Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

CARRIE: Who was the girl you walked off with?

JOEL: No one.

JOEL: I remember you turned around. Your face was dark and your hair was backlit -- I could see a halo of frizz -- you asked me if things were okay between Naomi and me.

CARRIE: I did. You said, things were fine.

JOEL: I remember.

CARRIE: This is the night you met Clementine, Joel. I remember watching you walk down the beach with her and I thought, oh shit.

JOEL: Yeah, you told me that later.

CARRIE: I told you that later.

CARRIE: I'm sorry Naomi couldn't make it. You okay? You seem quiet.

JOEL: Just a little overworked, maybe.

JOEL: Thanks, guys.

CARRIE: I hope you feel better, sweetie.

JOEL: Yeah.

CARRIE: Say hi to Naomi.

CARRIE: You weren't supposed to see that.

JOEL: They can't erase memories. It's a joke. It's a nasty Clementine hoax.

CARRIE: Sweetie, we called the company.

CARRIE: Maybe you need to look at this as a sign to move on. Just make a clean break.

JOEL: I don't know. I'm so... I can't believe she'd be so goddamn immature!

CARRIE: I don't know, honey. It's horrible.

JOEL: She's punishing me for being honest. I should just go to her house.

VOICE-OVER: No, it was lovely.

CLEMENTINE: Hi, Joel. So no jokes about my name?

VOICE-OVER: But I thought, I don't know, I thought it was cool that you were sensitive enough to know what I was feeling and that you were attracted to it.

CLEMENTINE: But, I don't know, maybe we're the normal ones, y'know? I mean, what kind of people do well at this stuff?

VOICE-OVER: And I just liked you so much.

CLEMENTINE: You did? You liked me?

VOICE-OVER: Shit. The last time I saw you.

CLEMENTINE: Anyhoo, sweetie, I done a bad thing. I kinda sorta wrecked your car...

MARY: How are you today?

CLEMENTINE: Okay, I guess.

MARY: Here we are.

MARY: Ms. Kruczynski?

CLEMENTINE: Hi.

MARY: May I help you?

CLEMENTINE: Yeah, hi, I have a one o'clock with Dr. Mierzwiak. Clementine Kruczynski.

MARY: Yes, please have a seat. He'll be right with you.

CLEMENTINE: What's wrong with me?

PATRICK: Nothing is wrong with you. You're the most wonderful person I've ever met.

PATRICK: I didn't have a chance to wrap it.

CLEMENTINE: It's gorgeous. Just my taste. I've never gone out with a guy who brought me a piece of jewelry I liked. Thanks. So let's get going. Long drive.

CLEMENTINE: I'm so excited. Yay!

PATRICK: I'm excited, too. Oh, and I wanted to give you this. It's a little... thing.

CLEMENTINE: Come up to Boston with me?

PATRICK: Sure. We'll go next weekend and --

CLEMENTINE: Now. Now! I have to go now. I have to see the frozen Charles! Now! Tonight!

PATRICK: Um, okay. I'll call my study partner.

CLEMENTINE: Yay! It'll be great! I'll get my shit.

PATRICK: Oh, baby, what's going on?

CLEMENTINE: I don't know. I'm lost. I'm scared. I feel like I'm disappearing. I'm getting old and nothing makes any sense to me.

PATRICK: Oh, Tangerine.

CLEMENTINE: Nothing makes any sense. Nothing makes any sense.

PATRICK: It's so cool. You're by far the most sensational person in the room.

CLEMENTINE: In the room?

PATRICK: In the world.

CLEMENTINE: Come over after I'm done here?

PATRICK: I can't. I want to, but I have to study.

CLEMENTINE: You rat.

PATRICK: I really want to, but tonight's important. Test tomorrow.

PATRICK: I just thought I'd say hi. I was in the neighborhood.

CLEMENTINE: You were not.

PATRICK: I was not.

CLEMENTINE: Maybe gay isn't the right word. But, anyway, it's been rough with him... whatever the fuck he is. Heheh. My significant other... heh heh. And I guess on a certain level, I want to break it off, but I feel... y'know... it's like this constant questioning and re questioning. Do I end it? Should I give it more time? I'm not happy, but what do I expect? Relationships require work. You know the drill. The thing that I keep coming back to is, I'm not getting any younger, I want to have a baby... at some point... maybe... right? So then I think I should settle -- which is not necessarily the best word -- I mean, he's a good guy. It's not really settling. Then I think maybe I'm just a victim of movies, y'know? That I have some completely unrealistic notion of what a relationship can be. But then I think, no, this is what I really want, so I should allow myself the freedom to go out and fucking find it. You know? Agreed? But then I think he is a good guy and... It's complicated. Y'know?

MIERZWIAK: I think I know. I think we can help. Why don't you start by telling me about your relationship. Everything you can think of. Everything about him. Everything about you. And we'll take it from there.

CLEMENTINE: Well, I've been having a bad time of it with um, my boyfriend, I guess.

MIERZWIAK: You guess he's your boyfriend? Or you guess you're having a bad time with him?

CLEMENTINE: What? No. I don't like the term boyfriend. It's so gay.

MIERZWIAK: How are you today?

CLEMENTINE: Okay, I guess.

MIERZWIAK: Well, why don't you tell me what's going on? Do you mind if I turn this on?

CLEMENTINE: You're still excited by my irreverence. You haven't yet started to think of it as my "gratuitous need to shock."

JOEL: I can't stop thinking about you.

CLEMENTINE: Yay. Meet me after work by the old mill.

JOEL: What old mill? Is that somewhere we --

CLEMENTINE: I just wanted to say that. Come by my house.

CLEMENTINE: Says you were closed off, non communicative, never told me what you were feeling.

JOEL: Says you were a bully...

CLEMENTINE: A bully? Moi?

JOEL: That's what it says. You drank too much, you picked on me for being passive and timid.

CLEMENTINE: Well, sounds like me. Sorry, man. Says you were jealous and suspicious.

JOEL: Says you would sometimes disappear all night, then brag to me about your sexual conquests.

CLEMENTINE: Did I use the term "sexual conquests" or is that your way of putting it.

JOEL: I don't know.

CLEMENTINE: Doesn't sound like me.

JOEL: Says you were a slob, leaving trails of panties and dirty socks in your wake.

CLEMENTINE: Says you were constantly calling me a slob. It's sexy that we were like a married couple, griping and overly-familiar and bored. Don't you think?

JOEL: I sort of do. But I only see it as a fantasy version of reality. Cleaned up enough to be erotic.

CLEMENTINE: We should have sex. It's old hat for us.

JOEL: Listen, did you want to make love?

CLEMENTINE: Make love?

JOEL: Have sex. Y'know --

CLEMENTINE: Oh, um...

JOEL: Because I just am not drunk enough or stoned enough to make that happen right now.

CLEMENTINE: That's okay. I --

JOEL: I'm sorry. I just wanted to say that. This seems like the perfect romantic exotic place to do it and --

CLEMENTINE: Hey, Joel --

JOEL: -- and I'm just too nervous around you right now.

