm on the ground in the woods.

DR. REDFIELD: The car doesn't vanish Evan. The movie in your head has broken, that's all. But now I've re-spliced it and I want you to tell me about the car.

EVAN: It's coming... argh! I can't!

DR. REDFIELD: Okay. Then go a little forward in time. What do you see now?

EVAN: I see a car.

DR. REDFIELD: Now I want you to go back to the time you were in the woods with Lenny. Think of it like a movie. You can pause, rewind, or slow down any details you wish. Understand?

EVAN: Yes.

DR. REDFIELD: Where are you now?

EVAN: I'm standing next to Kayleigh, my hands are over her ears.

DR. REDFIELD: Are you hurting her?

EVAN: No, protecting her.

EVAN: Dad lives here?

DR. REDFIELD: Not in this wing, actually. No.

DR. REDFIELD: Hello, Evan. It's very nice to meet you. He's as handsome as his father.

EVAN: You know my father?

EVAN: Get out. Both of you.

THUMPER: Sorry, dude. Just figured it'd be okay with you bein' sick and all.

THUMPER: Whasamatter? Lost your Rolex?

EVAN: Huh?

THUMPER: Fuck off, frat boy.

THUMPER: Are you stupid or what?

EVAN: What?

THUMPER: Shucks, I dunno. But maybe there's a reason why you've repressed the one day when some old lecher had you in your tighty whities, dammit!

EVAN: I never wanted to be in the movie anyway and it was cold so I wanted to wear my clothes but Mr. Miller took his shirt off --

THUMPER: What the fuck are you doing?

EVAN: Shhh! I need quiet for this.

THUMPER: You really think he wanted to kill you?

EVAN: All I know is that I might be able to unblock some of my repressed memories.

EVAN: Just by absorbing the first worm into its cellular structure, it gets all of the worm's memories.

THUMPER: That's probably why Hannibal Lecter's so smart.

EVAN: It's an experiment with flatworms and a maze. You take a flatworm and run it through the maze until he's memorized it. Then you put a new flatworm in the maze. He's clueless. Banging into walls, getting lost, whatever.

THUMPER: Like Ozzy.

EVAN: Get dressed, Thumper, you're taking me out for my birthday.

THUMPER: I thought you were a December baby.

EVAN: This is bigger. Seven years to the day. No blackouts.

EVAN: Kayleigh? Do you ever think about "us?" I mean, wonder if it could ever have been different between the two of us?

KAYLEIGH: Sure, Evan, why not? You were the first person I really ever cared about.

EVAN: I was?

KAYLEIGH: That's why when I was little I never went to live with my mother.

EVAN: I don't get it.

KAYLEIGH: When my folks split, they gave me and Tommy a choice who we wanted to live with. I couldn't stand my dad, but I knew if I moved to my mom's I'd never see you again.

EVAN: I never knew that. So then you still sometimes think of us... together?

KAYLEIGH: It's crossed my mind from time to time.

EVAN: And...?

KAYLEIGH: Well a lot of things cross my mind. I've always been a fast thinker, Ev. I can play out the movie of our entire lives in under a second. Boom -- we fall in love -- get married -- two kids, your keen analytical insight matched to my generous nature -- kids grow old as do we, relatively stable relationships, matching burial plots, the whole bit. It took a lot longer to spit out than to imagine.

EVAN: Then you think it might have worked out?

KAYLEIGH: Why not? But that's not how things wound up. I'm with Lenny, Lenny's your friend. And there it ends.

KAYLEIGH: Is something the matter?

EVAN: Yeah, I think I gotta get these fixed or something.

KAYLEIGH: You know how spiritual he's gotten ever since he saved Mrs. Halpern and Katie.

EVAN: He saved Mrs. Halpern? Please, the twisted fuck.

EVAN: Where are we going?

KAYLEIGH: We have to get you to Sunnyvale. You're having one of your famous hemorrhages.

EVAN: Stop! Take me back!

KAYLEIGH: Sure you don't want your wallet?

EVAN: Don't think I'll need it where I'm going.

KAYLEIGH: Off to change everyone's life again, is that it? Maybe this time you'll pop up in some mansion while I wind up in Tijuana doing the donkey act.

EVAN: I'm over it. Whenever I try to help anyone it all turns to shit.

KAYLEIGH: Well, don't give up now, Slick. You've already done so much for me. Hell, why don't you go back in time and save Mrs. Halpern and her baby. Then maybe Lenny wouldn't freak out and ruin my family.

KAYLEIGH: There's one major hole in your story.

