The Mummy

O'CONNELL: I never killed a priest before.

ARDETH RAY: They are evil, cursed, they matter not.

O'CONNELL: Well, okay then.

O'CONNELL: Who the hell are these guys?

ARDETH RAY: Priests. Imhotep's priests.

O'CONNELL: You know where he's taking her?

ARDETH RAY: Yes. To Hamunaptra. To perform the ritual.

ARDETH RAY: I told you to leave or die, you refused, and now you may have killed us all. For you have unleashed the creature that we have feared for more than four thousand years.

O'CONNELL: Relax, I got him.

ARDETH RAY: No mortal weapons can kill this creature. He is not of this world.

O'CONNELL: Are we talkin, about the same creature? The walking corpse? Really big mouth? Really bad breath?

ARDETH RAY: If he arrives before us, it will be too late.

JONATHAN: Did you say 'kill' my sister?

JONATHAN: And what ritual would that be?

ARDETH RAY: The ritual to bring the body of Anck- su-namun back to life.

JONATHAN: And how does one do that?

ARDETH RAY: By reading the Book Of The Dead.

JONATHAN: Oh yes, of course.

ARDETH RAY: And then killing your sister.

JONATHAN: Excuse me?

ARDETH RAY: We saved him! Saved him before the creature could finish his work. Now leave, all of you, quickly, before he finishes you all.

JONATHAN: You're not going to kill us?

BENI: The book! The black book they found at Hamunaptra! Imhotep wants it back. Said to me it would be worth it's weight in diamonds.

O'CONNELL: What does he want the book for?

BENI: Something about bringing his dead girly-friend back to life. He needs the book... And your sister.

O'CONNELL: Then you got no excuse for living. What the hell you doin, being buddies with this creep, Beni? What's in it for you?

BENI: It is better to be the right hand of the Devil,... than in his path. As long as I serve him, I am immune.

O'CONNELL: Immune from what?

BENI: You shall see.

O'CONNELL: What are you looking for? Lie, and I'll slit your throat.

O'CONNELL: Where's your new friend?

BENI: What friend? You're my only friend.

BENI: The Prince does not like to be touched by other humans. A Silly eastern superstition, I'm afraid.

O'CONNELL: Yeah, well, we all got our little problems today don't we?

BENI: He has come to help Mister Burns. Somehow I feel responsible.

O'CONNELL: Don't gimme that, you never had any scruples.

BENI: Do you know where I can steal some?

O'CONNELL: Beni ya little stinkweed, where did you slink off to?

BENI: You left me! You left me in the desert to rot.

O'CONNELL: Oh yeah,... sorry bout that. So who's this guy?

BENI: This is Prince Imhotep, High Priest of Osiris.

O'CONNELL: Oh, hey, how ya doin'?

O'CONNELL: C'mon, friend.

BENI: Why do you like to fight so much?

O'CONNELL: 'Cause I look good doin, it.

O'CONNELL: Goin' somewhere?

BENI: Just looking for you, O'Connell! I wanted to be with my friend!

BENI: Ten to one, O'Connell, your odds are no-so-good.

O'CONNELL: I've had worse.

BENI: Hey O'Connell! Looks to me like I got all the horses!

O'CONNELL: Hey Beni! Looks to me like your on the wrong side of the river!

BENI: O'Connell! I am going to kill you for this!

O'CONNELL: Sounds familiar.

O'CONNELL: Let's make us even, shall we?

BENI: Even?

O'CONNELL: The girl saved my life, figured it was the least I could do, keep her out of trouble.

BENI: You always did have more balls than brains.

BENI: You never were any good with the ladies, O'Connell.

O'CONNELL: So you're the one leading the Americans, I shoulda figured. So what's the scam? You get 'em out in the middle of the desert then leave 'em to rot?

BENI: Unfortunately no, these Americans are smart, they pay me only half now, half when I get them back to Cairo, so I must go all the way.

BENI: My very good friend! What a surprise.

O'CONNELL: Why if it ain't my little buddy, Beni. I oughta kill you.