CLEMENTINE: I'm nervous, too.

JOEL: Yeah? I wouldn't have thought that.

CLEMENTINE: Well, you obviously don't know me.

JOEL: I'm nervous because I have and enormous crush on you.

JOEL: I think I should go back.

CLEMENTINE: Joel, come here. Please.

JOEL: I don't know. What if it breaks?

CLEMENTINE: What if?

CLEMENTINE: Don't worry. It's really solid this time of year.

JOEL: I don't know.

CLEMENTINE: So you'll call me, right?

JOEL: Yeah.

CLEMENTINE: When?

JOEL: Tomorrow?

CLEMENTINE: Tonight. Just to test out the phone lines.

JOEL: Yeah.

CLEMENTINE: Bye, Joel.

JOEL: I love you.

CLEMENTINE: So go.

JOEL: I did. I walked out the door. I felt like I was a scared little kid. I thought you knew that about me. I ran back to the bonfire, trying to outrun my humiliation. You said, "so go" with such disdain.

CLEMENTINE: What if you stay this time?

JOEL: I walked out the door. There's no more memory.

CLEMENTINE: Come back and make up a good-bye at least. Let's pretend we had one.

CLEMENTINE: Ah-ha! Now I can look for candles, matches, and the liquor cabinet.

JOEL: I think we should go.

CLEMENTINE: No, it's our house! Just tonight -- -- we're David and Ruth Laskin. Which one do you want to be? I prefer to be Ruth but I'm flexible. Alcohol! You make drinks. I'm going find the bedroom and slip into something more Ruth. I'm ruthless at the moment.

JOEL: I knew.

CLEMENTINE: I knew by your nervousness that Naomi wasn't the kind of girl who forced you to criminally trespass.

JOEL: It's dark.

CLEMENTINE: Yeah. What's your girlfriend's name?

JOEL: Naomi.

CLEMENTINE: C'mon, man. The water's fine. Nobody's coming here tonight, believe me. This place is closed up. Electricity's off.

JOEL: I hesitated for what seemed like forever.

CLEMENTINE: I could see you wanted to come in, Joel.

CLEMENTINE: Cool.

JOEL: What are you doing?

CLEMENTINE: It's freezing out here.

CLEMENTINE: Male or female?

JOEL: Female.

CLEMENTINE: At least I haven't been barking up the wrong tree.

JOEL: I do sort of live with somebody though.

CLEMENTINE: Oh.

CLEMENTINE: I wish we did. You married?

JOEL: Um, no.

CLEMENTINE: Let's move into this neighborhood.

CLEMENTINE: Do you know her poem that starts "Seaside gusts of wind,/And a house in which we don't live...

JOEL: Yeah, yeah. It goes "Perhaps there is someone in this world to whom I could send all these lines"?

CLEMENTINE: Yes! I love that poem. It breaks my heart. I'm so excited you know it. Look, houses in which we don't live.

CLEMENTINE: No, I stopped. I didn't want to feel like I was being artificially modulated.

JOEL: I know what you mean. That's why I stopped.

CLEMENTINE: But my sleeping is really fucked up.

JOEL: I don't think I've slept in a year.

CLEMENTINE: You should try Xanax. I mean, it's a chemical and all, but it works... and it works just having it around, knowing that it's there. Like insurance.

JOEL: yeah?

CLEMENTINE: I'll give you a couple. See what you think.

JOEL: Okay.

CLEMENTINE: Have you ever read any Anna Akhmatova?

JOEL: I love her.

CLEMENTINE: Really? Me, too! I don't meet people who even know who she is and I work in a book store.

JOEL: I think she's great.

CLEMENTINE: Me too. There's this poem --

JOEL: Did this conversation come before or after we saw the house?

CLEMENTINE: I think, before.

JOEL: Seems too coincidental that way.

CLEMENTINE: Yeah, maybe.

CLEMENTINE: This is it, Joel. It's gonna be gone soon.

JOEL: I know.

CLEMENTINE: What do we do?

JOEL: Enjoy it. Say good-bye.

JOEL: You mean, like... Oh, my darlin', oh, my darlin', oh, my darlin', Clementine... ? Huckleberry Hound? That sort of thing?

CLEMENTINE: Yeah, like that.

JOEL: Nope. No jokes. My favorite thing when I was a kid was my Huckleberry Hound doll. I think your name is magic.

CLEMENTINE: Oh God, how horrid.

JOEL: I'm Joel.

CLEMENTINE: I'm Clementine. Can I borrow a piece of your chicken?

JOEL: And you picked it out of my plate before I could answer and it felt so intimate like we were already lovers.

JOEL: You know what I did.

CLEMENTINE: Yeah, I know. I'm fishing.

JOEL: You said --

JOEL: You said...

CLEMENTINE: I saw you sitting over here. By yourself. I thought, thank God, someone normal, who doesn't know how interact at these things either.

JOEL: Yeah. I don't ever know what to say.

CLEMENTINE: I can't tell you how happy I am to hear that. I mean, I don't mean I'm happy you're uncomfortable, but, yknow... I'm such a loser. Every time I come to a party I tell myself I'm going to be different and it's always exactly the same and then I hate myself after for being such a clod.

JOEL: Even then I didn't believe you entirely. I thought how could you be talking to me if you couldn't talk to people?

CLEMENTINE: Hi there.

JOEL: Hi.

CLEMENTINE: Joel, I'm not a concept. I want you to just keep that in your head. Too many guys think I'm a concept or I complete them or I'm going to make them alive, but I'm just a fucked-up girl who is looking for my own peace of mind. Don't assign me yours.

JOEL: I remember that speech really well.

CLEMENTINE: I had you pegged, didn't I?

JOEL: You had the whole human race pegged.

CLEMENTINE: Probably.

JOEL: I still thought you were going to save me. Even after that.

CLEMENTINE: I know.

JOEL: It would be different, if we could just give it another go around.

CLEMENTINE: Remember me. Try your best. Maybe we can.

CLEMENTINE: I didn't think you'd show your face around me again. I figured you were humiliated. You did run away, after all.

JOEL: Sorry to track you down like this. I'm not a stalker. But I needed to see you.

CLEMENTINE: Yeah?

JOEL: I'd like to... take you out or something.

CLEMENTINE: Well, you're married.

JOEL: Not yet. Not married.

CLEMENTINE: Look, man, I'm telling you right off the bat, I'm high maintenance. So I'm not going to tiptoe around your marriage or whatever it is you got going there. If you want to be with me, you're with me.

JOEL: Okay.

CLEMENTINE: So make your domestic decisions and maybe we'll talk again.

JOEL: I told her today I need to end it.

CLEMENTINE: Is that what you want?

JOEL: I did it. I guess that means something.

JOEL: I dropped you off after. You said --

CLEMENTINE: Come up and see me... now.

JOEL: It's very late.

CLEMENTINE: Yes, exactly. Exactly my point.