EVAN: Which is?

KAYLEIGH: There is no fuckin' way on this planet or any other that I was in some fuckin' sorority.

EVAN: I just thought you should know.

KAYLEIGH: Know what?

EVAN: That I didn't leave you there to rot.

KAYLEIGH: You're right, Evan, I don't believe you.

EVAN: I never thought you would. That's why I've never bothered to tell a soul until now, and why I never will again.

KAYLEIGH: I'm the only person you've told? That's a great line. Does that make other girls swoon? Do they actually eat up this bullshit?

EVAN: I couldn't give a shit if you believe me or not, and frankly I'm too tired to prove it to you.

KAYLEIGH: Oh? There's proof now?

EVAN: Shit. I dunno. How would I know about the twin moles on your inner thigh?

KAYLEIGH: Anyone with fifty bucks could tell you that.

EVAN: Then forget that. How about... you prefer the smell of a skunk to flowers, you hate cilantro because for reasons unknown to you, it reminds you of your step-sister.

KAYLEIGH: What's happened to you?

EVAN: You wouldn't believe me. I mean, people always say, "You wouldn't believe me", but in this case, it's not even worth trying.

KAYLEIGH: I've seen some sickening shit. I don't blink twice anymore, especially in your case.

EVAN: Why's that?

KAYLEIGH: Because you're... different.

EVAN: Different? How?

KAYLEIGH: Let me ask you a question. Just a little one that's been gnawing at me for years.

EVAN: Yeah?

KAYLEIGH: On the bridge. How did you know that Tommy had your dog? That was no fucking hunch.

EVAN: Do you remember when I was a kid and I had those blackouts?

KAYLEIGH: So how's tricks? Sorry, occupational humor.

EVAN: I get it. You can drop it now.

KAYLEIGH: Oh, I'm sorry. Does my line of work make you uncomfortable, precious?

EVAN: No. Just that you need to hurt me with it. I've been where you've been.

KAYLEIGH: Ha! Where's that?

EVAN: The bottom. When you're just a piece of meat waiting for the next attack.

KAYLEIGH: Oh, I thought you were my eight o'clock. Make it fast, I'm expecting someone.

EVAN: Nice to see you, too. Can I come in?

EVAN: I want you to take this, Lenny. Today's your day of atonement. I know how guilty you feel about that woman and her baby --

KAYLEIGH: Evan. Stop it. It's not the time.

EVAN: Now's the only time! Today you get a chance to redeem yourself. Start over with a clean slate. Tabula rasa --

KAYLEIGH: Evan, stop! You're gonna kill him!

EVAN: He's a fucking maniac!

KAYLEIGH: Wait. Something's not right. Isn't that your jacket?

EVAN: What?

KAYLEIGH: Are you okay?

EVAN: What do you mean?

KAYLEIGH: It's just... you've been acting kinda strange, you know?

EVAN: Like how?

KAYLEIGH: I don't know. You seem... different. You make weird jokes. Your accents changed. You don't even walk the same.

EVAN: I walk differently?

KAYLEIGH: I can't put my finger on it, but everything's a bit off. Even the dinner tonight. It was beautiful, but...

EVAN: I know I've been actin strange lately. It's just that... I don't want anything to happen to us.

KAYLEIGH: It's my fault. I should have told you he was released a few weeks ago.

EVAN: Might'a been nice. Like this is gonna do any good. Maybe one of the frat guys has a gun.

KAYLEIGH: Please, Evan. Don't even joke. He wouldn't hurt you. He's just trying to scare you away from me.

EVAN: Yeah, right. Tell that to Crockett.

KAYLEIGH: It's not his fault, Evan. You knew how bad he had it when we were kids.

EVAN: Don't give me this Oprah-book club bad upbringing shit, because you turned out fine.

KAYLEIGH: My father never laid a hand on me. It's like the prick saved it all up for Tommy.

KAYLEIGH: Why are you doing all this for me?

EVAN: Simple math. When I woke up this morning and saw your smile... I knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you.

KAYLEIGH: I don't know what to say. It's beautiful.

EVAN: Go on. Sit down.

KAYLEIGH: I don't understand, where are you taking me?

EVAN: You'll see.

EVAN: What do you think it is about us that makes us so perfect? Like, looking back, whatever gave you the nerve to sneak out and visit me after I moved away?

KAYLEIGH: As if my dad could've stopped me from seeing you. What's he gonna do to me?

KAYLEIGH: Oh my God, that was good. Where'd you learn all those new tricks?

EVAN: So it didn't feel... weird?

