Donnie Darko

JIM CUNNINGHAM: Good morning, mongrels!

AUDIENCE: Good morning...

JIM CUNNINGHAM: That's all the gusta you can musta? I said, "Good morning!"

AUDIENCE: Good MORNING!

JIM CUNNINGHAM: Now that's better... but I still sense some students out there... who are AFRAID... just to say GOOD MORNING!

AUDIENCE: GOOD MORNING!

JIM CUNNINGHAM: Are you AFRAID?

AUDIENCE: GOOD MORNING!

JIM CUNNINGHAM: Now that's what I like to hear! Because too many young men and women today are paralysed by their fears. They give in to their feelings of self-doubt... they surrender their bodies to the temptations of drugs, alcohol and premarital sex. Empty solutions. These are toxic chemicals... and disease-spreading behaviour.

DAVID: I feel bad for his family.

GRETCHEN: Yeah.

DAVID: Did you know him?

GRETCHEN: What was his name?

DAVID: Donnie. Donnie Darko.

GRETCHEN: Hi... what's going on here?

DAVID: Horrible accident. My neighbour... he got killed.

GRETCHEN: What happened?

DAVID: He got smooshed. By a jet engine.

DR. MONNITOFF: Each vessel travels along a vector path through space-time... along its centre of gravity.

DONNIE: Like a spear.

DR. MONNITOFF: Beg pardon?

DONNIE: Like a spear that comes out of your stomach?

DR. MONNITOFF: Uhh... sure. And in order for the vessel to travel through time it must find the portal, in this case the wormhole, or some unforeseen portal that lies undiscovered.

DONNIE: Could these wormholes appear in nature?

DR. MONNITOFF: That... is highly unlikely. You're talking about an act of God.

DONNIE: If God controls time... then all time is pre-decided. Then every living thing travels along a set path.

DR. MONNITOFF: I'm not following you.

DONNIE: If you could see your path or channel growing out of your stomach, you could see into the future. And that's a form of time travel, right?

DR. MONNITOFF: You are contradicting yourself, Donnie. If we could see our destines manifest themselves visually... then we would be given the choice to betray our chosen destinies. The very fact that this choice exists... would mean that all pre-formed destiny would end.

DONNIE: Not if you chose to stay within God's channel...

DR. MONNITOFF: Donnie, I'm afraid I can't continue this conversation. I could lose my job.

DR. MONNITOFF: What effect do you think this would have on an infant?

DONNIE: Well... the thing is, nobody remembers their infancy. And anyone who says they do is lying. We think that this would help develop memory earlier in life.

DR. MONNITOFF: Did you stop and think that maybe infants need darkness? That darkness is part of their natural development.

DONNIE: Like a DeLorean.

DR. MONNITOFF: A metal craft of any kind.

DR. MONNITOFF: So... according to Hawking... wormholes might be able to provide a short cut for jumping between two distant regions of space-time.

DONNIE: So... in order to travel back in time, you'd have to have a big spaceship or something that can travel faster than the speed of light --

DR. MONNITOFF: Theoretically.

DONNIE: -- and be able to find one of these wormholes.

DR. MONNITOFF: A wormhole with an Einstein-Rosen bridge, which is, theoretically... a wormhole in space controlled by man.

DONNIE: So... that's it?

DR. MONNITOFF: The basic principles of time travel are there. So you have the vessel and the portal. And the vessel can be anything. Most likely a spacecraft.

DONNIE: Dr. Monnitoff?

DR. MONNITOFF: Donnie.

DONNIE: I know that this is gonna sound kinda weird... but do you know anything about time travel?

DONNIE: "The Last Unicorn!" By Samantha Darko.

SAMANTHA: Donnie! Give it back!

DONNIE: What happens if you tell Mom and Dad about this, Samantha?

SAMANTHA: You'll put Ariel in the garbage disposal.

SAMANTHA: Why do I have to sleep with Donnie? He stinks.

DONNIE: When you fall asleep tonight, I'm gonna fart in your face.

SAMANTHA: I'm telling Mom.

SAMANTHA: When can I squeeze one out?

DONNIE: Not until like... eighth grade.

DONNIE: Dea ex machina...

SETH: What did you say?

DONNIE: Our saviour...

SETH: Did you tell them that I flooded the school?

DONNIE: I didn't say shit.

SETH: That's not what I heard. Now they think I did it.

DONNIE: Well, if you're innocent, then you have nothing to worry about.