JOEL: I thought I was foolish. I thought I'd mistaken infatuation for love. You said:

CLEMENTINE: So what. Infatuation is good, too.

JOEL: And I didn't have an argument.

JOEL: Right. Something black though.

CLEMENTINE: I'll buy that. Black's always good.

JOEL: We did talk about Naomi.

CLEMENTINE: I said: Are you sure? You seem unsure.

JOEL: I'm sure, I said.

CLEMENTINE: But you weren't. I could tell.

JOEL: I was so nervous. I remember I couldn't think of anything to say. There were long silences.

JOEL: I'm done, Clem. I'm just going to ride it out. Hiding is clearly not working.

CLEMENTINE: Yeah.

JOEL: I want to enjoy my little time left with you.

CLEMENTINE: This is our first "date" date.

JOEL: Do you remember what we talked about?

CLEMENTINE: Naomi, I guess.

JOEL: Yeah.

CLEMENTINE: What was I wearing?

JOEL: God, I should know. Your hair was red. I remember it matched the wallpaper.

CLEMENTINE: Egad, were you horrified?

JOEL: No! I think you were wearing that black dress, y'know, with the buttons.

JOEL: I scoured the city for it.

CLEMENTINE: I love it!

JOEL: Happy Birthday.

CLEMENTINE: Thanks, Joely. A present! Oh boy!

CLEMENTINE: Joel!

JOEL: I don't like it either, but I'm just trying to find horrible secret place to --

CLEMENTINE: Look at you, cutey! What are we doing?

JOEL: This kid, Joe Early, is going to beat the shit out of me.

JOEL: They found us before. The plan didn't work. I don't know what to do now.

CLEMENTINE: Hide me somewhere deeper? Somewhere buried?

CLEMENTINE: But can't you see... I love you, Antoine.

JOEL: Don't call me Antoine. My name is Wally.

CLEMENTINE: Yes, but I can't love a man named Wally.

JOEL: There's this guy!

CLEMENTINE: What?

JOEL: There's this guy. I heard him talking in my apartment. He's one of the eraser guys. And he fell for you when they were erasing you, so he introduced himself the next day as if he were a stranger and now you're dating him.

CLEMENTINE: Really? Is he cute?

JOEL: He stole a pair of your panties while you were being erased!

CLEMENTINE: Gross! You must remember to tell me this in the morning. I'm, like, so freaked out now.

CLEMENTINE: You remember what happened next?

JOEL: I came over to the bed and you smelled so good, like you just woke up, slightly sweaty. And I climbed on the bed with you and you said something like --

CLEMENTINE: -- another rainy day. Whatever shall we do?

CLEMENTINE: You know, we're okay. They're not finding us. You'll remember me in the morning. And you'll come to me and tell me about us and we'll start over.

JOEL: I loved you so much this day. On my bed in your panties. I remember I thought, how impossibly lucky am I to have you on my bed in your panties.

JOEL: I want my mommy. I don't want to lose you, Clem.

CLEMENTINE: I'm right here.

JOEL: I'm scared. I want my mommy. I don't want to lose you. I don't want to lose...

CLEMENTINE: Joel, Joely, look... it's not fading. The memory. I think we're hidden.

CLEMENTINE: What if you hide me?

JOEL: What do you mean?

CLEMENTINE: Well... if they're looking for me in memories I'm in, what if you take me to a memory I'm not in? And we can hide there till morning.

CLEMENTINE: Such a beautiful view.

JOEL: Yes indeed. Fuck! They're erasing you, Clem!

CLEMENTINE: Oh?

JOEL: I hired them to. We're in my brain. But I want it to stop, before I wake up and don't know you anymore.

CLEMENTINE: Wow. Um, well... can't you just force yourself awake?

JOEL: I don't know.

CLEMENTINE: Joely...

JOEL: Yeah, Tangerine?

CLEMENTINE: Do you know The Velveteen Rabbit?

JOEL: No.

CLEMENTINE: It's my favorite book. Since I was a kid. It's about these toys. There's this part where the skin Horse tells the rabbit what it means to be real. I can't believe I'm crying already. He says, "It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't often happen to people who break easily or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

CLEMENTINE: More?

JOEL: No. Thanks.

CLEMENTINE: You don't tell me things, Joel. I'm an open book. I tell you everything. Every damn embarrassing thing. You don't trust me.

JOEL: No, it isn't that.

CLEMENTINE: I want to know you.

JOEL: I just don't have anything very interesting about my life.

CLEMENTINE: Joel, you're a liar.

JOEL: You're drunk.

CLEMENTINE: You're a whiz kid. So perceptive, so --

JOEL: So, um --

CLEMENTINE: Would you get me another, Joely?

JOEL: Oh, thank God. It's going.

CLEMENTINE: It's you! It's you who can't commit to anything! You have no idea how lucky you are I'm interested in you! I don't even know why I am! I should just end it right here, Joel. Leave you in the zoo. Maybe you could find a nice sloth to hang out with!

CLEMENTINE: You can't fucking say something like that and say you don't want to talk about it!

JOEL: Clem, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have --

CLEMENTINE: I'd make a fucking good mother! I love children! I'm creative and smart and I'd make a fucking good mother!

CLEMENTINE: What?!

JOEL: I don't want to talk about this here.

CLEMENTINE: Joel, We're fucking gonna talk about it!

JOEL: Oh shit. I remember this. Want to go?

CLEMENTINE: I want to have a baby.

JOEL: Let's talk about it later.

CLEMENTINE: No. I want to have a baby. I have to have a baby.

JOEL: I don't think we're ready.

CLEMENTINE: You're not ready.

JOEL: Clementine, do you really think you could take care of a kid?

CLEMENTINE: How can you watch this crap?

JOEL: Where are you going?

CLEMENTINE: I'm fucking crawling out of my skin.

JOEL: Let me drive you home.

CLEMENTINE: Fuck you, Joel. Faggot.

JOEL: Look at it out here. It's falling apart. I'm erasing you. And I'm happy.

CLEMENTINE: A wino? Jesus, Are you from the fifties? A wino! Face it, Joel. You're freaked out because I was out late without you, and in your little wormy brain, you're trying to figure out, did she fuck someone tonight?

JOEL: No, see, Clem, I assume you fucked someone tonight. Isn't that how you get people to like you?

JOEL: I don't know, maybe you did kill somebody.

CLEMENTINE: Oh Christ I didn't kill anybody. It's just a fucking dent. You're like some old lady or something.

JOEL: I can't believe you wrecked my car. You're driving drunk. It's pathetic.

CLEMENTINE: ...a little. I was a little tipsy. Don't call me pathetic.

JOEL: Well it is pathetic. And fucking irresponsible. You could've killed somebody.

CLEMENTINE: Yo ho ho!

JOEL: It's three.

JOEL: How could she have done this to me? How could anyone do this to anyone?

CLEMENTINE: You didn't say anything about my hair.

JOEL: So, I enjoyed meeting you.

CLEMENTINE: You'll call me, right?

JOEL: Yeah.