KAYLEIGH: Yeah, if you call multiple orgasms weird.

EVAN: Hey, uh, don't go freaking out on me over this, but do you remember when your dad first got his video camera?

KAYLEIGH: Well I remember he had one... but he, like, put it away after the first day. Why would that freak me out?

EVAN: I dunno. Just being weird.

EVAN: Where... where are my clothes?

KAYLEIGH: Those are your clothes, silly.

EVAN: Jesus, Kayleigh, you're... Incredible.

KAYLEIGH: Mmmm... You give good compliment. Clean up and come back to bed.

KAYLEIGH: Just shut up, Evan. You're wasting your breath.

EVAN: You can't hate yourself just because your dad's a twisted freak.

KAYLEIGH: Who are you trying to convince, Evan?! You come all the way out here to stir up my shit just because you had a bad memory!? You want me to cry on your shoulder and tell you that everything's all better now? Well fuck you, Evan! Nothing's gonna be all better! Okay?! Nothing ever gets better!

EVAN: Actually, Kayleigh, the reason I came back to town was to talk to you.

KAYLEIGH: Me? Are you kidding? Why?

EVAN: Remember when I was a kid I had all these blackouts?

KAYLEIGH: Of course.

EVAN: Well, lately some of the memories have begun to come back and I'd kinda like to talk to you about one of them in particular. It'd be a big help.

KAYLEIGH: Well, sure. I'll try to remember. Shoot.

EVAN: When we were kids. Your dad was making a movie. Robin Hood or something?

KAYLEIGH: What do you want to know, Evan?

EVAN: It's just... did he... what happened in the basement?

KAYLEIGH: It was a long time ago.

EVAN: I know, but...

KAYLEIGH: Is that why you came all the way back? To ask a lot of stupid questions about Robin Hood?

EVAN: No, but I think something really bad might've happened to us.

KAYLEIGH: No. I emancipated myself when I was fifteen.

EVAN: Wow. That must've taken some courage.

KAYLEIGH: Not if you remember my dad.

EVAN: Couldn't you have moved in with your mom?

KAYLEIGH: She had a new family. Not enough space for me. Said I should have moved in with her when we were kids. But... whatever.

EVAN: Not since we were kids.

KAYLEIGH: I've stopped a hundred times.

EVAN: So how's Tommy?

KAYLEIGH: They kept him in juvy for a few years. Now he works over at Dale's Autobody.

KAYLEIGH: God, Evan! I never thought I'd see you again. How've you been?

EVAN: Oh, comme si, comme ca, you know...

KAYLEIGH: No, Evan. I don't know. It's been a long time. Fill me in.

EVAN: I'm going to State now. Things are going okay. I guess. Mom's good...

EVAN: Welcome home. Thought you might like some fresh air for a change.

KAYLEIGH: Hi, Lenny.

KAYLEIGH: Did your mom say if Lenny was... okay?

EVAN: He must be. They're letting him go, right?

EVAN: I can't believe Tommy's still pissed at me. He knows I'm moving away, right?

KAYLEIGH: He's been acting real strange lately. He won't even look me in the eyes anymore.

EVAN: Duck, here they come.

KAYLEIGH: I deserve a lot worse.

EVAN: What are you talking about? What you deserve is a better brother and father. All they do is make you feel like shit.

KAYLEIGH: It's not your fault. Mrs. Kagan called dad and blamed us for what happened to Lenny.

EVAN: Damn. Your dad did this?

KAYLEIGH: Ouch.

EVAN: I'm sorry.

EVAN: I'm sorry Kayleigh. This was a bad idea.

KAYLEIGH: You really don't remember anything that happened?

KAYLEIGH: Oh God... what did we do?

EVAN: Shit, Lenny. What's happened to you! We've gotta get help!

KAYLEIGH: We should go soon. If Dad catches us smoking down here, we're dead.

EVAN: So let's go. This place creeps me out.

MR. MILLER: That's dangerous! You could blow your hands off!

EVAN: Been there, done that.

MR. MILLER: Easy does it, Evan! Don't be a bad boy or I'll tell mommy you were naughty.

EVAN: And I'll tell the Child Protective Services about your kiddie porn endeavors. One step closer and I'll shove this up your ass!

EVAN: Let's just say you're being closely watched, George. Your other option is to get your porn off the rack and treat Kayleigh like... oh, let's say like how a loving father treats his daughter. Sound okay to you, Papa?

MR. MILLER: ...yes.

EVAN: Listen close then, fuckbag. You screw up again and I swear I'll flat out castrate you.