SETH: You know what? I think that you did it.

DONNIE: What happened to your eye?

FRANK: I am so sorry.

DONNIE: Why do they call you Frank?

FRANK: It is the name of my father... and his father before me.

DONNIE: How much longer is this gonna last?

FRANK: You should already know that. Watch the movie, Donnie. I have something to show you.

FRANK: I want to show you something.

DONNIE: You have to do something for me first.

FRANK: You have a request?

DONNIE: Yeah. Tell me why you're wearing that stupid bunny suit.

FRANK: Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?

DONNIE: Take it off. I want to see you.

DONNIE: Why did you make me flood the school?

FRANK: We just want to guide you in the right direction.

DONNIE: Who is... we?

FRANK: You'll know soon enough.

DONNIE: Where did you come from?

FRANK: Do you believe in time travel, Donnie?

DONNIE: How can you do that?

FRANK: I can do anything I want... and so can you...

RONALD: What'd you do, Donnie? What'd you do!

DONNIE: Go home. Go home and tell your parents that everything is going to be just fine.

RONALD: How old is Grandma Death?

DONNIE: A hundred and one, I think. Every day she does the same thing. But there's never any mail.

RONALD: DARKO CHEATS DEATH! Man... you're famous! I called you, like, a jillion times last night!

DONNIE: We went to a hotel.

RONALD: My dad said he found you on the golf course. Are you sleepwalking again?

DONNIE: I don't wanna talk about it.

GRETCHEN: Is that a cellar door?

DONNIE: Yeah...

DONNIE: Time is running out. We have to go see Grandma Death. We have to talk to her.

GRETCHEN: Why? Is this about the book?

DONNIE: No. Frank.

GRETCHEN: Who's Frank?

DONNIE: Come with me.

GRETCHEN: Where are we going?

GRETCHEN: What?

DONNIE: There's something you have to know, Gretchen. Everything is going to be just fine.

GRETCHEN: I'm so scared... I just keep thinking that something awful has happened. It's my fucking stepdad. I know it.

DONNIE: It's safe here.

DONNIE: Did you call the cops?

GRETCHEN: Yeah, they told me to get out of the house.

GRETCHEN: Hey.

DONNIE: Hey. You OK?

GRETCHEN: My mom is gone.

DONNIE: Where is she?

GRETCHEN: I don't know. She didn't leave a note. The house is all messed up.

DONNIE: But you're OK?

DONNIE: Will you please talk to me?

GRETCHEN: Not now, Donnie. It isn't a good time.

DONNIE: Then when? I have to talk to you.

DONNIE: You want to skip fourth period and go to the Ridge?

GRETCHEN: What's wrong with you?

DONNIE: What do you mean?

GRETCHEN: What? How long was I asleep?

DONNIE: The whole movie. Let's go.

DONNIE: So, we call them... IMGs.

GRETCHEN: Infant Memory Generators.

DONNIE: Yeah. So the idea is that... you buy these glasses for your infant, and they wear them at night when they sleep.

GRETCHEN: And inside these glasses are these slide photographs. And each photograph is of something peaceful... or beautiful. Whatever pictures the parent wants to put inside.

DONNIE: I know she's here. She never leaves the house.

GRETCHEN: Maybe she's asleep.

GRETCHEN: Oh, yeah. "The Philosophy of Time Travel". What is this?

DONNIE: She wrote it. There are chapters in this book that describe the stuff I've been seeing. It can't just be a coincidence. Will you come see her with me?

DONNIE: They suspended me for two days.

GRETCHEN: Are you okay?

DONNIE: I've been seeing stuff... a lot of really messed-up stuff. Do you know who Grandma Death is?

GRETCHEN: Who?

DONNIE: The old crazy woman who lives off Old Gun Road.

DONNIE: We're moving through time.

GRETCHEN: What?

DONNIE: That's alright... I understand.

GRETCHEN: No... Donnie, wait. I've never...

DONNIE: I always wanted it to be at a time when... when it reminds you how beautiful the world can be.

GRETCHEN: Yeah. And right now there's some fat guy over there watching us.

DONNIE: You know... we've been going together for a week and a half...

GRETCHEN: And what?

DONNIE: Well...

GRETCHEN: You want to kiss me...

GRETCHEN: Babies cry because they're afraid of the dark. And because they have no memories... for all they know... every night could be the last forever. Like, perpetual darkness.

DONNIE: Why not just buy your baby a night light?

