Young Frankenstein

ANASTASIA: Excuse me, Mr. Waldman -- excuse me for interrupting. But is Frederick, then...a medical doctor?

CORNELIUS WALDMAN: Yes, my dear, he is.

ANASTASIA: And has he achieved...any special degree of eminence?

CORNELIUS WALDMAN: He is the fifth leading authority in his field.

ANASTASIA: Oh, shit.

CORNELIUS WALDMAN: Herr Falkstein -- you must go at once and present Dr. Frankenstein with all the details of his inheritance. The estate will provide for your journey.

FREDDY: I think we all need a good night's sleep. Why don't we meet next week and thrash this thing out?

BURGOMEISTER: Now wait a minute!

BURGOMEISTER: They say, also, that you have recreated the horrible monster who, for so many years, has haunted and terrorized the God-fearing people of this village. What say you to that?

FREDDY: Poppycock!

BURGOMEISTER: Forgive me for intruding so late at night, Herr Baron. But an ugly rumor has it that there are strange goings on in this castle. These good citizens are ready to rip you from limb to limb unless you can offer some rational explanation for their fears. How say you?

FREDDY: Ugly, vicious rumous.

BURGOMEISTER: Frederick Frankenstein?

FREDDY: You have the wrong house.

BURGOMEISTER: And who might you be?

FREDDY: Dr. Frederick Fronkonsteen.

BURGOMEISTER: The grandson of Victor 'Fronkonsteen'?

FREDDY: No!

BURGOMEISTER: What was your grandfather's name?

FREDDY: Victor Frankenstein.

FREDDY: Carlson!

CARLSON: Yes, sir?

FREDDY: Bring me some surgical gauze, a little tape and some disinfectant.

CARLSON: Yes, sir. Do you want the other cauliflower?

FREDDY: ... No!

CARLSON: Yes, sir.

FREDDY: He has a big mouth. Yes! It seems to me I did read something about that incident as a student. But you have to remember that a worm -- with very few exceptions -- is not a human being.

FREDDY: Give him an extra dollar.

CARLSON: Yes, sir.

CARLSON: No, sir. It will never happen again.

FREDDY: Here! This cauliflower is useless to me.

FREDDY: Where did you get this cauliflower?

CARLSON: From your office, sir.

FREDDY: Didn't you prepare it with the celery before my lecture?

CARLSON: Yes, sir. But I must have taken the wrong one when we came up.

FREDDY: Are you trying to make me look like an idiot?

CORNELIUS WALDMAN: Herr Falkstein! You have your instructions!

HERR FALKSTEIN: Yes, sir.

CORNELIUS WALDMAN: I have taken an oath that each letter of this testament shall be executed...and by God, it shall be done!

HERR FALKSTEIN: But I received a cable only this morning, saying that he could not come.

CORNELIUS WALDMAN: Was he aware of the importance of this occasion?

HERR FALKSTEIN: Yes, sir, he was. But he said he was obligated to lecture at Johns Hopkins University.

CORNELIUS WALDMAN: What lecture could be more important than the will of Baron Beaufort Frankenstein?

HERR FALKSTEIN: 'Functional areas of the cerebrum in relation to the skull.'

CORNELIUS WALDMAN: Herr Falkstein! Did you inform Frederick Frankenstein of this assembly and all the particulars of the time and place?

HERR FALKSTEIN: I did, sir.

ELIZABETH: Still happy you married me?

MONSTER: MMmmm.

ELIZABETH: Love me oodles and oodles?

MONSTER: MMmmm.

ELIZABETH: So this is what it's like to be completely happy!

MONSTER: MMmmm.

ELIZABETH: Did you see?...I put a special hamper in the bathroom just for your shirts. the other one is just for socks and poo-poo undies.

MONSTER: MMmmm.

MONSTER: MMMmm!

ELIZABETH: Is it that music?

MONSTER: MMMMM! MMMMM!

ELIZABETH: Probably just some nearby cottage. Nothing to worry about.

ELIZABETH: You're incorrigible!... Aren't you?

MONSTER: MMMmmmm.

ELIZABETH: All right then... seven's always been my lucky number.