BENI: What then? Robbery? Extortion? Kidnapping!

O'CONNELL: None of the above, thank you.

BENI: Then what the hell are you doing here!?

O'CONNELL: How'd a guy like you end up in the Legion anyways?

BENI: I got caught robbing a synagogue. Lots of good stuff in them holy places; churches, temples, mosques, and who's guarding them?

O'CONNELL: Altar boys?

BENI: Exactly! I speak seven languages, including Hebrew, so my specialty was synagogues. How about you? Kill somebody?

O'CONNELL: Now go find me a big stick.

BENI: In the desert? What for?

BENI: Personally, I would like to surrender. Why can we not just surrender?

O'CONNELL: Shut-up and gimme your bandolier.

BENI: ...and how do you say? Those slimy things, in your stomach?

EVELYN: Intestines.

BENI: Yeah! Them.

BENI: Yeah?

EVELYN: Oh yes, always.

EVELYN: What just happened?

BENI: All I remember is him turning into a blast of sand,... and then I remember nothing.

BENI: Like what that Moses guy did to that Pharaoh guy?

EVELYN: That's one way of putting it.

EVELYN: I'm thinking that if the black Book Of The Dead can bring people back to life --

CURATOR: -- then perhaps, the golden Book Of The Living can return them to the underworld.

EVELYN: Exactly --

EVELYN: In the necropolis, when I saw him, - alive,... walking, he called me Anck- su-namun. And then in Mister Burns' quarters he tried to kiss me.

CURATOR: It is because it was you who read from the Book. He has chosen you to be the human sacrifice needed to regenerate the body of Anck-su-namun.

EVELYN: And you think this justifies killing innocent people!?

CURATOR: To have stopped this creature? Yes!

CURATOR: Miss Carnavon. Gentlemen.

EVELYN: What is he doing here?

CURATOR: Do you truly wish to know? Or would you prefer to just shoot us?

EVELYN: See the cartouche there, it's the official royal seal of Seti the First, I'm sure of it.

CURATOR: Perhaps.

EVELYN: You put up with me, because I can read and write ancient Egyptian, decipher hieroglyphs and hieratic, and I'm the only person within a thousand miles who knows how to properly code and catalogue this library.

CURATOR: Who needs smart women? I put up with you because your mother and father were our finest patrons, Allah rest their souls. Now straighten up this mess!

EVELYN: I'm sorry, it was an accident.

CURATOR: When Ramesses destroyed Syria, it was an accident. You are a catastrophe! Why do I put up with you?

HOOK: The key!? She has the lost key!?

CURATOR: Yes. No one has ever had so much, been so close. We must stop her, or it will be the end of us all.

HOOK: Then we will kill her, we will kill her and all those with her.

CURATOR: And burn the map and retrieve the key.

HOOK: It will be done. But what of the American expedition? They leave tomorrow as well.

CURATOR: Forget the bumbling Americans, they will be like all the others. Without the map to guide them, how can they possibly find Hamunaptra?

HOOK: She is like all the others. She will die in the desert.

CURATOR: No! She has seen too much. She knows too much.

CURATOR: Which would be located not far to the east of the Anubis statue.

O'CONNELL: Don't tell me we gotta go back out there?

CURATOR: If we want to kill the creature, yes.

O'CONNELL: So your sayin', if we find the book made outta gold --

CURATOR: -- And read the sacred incantations contained inside it.

O'CONNELL: You think it'll send this guy back to hell?

CURATOR: Correct, And that's when --

O'CONNELL: Okay, let's cut to the chase. He's afraid of cats, what's that about?

CURATOR: According to the ancients, cat's are the guardians at the gates of the underworld. Imhotep will fear them until he is fully regenerated, and then he will fear nothing.

O'CONNELL: I'm willin, to go on a little faith, here.

CURATOR: You will not believe it.

O'CONNELL: Try me.

DANIELS: The hell with this. I'm goin, downstairs to get me a drink. You want somethin'?

HENDERSON: Yeah, get me a glass of bourbon, a shot of bourbon and a bourbon chaser.