GRETCHEN: That's not good enough. You've got to go back in time and take all those hours of darkness and pain and replace them... with whatever you wanted.

DONNIE: With, like, images?

GRETCHEN: Like... a Hawaiian sunset... the Grand Canyon. Things that remind you how beautiful the world can be.

GRETCHEN: What happened to your neck?

DONNIE: I don't want to talk about it. So what happened to your neck?

GRETCHEN: Donnie?

DONNIE: Yeah?

GRETCHEN: Do you ever feel as though there's always someone watching you?

DONNIE: Why?

GRETCHEN: Well... maybe someone is, like... giving you these dream steroids. And sleepwalking ...is someone showing you the way.

DONNIE: It's like this big force... that's in your brain. But sometimes it grows bigger... and it spread down into your arms and legs... and it just sends you someplace.

GRETCHEN: So when you sleepwalk, you go somewhere familiar?

DONNIE: No. Every time I wake up somewhere different. Sometimes my bike is laying there next to me. Like once when I woke up on the edge of this cliff up on Carpathian Ridge.

GRETCHEN: And you'd never been there before?

GRETCHEN: So when you sleepwalk, can you remember afterward? Like, do you dream?

DONNIE: No. I just wake up and I look around, try to figure out where I am... how I got there.

GRETCHEN: My dad said never wake a sleepwalker... because they could drop dead.

DONNIE: Where are you going?

GRETCHEN: I'm going home.

GRETCHEN: You're weird.

DONNIE: I'm sorry.

GRETCHEN: That was a compliment.

DONNIE: Will you go with me?

GRETCHEN: Where are we going?

DONNIE: No... I mean, will you GO with me? That's like... what they call it here. Going together.

GRETCHEN: Sure.

DONNIE: It's a good thing the school was flooded today.

GRETCHEN: Why is that?

DONNIE: We never would have had this conversation.

DONNIE: I mean, the whole sanitation thing. Joseph Lister... 1895. Before antiseptics there was no sanitation, especially in medicine.

GRETCHEN: You mean soap?

DONNIE: Don't knock soap. Without it, disease would spread rapidly. If we ran out... you and I would never live to see the year 2000.

GRETCHEN: Wonder where we'll be then.

DONNIE: The best thing about soap is that it's the only thing on earth that can never get dirty. No matter what crap you throw on it... it always rubs off. And there it is again... perfect.

GRETCHEN: Until it withers away.

GRETCHEN: I should go. For physics. Monnitoff says I have to write an essay on the greatest invention ever to benefit mankind.

DONNIE: That's easy. Antiseptics.

DONNIE: Wow. Did he go to jail?

GRETCHEN: He fled. They still can't find him. My mom and I had to change our names and stuff. I thought Gretchen sounded kind of cool.

DONNIE: I'm sorry. I was in jail once. I accidentally burned down this house. It was abandoned. I got held back in school again. Can't drive until I'm eighteen. I think when I grow up I want to be a painter. Or maybe a writer or maybe both. Then I'll write a book and draw the illustrations like a comic book. You know, change things.

GRETCHEN: Donnie Darko is a cool name. Sounds like a superhero.

DONNIE: What makes you think I'm not?

DONNIE: So... you just moved here?

GRETCHEN: Yeah. My parents got divorced. My mom has a restraining order against my stepdad. He has... emotional problems.

DONNIE: Oh, I... have those too. What kind of problems does your dad have?

GRETCHEN: He stabbed my mom four times in the chest.

GRETCHEN: Don't look so freaked.

DONNIE: I'm not. But you should check your backpack 'cause those guys like to steal shit.

GRETCHEN: Fuck them.

GRETCHEN: Wanna walk me home?

DONNIE: Sure.

DONNIE: Hey...

GRETCHEN: Hey...

DONNIE: School's cancelled.

DONNIE: People aren't that simple.

MS. FARMER: If you don't complete the assignment, you'll get a zero for the day.

DONNIE: I'm sorry, Ms. Farmer, I just don't get this.

MS. FARMER: Just place an X in the appropriate place on the Lifeline.

DONNIE: I just don't get this. Everything can't be lumped into two categories. That's too simple.

MS. FARMER: The Lifeline is divided that way.

DONNIE: Well, life isn't that simple. So what if Ling Ling kept the cash and returned the wallet? That has nothing to do with either fear or love.

MS. FARMER: Fear and love are the deepest of human emotions.