ELIZABETH: What in God's name are you doing?

MONSTER: Baack!

ELIZABETH: What?

MONSTER: Baack!

IGOR: Darling!

ELIZABETH: Hello...?

IGOR: Surprised?

ELIZABETH: Well... yes.

IGOR: Miss me?

ELIZABETH: I...

FREDDY: Good night.

ELIZABETH: That's my good boy.

FREDDY: I don't want to spoil anything -- I just want to top it all off.

ELIZABETH: Would you want me, now, like this, so soon before our wedding? ... So near we can almost touch it? Or wait a little while longer, when I can give myself without hesitation?... When I can be totally and unashamedly yours??

FREDDY: That's a tough choice.

ELIZABETH: Is it worth taking a chance?

FREDDY: I suppose you're right.

ELIZABETH: Of course I am. Now give me a kiss and say good night like my good boy.

ELIZABETH: Is your room just down the hall? ... in case I get frightened during the night?

FREDDY: Yes, but... I thought, perhaps tonight, under the circumstances, I might... stay here with you.

ELIZABETH: Oh, darling! Don't let's spoil everything.

FREDDY: But there's a genius inside that body -- crying out for love and understanding and normal human relationships. I just have to find some way to re-establish his communications system.

ELIZABETH: But you can't do that at night. And even if you could -- it would cost a fortune. Come to bed, darling.

FREDDY: Oh, Delbruck, Delbruck. Was will dien tachlas von Dir?

ELIZABETH: You've done everything that's humanly possible, Frederick. Oh, darling, I'm so worried about you -- you need rest.

FREDDY: I suppose you're right.

ELIZABETH: Of course I am. Now come along like a good boy.

FREDDY: Poor Delbruck! There must be some way to reach him -- to control that body.

ELIZABETH: Darling, you mustn't worry so.

FREDDY: Are you suggesting I call him master???

ELIZABETH: No, of course not. I just meant...

FREDDY: All right then!

ELIZABETH: What a strange fellow.

FREDDY: Yes, he's a little bit... tilted. Harmless, though.

ELIZABETH: Why does he call you 'master'?

FREDDY: Ready, darling?

ELIZABETH: Yes. I am a bit tired, after all.

FREDDY: Give me a hand with these, will you, Ayegor?

ELIZABETH: Darling!?!

FREDDY: I mean, it's been a long day. I'm sure you must be as tired as I am. Oh! These are my assistants: Inga and Ayegor.

ELIZABETH: Surprised?

FREDDY: Surprised!

ELIZABETH: Love me?

FREDDY: Love you! ...Well, why don't we turn in?

ELIZABETH: Darling!

FREDDY: Darling!

ELIZABETH: Goodbye, darling.

FREDDY: Goodbye, darling!

FREDDY: I will! Goodbye, darling!

ELIZABETH: Goodbye, darling.

ELIZABETH: Will you miss me?

FREDDY: Very....very!

ELIZABETH: Mother's going to help me with the invitations.

FREDDY: Oh, nice.

ELIZABETH: I hope you like large weddings.

FREDDY: Whatever makes you happy.

ELIZABETH: I've trimmed the list to only our very closest friends...but it still comes to three thousand.

FREDDY: You're incorrigible!

ELIZABETH: Does that mean you love me?

FREDDY: You bet your boots it does.

ELIZABETH: Darling!...you will be careful!?

FREDDY: Of course.

ELIZABETH: You have your tickets?

FREDDY: Yes.

ELIZABETH: And your passport?

FREDDY: Yes, don't worry.

ELIZABETH: Call me from New York before you leave??

FREDDY: Yes.

ELIZABETH: Promise??

FREDDY: I promise.

ELIZABETH: Oh, darling -- I'll count the hours that you're away.

FREDDY: Oh, darling -- so will I.

FREDDY: What are you waiting around for, pickle puss?

FRAU BLUCHER: This wire came while you were gone. Your fiancee will be arriving any moment.

FREDDY: Elizabeth!?! 'Can't waits any longer. Arrive in your arms at ten tonight.' Oh, God! Not tonight.

FREDDY: Well... we'll see.

FRAU BLUCHER: Will there be anything else?