CLEMENTINE: When?

JOEL: Tomorrow?

CLEMENTINE: Tonight. Just to test out the phone lines and all.

JOEL: Okay.

CLEMENTINE: I would like you to call me. Would you do that? I would like that.

JOEL: Yes.

CLEMENTINE: I'll pack a picnic -- a night picnic -- night picnics are different -- and --

JOEL: Sounds good. But right now I should go.

CLEMENTINE: You should stay.

JOEL: I have to get up early in the morning tomorrow, so...

CLEMENTINE: Okay.

CLEMENTINE: Well, for the last week, anyway! He's kind of a kid. Kind of a goofball, but he's really stuck on me, which is flattering. Who wouldn't like that? And he's, like, a dope, but he says these smart and moving things sometimes, out of nowhere, that just break my heart. He's the one who gave me that crow photograph.

JOEL: Oh, yeah.

CLEMENTINE: That made me cry. But, anyway, we went up to Boston, because I had this urge to lie on my back on the Charles River. It gets frozen this time of year.

JOEL: That's scary sounding.

CLEMENTINE: Exactly! I used to do it in college and I had this urge to go do it again, so I got Patrick and we drove all night to get there and he was sweet and said nice things to me, but I was really disappointment to be there with him. Y'know? And that's where psychic stuff comes in. Like, it just isn't right with him. Y'know?

JOEL: I think so.

CLEMENTINE: I don't believe in that soulmate crap anymore, but... he says so many great things. We like the same writers. This writer Stephen Dixon he turned me on to. And he's cute. It's fucked up. Joel, you should come up to the Charles with me sometime.

JOEL: Okay.

CLEMENTINE: Yeah? Oh, great!

CLEMENTINE: You're really nice. I'm sorry I yelled at you before about it. God, I'm an idiot.

JOEL: I do have a tendency to use that word too much.

CLEMENTINE: I like you. That's the thing about my psychic thing. I think that's my greatest psychic power, that I get a sense about people. My problem is I never trust it. But I get it. And with you I get that you're a really good guy.

JOEL: Thanks.

CLEMENTINE: And, anyway, you sell yourself short. I can tell. There's a lot of stuff going on in your brain. I can tell. My goal... can I tell you my goal?

JOEL: Yeah.

CLEMENTINE: What's the goal, Joel? My goal, Joel, is to just let it flow through me? Do you know what I mean? It's like, there's all these emotions and ideas and they come quick and they change and they leave and they come back in a different form and I think we're all taught we should be consistent. Y'know? You love someone -- that's it. Forever. You choose to do something with your life -- that's it, that's what you do. It's a sign of maturity to stick with that and see things through. And my feeling is that's how you die, because you stop listening to what is true, and what is true is constantly changing. You know?

JOEL: Yeah. I think so. It's hard to --

CLEMENTINE: Like I wanted to talk to you. I didn't need any more reason to do it. Who knows what bigger cosmic reason might exist?

JOEL: Yeah.

CLEMENTINE: You're very nice. God, I have to stop saying that. You're nervous around me, huh?

JOEL: No.

CLEMENTINE: I'm nervous. You don't need to be nervous around me, though. I like you. Do you think I'm repulsively fat?

JOEL: No, not at all.

CLEMENTINE: I don't either. I used to. But I'm through with that. Y'know, if I don't love my body, then I'm just lost. You know? With all the wrinkles and scars and the general falling apart that's coming 'round the bend. So, I've been seeing this guy...

CLEMENTINE: Y'know, I'm sort of psychic.

JOEL: Yeah?

CLEMENTINE: Well, I go to a psychic and she's always telling me I'm psychic. She should know. Do you believe in that stuff?

JOEL: I don't know.

CLEMENTINE: Me neither. But sometimes I have premonitions, so, I don't know. Maybe that's just coincidence. Right? Y'know, you think something and then it happens, or you think a word and then someone says it? Y'know?

JOEL: Yeah, I don't know. It's hard to know.

CLEMENTINE: Exactly. Exactly! That's exactly my feeling about it. It's hard to know. Like, okay, but how many times do I think something and it doesn't happen? That's what you're saying, right? You forget about those times. Right?

JOEL: Yeah, I guess.

CLEMENTINE: But I think I am. I like to think I am.

CLEMENTINE: It's helpful to think there's some order to things. You're kind of closed mouthed, aren't you?

JOEL: Sorry. My life isn't that interesting. I go to work. I go home. I don't know what to say.

CLEMENTINE: Oh. Does that make you sad? Or anxious? I'm always anxious thinking I'm not living my life to the fullest, y'know? Taking advantage of every possibility? Just making sure that I'm not wasting one second of the little time I have.

JOEL: I think about that.

JOEL: Thanks.

CLEMENTINE: Drink up, young man. It'll make the whole seduction part less repugnant.

JOEL: Well, I should probably get going.

CLEMENTINE: No, stay. Just for a little while. Refill?

JOEL: No. I --

CLEMENTINE: I know a man who needs a refill.

JOEL: What do you want to hear?

CLEMENTINE: You pick it.

JOEL: You just say. I'm not really --

CLEMENTINE: I don't know! I can't see them from here, Joel! Just pick something good.

CLEMENTINE: Ready for another?

JOEL: No, I'm okay for now.

CLEMENTINE: God, that feels so fucking good. Take yours off.

JOEL: I'm fine.

CLEMENTINE: Yeah? Well, have a seat, anyway.

JOEL: Thanks. That was good, that crow sound.

CLEMENTINE: Do you believe in that stuff? Reincarnation?

JOEL: I don't know.

CLEMENTINE: Me neither. Oh, there's an inscription on the back. The way a crow/Shook down on me/The dust of snow/From a hemlock tree/Has given my heart/A change of mood/And saved some part/Of a day I rued.

JOEL: Frost?

CLEMENTINE: Yeah. I'm not, like, a Robert Frost lover by any stretch. His stuff seems strictly grade school to me. But this made me cry for some reason. Maybe because it is grade school. Y'know?

JOEL: It's pretty.

CLEMENTINE: I miss grade school. I don't know why I'm calling it grade school all of a sudden. When I went we called it elementary school. But I like grade school better. Sounds like something someone from the forties would call it. I'd like to be from then. Everyone wore hats. Anyway, cheers!

JOEL: Cheers.

CLEMENTINE: You like that?

JOEL: Very much.

CLEMENTINE: This... someone gave that to me, just like, recently. I like it, too. I like crows. I think I used to be a crow.

JOEL: Take care.

CLEMENTINE: Hey, do you want to have a drink? I have lots of drinks. And I could --

JOEL: Um --

CLEMENTINE: Never mind. Sorry, that was stupid. I'm embarrassed. Good night, Joel.

CLEMENTINE: Thanks very much. That was very nice of you.

JOEL: Well, I wouldn't want to be --

CLEMENTINE: Oh, geez, I'm full of shit. I already told you that. Anyway. See Ya.

CLEMENTINE: So you like bookstores, huh?