DONNIE: Well, yeah... OK, but you're not listening to me. There are other things that need to be taken into account here. Like the whole spectrum of human emotion. You're just lumping everything into these two categories... and, like, denying everything else.

ROSE: I have to take the girls to Los Angeles tomorrow.

DONNIE: Do you get to meet Ed?

ROSE: If I'm lucky. So... I won't be back until the first. Your dad will be back on Sunday, so I've put Elizabeth in charge until then. She has the car... so she can drive you to your therapy tomorrow.

DONNIE: How does it feel to have a wacko for a son?

ROSE: It feels wonderful.

ROSE: He can't, Samantha. He's been suspended from after-school activities. Donnie... are you still with us? How was your therapy session tonight?

DONNIE: Fine. You know, Dr. Thurman isn't so bad a lady. I can tell her anything.

DONNIE: Grandma Death.

ROSE: That is a terrible nickname.

ROSE: I wish I knew where you went at night. Did you toilet paper the Johnson's house?

DONNIE: I stopped rolling houses in the sixth grade, Mom. Get out of my room.

ROSE: You know... it would be nice to look at you some time... and see my son. I don't recognise this person today.

DONNIE: Then why don't you start taking the goddamn pills?

DONNIE: Oh, please tell me, Elizabeth, how exactly does one suck a fuck?

ROSE: We will not have this kind of language at the dinner table.

DONNIE: You're such a fuck-ass.

ROSE: When did you stop taking your medication?

DONNIE: Will you still be working at Yarn Barn? 'Cause that's a great place to raise children.

ROSE: No, a year of partying is enough. She'll be going to Harvard this fall.

EDDIE: You're my only son...

DONNIE: I know, Dad.

EDDIE: I know I'm not the best... communicator. But whatever happens in your life... whatever obstacles you come up against... you just say... and do whatever is in your heart. You be honest... and tell the truth... even if they look at you funny... and they will. They'll tell you that you're wrong. They'll call you a fool. But what you've got to understand, son, is that almost all of those people are full of bullshit... and they're scared of people like you. Because you're smarter than all of them.

EDDIE: Who's been giving you weird looks?

DONNIE: A lot of people. Teachers. Younger kids. It's like they're afraid of me for some reason. But that's OK... because I know I deserve it.

EDDIE: You're right. Roberta Sparrow was famous for her gem collections. Kids used to try and steal stuff from her all the time. Over the years... as she got older, she became more and more of a recluse... now she just likes to stay up there all by herself.

DONNIE: I guess she just lost faith in the world.

EDDIE: Grandma Death.

DONNIE: You know, Roberta Sparrow. We almost hit her with the car the other day.

EDDIE: Oh, shit!

DONNIE: Grandma Death.

EDDIE: So how was school today?

DONNIE: It was great. We had peanut-butter sandwiches and apples and honey at snacktime. And then during show-and- tell, my stuffed walrus was a big hit.

EDDIE: Good Lord. So the construction guys say it'll take about a week to fix the roof. Damn airline better not fuck us on the shingle match.

DONNIE: Do they know yet?

EDDIE: Know what?

DONNIE: Where it came from?

EDDIE: No... apparently they can't tell us what happened yet. Something about a matching serial number that got burned. But I had to sign a form saying I wouldn't talk to anyone about it.

DONNIE: So we're not supposed to tell anybody what nobody knows?

EDDIE: You tell Dr. Thurman whatever you want.

MS. POMEROY: So... will Donnie find his Cellar Door?

DONNIE: I think I already have. But now she won't even talk to me.

MS. POMEROY: Then go find her, Donnie. Don't let her get away. She was right about the rabbits. Go.

DONNIE: Cellar door.

MS. POMEROY: Sometimes it's the only thing that keeps us going.

DONNIE: What's "Cellar Door"?

MS. POMEROY: A famous linguist once said... that of all the phrases in the English language, of all the endless combinations of words in all of history... that "Cellar Door" is the most beautiful.

DONNIE: Ms. Pomeroy... what's going on?

MS. POMEROY: Donnie... it's Friday. Shouldn't you be off with your friends, scaring old people?

DONNIE: Where are you going?

MS. POMEROY: I don't know. That's a good question... but suffice to say that I am no longer your English teacher. They fired me.

DONNIE: That's bullshit. You're a good teacher.

MS. POMEROY: Thank you, Donnie. And you're a good student. Lazy... but a good student. Unlike most of the others, you question Mom and Dad's rules.