HENDERSON: The hell with that! I'm not goin' nowhere! We're safe here.

DANIELS: Yeah, I'm not leavin, this fort for nothin'.

DANIELS: You bastards!

HENDERSON: What did you do to him!?

HENDERSON: The sun turning black.

DANIELS: Water turning to blood.

HENDERSON: I wouldn't trade ya for a brass spittoon!

DANIELS: Yeah! It's supposed to be made outta pure gold!

DANIELS: See! That proves it! Old Seti's fortune's gotta be under this sand!

HENDERSON: For them to protect it like this, you just know there's got to be treasure down there.

EVELYN: Do you realize, we are standing inside a room that no one has entered in over four thousand years.

WARDEN: Who cares? I don't see no treasure.

WARDEN: A bright good morning to all.

EVELYN: What are you doing here?

WARDEN: I have come to protect my investment, thank you very much.

WARDEN: Are you saying this filthy godless son of a pig knows where to find The City Of The Dead? Truly?

EVELYN: Yes and if you cut him down, we will give you ten percent.

WARDEN: Fifty percent.

EVELYN: Twenty.

WARDEN: Forty.

WARDEN: You lie.

EVELYN: I would never!

EVELYN: I will give you one hundred pounds to spare his life.

WARDEN: I would pay one hundred pounds just to see him hang.

EVELYN: Two hundred pounds.

WARDEN: Proceed!

EVELYN: Three hundred pounds!

WARDEN: No women allowed.

EVELYN: I am an English woman.

EVELYN: Where are they taking him?

WARDEN: To be hanged.

EVELYN: And what is he in prison for?

WARDEN: I did not know, so when I heard you were coming, I asked him that myself.

EVELYN: And what did he say?

WARDEN: He said... he was just looking for a good time.

O'CONNELL: Got guts, lady.

EVELYN: Yes, I know, and I'd like to keep them.

O'CONNELL: Don't do it, Evelyn.

EVELYN: I have no choice.

EVELYN: Got it!

O'CONNELL: Got what?

EVELYN: You called me your girl?

O'CONNELL: What?... Oh yeah, that was just um, you know, figure a speech.

EVELYN: I think you were jealous

O'CONNELL: Jealous? You kiddin' me? Did you see that guy's face?

O'CONNELL: He's here! I saw him! That thing is here!

EVELYN: The creature!? Are you sure!?

EVELYN: According to that Book, once this creature has been reborn, his curse will spread, and as he grows in strength, so will his curse grow, infecting the people until the whole of the earth is destroyed.

O'CONNELL: Yeah? So? Is that my problem?

EVELYN: It's everybody's problem!

O'CONNELL: Look lady, I appreciate you saving my life and all, but when I signed on, I agreed to take you out there and bring you back, and I did, now were even, end of job, end of story, contract terminated.

EVELYN: That's what I am to you? A contract?

O'CONNELL: You can either tag along with me, or you can stay here and play around with Mister Maggot.

EVELYN: I'm staying.

O'CONNELL: FINE.

EVELYN: Then we'll have to find some immortal ones.

O'CONNELL: There goes that belief again. Not me, I am outta here!

EVELYN: No we are not. We woke him up, and we must try and stop him.

O'CONNELL: We?! What we?! You didn't read that book. I told you not to play around with that thing.

EVELYN: Alright then, Me, I,... I read the book, I woke him up and I intend to stop him.

EVELYN: Having an encounter with a four thousand year old walking-talking corpse tends to convert one.

O'CONNELL: Forget it, we're out the door down the hall and gone.

EVELYN: No, we are not.

O'CONNELL: You sure you outta be playin, around with that?

EVELYN: It's just a book, no harm ever came from a book.

EVELYN: According to my readings, our friend suffered the HOM-DAI, the worst of all ancient Egyptian curses, one reserved for only the most evil blasphemers. In all of my research, I've never read of this curse actually having been performed.

O'CONNELL: That bad huh?

EVELYN: Yes, they never used it because they feared it so. It's written, that if a victim of the HOM-DAI should ever arise, he would bring with him the ten plagues of Egypt.