JOEL: I like to read.

CLEMENTINE: Me too. It is Rain Dogs, by the way.

JOEL: Yeah? I can't remember that album very well. I remember liking it. But --

CLEMENTINE: The song's 9th and Hennepin. I spent most of the train ride trying to remember. "Till you're full of rag water and bitters and blue ruin/And you spill out/Over the side to anyone who'll listen." Remember?

JOEL: Sort of, um...

CLEMENTINE: Remember? "And you take on the dreams of the ones who have slept there/And I'm lost in the window/I hide on the stairway/I hang in the curtain/I sleep in your hat..." Oh, shit. I'm so stupid. Sorry.

JOEL: What?

CLEMENTINE: I'm just a bit of a wreck. "I sleep in your hat" makes me cry. Me.

CLEMENTINE: Look, I'm very sorry I came off sort of nutso. I'm not really.

JOEL: It's okay. I didn't think you were.

JOEL: Where do you live?

CLEMENTINE: You're not a stalker or anything, right?

JOEL: Well, I probably wouldn't say if I were, but no.

CLEMENTINE: You can't be too careful. I've been stalked. I've been told I'm highly stalkable. I don't need that.

JOEL: I'm not a stalker.

CLEMENTINE: You know Wilmont?

JOEL: Yeah.

CLEMENTINE: Wilmont. Near the high school.

JOEL: Hi. I could give you a ride if you need.

CLEMENTINE: No, that's okay. Thanks, though.

JOEL: You're sure? It's cold.

CLEMENTINE: I don't want to take you out of your way.

JOEL: It's okay.

CLEMENTINE: Yeah?

CLEMENTINE: Joel? It's Joel, right?

JOEL: Yes?

CLEMENTINE: I'm sorry I... yelled at you. Was it yelling? I can't really tell. Whatever, I'm a little out of sorts today.

JOEL: That's okay.

CLEMENTINE: My embarrassing admission is I really like that you're nice. Right now, anyway. I can't tell from one moment to the next what I'm going to like. But right now I'm glad you said, "that's okay" to me. That was nice of you.

JOEL: It's no problem. Anyway, I have some stuff I need to --

CLEMENTINE: Oh, okay. Well, sure, I'll just... Take care, then.

JOEL: Probably see you at the book store.

CLEMENTINE: Unless I get that hair-color-naming job.

CLEMENTINE: I don't need nice. I don't need myself to be it and I don't need anyone else to be it at me.

JOEL: Okay.

CLEMENTINE: Shit. Shit. I know it's here. Hold on.

CLEMENTINE: My name's Clementine, by the way.

JOEL: I'm Joel.

CLEMENTINE: No jokes about my name? Oh, you wouldn't do that; you're trying to be nice.

JOEL: I don't know any jokes about your name.

CLEMENTINE: Huckleberry Hound?

JOEL: I don't know what that means.

CLEMENTINE: Huckleberry Hound! What, are you nuts?

JOEL: I'm not nuts.

CLEMENTINE: Oh my darlin', oh my darlin', oh my darlin' Clementine? No?

JOEL: Sorry. It's a pretty name, though. It means "merciful", right?

CLEMENTINE: Yeah. Although it hardly fits. I'm a vindictive little bitch, truth be told.

JOEL: See, I wouldn't think that about you.

CLEMENTINE: Why wouldn't you think that about me?

JOEL: Oh. I don't know. I was just... I don't know. I was... You seemed nice, so --

CLEMENTINE: Now I'm nice? Don't you know any other adjectives? There's careless and snotty and overbearing and argumentative... mumpish.

JOEL: Well, anyway... Sorry.

JOEL: I mean, it's okay if you want to sit down here. I didn't mean to --

CLEMENTINE: No, I don't want to bug you if you're trying to --

JOEL: It's okay, really.

CLEMENTINE: Just, you know, to chat a little, maybe. I have a long trip ahead of me. How far are you going? On the train, I mean, of course.

JOEL: Rockville Center.

CLEMENTINE: Get out! Me too! What are the odds?

JOEL: The weirder part is I think actually I recognize you. I thought that earlier in the diner. That's why I was looking at you. You work at Borders, right?

CLEMENTINE: Ucch, really? You're kidding. God. Bizarre small world, huh? Yeah, that's me: book slave there for, like, five years now.

JOEL: Really? Because --

CLEMENTINE: Jesus, is it five years? I gotta quit right now.

JOEL: -- because I go there all the time. I don't think I ever saw you before.

CLEMENTINE: Well, I'm there. I hide in the back as much as is humanly possible. You have a cell phone? I need to quit right this minute. I'll call in dead.

JOEL: I don't have one.

CLEMENTINE: I'll go on the dole. Like my daddy before me.

JOEL: I noticed your hair. I guess it made an impression on me, that's why I was pretty sure I recognized you.

CLEMENTINE: Ah, the hair. Blue, right? It's called Blue Ruin. The color. Snappy name, huh?

JOEL: I like it.

CLEMENTINE: Blue ruin is cheap gin in case you were wondering.

JOEL: Yeah. Tom Waits says it in --

CLEMENTINE: Exactly! Tom Waits. Which song?

JOEL: I can't remember.

CLEMENTINE: Anyway, this company makes a whole line of colors with equally snappy names. Red Menace, Yellow Fever, Green Revolution. That'd be a job, coming up with those names. How do you get a job like that? That's what I'll do. Fuck the dole.

JOEL: I don't really know how --

CLEMENTINE: Purple Haze, Pink Eraser.

JOEL: You think that could possibly be a full time job? How many hair colors could there be?

CLEMENTINE: Someone's got that job. Agent Orange! I came up with that one. Anyway, there are endless color possibilities and I'd be great at it.

JOEL: I'm sure you would.

CLEMENTINE: My writing career! Your hair written by Clementine Kruczynski. The Tom Waits album is Rain Dogs.

JOEL: You sure? That doesn't sound --

CLEMENTINE: I think. Anyway, I've tried all their colors. More than once. I'm getting too old for this. But it keeps me from having to develop an actual personality. I apply my personality in a paste. You?

JOEL: Oh, I doubt that's the case.

CLEMENTINE: Well, you don't know me, so... you don't know, do you?

JOEL: Sorry. I was just trying to be nice.

CLEMENTINE: Yeah, I got it.

CLEMENTINE: It's okay if I sit closer? So I don't have to scream. Not that I don't need to scream sometimes, believe me. But I don't want to bug you if you're trying to write or something.

JOEL: No, I mean, I don't know. I can't really think of much to say probably.

CLEMENTINE: Oh. So...

CLEMENTINE: Really?

JOEL: Well, I didn't want to assume.

CLEMENTINE: Aw, c'mon, live dangerously. Take the leap and assume someone is talking to you in an otherwise empty car.

JOEL: Anyway. Sorry. Hi.

JOEL: I'm sorry.

CLEMENTINE: Why?

JOEL: Why what?

CLEMENTINE: Why are you sorry? I just said hi.