MR. MILLER: What's happened to -- How are you doing that?

EVAN: It'll change your daughter from a beautiful child into an empty shell whose only concept of trust was betrayed by her own sick pedophile father. Ultimately, it'll lead to her suicide. Nice work, daddy.

MR. MILLER: Who -- who are you?

EVAN: What time is it?

MR. MILLER: It's time for you to stand where the hell I told you.

EVAN: Wrong answer, fuckbag. This is the very moment of your reckoning. In the next thirty seconds you're going to open one of two doors. The first door will forever traumatize your own flesh and blood.

EVAN: I was just somewhere else -- how did I get here?

MR. MILLER: Quit acting like some retard or I'll call your mother and tell her what a naughty little shit you've been.

EVAN: Kayleigh? What happened?

EVAN: Where am I? What happened? Where did we all go?

MR. MILLER: Calm down, kid. Stand still.

EVAN: We're really gonna be in a movie!?

MR. MILLER: That's right, Evan, and you get to be the star.

JASON: You can't play God, son. It must end with me. Just by being here, you may be killing your mother.

EVAN: Bullshit. I'll send you a postcard when I've made everything perfect again.

JASON: I was praying this curse would have ended with me.

EVAN: But it didn't. And now I need info to make things right again and you're the only one who can give it to me.

JASON: There is no "right". When you change who people are, you destroy who they were.

EVAN: Who's to say you can't make things better?

JASON: Are you okay? You looked like you were somewhere else for a second there.

EVAN: Look, Jason, I need some fast answers if I'm ever gonna fix what I've done.

JASON: It's okay. I won't bite. You've seen pictures of me, right?

EVAN: Uh-huh. Mom says I have your eyes and your --

EVAN: You're kidding. Are these the answers?!

HUNTER: Damn, Evan, on the D.L.

EVAN: Thanks. Wow. Hey, I want to do something really special for Kayleigh tomorrow. If I said I needed some help from you and the brothers...

HUNTER: I'd say blow me. Get the pledges to do it.

HUNTER: Evan, you're hysterical. You study for this?

EVAN: We'll find out soon enough.

HUNTER: Me neither.

PROFESSOR CARTER: Remember, everyone! Only two weeks until your science projects are due.

EVAN: I still owe you an essay from last week. Is there any way I could get an extension?

PROFESSOR CARTER: And you are...?

EVAN: Evan Treborn.

PROFESSOR CARTER: The answer's 'no', Mr. Treborn. Now take a seat. The exam's about to begin.

PROFESSOR CARTER: Just don't drop the ball, okay?

EVAN: I won't let you down, Professor Carter.

PROFESSOR CARTER: Whoa! Didn't mean to scare you, Evan. Just wanted to know how the flatworms project was coming.

EVAN: Oh, fine I guess. It's been kind of crazy lately with my mom coming up, so I haven't...

PROFESSOR CARTER: I know, I know. Who can think of worms when your libido's in full swing, right?

EVAN: I'm not sure. I might have gotten some stories mixed up. Did Pavlov condition his dogs to lick his nuts?

PROFESSOR CARTER: Typical psych major. A complete wise ass. And how's your project coming? Still planning to change the way we humble scientists view memory assimilation?

EVAN: Hey, I got no choice.

EVAN: It didn't feel like a dream.

HEIDI: Maybe because they never do. So Don Juan, you pass out on all your dates?

HEIDI: Come on, go on...

EVAN: It was like Tommy was possessed or something. There was a hate in his eyes that I couldn't really call human.

EVAN: Freeze! No "worm-boy". No "Mr. Worm," and no "Worm-Master-General!" Once you get a nickname like that you can't shake it. And I don't want everyone thinking I've got tapeworms coming out of my ass or something, okay?

HEIDI: Deal. Now read me something.

HEIDI: Most guys tuck their porn under here, but all you have are... comp books.

EVAN: Yeah. I've been keeping journals since I was seven.

HEIDI: Wow... read something.

HEIDI: Smells like sex in here.

EVAN: Thumper had a busy afternoon.

HEIDI: You're kidding. He's so... big.

HEIDI: So what's the point?

EVAN: Maybe if I can figure out how the memories of a simple worm function, it'll help me understand the complexities of the human brain.

LENNY: What do you need it for? I don't get you lately.

EVAN: Duly noted. Now I'm gonna ask you for one last favor.

LENNY: What?

EVAN: Shhh. I need to concentrate on the blockbuster if I'm gonna destroy it.

LENNY: Destroy it?