O'CONNELL: The ten plagues?... You mean all ten plagues.

O'CONNELL: Are you saying somebody threw these things in with our guy, and they slowly ate him alive?

EVELYN: Very slowly.

O'CONNELL: Is he supposed to look like that?

EVELYN: No. I've never seen a mummy look like this. He's, he's still...

EVELYN: Oh my god, I've dreamed about this ever since I was a little girl.

O'CONNELL: You dream about dead guys?

EVELYN: No... Why?... Should I?

O'CONNELL: Gee, yeah, you told me it was the best time you ever had.

EVELYN: I'm going to kiss you, Mister O'Connell.

O'CONNELL: No you're not.

EVELYN: I'm not?

O'CONNELL: Not unless you call me Rick.

EVELYN: Why would I do that?

O'CONNELL: Because that's my name.

EVELYN: I may not be an explorer, or an adventurer, or a treasure hunter, or a gunfighter! Mister O'Connell But I'm proud of what I am.

O'CONNELL: And what is that?

O'CONNELL: Unlike your brother, Miss, you I don't get. You're a whole new brew.

EVELYN: I know, you're wondering, what's a place like me doing in a girl like this?

O'CONNELL: Something like that.

EVELYN: Egypt is in my blood. My father was a famous explorer, he loved Egypt so much that he married an Egyptian. My mother! Who was quite an adventurer herself

O'CONNELL: Okay, I get your father, I get your mother and I get your brother, but what are you doing here?

EVELYN: You two!

O'CONNELL: You don't believe in curses, huh?

EVELYN: No. I believe if I can see it and I can touch it, then it's real. That's what I believe.

O'CONNELL: Seems the Americans had a little misadventure of their own today, three of their diggers were killed.

EVELYN: How?

O'CONNELL: Salt acid. Pressurized salt acid. Some sort of ancient booby-trap.

EVELYN: A key! That's it! That's what he was talking about.

O'CONNELL: Who was talking about what?

O'CONNELL: There's some sort of lock here. You say these thing's are made of granite with a steel interior?

EVELYN: Quarried granite with a cobalt lining.

EVELYN: Oh my god,... it looks like, it looks like a sarcophagus.

O'CONNELL: Why would they bury somebody in the ceiling?

EVELYN: They didn't, they buried him at the foot of Anubis. He was either someone of great importance. Or he did something very naughty.

O'CONNELL: Yeah, that'd bring you back to life.

EVELYN: You two are worse than a couple of schoolboys.

EVELYN: Oh my god, It's a preparation room.

O'CONNELL: Preparation for what?

EVELYN: For entering the afterlife.

EVELYN: That "thing" gets me excited.

O'CONNELL: The things that get you excited.

EVELYN: According to Bembridge Scholars, inside the statue of Anubis was a secret compartment, perhaps containing The Book Of The Living.

O'CONNELL: What are those mirrors for?

EVELYN: Ancient Egyptian trick. You'll see.

EVELYN: For what?

O'CONNELL: We're about to be shown the way.

O'CONNELL: We're almost there.

EVELYN: Are you sure?

O'CONNELL: Can you swim?

EVELYN: Well of course I can swim, if the occasion calls for it.

O'CONNELL: Trust me.

O'CONNELL: Relax! I'm the map! It's all up here.

EVELYN: Oh that's comforting.

EVELYN: You know your history.

O'CONNELL: I know my treasure.

EVELYN: I don't believe in fairy tales and hokum, Mister O'Connell, but I do believe that one of the most famous books in history is buried out there, The Book Of The Living. It's what first interested me in Egypt as a child. It's why I came here, sort of a life's pursuit.

O'CONNELL: And the fact that they say it's made out of pure gold, makes no nevermind to you, right?

O'CONNELL: Evil. The Tuaregs and the Bedouin believe that Hamunaptra is cursed, they call it, "the doorway to hell."

EVELYN: Ahmar is Ossirion. "Passageway to the underworld", actually.