JOEL: No, I didn't know if you were talking to me, so...

JOEL: Hi, it's Joel.

CLEMENTINE'S VOICE: Hey, lover. Whatcha doing?

JOEL: I'm just, y'know, passing the time best I can till I can see you.

CLEMENTINE'S VOICE: God, I can't believe I ever hated you.

JOEL: You must have been crazy.

CLEMENTINE'S VOICE: Guess what I'm wearing.

JOEL: I don't know. Panties and --

CLEMENTINE'S VOICE: Your dried cum.

JOEL: Jesus.

JOEL: Look, I have to go. I have to think.

CLEMENTINE'S VOICE: Joel, we've fucked. We've made love. Like a million times. And we were so sweet and shy and inept with each other last night. Isn't that lovely?

JOEL: It's true.

CLEMENTINE'S VOICE: I know. I spoke to my friend Magda.

CLEMENTINE'S VOICE: Yeah?

JOEL: Did you send this? Is it a joke?

CLEMENTINE'S VOICE: I probably got the same thing as you.

JOEL: I mean, I haven't even told anyone I've met you. Who would even know to do this?

CLEMENTINE'S VOICE: Maybe it's true then. It's my voice on the tape.

JOEL: That's what you have to say? How could it be true? I never even heard of any procedure like this. It's a joke.

CLEMENTINE'S VOICE: What took you so long?

JOEL: I just walked in.

CLEMENTINE'S VOICE: Hmmm. Do you miss me?

JOEL: Oddly enough, I do.

CLEMENTINE'S VOICE: Ha Ha! You said, I do. I guess that means we're married.

JOEL: I guess so.

CLEMENTINE'S VOICE: Tomorrow night... honeymoon on ice.

NAOMI'S VOICE: That's me.

JOEL: There you are. Naomi, it's just... I'm afraid if we fall back into this fast without considering the problems we had...

JOEL: Hi, Naomi, it's Joel.

NAOMI'S VOICE: Hi.

JOEL: How's it going?

NAOMI'S VOICE: Good. I called you at work today. They said you were home sick.

JOEL: I know. I had to take the day to think.

NAOMI'S VOICE: Yeah, I tried you at home. Did you get my message?

JOEL: I just got in.

NAOMI'S VOICE: Long day thinking.

JOEL: I really should go. I really need to catch my ride.

VOICE-OVER: I didn't want to go. I was too nervous. I thought, maybe you were a nut. But you were exciting. You called from upstairs.

JOEL: Clementine.

VOICE-OVER: I couldn't believe you did that. I was paralyzed with fear.

JOEL: So you're still on the Zoloft?

VOICE-OVER: Next thing I remember we were walking down near the surf.

JOEL: Your back to me. In that orange sweatshirt I would come to know so well and even hate eventually. At the time I thought, how cool, an orange sweatshirt.

VOICE-OVER: I remember being drawn to you even then. I thought, I love this woman because she's alone down there looking out at the black ocean.

JOEL: But I went back to my food. The next thing I remember, I felt someone sitting next to me and I saw the orange sleeve out of the corner of my eye.

JOEL: Okay. I wish you could come.

VOICE-OVER: This is it. The night we met. My God, it's over.

JOEL: Naomi.

VOICE-OVER: On the couch. Dark. Quiet. I wondered if I had made a terrible mistake. I almost reached for the phone about a thousand times. I thought I could take it back, erase it, explain I had momentarily lost my mind. Then I told myself we weren't happy. That was the truth. That what we were was safe. It was unfair to you and to me to stay in a relationship for that reason. I thought about Clementine and the spark when I was with her, but then I thought what you and I had was real and adult and therefore significant even if it wasn't much fun. But I wanted fun. I saw other people having fun and I wanted it. Then I thought fun is a lie, that no one is really having fun; I'm being suckered by advertising and movie bullshit... then I thought maybe not, maybe not. And then I thought, as I always do at this point in my argument, about dying.

JOEL: I can't. I have to go home. I'll do it later.

VOICE-OVER: I didn't want to do this. But I had to or they would've called me a girl.

VOICE-OVER: She's so sexy.

JOEL: I loved you on this day. I love this memory. The rain. Us just hanging.

JOEL: How's the chicken?

VOICE-OVER: Is that like us? Are we just bored with each other?

VOICE-OVER: Right! She called me an old lady here, too! And I remember, I said...

JOEL: And what are you like? A wino?

JOEL: So then she just stops calling.

VOICE-OVER: I wasn't going to call her. Not after the way she was.

JOEL: Any messages, Carmen?

JOEL: Gotta get home. How could she do this to me? How could she not care about what we meant to each other. What a fuck! What a fucking monster she is!

VOICE-OVER: Oh, God. I miss her. I can't believe she's with that guy now! I'm never going to see her again. I love her so much. What a fucking monster she is!

JOEL: Clementine.

VOICE-OVER: That's your look for me.

JOEL: I love you and if you knew that... if I told you what happened... I'll explain everything, what we meant to each other. I'll tell you everything about our time together. You'll know everything again and...

VOICE-OVER: Maybe if I just explain what happened, I wouldn't have to go through this and I could tell you everything and it would be like you knew and we could rebuild and we could be happy again and...

JOEL: I should maybe talk to you.

VOICE-OVER: Clementine. I should just maybe talk to her.

JOEL: It's them.

VOICE-OVER: It's too late.

JOEL: Pink. There was a number on it. I remember. AL 1718? I have to follow through with this. I have no choice.

VOICE-OVER: The pill was pink, I remember. It had some letters and numbers on it. What were they? AL 1718? AL something. Four digits. I don't like taking pills when I don't know what they are. I have no choice.

JOEL: I might be making a mistake.

VOICE-OVER: Maybe I'm making a mistake. Maybe I just need to learn to live with this. First of all, I'll get over it. Secondly, it happened. Those who do not remember history are condemned to repeat it. Who said that? Churchill? I'm not sure. But I don't care. She did it to me. I have to rid myself of this. Fuck her.

JOEL: Fuck you, Clementine.

JOEL: The driver waved. So casual, friendly.

VOICE-OVER: I'm like a joke to them.

JOEL: It was snowing.

VOICE-OVER: There are two of them. Couldn't make them out. The orange glow of a cigarette.

MIERZWIAK: We can help you through this. Why don't you start now by telling me everything you can remember about --

JOEL: You have to stop this!

MIERZWIAK: What? What do you mean?

JOEL: I'm trapped in my head and everything I love is being erased! Stop it now!

MIERZWIAK: Yes, but... I'm just something you're imagining. What can I do? I'm in your head, too.

MIERZWIAK: I'm sorry you saw one of our notification cards. You never should have.

JOEL: Well... I did.

MIERZWIAK: We can help you through this. Why don't you start now by telling me everything you can remember about your relationship with Clementine.

JOEL: It was a mess. I don't know how it got this way...

MIERZWIAK: We'll start with your most recent memories and go backwards -- There is an emotional core to each of our memories -- As we eradicate this core, it starts its degradation process -- By the time you wake up in the morning, all memories we've targeted will have withered and disappeared. Like a dream upon waking.