FREDDY: I don't think so. Is my assistant taken care of?

FRAU BLUCHER: I put her in the guest room, just down the hall.

FREDDY: Good.

FREDDY: There seem to be quite a few books.

FRAU BLUCHER: Yes, this was Victor's... the Baron's medical library.

FREDDY: I see. And where is my grandfather's private library?

FRAU BLUCHER: I don't know what you mean, sir.

FREDDY: well, there was a public and a private library -- he said so in his will. these books are all very general -- any doctor might have them in his study.

FRAU BLUCHER: This is the only library I know of.

FREDDY: Surely he kept his notes -- his private papers and records in some other place?

FRAU BLUCHER: I think you must be mistaken, sir.

FRAU BLUCHER: You mean... the laboratory??

FREDDY: Yes!... the laboratory.

FRAU BLUCHER: No! Dr. Frankenstein always kept that separate.

FREDDY: May I have it, please?

FRAU BLUCHER: I hope you find this comfortable. This was Baron Victor's room.

FREDDY: It seems fine.

FRAU BLUCHER: You'll fine the keys to all the rooms in my cas... all the rooms in your castle on this ring. I'll leave it on the table here.

FREDDY: Does that include the key to the laboratory?

HERR FALKSTEIN: Not at all -- a great privilege, Doctor.

FREDDY: Saturday night then! I'll take the train to New York and fly from there.

HERR FALKSTEIN: Saturday night, yes, sir. Have a pleasant journey!

FREDDY: All right then, I suppose I owe the family that much. You'll have everything ready for me when I arrive?

HERR FALKSTEIN: Yes, sir.

FREDDY: One week at the most!?

HERR FALKSTEIN: One week -- I'll see to it, sir.

FREDDY: Well, thank you very much for all your trouble.

FREDDY: Well... if you're sure that I could accomplish everything in a week... I suppose I could manage it.

HERR FALKSTEIN: Why did you do that?

FREDDY: What?

HERR FALKSTEIN: Break that old man's violin.

FREDDY: I didn't do that.

HERR FALKSTEIN: The old violinist -- you smashed his violin over your knee.

FREDDY: How long will this whole thing take?

HERR FALKSTEIN: A week. Ten days at most.

FREDDY: I'll have to think it over. It's not so easy just to pick up and...

HERR FALKSTEIN: Oh, at least, sir. The land alone is worth a small fortune.

FREDDY: But I can't just drop everything and leave. I have responsibilities and obligations.

HERR FALKSTEIN: Do you have a hundred thousand of them, sir?

HERR FALKSTEIN: Dr. Frankenstein?

FREDDY: Fron kon steen!

HERR FALKSTEIN: My name is Gerhart Falkstein.

FREDDY: You have more chance of re-animating this knife than you have of mending a broken nervous system,

MEDICAL STUDENT: But your grandfather's work, sir...

FREDDY: My grandfather's work was Doo-Doo! Dead is Dead! There's only one thing I am interested in... and that is the preservation of LIFE!

MEDICAL STUDENT: Yes, but, sir... if it could be accomplished, wouldn't that eliminate disease from the human frame and render man invulnerable to any but a violent death?

FREDDY: How old are you, young man?

MEDICAL STUDENT: Nineteen, sir.

FREDDY: Nineteen! My dear young man... once the human organism has ceased to function, nature has deemed that creature to be dead.

MEDICAL STUDENT: But look at what's been done with hearts and kidneys!

FREDDY: Hearts and kidneys are Tinker Toys! I'm talking about the Central Nervous System.

MEDICAL STUDENT: But, sir...

FREDDY: I am a scientist...! not a philosopher.

MEDICAL STUDENT: But wasn't that the whole basis of your grandfathers work, sir...? the re-animation of component parts?

FREDDY: My father was a sick man.

MEDICAL STUDENT: But aren't you the least bit curious about it, Doctor? Doesn't the secret of life hold any intrigue for you?

FREDDY: You are talking about the gibberish ravings of a lunatic mind.

MEDICAL STUDENT: Isn't it true that Darwin preserved a piece of vermicelli in a glass case until, by some extraordinary means, it actually began to move with voluntary motion?