EVAN: If I hadn't blown my arms off, Mom never woulda started smoking in the first place. Now shhhh.

LENNY: Are you sure you even packed it?

EVAN: My mom packed for me. I think she sent everything I ever owned. So we'll see.

LENNY: Uh, we should be getting to class now.

EVAN: Forget it. What's the point of Psych now? Tomorrow I could wake up as some dirt farmer in Bangladesh.

LENNY: You knew the whole time, didn't you? When you put the blade in my hand, you knew something big was going to happen. Didn't you?!

EVAN: Y... yes. I guess I did.

LENNY: I couldn't cut the rope.

EVAN: Yeah, good, what else do you remember?

LENNY: Drop it or I'll slit your mother's throat in her sleep.

EVAN: That should buy you ten minutes at least.

LENNY: Gee, thanks friend.

LENNY: Can... can... Can I have this?

EVAN: Sure. I was gonna make a new one, anyway.

EVAN: Mom. Don't cry. I can change this.

TOMMY: I think I'll go check out the chapel.

EVAN: Lung cancer?

TOMMY: Sorry, Mrs. T. He's been out of sorts lately.

TOMMY: I did what you said, man! We're pooling our student funds with Hillel House and we're going to have an Awareness Dance.

EVAN: Oh goody, nothing like spinning my chair around to a techno mix of Hava Nagila til I puke.

TOMMY: Listen to me good, Evan...

EVAN: I'll do whatever you want. You don't want me to ever see Kayleigh again, fine. Just let Crockett go. Besides, you kill him now and they'll stick you in juvy for sure. And I know you'd never leave your sister alone with your father.

EVAN: What the hell are you doing?

TOMMY: It wasn't enough that the whole world loves you, but you had to take away the last person on earth who didn't think I was a piece of shit.

EVAN: No one thinks you're a piece of shit, Tommy.

TOMMY: Right, Evan. I believe you just said "sick fuck."

EVAN: Leave us alone you sick fuck!

TOMMY: Get this "us" shit. As if I was gonna lay a hand on my own sister. You've done nicely for yourself, Evan. Nice friends, nice life, not to mention you're fucking my sister. Not a bad piece of ass if I say so myself.

TOMMY: Look what you made me do!

EVAN: What's wrong with you?!

TOMMY: Hurry! Let's go! Get him up, Evan! Come on!

EVAN: What happened?? Where are we?!

EVAN: Tommy, I'm bored shitless over here. What's up already?

TOMMY: Hold your horses, man. It's here somewhere. I saw it when I was a kid.

EVAN: Hey, what'd you do that for?

TOMMY: Fat little baby, crying for mommy.

WAITRESS: Just get out, didja?

EVAN: Huh?

WAITRESS: Nothing. Just that my brother did a stint in the pen and he used to eat like that.

EVAN: I come from a big family.

WAITRESS: Meant no offense.

EVAN: None taken. Hey, uh, does Kayleigh Miller still work here?

WAITRESS: Sorry. Never heard of her.

KAYLEIGH: Shut up, Tommy!

TOMMY: Aw, hey now, that was a compliment.

TOMMY: Lenny? Come on!

KAYLEIGH: Oh my God oh my God...

TOMMY: Wipe that sad-assed look off your face before you get us all busted. You see the way Evan's mom was looking at you?

KAYLEIGH: I'm sorry.

TOMMY: What did I say about mentioning that bitch?

KAYLEIGH: Where the hell are you taking us anyway? Just blow something up already.

TOMMY: Just blow something up? Are you nuts? There's an art to mass destruction. Would you just paint the Mona Lisa? No. Besides, we're here already.

KAYLEIGH: Evan, guess what? Dad got a new video camera and we're all gonna be in a movie.

TOMMY: I don't think Evan gets to be in it --

KAYLEIGH: Quit it, Tommy. Evan gets to be Robin Hood. I'm gonna be Maid Marian, and you're the Sheriff of Nottingham!

TOMMY: I thought I was the bad guy!

KAYLEIGH: You are, silly. He's a bad sheriff.

LENNY: Maybe it went out. Should someone check it?

TOMMY: Yeah, you do that, Lenny.

TOMMY: Here you go, buddy.

LENNY: What? No frigging way, man. I'm not touching that thing.

TOMMY: The hell you aren't. Anyone of us does it, you'll puss out and narc for sure.

LENNY: Ain't gonna work this time, buddy. Look how small that fuse is! I'll get killed.

LENNY: You put the mommy too far away. Mrs. Boswell has macaroni and glue if you wanna fix it.

TOMMY: You're such a retard!