JOEL: Is there any sort of risk of brain damage?

MIERZWIAK: Well, technically, the procedure itself is brain damage, but on a par with a night of heavy drinking. Nothing you'll miss.

NAOMI: Okay, Joel. I suppose you're right.

JOEL: I had a good time last night. I really did.

NAOMI: So I'm going to get some sleep. I'm glad you're okay.

JOEL: We'll speak soon.

NAOMI: 'Night.

JOEL: So you think the dissertation will get published?

NAOMI: I don't know. I'm not sure there's a big public demand for books on Calvinism and Misogyny.

NAOMI: So... you haven't been involved with anyone in all this time?

JOEL: It's been a pretty lonely couple of years.

NAOMI: I'm sorry.

JOEL: Well, it was my fault -- the break- up. I'm sorry.

NAOMI: Oh, sweetie. It really does cut both ways. We were taking each other for granted and --

JOEL: I miss you.

NAOMI: Miss you, too. I have been seeing someone for a little while.

JOEL: Oh! Great. That's great!

NAOMI: A religion instructor at Columbia. A good guy. He's a good guy.

JOEL: I'm sorry. I really shouldn't have --

NAOMI: I'm glad you called.

NAOMI: Say hi to Rob and Carrie. Have some fun!

JOEL: I hope you get your work done.

NAOMI: Yeah.

JOEL: So you don't mind?

NAOMI: I've got to finish this chapter anyway.

NAOMI: Yeah. Come to bed. I'm cold.

JOEL: In a minute.

NAOMI: Hi.

JOEL: Hi.

NAOMI: How was it?

JOEL: You didn't miss much. Rob and Carrie say hello.

NAOMI: Hi, Rob and Carrie.

JOEL: Go back to sleep.

NAOMI: So what's going on, Joel?

JOEL: I don't know, I've just been thinking, maybe we're not happy with each other.

NAOMI: What?

JOEL: Y'know, we've been, I don't know, sort of, unhappy with each other and --

NAOMI: Don't say "we" when you mean "you."

JOEL: I think maybe, we're both so used to operating at this level that -- How can one person be unhappy? If one person is unhappy, both have to be... by definition.

NAOMI: Bullshit. Who is it? You met someone.

JOEL: No. I just need some space, maybe.

NAOMI: The thing is, Joel, whatever it is you think you have with this chick, once the thrill wears off, you're just going to be Joel with the same fucking problems.

JOEL: It's not somebody else.

JOEL: Naomi, I really value our relationship. I hope it's possible for us to stay in touch.

NAOMI: Don't do this to me now, Joel. Really.

NAOMI: Yours?

JOEL: You take it. I don't know.

PATRICK: Definitely!

MARY: I think he'll be in Bartlett's one day.

MARY: I love quotes. So did Winston Churchill. He actually has a quotation in Bartlett's about Bartlett's. Isn't that trippy?

PATRICK: Yeah. Cool.

MARY: "The quotations when engraved upon the memory give you good thoughts."

PATRICK: Very cool. Trippy.

MARY: I like to read what smart people say. So many beautiful, important things.

MARY: Oh, Patrick, you didn't want any, did you?

PATRICK: Nah, I don't know.

MARY: Oh, hey, Patrick.

PATRICK: Hi, Mary. How's it going?

STAN: Mary, people come to him voluntarily.

MARY: I won't allow it. Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. What do you think of that? That's from my quote book.

STAN: The office is filled with people who want their memories re-erased.

MARY: Remember the Alamo! Remember the Alamo!

STAN: Mary... please. This is hurting people.

STAN: What's this?

MARY: Nothing.

STAN: I know what it is.

MARY: Then why did you ask me?

STAN: I don't know. I just -- there are a lot of really confused people showing up at the office.

MARY: They have a right to know. Howard is a thief. He steals the truth. I can't remember my baby! I can't remember my baby. It existed and I can't even remember. Do you understand that?

MARY: Oh.

STAN: Hi.

MARY: What do you want, Stan?

STAN: Can I... I brought some --

STAN: I really like you, Mary. You know that.

MARY: Do you remember anything else? What I was wearing? Was I standing close to him? Was I leaning against his car like I owned it? How did he look at me when I giggled? Tell me everything.

STAN: You were in red. That red sweater with the little flowers, I think. You were leaning against his car. He looked a little like a kid. Kind of goofy and wide-eyed. I'd never seen him look like that before. Happy. You looked beautiful. You looked in love.

MARY: Thanks, Stan.

MARY: And after that?

STAN: I never saw you together like that again. So I figured I was imagining things.

STAN: It was here. At his car. I was coming back from a job and spotted you together. You seemed caught. I waved. You giggled.

MARY: How did I look?

STAN: Happy. Happy with a secret.

STAN: Hey.

MARY: Do you swear you didn't know?

STAN: I swear.

MARY: And you never even suspected? Never saw us behaving in any unusual way together?

STAN: Once, maybe.

MARY: He's coming?

STAN: You better go.

MARY: Hell no.

STAN: No way. I can handle this.

MARY: This guy's only half cooked. There's no time to fuck around, Stan.

STAN: I don't know what to do! I don't know what to do! Crap. Crap...

MARY: Well, what should we do?

STAN: I don't know! I just said that!

MARY: Sor-ry We have to do something. He can't wake up half done.

STAN: Shit!

STAN: It's not erasing. He's off the screen.

MARY: Where?

STAN: I don't know. He's not on the map.

STAN: It's stopped.

MARY: What?

STAN: Listen, it's not erasing.

MARY: It's amazing, isn't it? Such a gift Howard gave the world.

STAN: Yeah.

MARY: To let people begin again. It's beautiful. You look at a baby and it's so fresh, so clean, so free. And adults... they're like this messy tangle of anger and phobias and sadness... hopelessness. And Howard just makes it go away.

STAN: You love him, don't you?

MARY: Let him go, Stan. I can help.

STAN: Go.

STAN: Yup.

MARY: Don't you think Howard's like that? Smart? Important?

STAN: Yup.

MARY: Nietzsche. Beyond Good and Evil. Found it my Bartletts.

STAN: That's a good one.

MARY: Yeah, I can't wait to tell Howard! It seems really appropriate.

STAN: It's a good one all right.

MARY: It's freezing out.

STAN: You found us okay?

MARY: Yeah. Poor guy. Have anything to drink?

STAN: We haven't checked.

MARY: Well, allow me to do the honors. It's fucking freezing and I need something.

STAN: See you later, alligator.

MARY: 'kay.

STAN: Hey, if you're ordering lunch for Mierzwiak, would you --

MARY: I better do this, Stan.

MARY: Stan... c'mon...

STAN: Sorry. I just --

MARY: It's just... y'know... I mean...

STAN: I know. Anyway --

MARY: Anyway, I've got to do my tap dance here.

STAN: Boo.

MARY: Hi.