FREDDY: A piece of what?

MEDICAL STUDENT: Vermicelli.

FREDDY: Are you speaking of the worm, or ... the spaghetti.

FREDDY: In conclusion... it should be noted that more than common injury to the nerve roots is always serious, because... once a nerve fibber is severed... there is no way to regenerate life back into it. Are there any more questions before we leave?

MEDICAL STUDENT: Dr. Fronkonsteen!

FREDDY: Yes?

FREDDY: I prefer, by far, to be remembered for my own small contributions to science. Now if we can proceed to your questions.

MEDICAL STUDENT: Well sir... I'm not sure I understand the distinction between 'Reflexive' and 'Voluntary' nerve impulses.

FREDDY: Very good! Since our lab work today is a demonstration of just that distinction... why don't we proceed?

FREDDY: That's 'Fronkonsteen.'

MEDICAL STUDENT: I beg your pardon?

FREDDY: My name is pronounced Fron kon steen.

MEDICAL STUDENT: Oh! I thought it was Dr. Frankenstein.

FREDDY: No, it's Dr. Fronkonsteen!

MEDICAL STUDENT: But aren't you the grandson of the famous Dr. Victor Frankenstein?... who performed such fascinating experiments in electricity and galvanism?

FREDDY: That's true! But my grandfather, Victor was, after all, what we might politely refer to as... a cuckoo!

IGOR: Come on, big fellow!

FREDDY: Is everything ready?

IGOR: Yes, master. Are you sure you want to go through with it?

FREDDY: It's the only way.

IGOR: Okay, boss! But I hope you know what you're doing.

FREDDY: No! The only hope now is to get him back here. If I can just find a way to relieve the pressure on his cerebellum...

IGOR: That sound good, boss.

FREDDY: ... and equalize the imbalance in his cerebrospinal fluid...

IGOR: I like your style, master. How do we get him here?

FREDDY: There's only one way.

IGOR: I'll bet it's a doozy.

IGOR: You don't understand, Master. The big fellow's broken in and kidnapped your fiancee.

FREDDY: What???

IGOR: He's carrying her off now through the woods.

FREDDY: What monster?

IGOR: What d'ya mean "What monster?' You remember...the one we madein the basement.

FREDDY: I'm a failure.

IGOR: Come on, Froderick -- none of that.

FREDDY: Thanks...for all your help.

IGOR: That's what we're paid for.

FREDDY: Where is he?

IGOR: How do you know it was a 'he'?

FREDDY: All right -- where is she?

IGOR: How do you know it was a 'she'?

FREDDY: Bring -- me -- the -- violin!

IGOR: Can you play it?

FREDDY: Maybe...if you get here on time.

IGOR: How's it going?

FREDDY: What did you find out?

IGOR: Someone was playing this in the music room.

IGOR: It seem to have stopped the big fellow in his tracks.

FREDDY: Ayegor! Find out where that music is coming from as quietly and as blindingly fast as you can.

IGOR: Yes, Master!

FREDDY: Act casual!

IGOR: Repeat it anyway -- it's a wonderful cue.

FREDDY: ... I'm glad that's...

IGOR: No, no! That whole thing!

FREDDY: ... Whew! I'm glad that's over with.

IGOR: What's the point of my setup? It's not funny unless you repeat exactly what you said.

FREDDY: I'm not trying to be funny.

FREDDY: Whew! I'm glad that's over with.

IGOR: You can say that again.

FREDDY: Yes.

IGOR: You're just supposed to repeat what you said.

FREDDY: Why?

IGOR: Original.

FREDDY: Give -- me -- your -- hand!

FREDDY: It's trying to talk. it wants us to take off the straps.

IGOR: Don't fall for that one.

FREDDY: But don't you see...the brain of Hans Delbruck is inside this grotesque hulk -- pleading with us. I've got to untie it.

IGOR: careful, master -- you never can tell with these chaps.

IGOR: Better not get too close, master. This guy could kill you.

FREDDY: I suppose you're right. Inga! Prepare a sedative, just in case.

FREDDY: Oh, do you like it? I'm not partial to desserts, but this is excellent.