O'CONNELL: There's something out there, you know, something under that sand.

EVELYN: Yes, I'm hoping to find a certain artifact, a book, actually, my brother thinks there's treasure. What do you think is out there?

EVELYN: Did I miss something? Are we going into battle?

O'CONNELL: The last time I was at that place everybody I was with died.

O'CONNELL: Sorry, didn't mean to scare ya.

EVELYN: The only thing that scares me, Mister O'Connell, are your manners.

O'CONNELL: Still angry that I kissed ya, huh?

EVELYN: If you call that a kiss.

O'CONNELL: Give... give him... give him GLAAAA-- !

EVELYN: Twenty-five percent, and not one single farthing more.

EVELYN: Yes.

O'CONNELL: Really want to know?

EVELYN: Could you tell me how to get there? The exact location?

O'CONNELL: Want to know?

O'CONNELL: Yeah, I was there.

EVELYN: You swear?

O'CONNELL: Every damn day.

EVELYN: No, I mean --

O'CONNELL: -- I know what you mean. I was there, alright. Seti's place. The City Of The Dead.

EVELYN: What did you find? What did you see?

O'CONNELL: I found sand. I saw death.

EVELYN: You were actually at Hamunaptra?

O'CONNELL: I just decked your brother

EVELYN: Yes, well... I know my brother.

EVELYN: How do you know the box pertains to Hamunaptra?

O'CONNELL: Because that's where I found it. I was there.

EVELYN: We uh,... found... your puzzle box, and we've come to ask you about it.

O'CONNELL: No.

EVELYN: No?

O'CONNELL: No... You came to ask me about Hamunaptra.

O'CONNELL: So who's the broad?

EVELYN: Broad?!

EVELYN: Ah! Ah! Ahmenophus!

JONATHAN: Yes,... I see.

JONATHAN: Ummm, Hootash im... Hootash im now what is this last symbol here?

EVELYN: What's it look like!?

EVELYN: Finish the inscription, idiot!

JONATHAN: Oh.

JONATHAN: What do I do, Evy!? What do I do!?

EVELYN: Read the inscription on the cover!

JONATHAN: I found it, Evy! I found it

EVELYN: Shut-up and get me off of here!

JONATHAN: Juicy?

EVELYN: Yes. He's more than four thousand years old and still decomposing.

EVELYN: I can't believe I allowed the two of you to get me drunk.

JONATHAN: Don't blame me, I don't even remember being there.

EVELYN: Well neither do I, thank you.

EVELYN: What do you suppose killed him?

JONATHAN: Did you ever see him eat?

EVELYN: It's called mummification. You're dead when they do this

JONATHAN: Still...

EVELYN: According to my calculations, we should be right under the statue. We'll come up right between his legs. Oh my.

JONATHAN: And when those dirty Yanks go to sleep -- No offense.

JONATHAN: Ah, begging your pardon, but shouldn't we be going?

EVELYN: After all, you rode us night and day to win that bet.

EVELYN: Do you really think he'll show up?

JONATHAN: Undoubtedly, I know the breed, he may be a cowboy, but his word is his word.

EVELYN: Personally, I think he's filthy, rude and a complete scoundrel. I don't like him one bit.

EVELYN: But he's just a filthy criminal?

JONATHAN: Way to go, Evy.

EVELYN: You told me you found it on a dig down in Thebes!

JONATHAN: I was mistaken.

EVELYN: You lied to me!

JONATHAN: I lie to everybody, what makes you so special?

EVELYN: I'm your sister.

JONATHAN: That just makes you more gullible.

EVELYN: You stole it from a drunk at the local Casbah?!

JONATHAN: Picked his pocket, actually.

EVELYN: Yes. The City of The Dead. Where the early Pharaohs were said to have hidden the wealth of Egypt.

JONATHAN: Right, right, in a big underground treasure chamber. Everybody knows the story. The entire necropolis was rigged to sink into the sand. On Pharaoh's command, a flick of the switch! And the whole place could disappear beneath the dunes.

EVELYN: All we know is that the city mysteriously vanished around 2,134 B.C.