DONNIE: What do I tell the rest of the class when they ask about you?

MS. POMEROY: Tell them that everything is going to be just fine. It is up to the children to save themselves these days. Because the parents... they don't have a clue.

MS. POMEROY: And when the other rabbits hear of Fiver's vision, do they believe him? It could be the death of an entire way of life, the end of an era.

DONNIE: Why should we care?

MS. POMEROY: Because the rabbits are us, Donnie.

DONNIE: Why should I mourn for a rabbit like it was a human?

MS. POMEROY: Is the death of one species less tragic than another?

DONNIE: Of course. A rabbit is not like us. It has no history books... it has no knowledge of sorrow or regret. I like bunnies and all. They're cute... and they're horny. And if you're cute and horny... then you're probably happy that you don't know who you are... or why you're even alive. But the only thing I've known rabbits to do is have sex as many times as possible before they die.

MS. POMEROY: Who is Frank?

DONNIE: A six-foot-tall bunny rabbit.

MS. POMEROY: Donnie Darko, perhaps, given your recent brush with mass destruction, you can give us your opinion?

DONNIE: Well... they say it right when they are ripping the place to shreds. When they flood the house. That like... destruction is a form of creation. So the fact that they burn the money is... ironic. They just want to see what happens when they tear the world apart. They want to change things.

DR. THURMAN: Your medication. They're placebos. Just pills made out of water.

DONNIE: Thank you.

DR. THURMAN: Donald, an atheist is someone who denies altogether the existence of a God. You are an agnostic. An agnostic is someone who believes that there can be no proof of the existence of God... but does not deny the possibility that God exists.

DONNIE: Goodbye, Dr. Thurman.

DR. THURMAN: Goodbye, Donald.

DONNIE: I can see him right now!

DR. THURMAN: Where is he, Donald?

DONNIE: He's right there... He can read my mind and he'll show me the way out of this. The sky is going to open up... and then He will reveal himself to me.

DR. THURMAN: If the sky were to suddenly open up... there would be no law... there would be no rule. There would only be you and your memories... the choices you've made and the people you've touched. The life that has been carved out from your subconscious is the only evidence by which you will be judged... by which you must judge yourself. Because when this world ends, there will only be you and him... and no one else.

DONNIE: It's too late. I've already ruined my life.

DR. THURMAN: You will survive this... Donald. I promise you that you will survive. You must let me help you. And when I clap my hands together, you will wake up.

DR. THURMAN: What is going to happen?

DONNIE: Frank is going to kill.

DR. THURMAN: Who is he going to kill?

DR. THURMAN: Where are we going, Donald?

DONNIE: I have the power to build a time machine.

DR. THURMAN: How is that possible?

DONNIE: Grandma Death will teach me how. Soon.

DR. THURMAN: Then how is time travel possible?

DONNIE: It would have to be God's portal. They will lead me to it. Then I will go back in time... and I won't feel regret anymore.

DR. THURMAN: When will this happen?

DONNIE: Soon. Time is almost up.

DONNIE: I have to obey him... because he saved my life. He controls me and I have to obey him or I'll be left all alone... and I'll never figure out what all of this means...

DR. THURMAN: If God exists?

DONNIE: I think now that he might...

DR. THURMAN: Why?

DONNIE: Because I'm so horny.

DR. THURMAN: God exists because you're horny.

DONNIE: I think so. I think that's one of the clues. It's a clue that tells us... to keep going.

DR. THURMAN: Where are we going?

DONNIE: People get hurt.

DR. THURMAN: But it was an accident. The house was under construction.

DONNIE: People get hurt. I don't want to hurt anyone.

DR. THURMAN: But you were punished.

DONNIE: Yes. I went to jail.

DR. THURMAN: Do you wish that you were punished by your parents instead?

DONNIE: They... didn't buy me what I wanted for Christmas that year.

DR. THURMAN: What did you want for Christmas that year?

DONNIE: Hungry Hungry Hippos.

DR. THURMAN: How did you feel... being denied those Hungry Hungry Hippos?

DONNIE: Regret.

DR. THURMAN: What else makes you feel regret?

DONNIE: That I did it again.

DR. THURMAN: You've done it again?

DONNIE: Yes. I flooded my school... and I burned down that pervert's house. I think I only have a few days left... before they catch me.

DR. THURMAN: Why did you do these things, Donnie? Did Frank tell you to commit these crimes?