IGOR: Who are you talking to?

FREDDY: To you! You just made a 'yummy' sound, so I thought you liked the dessert.

IGOR: I didn't make a 'yummy' sound -- I just asked what it was.

FREDDY: But you did -- I just heard it.

IGOR: It wasn't me.

IGOR: I'm not that sort you know. I appreciate you feelings, but try to show them some other way.

FREDDY: You're right! Self-pity never got anyone anywhere. Let's go back and finish our dinner.

IGOR: You'll be getting me sad next.

FREDDY: I'm sorry. I don't mean to take out my frustration on you. You've been a great help to me, and I've let you down.

FREDDY: Don't try to cheer me up that way.

IGOR: Well, I don't like to see you mope.

FREDDY: Cold! Cold and dead!

IGOR: You mustn't take it so hard. Bucharest wasn't built in a day.

IGOR: You can't win 'em all.

FREDDY: But there must be a reason. This is science, not art.

FREDDY: It's not enough. More! More, do you hear me?

IGOR: What?

FREDDY: More, do you hear me?

IGOR: What?

FREDDY: Throw the third switch!

IGOR: Wait till he sees the bill.

FREDDY: Throw the second switch!

IGOR: This guy means business.

FREDDY: The ancient masters promised impossibilities and performed nothing. We shall penetrate into the recesses of nature. We shall ascend into the Heavens. We shall command the thunders of Heaven, mimic the earthquake and even mock the invisible world with its own shadows.

IGOR: Tonight?

FREDDY: Yes! When I give the word -- throw the first switch!

IGOR: You've got it, master.

IGOR: You'd better hurry -- I think it's going to rain.

FREDDY: All right... elevate me!

IGOR: You're sure you know what you're doing?

FREDDY: Yes! It's all written down in the notes. Tie off the kites and come down!

IGOR: Yes, master. Just don't turn on any radios.

IGOR: Hmm!

FREDDY: And he wrote seventeen cookbooks.

IGOR: That's not bad.

FREDDY: Can you imagine that brain in this body?

IGOR: I'm getting excited just thinking about it. What if he's not there?

FREDDY: He only died two weeks ago -- I'm sure they'll still have him. Hurry now. I'll prepare the body.

IGOR: Oh! May I call you 'Master'?

FREDDY: Why?

IGOR: It's always been one of my favorite names.

FREDDY: If you like -- just hurry!

IGOR: Thank you, Master.

FREDDY: Do you have the name I wrote down?

IGOR: Yes. Dr. H. Delbruck.

FREDDY: I want that brain.

IGOR: Was he any good?

FREDDY: Was he any good??? He was the finest natural philosopher, internal medicine diagnostician and chemical therapist of this century.

FREDDY: Very little decay. With this magnificent specimen for a body, all we need now is an equally magnificent brain. You know what to do!

IGOR: I have a pretty good idea.

FREDDY: What a filthy job!

IGOR: Could be worse!

FREDDY: How?

IGOR: Could be raining!

IGOR: Taking the book along?

FREDDY: Yes, I think we could all use a good laugh.

FREDDY: It is! This was my grandfather's private library. Look at this!

IGOR: 'How I Did It.' Good title!

FREDDY: Funny it should just be lying out here on the table. I wonder what kind of dribble this is?

FREDDY: What is this place?

IGOR: Must be the music room.

FREDDY: Did you see anyone else down here?

IGOR: No, but when I first came in, there was a light coming from behind that steel door.

FREDDY: It seems that way. You didn't hear any music at all?

IGOR: What?

FREDDY: You didn't hear... nothing! Aren't there any lights in this place?

IGOR: Two switches over there, but I wasn't going to be the first.

FREDDY: But what you were doing?

IGOR: Just putting up some tea.

FREDDY: Did you hear that strange music?

IGOR: What?

FREDDY: Did you hear that strange music??

IGOR: What?

FREDDY: Did you hear that strange music?

FREDDY: Aye-gor!

IGOR: Fro-derick!

FREDDY: What are you doing here?

IGOR: I got frightened all alone upstairs, so I came down here.

IGOR: Down! Get down, you beasts!

FREDDY: I wonder what's got into them?