JONATHAN: Two questions. Who the hell is Seti the First? And was he rich?

EVELYN: He was the last Pharaoh of the Old Kingdom, said to be the wealthiest Pharaoh of them all.

JONATHAN: Alright, good, that's good. I like this fellow, like him very much.

EVELYN: Jonathan?

JONATHAN: Yes?

EVELYN: I think you found something.

JONATHAN: Oh yes I do! I have something right here!

EVELYN: Oh no, not another worthless trinket, Jonathan, if I bring one more piece of junk to the Curator to try and sell for you.

EVELYN: Well I wish you'd do it sooner rather than later, before you ruin my career the way you've ruined yours.

JONATHAN: My dear, sweet, baby sister, I'll have you know, that at this moment my career is on a high note.

EVELYN: Have you no respect for the dead?

JONATHAN: Right now, I only wish to join them.

EVELYN: You...! YOU...!

JONATHAN: Drunkard? Fool? Rat-bastard? Please call me something original.

O'CONNELL: Do something, Jonathan! Kill it!

JONATHAN: You have got to be joking?

O'CONNELL: Okay, now what the hell does this Horus guy look like?

JONATHAN: He's a big fellow with pointy ears and a face like a falcon.

O'CONNELL: Got it.

O'CONNELL: We gotta get her back.

JONATHAN: I'm with you, old man. No one touches my sister like that and gets away with it.

O'CONNELL: What?

JONATHAN: What?

O'CONNELL: Believe it, sister. That's what brought our buddy back to life.

JONATHAN: And now he's going to use it to bring his girlfriend back

O'CONNELL: Damn-it! That's two down and only two to go.

JONATHAN: And then he'll be coming after Evy.

JONATHAN: That looked rather painful.

O'CONNELL: Ya know, ever since I met you, my luck has been for crap.

JONATHAN: Yes, I know, I do that to people.

JONATHAN: Who's here!?

O'CONNELL: The guy! The Priest! THE MUMMY!

JONATHAN: Did you see that!? Grasshoppers! Billions of grasshoppers!

O'CONNELL: That's one of the plagues, right? The grasshopper plague!

JONATHAN: He certainly was not a popular fellow when they planted him.

O'CONNELL: Must of got a little too frisky with the Pharaoh's daughter.

JONATHAN: You did not!?... We're not!?

O'CONNELL: Rat gizzards. They smell bad and taste worse, but that's the best the desert has to offer.

O'CONNELL: Where's my gun?

JONATHAN: What are you going to do? Shoot him?

O'CONNELL: If he decides to wake up, hell yes!

O'CONNELL: Tough break.

JONATHAN: Yes, I'm all tears, now let's see who's inside, shall we?

JONATHAN: Whoever's in here, sure wasn't getting out.

O'CONNELL: No kiddin', without a key, it'll take us a month to crack this thing,

O'CONNELL: Lemme get this straight, they stuck a sharp, red hot poker up your nose, cut your brain into small pieces, then ripped it all out through your nostrils?

JONATHAN: OWCH! That's really got to hurt.

O'CONNELL: None taken.

JONATHAN: We'll sneak up and steal that book right out from under them.

O'CONNELL: And you're sure you can find the secret compartment?

O'CONNELL: You're welcome to my share of the spider webs.

JONATHAN: And it stinks to high heaven in here.

JONATHAN: That thing gives me the creeps.

O'CONNELL: Be nice. That thing saved my life.

JONATHAN: I can't believe the price of these fleabags.

O'CONNELL: We coulda had 'em for free, all we had to do was give 'em your sister.

JONATHAN: Yes, awfully tempting, wasn't it?

O'CONNELL: Awfully.

JONATHAN: Sit down, O'Connell, sit down, we could use another good player.

O'CONNELL: I only gamble with my life, never my money.

O'CONNELL: Hey,... don't I know you?

JONATHAN: Um, well, you see...

JONATHAN: She's my sister, actually.

O'CONNELL: Yeah? Well,... I'm sure she's not a total loss.