DR. THURMAN: And when I clap my hands together twice, you will wake up. Do you understand?

DONNIE: Yes.

DR. THURMAN: So, your parents... why did you disappoint them?

DONNIE: I... I was playing with fire.

DR. THURMAN: Is it Frank who wants you to destroy the world, to set the world on fire?

DONNIE: Whoa. That's OK, Dr. Thurman, it's nothing to be embarrassed about. I have sexual fantasies all the time too.

DR. THURMAN: I know.

DONNIE: I mean... Gretchen... She won't even let me kiss her. She says because it's our first kiss... she's, like, waiting for this big... moment or something. I just don't get it. I just want to get it over with so we can move on to the good stuff.

DR. THURMAN: The good stuff.

DONNIE: Yeah... you know... Fucking.

DR. THURMAN: Have you ever made love, Donald?

DONNIE: Nothing.

DR. THURMAN: Have you told Gretchen about the spears?

DONNIE: Yeah, but if I told her about the other stuff about Frank...

DR. THURMAN: Are you embarrassed by these things that you see?

DONNIE: You know... every week I come in here and I tell you stuff... and it's all embarrassing. I tell you stuff that I don't tell anyone else... and you know what? It's your turn, Dr. Thurman. I'm not saying anything else until you tell me something embarrassing about yourself.

DR. THURMAN: And they grow out of our stomachs?

DONNIE: It was just like she described them in her book. Like they were alive. The way that they looked... moved... smelled. They were like workers... assigned to each one of us. I followed my spear... and I found something...

DR. THURMAN: What did you find?

DONNIE: I'd like to believe that I'm not... but I've just never seen any proof. So I just choose not to bother with it. It's, like, I could spend my whole life thinking about it... debating it in my head. Weighing the pros and cons. And in the end, I still wouldn't have any proof. So... I don't even debate it any more. Because it's absurd. I don't want to be alone. So, does that make me, like, an atheist?

DR. THURMAN: No. That makes you keep searching.

DR. THURMAN: How many times have you seen Frank?

DONNIE: Four times... so far.

DR. THURMAN: Can anyone else see him?

DONNIE: I don't think so. It's like a TV station. And they're tuned into mine and no one else's.

DR. THURMAN: Who is they? Is Frank part of some larger group?

DONNIE: I don't know. Gretchen has a theory. That Frank is a sign. I told her I thought it was ridiculous.

DR. THURMAN: A sign from whom?

DONNIE: I think that Frank wants me to go to this woman. She wrote a book about time travel. Frank asked me if I believed in time travel. That can't just be a random coincidence. My dad almost hit her with the car the other day, and she said the creepiest thing. She said that every living creature on this earth dies alone.

DR. THURMAN: How does that make you feel?

DONNIE: It reminded me of my dog Callie.

DR. THURMAN: Is Callie still around?

DONNIE: No. She died when I was eight. We couldn't find her for days. She went and crawled underneath our back porch...

DR. THURMAN: Do you feel alone right now?

DR. THURMAN: And when I clap my hands twice, you will wake up. Do you understand?

DONNIE: Yes.

DR. THURMAN: So, tell me about your day, Donald.

DONNIE: I met a girl.

DR. THURMAN: What is her name?

DONNIE: Gretchen. We're going together now.

DR. THURMAN: Do you think a lot about girls?

DONNIE: Yes.

DR. THURMAN: How are things going at school?

DONNIE: I think about girls a lot.

DR. THURMAN: I asked you about school.

DONNIE: I think about... fucking a lot during school.

DR. THURMAN: What else do you think about during school?

DONNIE: I think... about... "Who's the Boss?"

DR. THURMAN: Who is the boss?

DONNIE: I just turn the volume down and think about fucking Alyssa Milano.

DR. THURMAN: What about your family, Donnie?

DONNIE: No, I don't think about fucking my family. That's sick!

DR. THURMAN: Donnie... I want to hear about your friend Frank.

DR. THURMAN: Do you believe that the world is coming to an end?

DONNIE: No. That's stupid.

DR. THURMAN: Frank... instructed you... to get out of bed... just before this happened.

DONNIE: He said to follow him.

DR. THURMAN: Follow him where?

DONNIE: Into the future. Then he said that the world was coming to an end.

DONNIE: So, I met a new friend.

DR. THURMAN: Would you like to talk about this friend?

DONNIE: His name is Frank.

DR. THURMAN: Frank.

DONNIE: I think he saved my life.

DR. THURMAN: How so?