IGOR: Home!

FREDDY: Home.

IGOR: Suit yourself...I'm easy. Better watch out for the wockers.

FREDDY: What wockers?

IGOR: The wockers with the knockers.

FREDDY: Wockers with the knockers???

IGOR: Go ahead, play dumb! You'll lose your sockers and then be fockers.

IGOR: There.

FREDDY: I beg your pardon?

IGOR: There wolf! There castle!

FREDDY: Why are you talking like that?

IGOR: I thought you wanted to.

FREDDY: No.

FREDDY: Incidentally -- I don't mean to embarrass you in any way, but I'm a rather brilliant surgeon. Perhaps I can help you with that hump.

IGOR: What hump?

IGOR: Are these your bags?

FREDDY: Yes, just the two.

IGOR: Yes, that's right. My grandfather and your grandfather used to pal around together. You and I should have a lot of laughs.

FREDDY: I'm sure we will.

IGOR: This is Inga. They thought you might need an assistant temporarily.

FREDDY: How do you do?

IGOR: No, it's pronounced Aye gor.

FREDDY: But they told me it was Ee gor.

IGOR: Well, they were wrong then, weren't they?

FREDDY: You were sent by Herr Falkstein, weren't you?

IGOR: Frederick Frankenstein?

FREDDY: Fron kon steen!

IGOR: Are you putting me on?

FREDDY: No, it's pronounced Fron kon steen.

IGOR: And do you also say Fro dereck?

FREDDY: No, Fred ereck.

IGOR: Why isn't it Frodereck Fronkon steen?

FREDDY: It's not. It's Fredereck Fronkonsteen.

IGOR: I see.

FREDDY: You must be Igor.

MONSTER: MMMmmmmmm.

FREDDY: Don't you think I know that? But what are you judging by? Bucharest??? This was always a hick town. They can't get a 'Bus and Truck' company to come in here. Are you going to let these idiots get the best of you? ...Or are you going to stand up like a man and show them that you've got more dignity in your little finger than they've got in all their beer- bloated bodies put together?

MONSTER: MMMMMMMMMM! MMMMMMMMMMMM!

FREDDY: Wait! Stop! Don't give them the satisfaction. I know it's tough, but look at how far we've come! Are you going to throw it all away now??

MONSTER: MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmm!

FREDDY: For God's sake -- go on! Are you trying to make me look like a fool. Sing, you amateur! Sing!!

MONSTER: MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMmmmmm.

FREDDY: ...Su-per du-per. Come let's mix where Rock- e-fellers walk with sticks or 'um-ber- el-las' in their mitts.........................

MONSTER: Poo -- tmmm anngh ma Ritz!

FREDDY: Diff'rent types who wear a day coat, pants with stripes and cutaway coat, perfect fits.........................

MONSTER: Poo -- tmmm anngh ma Ritz!

FREDDY: Dressed up like a million dollar trouper Trying hard to look like Gary Cooper.

MONSTER: Soo -- pah doo -- per.

FREDDY: Get the sedative ready!

MONSTER: MMmmm! MMmmm!

FREDDY: It's alive. It's -- moving! It's -- breathing! It's -- standing! What is your name?

MONSTER: ... It's.

FREDDY: Hello there.

MONSTER: MMMMMmmmmmmm.

FREDDY: How's everything?

MONSTER: MMMmmmmmmmm.

FREDDY: I'm going to untie you -- can you understand that?

MONSTER: MMMmmmm! MMMmmmm!

FREDDY: Yes, I'm going to set you free. Is the sedative ready?

MONSTER: MMMMMMMMMMMMMNNNNNNmmmmmmmm?!?

FREDDY: It's alive!

FREDDY: Nice! Nice little balance to it.

OLD VIOLINIST: Ja, ja.

FREDDY: May I see your violin?

OLD VIOLINIST: It's an honor for me, sir. You play the violin?

FREDDY: Oh, just a little.

FREDDY: What's that tune that you're playing

OLD VIOLINIST: Zis is an old Transylvanian Lullaby.

FREDDY: How sweet! Such a quaint little tune.

INGA: Sweetheart.....Is this really you???