MARY: Thanks. So... do we talk about this... or what?

MIERZWIAK: I don't know what I'm supposed say, Mary. I want to do the right thing here.

MARY: Do you love me? Did you love me? Something. I listened to my tape. I can't believe I've been sitting right in front of it for a year. It's like listening to someone else's story. I mean, I hear myself talking about having sex with you and I can't even imagine you naked. I can't even say "naked" to you!

MIERZWIAK: I have a family, Mary.

MARY: You made me have an abortion.

MIERZWIAK: It was a mutual decision.

MARY: You made me have you erased! I loved you. I love you! How could you --

MIERZWIAK: I didn't make you. You thought it best. But, look, I take full responsibility.

MARY: What, Howard?

MIERZWIAK: We... have a history. I'm sorry. You wanted the procedure. You wanted it done... to get past. I have to finish in there. It's almost morning. We'll talk later.

MIERZWIAK: We can't do this.

MARY: No you're right. Once again. You're a decent man, Howard.

MARY: I've loved you for a very long time. I'm sorry! I shouldn't have said that.

MIERZWIAK: I've got a wife, Mary. Kids. You know that.

MARY: I wish I was your wife. I wish I had your kids.

MIERZWIAK: That's lovely.

MARY: Really? I thought it was appropriate maybe. That's all. I really admire the work that you do. I know it's not proper to be so familiar but I guess since we're outside the workplace I feel a certain liberty to --

MIERZWIAK: It's fine, Mary. I'm happy to hear it.

MARY: Okay. Good. Great. Thanks. I like you, Howard... an awful lot. Is that terrible?

MARY: There's another one I like, I read. It's by Pope Alexander.

MIERZWIAK: Alexander Pope?

MARY: Yes, shit. Oops, sorry! Sorry. It's just I told myself I wasn't going to say Pope Alexander and sound like a dope and then I go ahead and do it. Like I psyched myself out.

MIERZWIAK: It's no big deal.

MARY: You are such a sweetheart.

MARY: Okay, um, there's one that goes "Blessed are the forgetful, for they get the better even of their blunders."

MIERZWIAK: Is that Nietzsche?

MARY: Yeah, yeah it is, Howard. And here I was thinking I could tell you something you didn't know.

MIERZWIAK: It's a good quote, Mary. I'm glad we both know it.

MARY: Do you like quotes, Howard?

MIERZWIAK: How do you mean?

MARY: Oh, um, like famous quotes. I find reading them inspirational to me. And in my reading I've come across some I thought you might like, too.

MIERZWIAK: Oh. Well, I'd love to hear some.

MIERZWIAK: Okay, we're back in.

MARY: That was beautiful to watch, Howard. Like a surgeon or a concert pianist.

MIERZWIAK: Well, thank you, Mary.

MIERZWIAK: Mary...

MARY: Yes?

MIERZWIAK: Order me a pastrami for after?

MARY: Cole slaw, ice tea?

MIERZWIAK: Thanks.

MARY: Welcome, Howard.

MARY: Howard, your one o'clock.

MIERZWIAK: Thanks, Mary. You can bring her in.

MIERZWIAK: Stan? What's going on?

STAN'S VOICE: The guy we're doing? He's disappeared from the map. I can't find him anywhere.

MIERZWIAK: Okay, what happened right before he disappeared?

STAN'S VOICE: I was away from the monitor for a second. I had it on automatic. I had to go pee.

MIERZWIAK: Well, where was Patrick?

STAN'S VOICE: He went home sick.

MIERZWIAK: Jesus. All right, what's the address.

STAN'S VOICE: 1062 Sherman Drive. Apartment 1E, Rockville Center.

MIERZWIAK: She should not have done this, Stan. As mad as she was... as justifiably --

STAN: I don't know what you're talking about, Howard.

MIERZWIAK: Mary has stolen our files and is sending them back to people.

STAN: Jesus.

STAN: So, I've got to drop the van off.

MIERZWIAK: Thanks, Stan. Thanks.

STAN: I'll go out for a smoke. If no one minds.

MIERZWIAK: That's fine, Stan.

STAN: Howard, they've disappeared again.

MIERZWIAK: Oh dear.

STAN: You get some sleep, Howard. I'll take it from here.

MIERZWIAK: Yeah, probably a good idea.

STAN: I tried that already.

MIERZWIAK: Did you try going through C-Gate?

STAN: Yeah. Of course.

MIERZWIAK: Mary. What are you doing here?

STAN: She came to help, Howard.

MIERZWIAK: Ah, your journal. This will be invaluable.

STAN: December 15th, 2004. I met someone tonight. Oh, Christ: I don't know what to do. Her name is Clementine and she's amazing. So alive and spontaneous and passionate and sensitive. Things with Naomi and I have been stagnant for so long.

OLD WOMAN: This book -- It's essential that people read it because -- -- It's the truth. And only I know it.

RECEPTIONIST: Maybe after the holidays then.

RECEPTIONIST: Oh, hi.

OLD WOMAN: Hi, I was in the neighborhood and thought I'd see --

RECEPTIONIST: I think he's in a conference. Unfortunately. I'm really sorry.

OLD WOMAN: Would you just try him? You never know. As long as I'm here. You never know.

RECEPTIONIST: Of course. Please have a seat.

STAN: I can handle it. He's pretty much on auto-pilot anyway.

PATRICK: Thanks, Stan. I owe you.

PATRICK: Hold on. Let me ask my friend. Stan, can I leave for a little while? My girlfriend is very --

STAN: Patrick, we're in the middle of --

PATRICK: She's right in the neighborhood. She's upset.

PATRICK: What's your bartlett's?

STAN: It's a quote book.

PATRICK: Mary hates me. I've never been popular with the ladies.

STAN: Maybe if you stopped stealing their panties.

PATRICK: Okay, There's more, Stan --

PATRICK: I gotta tell you something. I kind of fell in love with her last night.

STAN: She was unconscious, Patrick.

PATRICK: She was beautiful. So sweet and funky and voluptuous. I kind of stole a pair of her panties, is what.

STAN: Jesus, Patrick!

PATRICK: Yeah?

STAN: Just wanted to let you know.

PATRICK: I like Mary. I like when she comes to visit. I just don't think she likes me.

STAN: She likes you okay.

PATRICK: I wonder if I should invite my girlfriend over, too. I have a girlfriend now.

STAN: You can if you want.

PATRICK: Did I tell you I have a new girlfriend?

STAN: This one's history. Moving on...

PATRICK: The thing is... my situation is a little weird. My girlfriend situation.

STAN: Patrick, we need to focus.

STAN: It's an apartment.

PATRICK: Not a dump, then, but kind of plain. Uninspired. And there's a stale smell. Sort of stuffy. I don't know. Stuffy.

STAN: Patrick, let's just get through this. We have a long night ahead of us.

PATRICK: Yeah.

PATRICK: Does that help?

STAN: Yeah, that looks better. Thanks.

PATRICK: The voltage looks fine.

STAN: Then check the connections.