DONNIE: Don't you watch the news?

DR. THURMAN: I don't own a television.

DONNIE: A jet engine fell on my house... landed on my bed. While I was talking to Frank on the golf course.

DR. THURMAN: Your mother said that you've been skipping cycles of your medication.

DONNIE: I've been taking it. I just like to make her feel guilty for all of this. You know, abuse her. Psychologically.

DR. THURMAN: All of this... certainly isn't your mother's fault, Donald.

DONNIE: Mom and Dad won't be back until Sunday night. It's Halloween Carnival. We should throw a party. We could totally get away with it.

ELIZABETH: Okay, but it has to be a small one.

DONNIE: Everything is going to be just fine.

ELIZABETH: I got in. I'm going to Harvard.

DONNIE: Congratulations.

ELIZABETH: So I hear you have a girlfriend.

DONNIE: Yeah.

ELIZABETH: What's her name?

DONNIE: You're not gonna tell Mom, are you?

ELIZABETH: Why would I tell Mom?

DONNIE: Because you tell Mom everything.

ELIZABETH: No I don't. She worries about you.

DONNIE: Well, don't worry... I'm taking my medication.

ELIZABETH: It's not that. I mean mouthing off to your teachers. I'll admit... when Dad told me what you said to Ms. Farmer, I laughed my ass off.

DONNIE: I was just being honest.

ELIZABETH: Yeah... well, that's not the way the world works. If you keep being too honest, the world will eventually find a way to destroy you.

DONNIE: Her name is Gretchen.

ELIZABETH: That's a nice name. OK, let me see it.

DONNIE: It's called "The Philosophy of Time Travel".

ELIZABETH: What does time travel have to do with philosophy?

DONNIE: Guess who wrote it?

DONNIE: Whoa, Elizabeth. A little hostile, there. Maybe you should be the one in therapy. Then Mom and Dad can pay someone two hundred dollars an hour to listen to all of your thoughts... so we won't have to.

ELIZABETH: Maybe you'd like to tell Mom and Dad why you stopped taking your medication.

JIM CUNNINGHAM: I think you are afraid to ask me for advice. I think that you are a very troubled... confused young man. I think you're searching for answers in all the wrong places.

DONNIE: Well, I think you're the fucking Anti-Christ.

DONNIE: How much are they paying you to be here?

JIM CUNNINGHAM: Excuse me? What's your name, son?

DONNIE: Gerald.

JIM CUNNINGHAM: Well, Gerald, I think you're afraid.

DONNIE: Well, Jim, I think you're full of shit!

ROSE: If that's what you think is necessary.

DR. THURMAN: But let me remind you that this treatment is... experimental.

ROSE: I... What can we do?

DR. THURMAN: I would like to put him through more hypnotherapy... and increase his medication.

DR. THURMAN: Has your son ever told you about Frank?

ROSE: Come again?

DR. THURMAN: Frank... the giant bunny rabbit?

ROSE: Frank?

DR. THURMAN: Donnie is experiencing what is commonly called a daylight hallucination.

ROSE: You're telling me my son has an imaginary friend?

DR. THURMAN: He has described lengthy conversations... physical encounters with what I believe to be a manifestation of his subconscious mind.

ROSE: Thank you for seeing us... We... just felt that it was time to discuss...

DR. THURMAN: What I think is going on with your son.

ROSE: Well, you know about his past. And when you said to look for signs of aggression... He was recently suspended from school for insulting his gym teacher.

ROSE: What?

EDDIE: Frankie Feedler. You remember him from high school?

ROSE: He was a year ahead of us?

EDDIE: He died, remember? On the way to the prom. He was doomed.

ROSE: So let me get this straight. No airline will claim ownership of the engine. So we have to wait for the FAA to decide who fixes my roof. Fuck that. We're taking the money out of savings.

EDDIE: You are entering a new dimension of sight and sound...

ROSE: Our son just called me a bitch.

EDDIE: You're not a bitch.

ROSE: Here are the keys to the Taurus. There's plenty of groceries in the fridge. And I left money on the kitchen table. And don't forget...

ELIZABETH: Don't worry, Mom. Just go, you'll miss your flight.

ELIZABETH: No. I took a year off to be with you. Of course I care. Don't get angry. What?

ROSE: How did you know --

ELIZABETH: I didn't realise it was such a big deal.

ROSE: It is a big deal.

ELIZABETH: I caught him flushing pills down the toilet. He knows you check the container.