FREDDY: MMMMMMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!

INGA: Are you ready for me?

FREDDY: MMMMmmmmm!

INGA: Ready for Fuchsmachen???

FREDDY: MMMMMMmmmmmmmmm!

INGA: I love it when you're excited. Come then, my Apfelstrudel! Come into my arms and let me hold you.

FREDDY: MMMMmmmmm!

INGA: Yes, sweetie...I heard you. So! I'm ready for you, meine Liebe.

INGA: All right if I turn out the lamp, sweetheart?

FREDDY: MMmmm.

INGA: Yes, I know.

FREDDY: It wouldn't be fair to her.

INGA: Yes, I know.

FREDDY: You've got to help me to remain faithful.

INGA: Yes, I will.

FREDDY: ...But an intellectual relationship, like this -- we could have as often as we wanted. Three times a day -- anything!

FREDDY: Yes...yes, you have yours.

INGA: Why don't we talk inside?

FREDDY: Well... ... perhaps for a few minutes.

FREDDY: Yes, I have mine.

INGA: And I have mine.

INGA: And Elizabeth has hers.

FREDDY: Yes, Elizabeth has hers.

INGA: But, after all, you have yours.

INGA: What?

FREDDY: I say, it wouldn't be fair to you... or to me.

INGA: Nor to Elizabeth.

FREDDY: No. Nor to Elizabeth.

INGA: We all have our feelings. I know that I have mine. And... I wouldn't want to hurt yours.

FREDDY: It wouldn't be fair to Elizabeth.

INGA: Of course not.

FREDDY: It's terrible -- the price society demands in the name of fidelity... ultimately?

INGA: Not fooling around.

FREDDY: I know, but I mean -- not fooling around physically?... Or not fooling around intellectually?

INGA: I see what you mean.

FREDDY: There can never... ever... be anything physical between us. You know that, dear.

INGA: I know Frederick.

FREDDY: Just passing through the night.

INGA: What's wrong, Doctor? You seem... lonely.

FREDDY: Oh, a little. But it's not just physical loneliness. It's the pangs that come from missing someone intellectually... as I have you.

INGA: I've missed you intellectually, too, Doctor.

INGA: Why, doctor...how wonderful for you.

FREDDY: Wonderful? It's terrible! Terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible!

INGA: Good night, Doctor.

FREDDY: Good night!

FREDDY: Did you do it?

INGA: I think so.

FREDDY: Good! It shouldn't take more than a few seconds.

FREDDY: All right -- give it to him!

INGA: Are you serious??

FREDDY: Give him the sedative!

INGA: Oh! Yes, Doctor.

INGA: It has a pas-sion, 'The Con-ti nen-tal...'

FREDDY: Stop -- singing!!!

INGA: I'd be so nervous.

FREDDY: This is not the finals -- just sing!

INGA: It's some-thing dar-ing, 'The Con-ti-nen-tal,' A way of danc-ing that's real-ly ul-tra new; It's ver-y sub-tle, 'The Con-ti-nen-tal.'

FREDDY: Do you think you can sing it?

INGA: Me? Sing?

FREDDY: Yes -- quickly, dear!

INGA: What are you going to do?

FREDDY: I think I'll...carry him.

FREDDY: It looks that way.

INGA: What do you think we should do?

INGA: Oh, Doctor!

INGA: I think you've done it, master.

FREDDY: Alive! Look at it. I have defeated death!

INGA: It wasn't me.

FREDDY: Look here - if it wasn't you, and it wasn't you, and it wasn't me...

FREDDY: Reputation. Reputation!

INGA: I thought it was wonderful.

FREDDY: I don't understand -- I followed the notes to the letter.

INGA: Right here?

FREDDY: Raise the platform, hurry!

INGA: Oh! Yes, Doctor.

FREDDY: Soon, all the electrical secrets of Heaven shall be mine.

INGA: Oh, Frederick... you're not only a great doctor, you're a great... you're almost a...

FREDDY: A god?

INGA: Yes!

FREDDY: I know.

FREDDY: 'As the minuteness of the parts formed a great hindrance to my speed, I resolved to make the Creature of a gigantic stature.' Of course! That would simplify everything.

INGA: And look at this, Doctor!

FREDDY: 'Dilation of his sacral parasympathetic impulses would cause an increase in flow of blood and the erection to approximately nineteen inches of his apparatus genitals.'

INGA: Oh, doctor!

FREDDY: Perhaps we'd better leave.

INGA: Look, Doctor!

FREDDY: Well, this explains the music.

INGA: But who was playing it?

INGA: Ooh!

FREDDY: What a filthy mess.

INGA: Dr. Fronkonsteen -- look!

FREDDY: Whatever it is, it's coming from down there. I'm going down to see.

INGA: Let me come with you, Doctor, please! I don't want to stay up here alone.

FREDDY: All right then, quietly! Close your robe and stay right behind me. Don't make a sound!

FREDDY: Inga!

INGA: Yes, you may... but don't make any noise.

FREDDY: Inga, wake up!

INGA: What is it? Is something wrong, Doctor?

FREDDY: Listen! Don't you hear that strange music?

INGA: Yes! What could it be at this hour?

FREDDY: I don't know. It just woke me up.

FREDDY: Would you like a sandwich?

INGA: No, thanks! I want to get right to sleep.

FREDDY: Well... I'll just finish unpacking.

INGA: Are you busy?

FREDDY: That's quite all right. What is it, dear?

INGA: Could I lie down in your bed for a little while? I just can't sleep.

FREDDY: We only arrived a few minutes ago.

INGA: I know, but usually I can fall asleep right away. It must be the strange room.

FREDDY: Well...

INGA: Oh please -- just till I get sleepy. Then you can force me right back to my room.

FREDDY: Well.. I suppose it would be all right, for just a little while.

INGA: Sometimes I'm afraid of the lightning.

FREDDY: Just an atmospheric discharge. Nothing to be afraid of.

INGA: Did you ever have a roll in the hay?

FREDDY: I'm not sure I...get your drift.

INGA: Did you have a pleasant trip?

FREDDY: Yes, thank you. It wasn't bad.

INGA: Extremely well.

FREDDY: How nice.

IGOR: Another fifteen seconds to go.

INGA: Do Something! Stall them!

IGOR: Oh, must be around ten... ten-thirty.

INGA: Igor -- the clock! Hurry!

INGA:

IGOR: Sounds like visitors. It's all right -- Frau Blucher will show them in.

INGA: Igor -- are you sure the monster has a good brain? Are you absolutely certain that you took the brain of Hans Delbruck that night?

IGOR: Absolutely! May my mother grow two heads if I'm not telling the truth.

IGOR: How long is it so far?

INGA: Four

IGOR: Three minutes to go!

INGA: Yes.

IGOR: What d'ya want to do to kill time?

INGA: Oh, Igor -- I'm so afraid! I just hope this all ends well.

IGOR: How do you know they're done?

INGA: The doctor said to allow seven minutes: no more and no less -- or else they could both become hopelessly paralyzed.

INGA: Look how far we've come.

IGOR: You can't expect to iron out all the kinks in one night.

INGA: I think the doctor is a genius! Don't you, Igor?

IGOR: Why certainly. Don't you, Frau Blucher?

INGA: I'm getting tired.

IGOR: Why don't we all turn in? It's been a long day.

INGA: It's working! Oh, Doctor -- you play beautifully.

IGOR: Do you know the theme from 'Doctor Zhivago'?

IGOR: His what??

INGA: His schwanzstucker.

IGOR: Whew! A nineteen-inch drill.

IGOR: No, not sound.

INGA: There must have been someone else down here then.

MONSTER: Foooooood!

MAITRE D': Now just one moment. There's no need for roughhousing. Have you ever tried a tip?

MONSTER: GRRRHMMNNNJKJMMMNN!

MAITRE D': Franz! Help! Lunatic!

MONSTER: Drink!

MAITRE D': Oh, no sir-ee. If yo don't have a reservation you can skip to ma-loo.

MAITRE D': Yes, sir, name, please?

MONSTER: Food!

MAITRE D': Do you have a reservation?

MONSTER: Food!!

MAITRE D': I'm sorry, sir. We only seat by reservation.