ELIZABETH: Did you just call me a fuck-ass?

ROSE: That's enough.

ELIZABETH: You can suck a fuck.

ROSE: Excuse me?

ELIZABETH: Donnie? You're a dick.

ELIZABETH: I haven't been accepted yet, mother.

ROSE: If you think Michael Dukakis will provide for this country prior to the point when you decide to squeeze one out, then I think you're misinformed.

PRINCIPAL COLE: Christ. Is that an axe?

LEROY: Yep.

PRINCIPAL COLE: How did this happen?

LEROY: I guess they made him do it.

LEROY: I got twelve classrooms full of water. All coming from a busted water main.

PRINCIPAL COLE: What else?

LEROY: What else? Shit, Principal Cole, you ain't gonna believe what else.

MS. FARMER: Rose.

ROSE: Kitty...

MS. FARMER: Rose, we have a crisis. I am sure that you are aware of the horrible allegations against Jim Cunningham.

ROSE: Yes, I saw the news. Something about a kiddie-porn dungeon.

MS. FARMER: Please! Don't say those words. Well... as you can see... many of us are devastated by this news. This is obviously some kind of conspiracy meant to destroy an innocent man. And I have taken it upon myself to spearhead the Jim Cunningham defence campaign. But unfortunately my civic duties have created a conflict of interest... which involves you.

ROSE: Beg pardon?

MS. FARMER: Rose... I have to appear at his arraignment tomorrow morning. And as you know, the girls also leave for Los Angeles tomorrow morning. Now, as their coach... I was the obvious choice to chaperone them on the trip.

ROSE: But now you can't go.

MS. FARMER: Yes. And believe me, of all the other mothers I would never dream of asking you, given the predicament with your son. But none of the other mothers are able to go.

ROSE: Oh, Kitty, I don't know. This is so last-minute... Eddie is in New York...

MS. FARMER: Rose... I don't know if you realise how great an opportunity this is for our daughters. This has been a dream of ours for a long time. Sometimes I doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion.

ROSE: Kitty, I don't know what to say. They've suspended him for two days. Ever since this jet fiasco, I honestly don't know what has gotten into him.

MS. FARMER: Rose, I'll tell you this because our daughters have been on dance team together for two years and I respect you as a WOMAN. But after witnessing your son's behaviour today, I have... significant doubts... Our paths through life must be righteous. I urge you to go home and look in the mirror and pray that your son does not succumb to the path of fear.

ROSE: Do you even know who Graham Greene is?

MS. FARMER: I think we've all seen "Bonanza".

ROSE: Excuse me... but what is the real issue here? The PTA doesn't ban books from school.

MS. FARMER: The PTA is here to acknowledge that there is pornography in our school's curriculum.

MS. FARMER: And how do they do this? They FLOOD the house... by breaking through the water main!

PRINCIPAL COLE: This meeting of the PTA was called to inform the parents of our ongoing investigation...

MS. FARMER: I AM THE PTA! And I say that this FILTH is directly related to this vandalism.

PRINCIPAL COLE: Kitty, I would appreciate... if you could wait...

MS. FARMER: Mr. Cole... not only am I a TEACHER... but I am also a PARENT of a Middlesex child. Therefore, I am the ONLY person here who transcends the parent-teacher bridge.

PRINCIPAL COLE: Kitty...

MS. FARMER: The bottom line... Mr. Cole... is that there is material being taught to our children that is cause for this destructive behaviour.

SEAN: We got eggs, water balloons, and a dozen rolls of toilet paper.

RONALD: I stole four beers from my dad.

RONALD: Wicked.

SEAN: No more fuckin' for her.

RONALD: Smurfette doesn't fuck.

SEAN: Bullshit. Smurfette fucks all the other smurfs. That's why Papa Smurf made her, 'cause the other smurfs were getting too horny.

RONALD: Not Vanity. He's a homo.

RONALD: What is this shit?

SEAN: Raspberry.

SEAN: All right! 7:55. Everybody goes home.

RONALD: Let's go to Donnie's house. His parents are both at work.

RONALD: Maybe Martha Moo finally went nuts and hijacked the bus.

SEAN: You know, there's, like, this rule. We get to go home at 7:55.

RONALD: There's no rule!

SEAN: Fuck yeah there is! If the bus doesn't show up in thirty minutes, you're supposed to go straight home.

RONALD: Chut up!

SEAN: Go back to China, bitch!